Throughout the two years of studying at Ohio for a master's in coaching education, I have had to keep a blog. This was roughly updated every two or three weeks, and in some cases, every one week. Essentially I had to make around fifty-two posts throughout the two-year course. I have made these public as it goes into great detail the thoughts, feelings, desires, and stresses of coaching. Maybe other coaches can relate. Maybe players and parents can gain some insight. For myself, it will be humbling to look back upon a twenty-four-month body of work and see what I have been through, how far I have come, and what, if any progress, I have made. Details were not spared, though I have left many names out of it. At times it is quite intimate and personal. I feel like I need a reminder of what has happened, and definitely need to be honest with myself. The past is the best teacher of all. I really said those things, and I really thought those things. There's nothing in here that I have said or done to make myself look good. Perhaps my own delusions and defence mechanisms, the same as with any other human, will have shrouded the truth in parts, but from my perspective, it is a completely accurate summary of events.
If you do find yourself needing to sleep at night, may I recommend the following;
In my most recent game with the 2001
Girls, we played our first game of the season versus a strong opponent. This
team has quickly become our rivals, as they were the only team to beat us last
season, and then we experienced a very eventful 5-0 semi-final loss in that
same season. To apply some context to this game, it is perhaps wise to describe
some of the backstory. We represent a rich private members club, and our
opponents were a poor team from a poor neighbourhood. The social divide in
Mexico is huge, and there are many tensions as a result. During this
semi-final, at their venue, it just happened to be the club’s end of season
party. This meant hundreds of people were at the venue, enjoying the
festivities, and many turned their attention to the game. With some teenage
girls playing naturally a lot of the boys began to watch intently. We were
outnumbered by about three hundred to fifteen, which meant the abuse of my
players, and of myself for being English, really started to affect the team and
the parents. Girls as young as ten were being called whores by the spectators,
and the referee, clearly intimidated, did nothing to discourage this behaviour.
It was palpable that at any second, a fight would break out. One mother had to
be held back as she confronted the parents of our opponents after her daughter
received some abuse. This was very difficult for me as a coach. My girls were
crying at the end of the game, not because of the loss, but because of the
horrible atmosphere. I knew we were better than this, and I commended them for
their high level of respect and fantastic conduct throughout, ensuring that
every player shook every opponent’s hand and wished them luck in the final.
Having completed some good work with
the team in preseason, we went into this game against our rivals, a home game,
far more confident. Despite an early set back, conceding after seven minutes,
the girls played with strength and confidence not previously seen versus this
team. They were not scared. We knew what to expect, and I had prepared them as
best as I could for what was sure to be a battle. Eventually we took the lead,
as the goals started to fly. Leading 3-2 with seconds remaining before half
time, something shocking happened, which should no longer seem shocking to me,
as referees in Mexico seem to depend on a magic eight ball for their decision
making. The referee complained of abuse from the parents of my team. This is
unlikely as they are a quiet bunch, and our club has a strict policy about
parent conduct at games. As a result of this supposed abuse, he sent away a
father, and awarded a red card to my captain. Where on Earth did this come
from? Apparently that is actually a rule here, though I believe no one would be
capable of justifying it to me.
With this incident now to contend
with, all the players were in uproar. Our captain was unfairly sent off, and we
had to deal with a strong team a player down for the rest of the game. At half
time I did everything I could to keep them focussed, rejigging the tactics
slightly to incorporate the loss, and sending them back on their way for what
was surely to be a second half full of kitchen sinks. In the end, it transpired
our opponents were too strong for us. We lost a good attacking player, and my
alteration to the tactics appeared to be too negative. When we got the ball
forward, we could not keep it. Not long after the restart, our opponents
equalised. From that point on, it was an uphill battle. As hard as they tried,
we could not get ourselves back in front, losing 5-3.
I would say that motivation is a good
skill of mine, and there were many actions I took deliberately in the build up
to the game to inspire and prepare the players. Clearly it had worked, until
the most unprecedented incident one could possibly conspire played out in front
of us. In a game, absolutely anything can happen, and coaches need to be
adaptable. Never have I seen a twelve year old girl receive a red card because
the referee was unhappy with a parent. Still, soccer is random. Other incidents
of a similar nature have and will happen in future. It is a tough challenge to
lose a player and try to defend a lead with still half the game remaining. To
play negatively is a gamble, but so is to still try to play positively in this
same situation. When sending the players out for the second half, I was
confident in their mind-set that they would continue to compete with high
intensity, as before. Perhaps the red card then the goal was a sucker punch to
a small number, and in a tight game like this, the inches become yards, which
then become goals.
Recently I have taken steps towards
improving my coaching. Being on a coaching education course, it is necessary
that I seek opportunities for coaching education. I have signed up for the
NSCAA Advanced National Diploma, to take place in California this July.
Following that, there are the coaching education seminars at Ohio University.
In the near future, I will sign up for the UEFA B course to take place in July,
back home in England. This is all with the aim of becoming a better coach by
acquiring more knowledge of techniques, concepts, coaching styles, the
expectations of the governing bodies, the research of leaders in the field,
with the added benefit of networking, and getting to see Santa Barbara, which
is a very enticing factor.
Entry 2: Friday 27th February 2015
In the last round of games, I experienced two fantastic results.
The first is with my 2007 Boys, who managed to win a game 3-1 while playing
with only seven players versus the nine of our opponents. This win was
especially pleasing due to some of the parental politics that are starting to
creep in. I can’t take any credit for the performance, as all the boys played
the game of their life. They knew we were really up against it, so all dug in
hard and gave it everything they have got. At this level, there is not much
going on in the game tactically. It is more akin to two swarms fighting over a
ball. Our swarm came out on top. It may not be aesthetically pleasing, but what
it does show is desire, commitment, fight, effort, hard work, which are
characteristics not often seen in Mexican teams. I believe it is an important
part of coaching to teach these boys good habits for life as well as for the
game, and so I do not accept any cheating, diving, feigning injury, arguing
with officials, which are aspects of the game a lot of other children are
taught here. We also see a blame culture. Instead of blaming the other boys for
not turning up, or more correctly, their parents for bringing them, they
focussed on the task at hand and applied themselves. I was immensely proud of
the character they showed.
My 2001 Girls team, experiencing two horrible results recently,
finally showed why there is so much hope and expectation about this team. The
game did not start well. We were two goals down inside nine minutes, both from
corners. The first one didn’t cross the line, but there is nothing we can do
about a referee’s decision. We can only react by playing better, not by complaining.
The players were nervous as a lot of them are friends with the opponents, used
to play for the team, and used to play for the coach who now ignores and blanks
them. That sets a terrible example of how to act as a human being. In the game,
we had almost forgotten how to play football. The things that have made this
team so good, such as high pressure defending and a possession based attack,
were not coming out. 2-0 down at half time, I reminded them of what they had
done in the past to be successful, and that we shouldn’t panic, and if we do
the easy things well, the result will come. They weren’t terrible, but were
nowhere near their best. A couple changes in personnel too, and the goals
started flying in. We came back to win 4-2, and they played amazingly. It was
like a switch had been flicked. The goals were coming from good passing moves
and individual skill. Spirits were lifted, and we are going to go on and have a
great season. All that is missing from this team is a goalkeeper, then
suddenly, just last night, our prayers were answered, as a new girl shows up
who plays in goal. This is the missing piece to our championship.
A source of great pride is the way in which this team plays.
Coaching in Mexico is stuck way back in the past. A lot of the coaches treat
their players like animals. They are rude, patronising, uninterested, and it
makes me sad to see that. My team are not amazing technically. Many of them
still kick with their toes and can’t control a ball from the air. What we have
is an idea and a philosophy. With time and effort, we are now keeping the ball
and passing it around teams. All our opponents do is kick the ball as far and
as high as they can to the good player and hope that she can score. This isn’t
just one or two teams, this is all of them. My players can now see the
difference in their style of play compared to the rest of the teams. They
understand it. One scary example was the coach of our most recent opponent who
gave praise to a player who just hoofed the ball away. The ball came to this
player on the left wing, by the half way line, and she was completely unmarked.
She had at least two or three yards of space in all directions. The majority of
her team was behind her, I would say about seven players, and the defence was
in good balance. So why is she kicking the ball away? Why is she not
controlling it and dribbling or looking for a pass? She boots it way down the
field into our half to absolutely no one, and out for a throw. The coach gives
her a thumbs up and says “Good job, best to be sure”. Sure of what? There was
absolutely no danger. How is controlling the ball and passing it perceived as a
risk? And who cares if she makes a mistake anyway? She’s twelve! You have to
teach them good skills or else they will still be useless when they are adults.
It is a huge disservice to the players and the parents if all you care about is
winning. Unfortunately, that’s how it is for many youth coaches.
Entry 3: Monday 23rd March 2015
Not a lot has happened recently due to terrible weather cancelling
sessions, and then last week was not a fun one for myself, spending time in the
hospital with gastroenteritis. The girls have hardly kicked a ball, as teams
have either cancelled, rearranged, or just not showed up. Why would you join a
league if you won’t show up to games? Three times the same coach has done it to
me now. Apparently he doesn’t like us. The boys have played three games. The
first was a 15-4 loss to a very good team. Last season it was something similar
in terms of distance, but we hardly competed in attacking terms. A big positive
in this game was that although we were conceding heavily, we still managed to
create many chances. The next game was a 7-1 win, and then while in hospital,
an 11-0 win. The first game had five different scorers, and the second had six.
Too many youth teams rely on just one or two players to get the goals. It is
very pleasing to see them all contributing, and they are beginning to trust
each other on the ball. In the past, some players may not have passed to the
weaker players. Passing is key. Now that they realise that, we can progress.
Just today I had a conversation with my boss. A decision that I
had made a while ago, I will be leaving this position when the season is over,
and going back to England for a while. There are some personal and some
professional decisions. I feel our impact as coaches is greatly limited in
Mexico by the sporting infrastructure around us. Pretty much everyone is
useless and an idiot. I don’t like saying that, but I really think a group of
monkeys could organise youth sports better. The lifestyle here is difficult, as
it is a very dangerous place. Too often I am wondering if I will make it home
alive, or at least with my wallet and phone. Mexico City is the noisiest,
dirtiest, smelliest, most crowded place I have ever been. My tolerance is
almost exhausted. It is also important that I find a job that can pay better. I
never have been and never will be motivated by money, but on my wages here I
will not be able to afford the master’s. Some jobs in the Middle East can offer
three or four times my wage for the same role. If I want to save and pay for
this degree, I have to look at those options. Just as an example; had I stayed
in Kuwait, I could have been earning three times as much as I am here, but I
wasn’t happy, which is key. Happiness is the most important thing in life, and
I am becoming less happy here, so it is time to move on. Another factor is that
being in this job, I have met a lot of girls. As time goes by and I move to a different
country, it breaks down, or you don’t get too involved before something serious
starts. My current girlfriend wants to study in England, and I believe we have
a chance. I want to take that chance. I’m tired of goodbyes.
The week before hospital I bought a type of ball known as a
futsal. It is a size four soccer ball with reduced bounce, and the game of
futsal is incredible for the development of young players. I have been pushing
for us to create a futsal programme as part of our academy, and may just have
got the greenlight. I will start using the ball in some of my sessions, as it
will greatly increase our movement, passing, and ball retention in tight areas.
Looking to the future, I have offered to work from England for
this company. We lack a UK presence, and we are pretty much non-existent
online. If we want to recruit a larger pool of coaches, that come with a higher
pedigree, we need to look into our advertising. We have discussed a few ways in
which I can do that from back home. I truly believe in what we are trying to
do, but think our framework is counterproductive when it comes to human
relations. Make your staff feel good, and productivity is greatly increased. As
a company, we don’t do enough of that. I plan to change that.
Entry 4: Tuesday 31st of March 2015
We have no entered the Easter vacation, so there will be no
coaching for two weeks. In that case I should sum up the recent events before I
leave for Canada for a week. The stresses of Mexico City can really weigh you
down. For instance, due to the amount of traffic and pollution here, certain
cars cannot be driven on certain days. As this is the most polluted, nosiest,
dirtiest, crowded, crime ridden city in the world, I can't think of anywhere
better to go for a week to get away from it all than Southern Alberta.
The rainy season has apparently started early, which has
disrupted most of our practices. One practice that did go ahead provided an
interesting moment. I was working with a group that is not normally mine, but I
do know a few of the kids. This group is the one the boss works with, but he
had a game, so I took them. It's hard not to generalise, but this is a typical
group that we initially encounter. As they are still fairly new to our coaching
methods, they still persist with many bad habits. Work ethic and lack of
respect are always two major issues that we need to address right from the
beginnin. The topic was shooting, and I absolutely hate seeing line drills. It
needs to be inclusive and repetitive. Line drills have about 90% of the kids
standing there waiting their turn. You will not improve your technique if you
are standing around doing nothing. I set up a game that included three teams,
and they had a time limit to see how many goals they could score. After just
the first round, there was so much cheating going on. Not even subtle cheating.
I called the group in and without raising my voice, made a very firm and very
clear point. I am not someone that uses bad language often, and certainly not
infront of my players, but I felt a strong point had to be made. I informed
them that I had seen a lot of cheating and that it was not to be tolerated. I
then said "You cheat because you're crap. You're not good enough to win,
so you have to cheat". The point really seemed to hit home. That, coupled
with other organisational techniques such as ensuring EVERY player collects a
ball, began to move the session a lot quicker, and actually saw them start to
play well. Often in the past, discipline has been one of my weaker areas. The spoilt
rich kids of Mexico and Kuwait have certainly made me improve that aspect of my
coaching.
The 2001 Girls had a game against the worst team in the league.
Five games, five defeats, a lot of goals. This would be the first time I had
seen them after being in the hospital. The venue was walking distance from my
apartment, and just around the corner from our own fields. We have a club wide
policy to meet forty five minutes before the game. We find that most parents
here don't often adhere to deadlines, but we enforce good routines nonetheless.
One of my mantras is "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail". A huge
advantage for our teams is the preparation we do. All of our opponents show up
five minutes before the game, run a lap or two, and the coach kicks some balls
at them. Professional standards create professional results. Unfortunately, ten
minutes before kick off, I only had five players. That's one third of the
amount I was expecting. Eventually we had eleven to start the game, but no one
knew their positions or roles, I had to throw in some young players who are
very new to the team, and it was a shambles. The parents were all saying there
was nowhere to park. I don't buy that as people in Mexico park wherever they
like. If a parent had parked in the goal, no one would have cared. There's also
the thought that why didn't you just drop off your daughter and then go find a
place to park. The response to that was "Have you seen the people round
here? I'm not letting my daughter walk through here alone". Yes, I know
the people round here. They're called students. The game was taking place at a
college. A college I actually studied at for six months to learn Spanish. It's
like these people live on a different planet.
The game itself went horribly wrong. We lost 1-0, and never
threatened their goal. We were fortunate to only lose by one. All the things
you would say our team is good at, we forgot to do. We could not connect any
passes, most players were out of position, and very few were working hard. We
were missing two key players; one being one of the fastest girls in Mexico, and
another being what I describe as a "midfield destroyer", but we have
played without them before and not suffered. I am trying to create a good team,
not a team that relies on only a few players. We were all upset and
disappointed, and it was entirely down to preparation. We were never in the
game and always chasing. I can't blame the players as their parents are too
protective of them to let them out the car by themselves. Looking back at our
llast few games, we played one game with eight players because some parents
didn't want to drive so far on a Saturday morning, so we lost badly, and
another against our rivals, when in a winning position, our captain was sent
off because the parents were shouting at the referee. One of many mind boggling
stupid rules the league has, but still, this is a team that only lost one
league game last season. Suddenly, despite our improvements, we're not doing it
on the field. I know that you should always look inward to see what it is you
can do as a coach to improve your own performance, but I am left stranded and
bewildered when I don't even have the players, either through lateness,
absence, or a completely stupid red card. I don't want to say it, but I think the
parents have been hurting the team this season. After Easter, we will need to
have a meeting about this. It cannot continue.
In reality, they are not bad people. Many of them gave up time
last Saturday afternoon to help me out. I requested a training session with the
players so that I could film it for my coaching evaluation. The club decided
twenty four hours before we were due to start, to not award me permission to
record it. I had permission slips ready to go with all the relevent information
for parents, and strangely enough, the club had actually booked the field for
us. After weeks of asking them for permission to record, twenty four hours
before the start is when they declined. Big sarcastic thank you for you guys.
Apparently it would have had to have gone to a board meeting. Why? A big club
like this should have a procedure in place for something as mundane as
requesting permission to film. Incredible. Essentially, the important decision
makers have no real decisions to make, and their board meetings consist of
deciding where they should purchase their doughnuts from, rather than important
decisions regarding sports and operations. Nonetheless, one of the parents came
to my rescue. They had secured a 7v7 sized field, literally just around the corner.
Same time, essentially same place. Privately owned, they didn't care about
video cameras. Twelve players showed up, which is a great number as you can get
2s, 3s, 4s, and 6s out of it. It was all going very well, I had promised them
pizza for giving me their time, and because the cameras were out, they actually
behaved. Then, a band started playing, as someone had hired the birthday area
nearby. It wasn't amazingly loud, but my video will have an authentic Mexican
soundtrack. To provide further problems, the sun disappeared behind some
clouds, and the heavens opened. Thunder and lightning posed a threat, so we
took a break to let it all pass. Then it started to hail. Why hail? It never
hails in Mexico. Especially not in the usually warm month of March. These were
big hailstones too. A few of them hit me quite hard on the head. When it all
calmed down a little, we went back out. It was stop start for most of it, so
will require some editing, and due to the time constraints, it felt rushed at
the end, but there is enough video to work with, and I am satisfied with my
performance. I will spend some time soon piecing it all together before
uploading it. I have never seen myself coach, and believe it may be like an out
of body experience. All part of the learning process.
Entry 5: Wednesday 22nd April 2015
We've been back after Easter vacation for just over a week now.
It was so refreshing to get away from all this for just a little while.
I have told the parents that I will be leaving at the end of the
season, but do not want the kids to know until after our final game. They are
such an unorganised and ill-disciplined bunch that I fear they would
potentially lose focus. It could happen that way with the parents, as they are
the root of the problems, but with only a short time left, I am using it as a
galvanising tool as we all make that final push towards playoffs. Still, no
matter how much I insist, there are parents who just don't reply. All youth
coaches face that problem. Why put your child in a team if you won't ever bring
them to practices or games? Why have a phone or an email account if you never
respond to messages? And it's not like we have enough players or that the rest
of the parents are organised enough for me to exclude this lot from games. We
actually rely on them. Some of them don't even think. It doesn't occur to them
that you might need to know that your goalkeeper can't make it.
My 2001 Girls had a game last Friday, where thanks again to the
parents, we have many players arriving as the game is starting. Without
preparation, we rush onto the field and concede after three and then nine
minutes. Finally the team woke up, and we responded on the twelfth, eventually
going in at half time 3-2 up. The second half was great from our point of view,
as we kept up that intensity, playing a great game, winning 4-2. Why do they do
this? Why do some of them still think it is okay to show up five minutes before
kick off? Some of them are adults with quite important jobs. Again, we just
don't have enough players for me to not play them. Actually we do. We have
about eighteen, but I would say only eight are dependable.
Monday we had another game. Probably the most frustrating game I
have had. There was a lot of worry within the team as to whether we would have
enough players. Many teams we face are school teams, and like to cause problems
for travelling teams. They will put the game as late afternoon on a weekday.
This is Mexico City. They know it is almost impossible for our players to get
to that location at that time. They are trying to gain an advantage.
Thankfully, a group of mums were able to make car pools, and we had a very
strong side that were at the game early. We were able to prepare, and you could
tell they were ready from the first second. Throughout the entire game, our
goalkeeper did not touch the ball once. Our opponents entered our half only
twice, the first being after eighteen minutes. When they did, their players
celebrated. Our girls were suffocating the other team. The passing, moving,
ball retention, patterns of play, as well as the high pressure and determined
challenges, meant that when we had the ball, we kept it. When we lost it, we
won it back immediately. The only thing missing was the goals. We had corner
after corner, shot after shot, but just couldn't score. Finally, with four
minutes remaining, we got that important winner, and it finished 1-0.
That game felt like we had reached the pinnacle of what we are
capable of. I felt as if I didn't need to be there. I ensured that the team
were ready, gave them their positions and instructions, and sent them on their
way. When out on the field, they were doing everything I had been teaching
them. They were calm, confident, and communicating very well. Everything they
did adhered to the principles of play that we use as our parameters. It was a
joy to see. Apart from not putting the ball in the net more times, there's
absolutely no way I could find fault in them. This team has shown many times
what they are capable of, and with playoffs right around the corner, I don't
want anything to stand in their way. I have said to the parents "We should
lose because the other team is better than us, not because you were late, or
even couldn't be bothered to go". For a lot of them, I feel if it were
boys of the same age, I'd have far less issues in this sense with parents.
Girls aren't supposed to play football, you see. Doing my best to change that
attitude, but I can't fight this culture by myself.
Knowing that I am leaving, things aren't bothering me as much as
they used to. Stray dogs, people being rude, laziness, the disorganisation, is
now becoming water off a duck's back. In two months I will be in Ohio, and will
already have been out of Mexico for a week. Now that the end is in sight and
that I know I am not stuck in this city, I have become a lot more patient and
calm. Patient and calm are two words that everyone would use to describe me,
but I become so frustrated at everything here, be it the horrible drivers, the
social inequality, the corruption, or the crime, I feel like I have aged five
years. I use moisturiser profusely to fight back against the wrinkles and
lines. I've got far too many for a twenty-five-year-old.
The next job could be interesting. I have sent off a lot of
applications to many opportunities back home, but no one is getting back to me.
I believe for a lot of them, the hour drive I would have to make is putting
them off. I had a Skype interview with an opportunity in Dubai. They will be in
England too this summer, and want to talk to me again then. I didn't get to ask
them much about what they do. All I know is they would like to see my coaching
video when I am done editing it. It's a lot more money than here, and living in
the Middle East before, I think I would much prefer it to Mexico. Like I've
said many times before, money is not the motivation, but I need a better paying
job if I will get through this master's without much debt.
Entry 6: Monday 6th July 2015
It's been a while since my
last entry, and a lot has changed in that time. I am now back on the grid, with
a phone, and access to a computer after my laptop broke. I am also home in
England again, hoping to take advantage of new opportunities. We have had a
long time off from assignments and work, which came at a convenient time , as
my laptop had broken, I was moving home, and taking part in coaching courses
over the last few weeks. I have so much to talk about.
Leaving Mexico is something I
really had to do. I have mentioned the stress before of daily life, where
nothing is ever simple, and danger is everywhere. On the professional front, it
was more of the same; good ideas not being utilised, coaches competing to see who can work the least,
and teams with no commitment or drive. My final day was typical. We were to
give a session to poor kids in a village about twenty minutes away, up a
mountain, in what looks like a rainforest type setting. It was a great
opportunity for these kids, boys and girls of all ages, to receive some formal
coaching for the first time in their lives, and to interact with foreigners,
mainly English speakers. We also donated kit and equipment, which they loved.
So to begin, this was a mandatory assignment, and all members of staff had to
be there, which they weren't. We wanted to arrive at twelve, but set off after
twelve and arrived at one. It was supposed to start at one, but none of the
kids arrived until two. It turns out that they are still in school at one
o'clock. I don't wish to sound like Captain Hindsight, but it was definitely
something the coordinator should have considered before arranging all this.
He's a good guy who means very well, but his application is often erratic and
he never pays attention to the finer details. Case in point is when we were
nearly hit by a truck on the freeway. We had a convoy of five cars, and since
the coordinator was the only one to know where to go, he was at the front. His
driving, like I said in regards to his application, is erratic and without
attention to detail. When he overtakes someone, he doesn't realise that he is
actually speeding away from five cars behind him, who also have to pull off
dangerous moves in order to keep up. On the freeway, he overtook a truck. Then
car two went around the truck. Just as I, driving car three, went to go round
the truck, our coordinator then pulled off the road to take the exit. It was a
close shave for car two, having just got around the truck. What was I to do? If
we miss the turning, the two cars behind me would not have seen it, and would
also follow me in the wrong direction. If I sneak in across this truck, we run
the risk of a high speed collision. Stupidly, I chose to cut off the truck,
being missed by inches. Cars two and three were honking, waving, and shouting
obscenities at the guys in car one. Eventually when we got there, we confronted
them about the manoeuvre. They said they had not realised as they were too busy
listening to music and chatting. Typical. And after eighteen months of that
type of incident, I can honestly say that I have never been so glad to leave,
and in the last weeks since, have not looked back. Definitely the right
decision.
My first port of call after Mexico City was Los Angeles, and the
two hour drive north to Santa Barbara for the NSCAA Advanced National Diploma.
These courses are worth the money just for the experience alone. Great weather,
great facilities, and great people. The course is based around the 8v8 format,
and is mainly focussed on coaching in the game. It was ten months since I
completed the level before, which looked at 6v6. I felt confident right away.
The NSCAA is looking to guide, help, and educate, unlike other organisations
that are looking to trip you up and find fault. We had some very good
assessors, who showed us interesting sessions, and took us through some fascinating
lectures. It is a great group to be part of, and I reccommend them to all
coaches I know. These courses provide a great way to network, and to show your
name and face to important and influencial people that may pop up again. One
such instance was one of the course leaders happened to be a speaker at the
summer symposium. I have noticed that the higher you get in your field, the
more you see the same people. In regards to contacts, I now have more contacts
all over the USA, and also with other nationalities. There were many Brits and
Americans, but also Mexicans, a Guatemalan, a Croatian, Ecuadorian, Colombian,
Portuguese, Iran, and one member of the staff from Trinidad and Tobago.
Soccer truly is an international game.
As part of the self reflective process that comes with coaching,
over the years I have noticed my weaknesses, and tried to improve upon them.
These are perhaps aspects that don't come natural to my personality. They say
that coaching is like having many hats, and you need the right hat for the
right session. Working on these deficient areas have given me many more hats,
and have actually become my strong points as a coach. The three things are
confidence, interventions, and information. The three overlap a bit. I have not
always had the confidence to talk in front of other better and more experienced
coaches. Now I am better and more experienced, and have developed confidence. I
have been on TV and radio many times, and spoken in front of large groups of
people. Getting out of the comfort zone, and making these situations become
normal and regular, that is how I have gained this confidence. This also allows
me to go in and make the interventions. "FREEZE!" Loud, and
assertive. The players look up and they listen. I am okay with telling players
where they made mistakes, and having the knowledge and ability to tell, show,
ask, guide, and challenge. I can quickly and confidently display an array of
coaching styles during these interventions, such as command, Q+A, guided
discovery etc. This continues into information, as now that I am a more
experienced coach, I have far more knowledge, and can recognise cues and
situations much quicker. What a lot of coaches are guilty of, and there were
many on this course, is talking for far too long. They suggest in game
interventions last between fifteen and thirty seconds. Any longer and you lose
their attention, heart rate drops, causing intensity to drop, and then all of a
sudden, when you restart, it is a whole different scenario. I was going in,
quick, loud, sharp, and assertive. "FREEZE! When you receive the ball, I
want your first touch to go this way. Now what are your options? What could the
right winger to do help? Then what do I want to see you do after that? Good.
Play." Quick demonstration or rehearsal if needed. Get in, get out. It
seems many coaches who fall victim to blabbering become a little nervous when
taking centre stage. Suddenly the spot light is on them, and the forget their
lines, so just repeat everything they know about soccer, rather than making a
succinct point. I did receive some positive feedback from the assessors after
my sessions that I was one of the best on the course for interventions. That
did wonders to my confidence. Four years ago I failed the English equivalent
course, citing my interventions as my weakest point. I have since been informed
that I have passed the NSCAA National Diploma. Now I need to save up for the
Premier Diploma.
These three points I have worked on have manifested themselves
into other areas of my life and my coaching. For instance, I don't know many
people to have played ukulele publically. When I was living in Kuwait, I
practiced on mine, and sung a couple songs to a live public audience. I can
hardly even sing, and one of the songs was about beer. Alcohol is banned in
Kuwait. I can't go doing things like that, and then act shy out there on the
field. How I present myself to people has changed; confident smile, firm
handshake, and making a huge effort to remember names. Something Walt Disney
and other great leaders are really big on. I believe I could go back to the
course and address everyone by their first name. And If I get it wrong, I am
confident enough to feel silly in front of people. My interest and commitment
to learning has improved immensely. I never took notes before, but I was taking
notes during this course. The note taking then continued into Ohio.
I flew from LA, after a trip to Disney, to Chicago, connected,
and then into Columbus. There, I met my parents. The first time I had seen them
in six months. As I write this, I am back home again, the first time I have
been here to stay and not just visit in three years. I am much more mature, and
far more of an adult than when I left for Canada in 2012. We had a few days
together before the summer symposium. We took a tour of the campus, lead by a
lovely guide called Megan. The Ohio campus is beautiful and inspiring. For all
I know, it could be typical of campuses in the USA, but I have never seen
anything like it. She showed us many important sites, but I was mainly
interested in the sports facilities. I was like a kid in a candy store. I kept
thinking to myself "This is MY university? I am a student of this
place?". Incredible. This gave me great energy going into the lectures.
When the lectures began, obviously some were more tailored to my interest than
others, but I found them all to be beneficial and interesting. The ones I
picked up on most were to do with the psychological aspects. I enjoyed learning
about leadership, relationships with players, understanding the needs of the
team etc. Lectures from Cory Dobbs, Dee Stokes, and Paul Marco (the coach from
the NSCAA the week before) are the ones that stand out. I took notes of
everything, and will be referring to them again and again. A lot of what they
had talked about I had heard of and learnt before, but they went into more
depth, and actually gave examples of how it is applicable, and how to use it.
As an example, creating leadership within players. We all know it is important,
but how do we do it? Delegating specific roles in that aspect will be something
I begin to do when the season starts again, gradually developing the mental
side of the players. One slide showed essentially eight roles that players can
have; enforcer, grinder etc. I can look at one or two each week as a side
project with my players. For instance, I may be teaching shooting as the topic,
but will also be creating learning opportunities for players to demonstrate and
understand the qualities of these different roles.
I came away from Ohio with new friends, and the sense that this
was definitely the right place to be. I am overwhelmed with Bobcat pride. It
looks like we all were, judging by the amount of people that bought Bobcat
merchandise. It also got me thinking about what's next? Research and learning
are two ever more increasingly interesting areas to me. The more I learn, the
more I realise there is to learn. All the while, I am becoming a much better
coach. I have since looked into and discussed briefly options for a PhD. That
is a long way away yet, and I have to walk before I can run. Let's get the
master's finished before I look too far ahead. I'm currently on academic
probation, so the first step is to get off that. It's annoying, but I
understand. I missed a lot of work round about March, April time, after I was
in the hospital. When I returned to studying, I went on to achieve good
grades, very good grades, but the damage to my average had been done. I always
look at the positives; I didn't die, and I would rather have this setback at
the beginning of the course rather than at the end. I've recently had another
setback, as for some reason the latest module did not load, or had not enrolled
me, and so now I am a week behind, having missed some deadlines. Oh well. I can't
go back and change the past, but I can work my hardest to improve my future.
There will always be setbacks, but I am determined to push through, using them
to fuel my motivation for success, rather than complaining and using it as a
way to justify and accept mediocraty.
When we had finished in Ohio, we took a trip as a family,
driving all the way to Montreal, through Niagara Falls and Toronto. It was
beautiful. I landed in England on Friday, and straightaway was hit by
disappointment. Saturday afternoon was supposed to be the realisation of my
life's dream; to see AC/DC in concert. It turns out the ticket seller was all a
big scam. I gained no closure from knowing it had happened to hundreds of
others too. I don't care so much about the money lost, but that was a huge kick
in the gut, and I spent the rest of Friday and Saturday distant, not talking to
anyone, and being a bit on edge. I have calmed down now.
Sunday took me to a place called Crawley for the FA Futsal Level
1 course. Futsal is like small sided soccer, with a heavier ball for reduced
bounce. It is a great way to develop the technique and understanding of young
players. Paying testimony to its benefits, are all the Brazilian and Spanish
greats. Since futsal World Cups began, Brazil have won five, and Spain two. In
soccer World Cup histor, Brazil have five, and Spain have one. There is a
correlation not only in that, but also in the club teams, and the amount of
quality players each country produces. England is still very, very far behind.
I have played and coached it before, but only in an informal setting. This
course had no assessment, and was attendance only. Meaning I am now a qualified
futsal coach. Congratulations to me. There are many similarities to the rules
and plays of ice hockey. Too many men, empty net, power play, rolling subs,
lineup changes every few minutes etc. The benefits of the game allow for
greater technical development of players. With there being smaller sides,
players are far more involved in the game. Usually there is always one kid who
is not very good, who looks to hide during games and practices. In futsal, you
cannot hide. It develops all areas of the game, as the technical demands ask so
much of a player. On a big field, defenders defend and attackers attack. When there
is only five of you on a field the size of a basketball court, your importance
and contribution goes from about 9% to 20%. You have to be involved, you have
to be working hard, you have to be paying attention, and you have to be able to
master all skills. It is starting to take off in England. I am hoping we can
convince the dinosaurs. I had to stop taking part in the practical as I
was in too much pain. There is always someone on a course who cannot play, and
I never want it to be me. The course in California had such huge physical
demands on us, I hadn't recovered from that. While on that course, I had not
fully recovered from my hospital visit and my half marathon. Before the half
marathon, and still today, I have costrochondritis. I am now skinny and flabby,
and unable to walk. A problem with my knee means it is hard to turn, and after
kicking a guy very hard in the leg a few weeks back, striking the ball with my
foot causes tremendous pain.
I hate standing around and not doing anything. I feel like I am
useless and not contributing. Really, I am very much injured and should not be
playing. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Today, being Monday, I started the
Goalkeeping Level 2 course. If I throw the ball long, my chest hurts, if I kick
the ball, my foot hurts, but at least I can still dive. Right? Two minutes in,
I made an easy save, and landed on my back. I have a lump at the bottom of my
spine and landed right on it. That was horrendous pain. There's two days left
on this course. I really don't know what I can do. A lot of these problems have
accumulated over time. With the healthcare in Mexico being so awful and so
expensive, I kept thinking I would wait until I was home, able to enjoy the
free British healthcare. Playing through the pain, with this busy schedule, and
all this travelling, has been a very stupid idea. There's two days to go. Once
it is finished, what's left of me will crawl to the nearest doctor and beg to
be fixed. I'm only twenty six and yet feel like an old man.
Though I am not a goalkeeper, nor a goalkeeper coach, my
justification, and the justification of others for taking this course is based
around the same ideas. Professionally, when competing for a job, knowing
goalkeeping gives me an extra skill, like knowing another language, to become a
more attractive prospect to any potential employers. I have coached goalkeepers
before, and even designed curriculums for the keepers. I want to expand upon
that knowledge. It is rather interesting. In coaching, there is a lot of
animosity between coaches and goalkeeper coaches. The more I can understand the
needs of my players, and the work of the other coaches around me, the more
beneficial I can be for my team. It's another feather in the cap. It is another
badge. Top coaches work within teams of coaches, and have a whole array of
staff to work with; fitness, physio, psychologist, goalkeeper, assistant etc.
The more of each role I can understand, the better leader and manager I will
be, being able to make more informed decisions. Similar to why I desire to
learn more languages; it presents more opportunities for me to travel and
explore the world, but as soccer is an international game, you are always
working with players and coaches from different backgrounds. It makes you more
adaptable and integrated.
I am hoping that by the next journal entry, I will have began
the road to recovery, and can start feeling like a twenty six year old again,
that I get back on track with the master's course, I pass the GK level 2, and
have a better understanding of my position in the employment world. Good things
come to those who go out and earn them.
Entry 7: Monday 27th of July 2015
Life is starting to get a bit
more structure about it. I have been finding teams to work with, and beginning
preparations for the season ahead. Tomorrow will begin the summer camps, which
I am very much looking forward to, not just because of the fun it is to be
working in the windy British summer, but also for the financial incentive.
Since being back, I have worked a small number of hours per week. It has been a
great aide to my transition, allowing me free time to take care of things, but
I do need to start making some money soon. Like I have said before, money is
not the reason why I do this, but at the same time, I do have bills to pay, and
don't wish to wind up as a recluse eating cereal alone in a dark corner. So
that takes that off my mind.
The boss, who was my old boss,
has given me two teams that I can now call my own. U9s and U7s. The U7s are
very new to soccer and have not had much coaching, providing a challenge, but
the kids are great, and from the limited time I have had with them so far, I
know I can whip them into shape. The U9s are boys, and I have had my fourth
session with them this past weekend. At the end of every practice, we play a
game against the other U9 group, who are a much stronger outfit. Immediately,
my group began to play very well and competitively against the opponents. The
parents were amazed, as it looked like the gap had closed. I put this down to organisation
and freedom, rather than my magic touch. It seemed to me that there had been a
lot of chaos before, and all I have povided is
a bit of sanity. In any situation, it has to be the players that take the
credit, and especially considering I have been there for only five minutes, I
was reluctant to take any praise.
With this U9s group, I start
every session with some core individual technical practices, working on skills
and ball manipulation. We practice twice a week, and I have begun to now incorporate
mental skills into the practices. Essentially it is self regulation and
leadership. You have a much better base to build off if you can get the players
to take ownership and responsibility, while buying into your ideas. Using the
presentation at Ohio from Dr. Corey Dobbs, I have worked on grinders and
enforcers. Through a use of leading questions, asking for examples, and
providing challenges, I have the boys understanding the importance of these
concepts.
Now that I am a familiar face,
and with the season over a month away, I felt the need to really step things up
a bit. Not with the kids, but with the parents. I would always hear the ever so
helpful advice coming from a squad of dads on the far side, whose tone always
implies fault and blame, never encouragement and confidence. My favourites are
always the Captain Hindsight comments. "You should have passed it",
"He was your man". Past tense is never helpful when we are playing in
the moment. With fifteen different instructions coming from the sidelines at
every opportunity, the boys look lost, scared, and confused. My CB, who the
previous week would take risks by dribbling out of defence, was this week,
kicking the ball away at every chance he got. Coincidentally, this was also the
first time I had seen his dad at a practice. If you say something negative to a
kid, their head literally goes down. They look at the floor. A player looking
at the floor is not anticipating or scanning, they are self doubting and trying
to not make mistakes. I do not want my players doing that. During a time out, I
asked them if they enjoyed hearing so many different instructions from
the side, and we had a conversation about it. At that age, they were very quick
and honest in their answers. They don't like their parents telling them what to
do. What kid does, really? We agreed that the only voices that matter are
theirs and mine, and we should only be listening to each other. What goes on
outside of that is irrelevant. One boy volunteered that his dad gives him candy
if he does what he says. I had to hide the infuriation from my face, and try to
ignore the voices in my head that were trying to dissect that statement as to
what upsets me more.
Nevertheless, in this game,
they lost, but did score more goals against the opponent than I have ever seen
them. Progress and positives. So we turn a game from being full of errors -
well not really errors as they were always taking the easy option, so more lack
of recognising opportunities - into a positive, and all the kids were happy. I
had asked the boss, who coaches the other team if I could have a word with the
parents. He gave me the nod, and the chains were broken. Big confident smile,
"Hello everybody", trying not to sound like Dr. Nick from The
Simpsons, and I went into it. The dads, arms folded, were all sizing me up,
with that "don't you tell me what's best for my kid" look that
parents in the wrong can do so well. I didn't miss a beat. "Now that I
have been appointed coach of this team, it is my job to create better players.
In order to create better players, I have to create the right
environment..." and went from there. I made points such as; the boys can't
be afraid to fail, make mistakes, or take risks. Don't tell them what to do as
it may be different from what I said and confuses them. It's hard to get kids
to listen to one person let alone five. We want to create Ronaldinhos, not
Titus Brambles, yet if you keep telling your kid to kick it out, he will become
a Titus Bramble. If I am working on passing, then in the games, my only concern
is how they pass, not how they shoot, tackle etc. and so by making comments
about other aspects, it may not be relevant to what I have done with them and
what I care about. And most importantly, if they are doing it wrong, then I
will tell them. Big I. Massive I. No one needs to step in. The boys, clinging
to their dads legs, seemed appreciative that I had had that word with them.
Shut up, and let them enjoy it. I then finished by saying talk to me any time
about anything, if you have any questions or want to know something about me,
go ahead, and that I am a Blackburn Rovers fan, a team so terrible that it
always gets a sympathetic laugh from any audience.
Just as I thought it was all
done, the boss then stepped in, and gave me the biggest vote of confidence I
have ever had. He made me feel like a young girl looking at one of those
talentless One Direction boys. He said he had waited for years for me to come
back, and that I am one of the most experienced and qualified coaches on staff,
and that this team is very lucky to have me.
Following on from that session,
I went to the pub down the road to meet an old friend of mine. This is someone
I used to play with, whose team I have been invited to guest coach on two
occasions. Him and his assistant are looking for a new coach to come in and
coach their team, leaving the game day stuff down to them, as is the service we
provide. This is often the way with teams that have volunteers or parents, that
they bring in a qualified coach to work with the team in training. A recurring
theme is that a lot of teams aren't happy with some of the coaches they have.
They are young and inexperienced, and with that, lack confidence and charisma.
They are chest talkers, who struggle to make eye contact. Not good for coaching.
I was there years ago. That used to be me. Now it isn't, and with more
experience under their belts, they will move on from that too.
The meeting was very
successful, and I start next week. They are an U15 boys team that play 11v11. I
will train them for two hours on a Monday night. The meeting lasted for two
hours, so I will try to sum it up shortly. I began by asking them what they
wanted, and as usual, the answers flow, but it is never specific. I need to
have a clear picture of what they want in order for me to work towards it. To
elicit these answers and to paint the picture in the mind's eye, I said they
have three points, and must finish my sentence. Your team is playing, and a
person walks by the pitch who is completely unconnected to the team, looks over
to watch and says positively "That is a team that..." Their answers
were; is enthusiastic, is organised, and is creative. Success. Now I know what
they want. Delving into it a bit more, they have a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A
is a 3-5-2, a system I am not too familiar with in terms of coaching, and Plan
B as a 4-2-3-1. My weapon of choice.
I discussed with them creating
the right environment, and how to provide organisation and structure by
removing unimportant decisions from their thought processes. For instance, a
lot of teams at this level do not have well rehearsed set piece organisation.
It's just kick it and hope, or head it out if it comes to you. This creates
confusion on game day, and that's where goals are conceded. So free-kicks, corners
etc. everyone needs to know their role, and the whole team needs to know the
organisation. Using the 60% rule, if only 60% of them understand it first time,
at least they can instruct the others on where to be and where to go. Once we
have our base, being understood basic routines, the players can then take
ownership of it and begin to be creative with their ideas, but we must first
establish that base.
We will be working on fitness,
actually using some of the ideas I have been looking at through these recent
assignments and discussion board posts. The first thirty minutes will be on
fitness. Once I have assessed them and got a feel for them, the periodization
will come into effect. We have five sessions before the season begins, and a
short five week meso-cycle has been determined. The first week is essentially
me learning about the team, and we will go from there, but we have a lot to
begin with already. I've also encouraged the two guys in charge to record some
stats through the season. It seems like a really exciting opportunity, and I
can't wait to get started.
Last Thursday I had a coaching
interview with a decent standard ladies team. They play in a fairly high league
that would require travel around the south of the country, to play against strong
and big name teams. I was going for the reserve team manager position. I had
spoken to the first team manager and the chairwoman, and they wished to see a
half an hour session on attacking shape, moving into defensive shape to then
begin attacks. I showed up and it was a little unorganised. Not only are they
looking for a manager, but also a coach or two for the teams. A coach was
supposed to be there but wasn't. Not sure why. Anyway, this meant I was given a
full hour with them. The wonderful councils and leisure organisations in this
country, decide within their infinite wisdom, that during the summer, when the
weather is nice and the kids are off school, to tear down all goals, and not
maintain the grass or fields for three months. There is a movement to change
this, but dinosaurs live longer these days. This meant I frantically had to set
up a field. My 50x70 looked more like a hexagon that had been laid out by
intoxicated monkeys, but it still did the job. The attacking team had to score
in the big goal, the defending team had to win the ball and put it through one
of the three gates on the opposite side to the goal. Easy enough instructions.
Play.
I let them play for a few
minutes, and it wasn't going right. Opportunities to step in and coach. Gave a few
demonstrations and instructions. Play. Still, it wasn't coming out. They have
awful linkup play when attacking, but is the root of this in attacking? I
pulled them in and explained that it wasn't coming out right, and I was going
to flip the session round, working on defending first, then attacking. So
essentially the attacking team were now being taught how to regain possession
in the opposition's half. It started to look good. It was going how I saw it
previously in my mind. Going from zero shots to then three in a minute, it had
definitely improved. Then it hit me. The defending team broke through with the
ball, creating a 3v1, and scored. The attacking team stopped chasing back when
it had become apparent that they were going to score. "You and you, why
did you stop running?" "Because I wasn't going to catch her" was
the reply. Fists on hips, jaw tilted towards the moon, and the feeling of my
hood blowing in the wind behind me like a cape, I retorted with "You
should never give up. If you stop running, you will never catch her. If you
keep running, you might catch her. She might slow down, she might stumble. You
have to keep going. You must fight to give yourself every chance you can
get." I then turned to the group, continuing my spiel, explaining that I
will never accept anything less than 100% effort, 100% of the time. Now go get
some water now I set up the next part.
With time to kill and nothing
planned, I decided to let them play a match, and I would just watch to make
observations. The chairwoman and first team manager had asked me what I thought
and what I could see. I explained that I think they were very good technically.
This is a good team with good players. The downside is that they are tactically
inept, and any organised team will punish them. They will get found out. They
both seemed relieved and impressed that I had noticed that. The majority of the
team are quite young and have been together for years, progressing from U18
last season. Before, they were a big fish in a small pond, winning the league
and cup double for many consecutive seasons. They are concerned with how well
they will manage the step up. The previous coach, though a nice gentleman, was
perhaps a soft touch with them, and as they always won, there was never really
any need to push them. They are so good that they could be lazy, and yet still
win the game on quality alone. That won't be enough for the league they will be
playing in next season. They also pointed out that maybe one or two players in
the team have an attitude problem, and were confident that I could handle them.
It seems to be that the rest of the group are already tired of those players,
and so are managing themselves. Having the majority onside like that will only
help your enforcement of discipline.
The players gave positive
feedback, which I did not ask for, but was happy to receive. Any kind words
like that may hopefully persuade those making the decision that I am the right
one for the job. They said that other coaches just shout at them when they get
it wrong. That certainly won't be me. I assured the manager and chair that I am
certain I can do great things with this team, and they seemed very enthused by
my confidence. I hope I get this opportunity, and feel I have proven to be a
strong candidate. There is one other coach for them to consider, and then I
will hear from them soon.
So with all the positives,
there is inevitably a negative somewhere. I like to put that last as it brings
me back down to Earth after blowing my own trumpet for so long. The big all
important UEFA B course that I had planned to do when I got back have just last
week rejected my application. It seems I have not done enough to convince
them that I am worthy of a place. Upsetting and frustrating, as I was
accepted before when I failed first time, four years ago. I definitely haven't
spent the last four years getting worse, as I completed my football studies
degree, started a master's degree, picked up all three youth modules, began
working in coaching full time, went away to work in five different countries,
and just recently completed and passed the US equivalent of this qualification.
But alas, they said no. I have to not take it personally, pick myself up, and
try again at the start of next year. This has to be used to fuel my determination.
I will get there. I am more than good enough. I just need to prove it to them.
Entry 8: Wednesday 5th August 2015
There's not much to report since the last entry. As it is the
summer, not much is happening. The kids are away on vacation, and everyone is
trying to enjoy the time off. I'm enjoying studying and learning Spanish, and
getting what little I can into place before the season starts for my various
teams.
Since the last post I have
paid a deposit for my girlfriend and I to go on a tour to Arnhem in the
Netherlands with my new U15 boys team. It's a weekend excursion, with a stay in
a holiday park, a city tour, and of course a soccer tournament. These tours
have always looked like such fun, and I am really excited for it. It will be a
great chance to witness Dutch youth teams up close, and also to practice my
Dutch.
I am still waiting to hear a decision from Saints Ladies. It was
between me and another guy, so I am not really sure what the delay is. It's
either me or him. Unless there is something they're not telling me.
Last weekend I went to the
women's FA Cup final at Wembley. We arrived forty-two minutes after kick off
and missed the only goal of the game as Chelsea beat Notts County 1-0. There was horrific traffic
after a couple of crashes in key areas, causing the delay. This was the first
women's final played at Wembley, and the attendance was 30,000. Still 50,000
empty seats, but a big step forward for the female game. As boys, we dreamed of
scoring the winning goal in a final at Wembley, and now girls can have that
same dream too. We are still a long way off the Americans, but it is good to
see that progress has been made since I have been away.
I was able to witness the
Emirates Cup the weekend before last. It is a preseason tournament
hosted by Arsenal every year, and they invite other good teams, and is always a
lot of fun. The other three teams were Lyon, Wolfsburg, and Villareal. So four teams from four of the top European
leagues. Now it may only be preseason, but I
realised the quality I have been missing in recent years. I have grown
accustomed to top division American and Mexican, or second division English. To
suddenly be watching this quality again was a real eye opener. Anyone can tell
you that Europe is better, but I don't believe they can quantify it. I saw it.
It is their control, their passing, their manipulation of the ball, their
awareness. Subtle, but hugely important.
Work recently has been in the form of summer camps. Four days a
week, 10-3. I know many that do 9-4, but having been on those, I think it is
far too demanding in the kids. They lose attention, energy, and just become
bored. I feel it is a money issue. If a company can keep you for an extra two
hours, they can quite rightly demand more money. Then the quality of the
product suffers. Personally, it gives me more time and energy to study and go
to the gym.
Entry 9: Wednesday 19th August 2015
So now I am the manager of Saints
Ladies Reserves. It took a while, there was a lot of waiting and confusion, but
now I am in charge. Last night was the first time I met the coach that I will
be working with. It's a shame that the communication at the club has meant it
has taken so long, but at least we are there now and can go forward from this
point.
Last Sunday was my first game with the
team. I went in having an awful understanding of their names and positions, but
we put a team out nonetheless. The team we played are a few leagues below us,
so we weren't expecting much in the form of opposition. With a new team and new
players, there is a lot of information that I need to pass on to the players,
but not all at once or else it will be information overload. We will get there
eventually, but as they say, Rome wasn't build in a day. The three things I was
looking at were how well we can keep possession, how well we can press, and
what the set piece organisation looked like. Our side is apparently notoriously
bad at defending corners. That needs to change. I also took time to remind them
of my three core values; effort, respect, fun. That can be reworded as hard
work, fairness, creativity, or anything like that. It works with adults and
kids.
The limited time I have had with this
team was spent getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, as well as
names, and trying to instil small parts of my philosophy. I have told the team
that I am looking at performance above winning. We get our performance right
and we will probably win, but anything can happen in a game, so my goal is
a performance based outcome, with winning as a byproduct. In addition to this,
it serves the purpose of seeing the bigger picture, and realising that there
can be pride in defeat. We are a new team, and we are a young team, with very
few players playing at this level before. We haven't been given much chance of
success, and rightly so. If we go out thinking we will win every game, we will
be greatly disappointed when that invariably doesn't happen. We must believe we
can win in every game we play, but realise that we must get our performances
right first. Week by week, we will work on something different to prepare the
team for the season, and throughout the season too. If in practice the theme is
defending crosses, then I will measure the success of the game based on how
well we defend crosses, as well as other components we have worked on recently.
I will now look to plan a mesocycle that will help build the team, brick
by brick.
The game, at the very least, showed me
the size of the mountain. I have been saying all along that there are good
players here, but as far as the team goes, they look disjointed, unsure of each
other, and unsure of their roles. This will come in time. Even more
concerning though is the mental conditioning displayed by the players in
regards to decision making. Their former coach is a nice gentleman, but is
prehistoric, and thus will have instilled in them some very old and out dated
ways of thinking. For instance, every player nowadays in modern football is
dynamic and can handle a number of different roles. This has changed support
play and movement exponentially in all the top sides all over the world. In
this team though, defenders are defenders. They don't pass the ball, they clear
it. They don't look to receive the ball if the midfield can't play forward, as
their only job is to stop the attacks of the opposition. They certainly aren't
going to support up the pitch with overlapping runs, as defenders aren't
allowed to cross the halfway line. That's far too dangerous.
It's very sad to see that. A lot of
them are sixteen and seventeen, so that is how they have always been taught to
do things. Fortunately, they are still young enough to mould, and technically
proficient enough to be able to carry out the tasks that I will ask of them. It
really is painful to see young footballers play such a rigid system. The Dutch
broke all that in the mid seventies and revolutionised the game, but there are
still people who think about football in 1960s English parameters. Where's the
evidence to back that up? The Ducth have been to three World Cup finals since
then, and have won the European Championship. England haven't. Every great club
team to succeed in Europe has had a large Dutch influence, such as AC Milan,
Barcelona, Real Madrid. The English have never had such an effect. Dutch clubs
have a long history of creating great players, which are then sold for huge
fees. We don't have that in England.
Anyway, I want them to play an
expansive, possession based, high pressure style of attacking football.
Everyone has to contribute in all areas. I'll be looking at examples of
Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, and Bayern Munich. Essentially Pep Guardiola and
Jurgen Klopp kind of ideas. That was not the case Sunday. Some players just
didn't want the ball, especially the defence, and likewise, the attacking
players didn't want to defend. Most teams will complain about similar problems
in their side, but never the successful ones. The game wasn't too bad. We did
have about ten clear goalscoring opportunities, often in the form of a 1v1 with
the keeper following a defence slicing pass. We never put any of those in. The
goal came in the 90th minute, a header after a flick on from a corner. As our
opponents had only threatened our goal once all game, hitting the crossbar from
thirty yards, we believed we had the late winner. Though I am performance based
and the performance was awful, it's always nice to start with a win.
Or so we thought. In the ninety first
minute, our opponents won a corner, whipped it in, and no one touched it as it
curled in for the Olimpico. Shameful. Having a player guarding the post
prevents that easily. Having a keeper who can catch the ball prevents that.
Having defenders that can head the ball prevents that. Having a midfield that
doesn't give the ball away prevents that. To make matters worse, the opposition
then scored in the ninety third minute, on the counter attack as our midfield
and many defenders stood on the halfway line and watched, out of breath.
Sometimes a bad example is as necessary
as a good one. So what does it teach us?
100% effort for 100% of the time - Both
training and matches. Put in the effort in training, and you are fit enough to
chase back and defend. Put in the effort in matches, and you catch their
counter attack and prevent the goal.
Every inch counts - I may be
paraphrasing Al Pacino, but the margins are so small. If a player in the
midfield gives away a pass, it doesn't seem like a big deal. If someone doesn't
press quick enough and misses the interception, it doesn't seem like a big
deal. Suddenly, the opposition are in our half, but the defence don't need to
chase back because there is cover. Surely someone else will deal with it. And
then they score. Whose fault is that? Everybody's. I believe we call this the
butterfly effect.
Aggregation of Marginal Gains -
Something I have been banging on about a lot recently. To echo the last point,
every inch does count. We have to improve everything we can, even if it is only
a small amount, even if it seems unimportant. Let's just have a look at some examples:
Thorough warm up - Better mentally and
physically prepared going into the game. More switched on in the first ten
minutes. Could prevent two early goals in a season. Not much.
Thorough cool down - Better chance at
preventing injury. Means our players will miss less games and will suffer less
overuse injuries. May get an extra two games out of two players by avoiding
injury. One of them could be an important player who goes on to score one
winning goal in a game they may have been injured in.
High pressure - Better organisation and
quicker to the ball in the opposition half of the field. It may win us a corner
or so per game. If we work on the idea that five corners equals one goal, over
five games, we may score one extra goal from forcing errors in their defence.
Tracking back - Sometimes the defence
can deal with it, but we need to prevent overloads. By following your runner,
you could stop them from scoring. You could do it one hundred times and only
intercept the ball once, but if everyone does it, we could prevent one goal per
game.
Set pieces - It depends on the level at
which you play, but goals coming from free kicks and corners account for a
significant proportion of goals scored. Better organisation in attack and
defence may score us an extra four goals per season, and it may prevent four
goals per season.
Fitness - Certainly killed us on
Sunday. If we had ninety three minutes in us rather than just ninety, we win
the game 1-0. Being fitter might only prevent five goals per season.
Analysis - Can be time consuming and
boring, but worth doing. Videos of games, highlighting team and individual
performances, showing errors and how we can adapt certain aspects of the game.
For example, looking at the attacking runs of the wingers might enable them to
put in an extra cross or two per game. Not much, but it is an inch worth
gaining. Both wingers put in two extra crosses per game, that's four more
crosses for the CF to run onto, that could give us an extra goal every other
game.
Know your role - If every player has a
little bit of a better understanding of their roles and responsibilities, they
improve their performance. Even as much as five percent per player would be
like having an extra half player on the pitch. Improve every player performance
by ten percent and we are then figuratively playing twelve versus eleven. How
much would it help to have an extra player on the pitch? Especially against
tough teams, we would love to play with twelve. Even if it seems unimportant,
like the right defender and the left defender bombing forward to join in with
attacks, it gives us another player in an attacking area. That's another
resource. That puts the odds slightly more in our favour. Overlapping fullbacks
may only give us an extra goal per three games.
These are just some examples, but I
will add it up, using a twenty game season to make the numbers easier.
Goals prevented: 2, 20, 4, 5 = 31
Goals scored: 4, 4, 10, 6 = 24
Now these are just rough estimations,
and it depends on the team you are playing, as well as your own strengths and
weaknesses. The point is that it demonstrates how every little inch counts.
Twenty four scored and thirty one prevented are very high estimates, but who
knows? It's something to strive for.
I will make a comparison using teams
from the English Premier League last season. After the final thirty eight
games, the following positions looked like this, with goals for, goals against,
and goal average.
1st. Chelsea - 73 - 32 - +41
4th. Manchester United - 62 - 37 - +35
10th. Crystal Palace - 47 - 51 - -4
17th. Aston Villa - 31 - 57 - -26
20th. QPR - 42 - 73 - -31
4th. Manchester United - 62 - 37 - +35
10th. Crystal Palace - 47 - 51 - -4
17th. Aston Villa - 31 - 57 - -26
20th. QPR - 42 - 73 - -31
Goals convert into points. Manchester
United in fourth finished seventeen points behind the Champions Chelsea. The
difference in their goal difference was six. Six 1-0 wins gives you eighteen
points, enough for Man Utd to move above Chelsea into first place. Likewise at
the bottom. QPR were relegated with thirty points, and Aston Villa were safe
with thirty eight. The goal difference was five between the two teams. Five 1-0
wins gives QPR an extra fifteen points, which would have put them at 14th
place, meaning they would still be playing Premiership football this season.
Every little helps.
The players have to understand this,
and it is so important for them to see the value in everything that you do. As
with the parents, who still have a huge influence over the younger ones, they
need to be on board too.
There's not much to say about my other
teams, as many kids have been away for the holidays. At the U15s team, we are
having difficulties with one boy. He has awful discipline. Never listens or
pays attention, acting like an idiot every chance he gets, then gets frustrated
and complains when he doesn't understand an exercise. This often leads to many tellings
off, which then brings out the victim complex from within. I spotted this
within the first week, and was then given the green light to deal with it my
way in the second week onwards. At the start of the session in week two, I made
it clear to the players that if anyone does anything stupid (not as ambiguously
as that, it came with examples which I elicited from the players) then they
will have to sit in the timeout box. A bit childish for teenagers to have to
do, but surely they won't want to be sat out like a naughty kid, right? It was
established with everyone and agreed upon.
Low and behold, not long into the
session, we have our first victim. I can't remember what it was, probably
something like talking while I'm talking, or kicking balls in the goal while I
was doing a demonstration. First of all he refused to do it, and went and sat
somewhere different to where the timeout box was. That's a clear challenge to
my authority, so I stood firm. He saw the only way out for him was to go to the
box. After a while I called him back in. He wasn't happy. In a basic 3v3 game,
he was doing his usual of moaning and not trying. After making an intervention,
he was moaning some more. I told him he needs to get on with it. I believe he
was saying he is an attacker and therefore doesn't need to know how to defend,
which is such a shame he thinks that and brings me back to my earlier point
about changes in football. If you watch Barcelona and Real Madrid, you will see
even Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo pressing from the front, tackling
players, and working hard to win the ball. He then mumbled something at me
under his breath, and was acting, sorry to say it, like a teenage girl that
just had her phone taken away from her parents. Amongst this mumbling was swearing,
aimed at me. And that's it, out of the session you go. You do not swear at the
coach, you do not act disrespectfully. I didn't get angry, I never do with my
players, and he was gone from the session with still an hour remaining. The
other boys continued, in the manner that they always do, and we got a lot of
good work done without being needlessly distracted.
Fast forward to this week, and on
Monday, I was told by the manager, a mate of mine, that the boy and his parents
want a chat. He told them things like I was singling him out, embarrassing him,
talking down to him, and only picking on him when the others were doing it to.
No they weren't. Absolutely not. Even if they were, that's a terrible excuse to
justify your own behaviour. Typical behaviour which all coaches and teachers
would have seen. Parents recently separated, diagnosed with ADHD (which I do
believe is a real thing, but also believe many cases are misdiagnoses of Little
Shit Syndrome, and I do apologise as LSS has not yet been recognised by any
psychological journal) and the boy does have some talent about him, but is
nothing special. Definitely believes himself to be the star, which is
compounded by the fact his grandfather scored the winning goal for Saints in
the FA Cup final against Manchester United. If they are going to use ADHD as an
excuse for swearing, I feel they may be confusing it with Tourette's Syndrome.
At the start of training, I went to
speak with the assistant manager, the mum, and the boy. She explained that he
had been grounded for his behaviour, and that he wanted to say some things to
me. He didn't, as he stood there shy and embarrassed. So the mum then explained
a little of how he feels, which was that everyone messes around and that he is
the only one to get caught. Out of the four of us there, I think she is the
only one to believe that. "It's just like at school really". So if
all his teachers and coaches keep punishing him and not the other boys, what
does that tell us? There must be a common denominator somewhere that we're all
missing. I kept my sarcasm inside and just nodded. She kept encouraging him to
talk. "Tell him what you told me in the car". He shook his head like
a two year old not wanting to eat vegetables. He's clearly been telling lies to
get himself out of trouble, but realised he wouldn't get away with that in
front of me.
It is sad, and although I have done a
lot of studying in psychology, I'm not a counsellor. My job is to coach. They
team has given him his last warning as this has been going on for years.
Eventually he will just be discarded and made to feel worthless. It seems like
no one has the time for him. I only see him for two hours on a Monday evening.
There's not a lot I can do in that time, especially as there are other paying
customers whose experience and enjoyment is being greatly affected by one bad
apple. The parents have clearly done an awful job at raising him to be
respectful and considerate, and now don't have any time for him. When he acts
out, he gets their attention, and then tells lies about how the world is
against him to get their sympathy. There are probably very few moments week to
week where he feels genuinely cared for. If you keep telling yourself the same
old lie, you eventually believe it is true. At fourteen he now feels that the
world is against him, and every time he acts stupid and gets caught, that will
further compound his belief. Where does he go from here? I can only work with
him in sessions, and attempt to curtail his behaviour at football, which may have
a positive impact in other areas of his life. But likewise, one more outburst,
and he will be gone. We don't need that in the team, and life can't keep giving
you second chances. Anyhow, at what point is it no longer the fault of your
parents? Sure, it may have messed you up, but when does it stop becoming an
excuse? When do you have to start taking responsibility for your behaviour? A
lot of US prison inmates have dyslexia, as do many US presidents. About the
same percentage of presidents and prisoners had at least one parent die before
their eighteenth birthday. For some it become a wound, a badge, or a barrier
that can never be overcome. For others, it's the fire in them that makes them
work harder. It is what strengthens their resolve (Malcolm Gladwell is
fascinating). It can't be an excuse forever. It is only an excuse for as long
as you let it be.
Entry 10: Wednesday 2nd September 2016
No more excuses. The season
starts for my teams this coming weekend.
Last night, I had a few
problems with the ladies team. I have mentioned before how many of them are
young and lack discipline, but last night went a step too far. They have had a
soft touch before, and take so
many liberties. Many of them show no respect. During talks, if it does not
concern their role or position, they start chatting to their friend next to
them. For example, last night was a defensive session; preventing the forward
pass. That mainly concerns those
in defence and some of the midfield in front of them. Even worse though, was
while a couple of the defenders were asking some very key questions, really
trying to understand the demands, another one of the defenders, quite a week
performer, was acting like an idiot, being the instigator. I don't think we
will see her start on Sunday. Another player made a phone
call whilst we were playing a small sided game. She's
running around the pitch, phone to her ear, having a conversation. How can they
think that this is acceptable behaviour? There's a lot of work to be done here.
Her reason, and I hate "Yeah but"s, as it creates an excuse and a
blame culture, was that her grandfather had called to check where she was.
You're at practice. You are at practice until 20:30. Everybody knows that.
Especially the person who should be picking you up when it finishes. "Yeah
but he'll get scared and wonder where I am". That would be reasonable if
we weren't currently still in practice, before the half eight finishing time. I
refer back to one of my first sessions in charge. I told them that within our team
we have a no complaining rule, and that we leave any problems of our life. If
you have a bad day, you don’t bring it to the team. So if her grandfather is
likely to cause her problems, that is for her to deal with, and not have any
effect on practice.
This afternoon I learnt that we
have about six players who have not been registered to play with the league. I
have no idea why. I haven’t been told how it works, it’s not my responsibility,
but if I don’t figure it out, three of my starters and two of my subs won’t be
playing on Sunday. Initially I thought I would have to drive all over the place
to bring and sign documents to players, but then realised it can be done
online. So I dropped everything and began sending emails. Not sure if we have
enough time, but I must do all that can be done.
With the U15s team, they played
on Monday evening against an U16 team from the same club. They lost 4-0, which
was to be expected due to the age difference, but there were many positives.
First, they weren’t scared of their opponents who were a year bigger, stronger,
and faster. They also played the way that I had been showing them in practice,
and it was great for me to see those key principles coming out in their games.
They stuck to the game plan and were not afraid to take risks. There is a solid
base to build from with this team.
The games will now come thick
and fast. I am involved with four teams, and they will all play on Sundays.
Saints Ladies will take priority, which means I will have to leave some of the
other games early, and some weeks, miss those games altogether. Saints will
take me all around the south of the country, and I have so many
responsibilities to take care of. I’m up for the challenge, and it will all
feel natural on that Sunday afternoon when I am stood on the touchline.
Some very good news came my way
last week. Previously, my application for a high level coaching course had been
rejected. I was most upset. I received an email a week ago Monday saying that a
place had opened up, and it was available on a first come first serve basis. I
booked my place straight away without a second thought. Get the credit card,
enter the details, confirm. It starts a couple weeks from now, and is in
London. The final assessment is next March, and we have many support days and
mock assessments between then and now. My girlfriend should hear about the
success or lack of on her visa application to study in the UK any day now. The
sooner the better. I want to be there at the airport, but can’t miss a minute
of this course. That’s not me being unkind, I really cannot be absent.
Lastly, I’d like to finish this
entry by noting that we, as a family, were minutes away from a horrific
disaster. The weekend before last, we were driving to Brighton to see Blackburn
Rovers, the club we support. It was to be my first time since last Christmas. I
had my new shirt ready, and was so excited. As it was a beautiful sunny day,
many people were going to the beach. That caused a lot of traffic along the
South Coast roads, slowing us down significantly. We got past the bulk of the
traffic, but then came to a standstill. We couldn’t understand what it was.
There was a shirtless drunk guy stood in the road, beer in hand, waving and
shouting at the traffic. We didn’t know what to expect. We spoke to a lady at
the side of the road who was turning cars around. The airshow was in town, and
one of the pilots did not complete his loop successfully. His plane came in too
low and hit the cars on the road, killing about twenty people. We didn’t make it
to the game. And suddenly, life gained perspective.
Entry 11: Thursday 24th September 2016
Last week was a very intense week. I travelled to London to take
part on the UEFA B coaching course. This is a seventeen day commitment, spread
out over seven months, requiring assessments. This qualification gets me into
the next level of soccer. I had done it before, four years ago, and failed. Now
I am back, and with only a 20-30% pass rate among candidates, I have to make
sure that I am in there.
The governing body, the
Football Association, is trying to change the way we operate, from grassroots to professional, but it is stuck, as
some within the system are resistant to change. That's the way they've always
done it, so that's the way they are going to do it. In walk the course tutors.
All older white males. Soccer is perhaps the most diverse game on the planet,
as more nations are registered with FIFA than they are with the UN. These guys
will take a lot of impressing.
It's very much an Old Boys club, and if your face doesn't fit.
you won't pass. They are looking for any reason to fail you, and we have to do
our best to not give it to them. Mine might be that I wore a hat during my
session. "It's too American" remarked the tutor. "It protects my
eyes from the rain" I replied. "It's too American" he said
again. How open minded of him. Some of the tutors I had seen before on other
courses and other events, but they will struggle to remember me as I am not
extraordinary looking, and I am one of many thousands of coaches up and down
the country that is looking to improve. The lead tutor, a tutor I had before on
a course three years ago, is renowned for having coached a former England
captain. To his credit, he only mentioned it on four of the five days.
We had many field sessions to go through, and the rain was hard
and cold. How I missed England. The coaching style is STOP STAND STILL, with
detailed explanations and examples. Sometimes it's hard to know if they are
doing a coaching session, or a coach educating session, as they talk for so
long and make every point possible that your players would just switch off and
lose interest. Some of them were far too mean and were belittling us when we
made mistakes. We're not here to learn how to play, we're here to learn how to
coach, but they are really twisting that knife in regards to our playing
ability. You dare not argue with them. One coach became irate when a tutor
insulted him by saying "You don't know the game". He was upset at the
way he was spoken to, but I calmed him down and said complaining will only turn
them against you, and on day two, you will already be out of that 20-30%. I
nearly argued with a coach when he was blatantly wrong. I did my best to bite
my tongue. If a player has an explanation for why they did what you perceive to
be a mistake, you should probably listen to them so that you can understand
their way of thinking, and then help correct it. Instead they just cut you off
and belittle you. After, I had to ask my peers if they had agreed with me, which
they did. I was right, but it's not worth being right if it means the tutors
take a dislike to you and fail you.
Of the many tutors we
encountered in the first block, I think perhaps only two or three want to see
us improve as coaches, and genuinely have our best interests at heart. From a
coaching point of view, that's quite sad. From an England fan point of view,
that's insane. We all do our part to get kids from grassroots into the England first team. Help make
us better coaches to make that a better pathway. Another thing they're quite
keen on is that they tell us that our generation, my generation, have been
failed as players by the coaches that we had. Who would that generation of
coaches be? THEM! But somehow, they don't see the irony in what they are
saying, and how their actions are just as destructive to us as coaches as they
were to us as players.
What I gained that was
positive was some constructive criticism about me as a coach. They are
assessing our abilities to plan and organise sessions for elite level adults
playing a full sized game. What let mine down was that the size of the area
affected my pictures, and the management of the opposition meant that the gameplaywas not entirely
realistic. So there's some things to work on. I am definitely far better now
than I was four years ago.
My U9 boys have been performing well in their games, losing
three from six, with two wins and one draw. Our keeper is a bit dopey as he
often throws the ball to the other team. Many of the goals we have conceded have
been down to his individual mistakes. The parents can see the good work that I
am doing, though sometimes need reminding to not give instructions from the
side. The boys are happy, and I can see what we are doing in practice coming
out on the pitch during games.
Saints Ladies have played their first two league games, which
were both losses. That was to be expected. It has highlighted the areas which
need the most work, with fitness being one of them. We can compete in games,
but cannot sustain that intensity for long periods. When Crystal Palace came to
play, they remarked "Do they not have gyms in Southampton?". Harsh,
but quite an accurate assumption to make, and one which I hope will
spur my team on to work on that area of their play. The training is becoming
more intense, and I am slowly seeing principles and ideas that I have set in
place embedding into the psyche of the team. I have been working hard to have
match analysis done for the players so that they can see videos of themselves.
My software isn't great, and I want to make better videos, but so far, it's the
best thing any of these players have seen. They have been responding well to it
and really appreciate the feedback.
Entry 12: Thursday 1st October 2015
Should coaches wear helmets?
Monday night I was taken to hospital in an ambulance
with a head injury. I wish I had a cooler story, I really wish I do, but I was
knocked out by a fourteen year old. Coaching the U15s, one boy kept ducking for
headers at a corner. I stepped in to show him how to compete for the ball in
the air, and for some reason, the boy I was jostling with must have thought it
was a live demonstration, as he elbowed me in the face. This was right on the
nose. Down I went. While I was out, the players and the team manager thought I
was doing it for a laugh, so proceeded to drag me by my feet across the
field. It was one of the old style astroturf fields with sand between the
grass, so I had sand everywhere when I eventually came to. Every time I stood
up, it would fall out of my shorts by the bucket load. The ambulance looked
like a beach.
Three days later, and I was
given time off work. My vision still hasn't fully recovered, and I do have a
headache. I went along to team practice on Tuesday night. I had to, as I had
all the equipment. My dad drove me in and waited for me. I told the players
what I wanted done, and they did it. They behaved well for a change. Joking
aside, I can see a good team ethic being created.
The game Sunday with the ladies
was a dramatic one. Two league games and no win, we were to try our luck in the
cup. The opposition was Queens Park Rangers, and meant a long drive north to
London. On the bus there, the players became quite jovial. It's good for a team
to spend time together like that. QPR were a very strong team, and again, we
started terribly. The first goal came after eight minutes, and the second after
thirty five. 2-0 down at half time, yet we knew we were much better than that.
There was a very long list of what needed to improve in the second half, and I
challenged the team to be better. If we do these things right and up our
performance, we give ourselves a good chance of getting a result.
Two players came up to me
asking if they could switch positions. Though I agreed that it would make them
more effective, I told them no, as I had some lineup changes in mind that I were to
use in about five or ten minutes. They went ahead and switched anyway. When I
realised this, they refused to switch back. What should I do? A complete
defiance of my orders in only my third game. I have no one to back me up. How I
handle this situation really does set a precedent for the future with this
team. While this was happening, and all through the first half, I kept hearing
comments and whispers from the players who were not on the field. This is
bitchy teenage stuff, but then a lot of them are at that age and of that
mindset. I noticed it, and probably should have left it, but reacted when a
player not many like made a mistake and was criticised, then all but three
seconds later, a player they do like made a mistake, and was reassured. We
have to avoid an Us and Them mentality. It is poisonous to success. I will
address it at practice tonight.
Injuries are beginning to
plague this team. I replaced the forward with another forward in the second
half due to a knee problem. The replacement scored the equalising goal with
five minutes to play, but was later taken to hospital following a crunching
tackle that resulted in ligament damage. We continued the game without her. At that
point, all our changes had been made. I did my best to keep the rest of the
team calm and not let them know of a suspected break. That would affect their
focus because they would be too worried about their teammate. We went into
extra time, and I made the decision to remain compact, but also use our speed
and freshness in certain areas. We had moved from a 4-2-3-1 to a 4-1-3-1, so a
similar shape, just narrower, with our full backs not pushing forward, the
three in midfield remaining tight, and the one striker staying high. The one
striker? Our ace in the hole. Not long on the field, so still fresh. Very
quick, very skilful, I would say our best player. At 2-2, with half an hour to
go, if our defence could remain tight, our striker would get a chance and be
able to use her energy and speed against four defenders that had already played
ninety minutes. The gamble worked. We scored the winner with three minutes to
go. Who got the goal? That girl I had moved into striker, who was energetic
enough to read a pass, quick enough to get to it before the defence, and cool
enough to score the game winning goal.
The final whistle came, and
there was elation. The players had thoroughly deserved it. For them, it was
great. For me, I was already thinking about the next training session. I’m not
a loud, dramatic, or emotional coach. I am very focussed on the long term. A
win is great, but it’s one win. We have to win next week, the week after, and
keep these performances at a high level.
My U9 boys have been getting better.
It is slowly getting onto the pitch, but not yet. One day it will click and all
fall into place. They are getting it. Sadly for them, if they don’t win every
game, they become upset. I’m not always there, and I think they are starting to
feel neglected. I have to leave games early, and this weekend, I won’t be at
the game because the ladies are playing in London. A trustworthy dad takes the
reins in my absence, but I want to be there. I have my way, and my very
specific vision of how I want it done. And I may soon lose the bond with the
boys.
I have just begun the FA
Psychology Level 1 online course. It is very good, and free. I recommend
everyone involved in football to take it. It dumbs it down and spells it out in
black and white, giving real life relatable examples and how to deal with it.
Entry 13: Wednesday 14th October 2015
A few problems have arisen
with my U9 Boys. We are the Pumas, and we train alongside the other U9s, the
Tigers. After each session, which goes by independently, we then have a
scrimmage. Two times a week for four months, and lately it's been getting a bit
heated. Parents have been complaining, and I have been dealing with that. What
surprises me is the complete difference in recollection of events. My boss is
the coach for the Tigers, and they are a better team competing in a better
league. They have accused him of favouritism, bias, and encouraging foul play.
This is someone I have known for years, and would describe as one of the good
guys in football. I'm right there with him on the touchline, and he never
encourages any of that stuff. He focusses on his team, and me on mine. We all
see things differently, and what we see as a fair challenge, others see as a
foul. When players are playing against each other so often, there is a lot of
previous. There is definite one-upmanship, and a
repeated source of mistakes can be interpreted as repeated targeting.
From there, while trying to
smooth it over, one dad who fancies himself a bit as a football expert, decided
to send me an email criticising my techniques. He's seen no improvement.
There's only been five matchdays. He went on to compare my coaching style to Pep Guardiola, and our
playing style to that of Premier League clubs. Where I'm flattered to be
mentioned in the same breath, I had to refrain from bursting out with how I
really feel. I suppose I can do that in this journal.
"How can you be so stupid? I don't even know where to
begin. It actually hurts how stupid it is. My brain cannot handle such a
comparison. It's mind boggling how one can make such a comparison and yet wish
to be considered seriously."
I calmed down and sent a
novel in response, within two hours of seeing the email, explaining the many
ways why what happens at Barcelona, Bayern Munich,
and Manchester United cannot and should never be compared to eight year olds playing six-a-side for fun. In this
email I went on to explain in detail why shouting instructions at kids is
completely unhelpful, and that because they are eight years old, everything we
do should consider the long term. I put a hell of a lot more into it than that.
I justified everything I said. Not only are my points well thought out,
rational, and based on both knowledge and experience, but I went for
information overload, thinking it might fry his brain and intimidate him
intellectually into not challenging me again. He's already given me his
response. I really cannot be bothered to read it. I should just write back with
the Brian Clough quote; "We talk about it for
twenty minutes and then decide I was right". Every team has a parent like
this. Some have more than one, but there is always one. Don't be that guy.
Right now I am on the second block of the UEFA B course. My
second mock assessment was today, which was a consolidation from the lead in I
completed one month ago. I have not been taking part in the sessions due to my
recent concussion. I'm getting a bit bored now as It's all seeming pretty
similar. We go through so many sessions a day, that I suppose a sameness and
familiarity will be created. I know the points I need to work on, which is just
a bit more detail, thus creating realism, thus allowing me to coach more of the
topic. Every point we can be marked on links in with another point. There is a
clear knock on effect. We have our final assessments in March with one last
mock, either in November or January. I know I can do this, and I know I can be
ready by March. A lot of our mistakes are from not knowing what the tutor or
assessor would like to see. We're second guessing them far too much.
At Saints, our most recent game was called off. The same
opponents that did that to us at the start of the season. This coming weekend
could be a win. Stopping us are the things we do to ourselves. While I've been
away on the course, only four turned up for training on Tuesday night. I refuse
to accept responsibility for losses when we are consistently getting less than
75% attendance at training. There are injuries, and I told some players to
rest, but four is pathetic. The word optional has been used. I definitely never
said that. I can't imagine doing anything to imply that. It's not how it is, so
I can't imagine I portrayed that in my body language. I can see a potential
problem occurring with my coach. We just never see him. It's weeks between sessions
that he shows up. I don't know when we cross the line from misfortune to bad
habits, but I feel in the eyes of some players, he has already passed that. I
also don't think he's very good. There was a technical session which had
players playing 2v1 in 5x5 boxes, about thirty five yards apart. The ball had
to be switched from one box to another, and then a player would follow the ball
to support. The player receiving it was not allowed to leave the box, so had to
wait for the ball to arrive. In that time, the ball was often stolen by the
defender. When it wasn't stolen, the receiver had to wait about five seconds
for the support to arrive, as there were such large distances between the
boxes. Then we moved into goalkeeper distribution. That worked out as a 4v7 in
one half of the field. Obviously the 7 would always win, so then there is no
realism whatsoever. Considering we were working with the goalkeeper, the start
point was always near the halfway line, with the 4 trying to create an attack
and shoot, therefore working off a transition. Where it broke down was that 4
players cannot easily get past 7, and so the goalkeeper rarely ever touched the
ball. So the topic of the session is completely different. You could see him
becoming frustrated that it wasn't working, and trying to manipulate parts of
it so that it would. It's goalkeeper distribution. Give the ball to the keeper
for a start. There's also a distinct lack of intensity to the way he does
things. Players then relax or lose interest, and suddenly we're not in game
realistic speed. This is a situation I will monitor, but the club have been
made aware that I need someone more dependable.
Entry 14: Wednesday 28th October 2015
There has been some animosity
aimed at me recently from a couple dads of the U9 team I have. It has
manifested into avoiding eye contact, not talking, and even a super secret
Sunday session without me. I really can’t understand what the purpose or motive
is, or how any adult can act such a way and yet still expect their kids to turn
out okay. Are they looking for a mutiny? That then creates problems for
everyone, as either they would have to step up and take over, or find a new
coach, which takes time, then comes with a settling in period, and just serves
to create more problems. Maybe they want to make the point that they can do it
better than me, and have compounded that by giving the kids candy. Ridiculous
really. I’m unsure of the way forward. I have a good relationship with the
large majority of parents, and I get on very well with the boys themselves, who
are the most important ones in this situation. My boss thinks highly of my
capabilities, and thinks poorly of the parents, as they have caused problems
for him before. Why do parents need to make youth sport so difficult? We have
all this research, all these studies, and every coach knows how much of a pain
parents are, yet it is a global problem. It makes for a pointless, needless
struggle. Time spent improving the team, or for the coach actually improving
their knowledge, is too often spent on these idiotic battles, that really comes
down to one person with such a fragile ego that they need to feel important by
creating problems for everyone in the name of some grand selfless movement.
Since there are no problems on the playing side and the practice
sessions are going well, I don’t yet feel the need for an intervention. The
kids are still the same with me, as are most of the parents. I haven’t done
anything wrong. This all came out of them complaining that another group of
boys were being too rough towards our boys. So we resolved that problem. Let’s
all move on and be happy, right? That’s far too difficult in just about every
walk of life. And talking about the problem and resolving it face to face?
Definitely not. So I’m just going to ignore it for now, but monitor it.
With the ladies, there are improvements being made. Our last two
performances have been positive, and the players can see it. Our last two games
are a draw and a loss, but we have competed in these games. We haven’t looked
out of our depth, which we have been doing a lot. They’re really buying into
what we are doing. The chairlady was very kind in helping me out in our most
recent home game. She seemed impressed with what I do and how I do things. I
have solicited some extra help from a kid I used to coach in Canada. He is now
studying in Southampton and looking for experience, and I definitely need the
help. He met the players last night, and they seem keen and happy to have more
hands on deck.
Both us and our first team had low numbers last night, so they
asked if they could join in with what we were doing. I was surprised at the
lack of work ethic and the terrible application by some of our first team
players. My players were like that when I first came in. I quietly made sure
that my players noticed the difference, which is a little positive
reinforcement for them. I don’t wish to blow my own trumpet here, but that is
the difference I have been fighting for. Hard work beats talent when talent
doesn’t work hard. There is a very real possibility of a competitive fixture
soon between us and our first team. I’ve been saying this about all teams we
play that are stronger than us to create a mind-set and give them something to
achieve; we can beat them for work rate, we can fight harder than them, we can
be more organised than them, we can be more disciplined than them. Try your
absolute best and see what happens.
The recent improvements are encouraging, but there’s no time to
pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves on a job well done. We
have not yet won a league game. We could win this Sunday, or it could still be
weeks until that happens, but either way, we must keep moving forward.
Entry 15: Wednesday 11th November 2015
The last two weeks have been difficult. Saints Ladies have
played some very tough opponents, and it was not easy to take. The first game
was Brighton, who defeated us 3-0. We could not get the ball off them, and were
unable to leave our own half. The players fought hard to keep the score respectable,
and we finished with our heads held high. Just recently, we played Tottenham,
who embarrassed us. We should write them a letter of apology. It finished 14-0.
This is a team in the same league as us. They were different quality. All of
their players were far better than all of ours. There was nothing we could do.
They were faster than us, stronger than us, more skilful than us, more aware
than us, quicker to think, quicker to read the game. There was no department
that we had an advantage over them. It’s hard to motivate players when you’re
taking beatings, but I have been impressed at the work rate shown. Heads have
not been dropping, and neither has effort. Our next two games will be equally
tough, as we play our local rivals Portsmouth, then go away to Brighton the
following week. We probably won’t score, and will concede heavily. How do we
keep going?
The players understand that it will take time, and that if we
give up now, we will never go where we want to go. They are becoming more
resilient. It won’t be a nice Christmas. I’m already planning what we will be
doing from February onwards. We need to build on what we have started, and keep
improving in every area possible.
Lately it has become a lot more stressful. I’m doing this for
free, and it is affecting other areas of my life. My sleep pattern is gone
because I am worrying too much, or getting in late, then eating late, and
therefore sleeping late. That has a knock on effect the next day as I don’t go
to the gym, so have been gaining weight, and have not been practicing my
Spanish. My time management needs to improve. I also need to learn when to say
no. I don’t feel that I am a fun person anymore. I have not been singing in the
car as much as I used to. Now I just sit in silence, worrying about things.
It’s all getting better, as I have lately been helped a lot by what is now my
assistant. He’s a friend of mine from Canada that is now over here as a
student. He has a football brain, and it’s allowing me a bit more freedom to
think as I can delegate certain responsibilities to him.
This stress is affecting my health, mental wellbeing, other
work, and even my relationships. I’ve got to make some changes as this is
definitely not sustainable.
Entry 16: Wednesday 25th November 2015
I definitely do too
much. In what’s Susan Jeffers' book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, she mentions that people only have
room in their lives for about eight or nine things that they can actually
devote serious time and effort to. She recommends drawing a large box with nine
boxes in it, and you have to fit everything in there, in order of importance.
It also cannot be generalised, for example, learning more than one language
cannot be labelled “Languages” as each language requires sufficient time and
dedication to be a pillar of your life entirely by itself.
Family
|
Girlfriend
|
Saints
|
Ohio
|
Fitness
|
Spanish
|
Coaching Education Courses
|
Dutch
|
Work
|
I do not have a social life any more. In part, I think it is due to the harsh reality that my friends have moved on with their lives since I have been away. They have filled the gap I left with other things. I know how it goes. You get used to someone not being around, so you adapt. It’s hard for me to repair any of that with no time and no money. My girlfriend pretty much is my social life. We don’t have to leave the house, as she has no money either, but I’ve even been neglecting her as I try to fit everything else in there.
Things that haven’t
been included on there are reading, following my sports teams, and sign
language. Those are three things I would openly tell people that I do if I was
asked about my hobbies, but the truth is that I devote so little time to
them anymore that I can’t actually claim to do it. What are
my hobbies? Researching, planning, and evaluating. It’s the thrill of the
weekly cycle building up to the game day. The team, Saints Ladies, is also a
huge part of my unorthodox and unconventional social life. I see the majority
of players three times a week, I am forming bonds with them, and they know more
about my current life than all of my good friends do.
I suppose it doesn’t help to have constant reminders around you of
the things you are not doing. My book shelf, which I see daily, is filled with
many books I have read, but also many books awaiting to be read. Nowadays I
have reverted to audio books, which I can listen to while at the gym, or while
driving. At least that kills two birds with one stone. I can practice Spanish
and Dutch in the same way too. One can also plainly see resources of other
languages I have not yet mastered. Now I have the travelling bug, and that I am
filled to the brim with ambition, the opportunities around the world are
endless, and I want to learn and to explore new things. Ideally, I would like
Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Dutch, and then why not Russian, Arabic,
and Chinese? Each one would take at least a year to get the basics to be
solidified, if given the proper practice and dedication required. How about
British Sign Language? I learnt that, and now apart from the alphabet, hello,
how are you, and some other basics, it’s pretty much gone. I haven’t picked up
any of my guitars or my ukulele in months. Perhaps Christmas will provide a
good opportunity as everything stops and calms down for a few weeks.
What do I really
want to do with my time? Play soccer. Play video games. Play other sports.
There’s no money in this, and adults need to make money to pay for bills. Time
working means less time playing, and being more tired when you do play.
Sacrificing all that is a difficult transition to make. But what about my
ambitions? I want to be the best coach that I can be. I am taking steps to
achieve that, or at least I believe so. I’m sacrificing my
time and money to learn, to improve, and to make the most of the opportunities
that are out there. Sure, I’d love to be able to play FIFA 16 on a brand
new PlayStation 4, but what would be even better is to
work with the teams and players that are on there. That’s the goal. If I could
only have one, I know which I’d choose. Actually,I’ve made my
choice.
So how about my
sports teams? Having lived in other places, I have developed an affinity for
certain teams. One has to in order to survive, when your team back home is
never on TV, the radio, an illegal stream, and plays while you are still
sleeping. You feel what I call “Fan Guilt”. It’s probably a bit like loving a
stupid pet like a rabbit. It never gives anything back, but just expects your
care and attention. If you were to go a day without feeding it, you’d feel
terrible. We have a TV with the sports package so that I can see everything,
from all around the world. We even show soccer from the Swiss League on TV now.
Who wouldn’t be thrilled about a Basel v Zurich top of the
table clash? But I can’t watch this stuff anymore. If there’s a
game on TV, I’m always busy doing something else, with it on in
the background. The Champions League and the English Premier League pass me by,
right in front of my eyes. The Mets recently got
to the World Series. That won’t happen again for decades. It was quite a
commitment to try and stay up until four or five in the morning watching thatplayoff run. Then there was the effect it would have
on me the next day. Tired, lethargic, and ratty, or stay in bed late and become
annoyed at myself for messing up my morning routine.
Due to this lack of
free time, I am stuck with a half completed teacher training application. The
good opportunities will all be gone if I don’t hurry up and submit it. That
will require even more time and sacrifice. What will have to be cut out from
the table? Work? Unless I get paid to train, I won’t be able to afford to do
that. Teaching is a rewarding profession, but that won’t begin to reward me
until this time next year. I knew this year back home would be difficult. I
went into it seeing it as a sacrifice year. Work really hard, get the
qualifications I need, then move on. That hasn’t changed. I’m hardly struggling, it’s just difficult. I am
driven enough to finish what I have started. I must keep reminding myself of
that end goal. What’s in sight? What’s on the horizon? To be a highly qualified
soccer coach with a master’s degree, working as a P.E. teacher, and able to
speak multiple languages. Achievable and doable. Early to bed and early to
rise. Plenty of sacrifices to be made. I say all these things to my players in
regards to improving their individual performances, but I’ve got no one saying it to me. I have to be my own
coach. I have to pick myself up when I’m down. I have to
push myself when I’msluggish. I have to challenge myself
when the easy way out presents itself.
I’m always thinking about the
future. With the new Star Wars coming out, I’ve been going
through (at a snail’s pace) all six movies with my
girlfriend, who has never seen them, but is coming with me to see the new one.
In Episode 5, Yoda says the following to Luke
"This one a long time I have watched. All his life he has looked away, to
the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Never his mind on
what he was doing." I can definitely relate to that. Rather than focussing
on what is next, or day draming about it, I
need to make sure that I actually get there. That I get through this.
But really, what is
next? How long do I stay in England teaching? Do I go to a new country after
one year, three years, five years? When should I start a PhD? In what country? In performance analysis, psychology,
management? Should I get out to Australia and see what that side of the world
is like? Should I go to the Middle East where all the money us? Should I go to
Africa where I really feel I could make a difference? How about East Asia, to
the exotic and interesting countries of Singapore, Japan, South Korea, Hong
Kong? What’s wrong with Europe? Countries like Germany and Spain are near to
home and will provide good opportunities. Do I go back to Canada or the USA?
Whichever step I take, whichever direction I go, these will require commitments
of multiple years. Will the girlfriend get sick or me? Will she be wanting
marriage and kids? Will she come with me? Can she come with me? I see a lot of
my school friends getting married and having kids. I’m in
no hurry. I still view it as life being over. Having my wings clipped. That’s
why Skynyrd’s Freebird rings so
true to me. If they are happy, I am happy for them, but it’s not the life for
me. I want adventure. I want different. I want to make new normals. Who would
have thought that being interrupted during your sessions by the adjacent
mosque’s prayer call would ever become normal? It did. How about working in the
happiest place on Earth, living in the sunshine, having a pool full of young
women in bikinis right outside your window could become normal? It did. And New
York, a dream for most people, was a dream come true for me, as it became my
back yard.
I see people my age,
like my cousin, house, two kids, and my best friend from school, house, wife,
baby on the way, and I compare them to other coaches, who have seen all these
exotic places, been in all these interesting situations, who are just a level
or two above me. How amazing would it be to be the national coach for the
Rwandan men’s soccer team? To be a technical director at a club in Arizona? To
be head of an academy at an English Premier League club? To do performance
analysis for a team in the Bundesliga in
Germany? To complete research, give presentations, and spend every day
with likeminded people with the thirst for knowledge, on
the same quest that I am on. I know what needs to be done in the next year, but
I can’t help but fantasise about the future, about what I might see and what I
might achieve.
Entry 17: Thursday 10th December 2015
I am relieved for it to finally be the Christmas break. No work,
no assignments, just a few training sessions, and a couple game days. I’m
taking the time to relax and enjoy the build up to Christmas, something I have
missed while abroad. I have felt physically and mentally drained, and I am
trying to shake all that off and recuperate by the time it all starts again in
January.
With Saints, a player that can be described as a liability, a
bad influence, unfit etc. has decided that she will be quitting after
Christmas. There’s not been much sadness felt by the club, but she does have a
few friends in the team that will miss her. There will be others to follow
soon. This is a player continuously shoots herself in the foot in regards to
team selection. She’s fat, cannot last fifteen minutes, let alone ninety, and
despite interventions and epiphanies, her behaviour does not change. She came
on as a substitute in our recent game, and loudly proclaimed “I cannot be
bothered”, which needless to say, greatly annoyed many of her teammates. No
tears will be shed, and it is part of the necessary process. As my assistant so
aptly said, it’s all about “trimming the fat”. In a recent interview that I
read through the NSCAA with Alex Ferguson, he said you need to fire the right
people. That will be my coach, who keeps letting us down, and has even claimed
expenses for occasions that he was not at training. It’s harder to get rid of
the players who let us down as they are paying members. All I can do is
continue to play the players who deserve the playing time, while maintaining
high standards, and promoting the youth.
Our recent game saw us travel away to a team that previously
defeated us 5-0. It was 3-0 at half time, and we did much better in the second
half. I’m all about improvements, so from the first forty five to the second,
there was a definite improvement. So the follow up game, a long trip to London.
Spirits were high, despite the losses, and the unreferenced reports of
discontent. The field was awful. It was muddy, had litter all over it, was
short, narrow, and had a distinct slope from goal to goal. It was a park pitch.
Our opponent’s usual pitch had been closed for a couple months for renovations.
The game was also played without linesman, so the one referee by himself had to
call offside. We went out, expecting to be under pressure right from the off,
and for the whole game. Nine minutes in, our forward latched onto a through
ball as the defence had split, and she was running through on goal. The
defenders caught up with her, but she still got the shot away. It went over the
keeper, who got a hand to it, pushing the ball up in the air. Time seemed to
slow down as the ball spun towards the goal line. The keeper recovered well and
stopped the ball on the line (we reckon it was behind, but there were no
linesman), but just as she did that, our forward and their defenders all piled
in, attempting to get to the ball. In the melee, the keeper laid on the ground,
motionless. The referee called on the coach straight away. The game was delayed
for twenty minutes as we waited for an ambulance. We heard later that it was a
very bad case of whiplash. The game moved onto an adjacent field when the
ambulance arrived, allowing the medics to do their work.
We continued to battle hard against a superior opposition. We
rode our luck very well, as through the course of the game, they hit the bar
three times and the post once. We were beginning to think this could be our
day. Perhaps we could sneak it. We got into their half a few times, but
panicked and discarded the ball. Stage fright. It had been so long since we had
been near the goal, players just see it and shoot, even if the shot is not on.
Something we definitely need to work on. The deadlock was broken after sixty
six minutes. We were 1-0 down. It was deserved, but we still believed. It was
then two, then three, and with the last kick of the game it became four. Why?
Fitness. It’s been happening since October. We can compete for the first hour,
but then it drops off. It’s no secret, but is glaringly obvious when the
majority of goals conceded are coming after the sixtieth minute, and some
players are still obtaining shockingly poor fitness test results. My family,
who come to watch occasionally, have begun calling it “Fat Club”. “How was Fat
Club tonight, Will?”
While I have some downtime, I have been trying to make some
changes in my life to streamline it and avoid stress, as well as complete some
tasks that are long overdue. I’ve been sleeping a lot during the day, and
suffering from pounding headaches. I have made a lot of headway on my teaching
application. It will be nice to actually be earning for a change, and then I
can begin saving. I have had a look at the jobs that are out there online
abroad. There’s some decent wages. Like I’ve said before, money is not a
motivating factor, but I need money. It’s time I started to earn. I have also
decided that I need to cut down the Spanish. I am trying to do in one year what
it takes most people to do in two. That’s not going to happen, so I need to
make arrangements for my exam next summer. Languages are a key goal of mine,
but it can’t be done at such a quick rate when I have a master’s, work, teacher
training, and Spanish all happening at the same time. Part of the attraction of
going abroad is the language. The most likely destination for me next would be
one of the Arab Gulf States. Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Dubai, or even a return to
Kuwait. There are some very attractive packages on offer. Knowing I would be
there for a while would be a great opportunity to learn Arabic. These are also
rising soccer nations, with unlimited money and an obsession to match. Qatar is
hosting the 2022 World Cup, and the others are investing a lot of money to try
to compete. There are lots of opportunities, and I want to take them.
Entry 18: Saturday 26th December 2015
I’m finally getting a bit of rest. I am destressing. No work, no
assignments, no football. Nothing to worry about. I should take the opportunity
to get some things done that have been lingering over me for some time, and I
will, but for now, I want to enjoy Christmas. We had a short family break in
Bruges for three days, and next week, my parents have paid for a surprise trip
to Disneyland Paris for me and my girlfriend, which she does not yet know
about.
With Saints, we had our first league win recently. We beat
Queen’s Park Rangers 2-0. That’s the first clean sheet too. Obviously it was
good to get that monkey off our backs, and thankfully it did not feel like that
euphoric cup final win moment like I was expecting. It had taken us three
months to win a league game. We should be ashamed really. When one applies
perspective, one can see how we were very unfortunate with the fixture list,
and that this team has improved a lot over that time. I suppose it is more
relief, and we have taken our first step into a larger world. Like I’ve said
before, with easier fixtures coming up, I have set us a target of achieving
twelve points from a possible forty. Rather ambitious considering we have
gained four from thirty. It would mean winning four of our eight remaining
games. Three games come against the two teams below us, and once against the
only team we have beaten (twice), so that’s a very strong potential for nine
points. Two games against West Ham, and one against Crystal Palace to start off
the New Year. The only difficult game is the rival game away to Portsmouth.
The win felt very weird from the start. I went into the game
with a very positive feeling. I was excited. Then as the players arrived,
everyone appeared subdued, and it just felt flat. That was most concerning. My
assistant had already left for the holidays. We had a great opportunity to win
a game, and yet we were shooting ourselves in the foot. I could not put my
finger on what the problem was. As I have mentioned many times, this does not
feel like a strong, cohesive team. The players know that, and I know that.
Perhaps much is due to the frustration of the losses, though I believe there to
be more to it than that. The lack of maturity displayed by members of the group
tells me that many of them are not the kind of people I can rely on in a fight.
Who’s got my back? Who’s willing to take on the world with me? I wouldn’t say
I’ve lost hope on some of them, but I no longer have the capacity to go the
extra mile for them. It feels more like we have to get through this season,
then rebuild in the summer. Perhaps some more positive results will sway them,
but we have to be strong at our lowest as well as at our highest. And we only
get to the highs if we are strong together.
Where that comes from, I don’t know. Softness? Selfishness? Lack
of ambition? Lack of previous challenges? Not being able to handle the
pressure? They have not been prepared sufficiently for adult competition, and
so it is my job to salvage anything I can, and turn them into hungry,
committed, resilient players. Despite the flatness, the game started well. It
was strange to see us have so much of the ball. We played our more attacking
formation of a 4-2-3-1. It worked before when we beat them 3-2, so why not?
This team is so far from how I want them to be playing, but we’re getting
there, gradually. Signs of that are things like better positioning, and being able
to keep the ball better in tight areas. We have been able to push on in some
areas, and so now we have two systems, and eight set plays for attacking
restarts. QPR did threaten, but so did we. We both had a couple golden chances,
but could not convert in the first half.
Fortunes changed for us only two minutes in, as we went a goal
ahead. There looked to be more intensity. The team talk was short, and only
affected a few areas. I have made a conscious effort over the last few years to
get to the point. A criticism of many coaches is that they waffle, thinking
that more words means better information. Make it succinct. Players switch off
when you talk for too long, and cannot retain too much information. It often
feels strange and rather uplifting when the team talk has been finished
quickly. Our second goal had some controversy to it, though we know that the
rules were applied correctly. The QPR keeper was adjudged to have handled
outside the area, so we were awarded a free kick on the edge of the area. The
QPR manager was furious, saying that it should be an in-direct free kick. Not
true. We scored, and he wouldn’t let it go. It took about two minutes for
everyone to calm down so we could take the kick, and then another two minutes
to restart the game after the goal went in. From there, we could have scored
some more. We played decent football, and looked better than we have done in a
while.
Now I’m just looking forward to some down time.
Entry 19: Wednesday 6th January 2016
Recent blog posts have been out of synch. It's
annoying that I cannot go back to change the title.
Anyway, with Christmas over,
we are slowly getting back to work. Not many players came to the few training
sessions we had throughout the Christmas period. I would have thought that as
highly motivated individuals that want to be in the best shape possible before
starting games again, they would have taken the opportunity. We all eat too
much, and everyone needs a break from family. Obviously an hour on the 22nd and an
hour on the 27th is just
far too much for me and my hardlined approach
to ask. Our first game back was called off due to the large amount of rain the
country has been receiving lately. Football pitches look like swimming pools,
so it might be weeks, even months, before we get back to regular games.
Considering that football has been played in this country for one hundred and
fifty years, and one hundred and fifty times in a row we have encountered such
problems in winter, I am amazed that we have not yet come up with a better idea.
Something logical. That would utilise months with better weather. When parents
wouldn't be freezing and soaking on the sidelines. When the playing surfaces
would be conducive to actually playing the game, rather than hacking the ball
through the mud. When there's actually grass, not mud. When it's warm. And the
days are longer. And facility costs will be reduced because of the lack of need
for artificial surfaces. My mind is blank. I cannot think of such a time. Let's
just continue doing it this way, and then becoming frustrated over the same old
problems.
I have had a second player
quit. Not much of a loss. She has ability, but her attitude is awful. We never
see her. She rules herself out of games, so there have been times I couldn't
pick her because of her decision not to play. There was also the time she was
angry at me for not playing her, at a time when she was injured. She has been
generally disruptive and a negative influence. She even dislikes the first team
manager for stealing our players. That is what he is supposed to do. Our very
purpose, and the purpose of all reserve teams across the planet, is to support
the first team. She's passive aggressive, and someone who lets her personal
problems get in the way of her performance. I always want to help, and I always
wish the best for someone, but I can't do it for them if they don't want it, or
if they are against me. At times, I felt like we were her support group. My
captain is quite annoyed by it, and believes she needs to grow up, and that it is
no loss to her because she never comes anyway. To me, it's all part of the
process of trimming the fat. A negative influence like that was only slowing us
down, and provides more opportunity now for field time for the younger and
hungrier U16s. Her, and the other player to quit, were the two pointed out to
me by the club before I started as the two difficult ones. It's not going to be
smooth sailing from here on forwards as we have many other problems to attend
to. Most stem from team chemistry, and that improves with wins, which we will
have coming up. In an ideal world, those two would have changed their
behaviour, one of them would have lost heaps of weight, and they'd now be
committed regulars in the starting lineup. I do believe that they had realised that my values
and approach were not going to change, and neither were they, so the writing
was on the wall. Either they leave, or I leave, but we cannot co-exist in the
same space.
Another player, a good player, has come forward to inform me of
her frustration. This is someone that came to us from a good team, having to
drop down a couple leagues. She wants to be in the first team, but isn't yet.
She has the quality, and I have known all along that her time with us will be
short. She went on vacation at the start of the season, then picked up a nasty
injury, so has featured very little for us. I can understand from that point of
view why she has not been selected yet. A large part of her frustration seems
to be towards the others in the team, that treat it is a social club, do not
work really hard, and make us seem amateurish. I completely get that. Those are
my frustrations too. I have had a word with the first team manager, and he will
be keeping a closer eye on her, most likely selecting her very soon. So she's
going to be moving up soon, the girl that quit is also a forward, and another
forward has broken her arm and will be out for the remainder of the season.
Bloody Hell. Our attacking options are limited. At least it provides
opportunities for those U16s, who I know are desperate to take them.
No game for two weeks, so we can rid ourselves of the Christmas
calories, and begin a good run of form.
Entry 20: Thursday 21st January 2016
Frustratingly, there have still been no games to report upon.
There has been news in my coach development, and some news in my teams.
My captain with Saints Ladies has had an accident and will be
out for a few months. It involves a chainsaw and a toe. An influential
character, and a big supporter of mine. I'm sure she will still be around the
team while she takes time off from playing to recover. We have to remain
positive at all times. She's not dead, this is only temporary, and it gives me
a chance to develop other players. The list of injuries is piling up, but
what's worse is that most of them have occurred outside of their time with us.
It's something to consider for next season, but I don't know how we can effect
it. It limits the pool of players I have available to choose from, so we need
to do our best to keep competition for places high.
The last few training sessions have looked quite good (when they
turn up). It's like it's no longer an accident. It's starting to become normal
to play with intensity, and to play effective, attractive, creative football.
This is what I want the baseline to be. We build from here. The players can see
it too, and confidence is building. We have banned the word easy as we do not
want any complacency to appear in our forthcoming fixtures. We do have a better
chance of winning than we have done previously, but we still have to go out and
perform for ninety minutes.
Part of this improvement in training can be attributed to the
lower number of negative influencers that have been around. Perhaps before
that's why seeing a good training session was rare, and almost felt like an old
car trying to start in cold weather. The engine has just revved, and now we
hope to be able to move forward. The ineffective coach has gone, two disruptive
players have gone, two more disruptive players are hardly ever around, we have
young blood coming in that is hungry and eager to perform well. There are less
obstacles holding us back. Ability = Potential - Interference. My job is
to remove the interference and unleash their potential. I wish it hadn't taken
this long, but I cannot change the past.
The U15 group I have on a
Monday is becoming painful. Three, maybe four boys, with terrible attitudes,
are putting in absolutely no effort, and are causing disruptions to the rest of
the group. It has lead to some complaints against me. They are saying that they
find training boring, and that is why they are acting out. Firstly, there is
never an excuse for acting out. As parents, take some ownership and
responsibility of your child, and make them take responsibility for their own
actions. They are years, even months away from entering the real world where
they will be held accountable for everything they do. Blaming others is not an
option. It's the train of thought that says "My child is an angel, so it
is obviously the coach". This kind of thing has been brought up in the
past with this group, and so practices with them have been even more fun,
fluid, inclusive, and active than ever before. It's not for lack of engagement
that one boy kept sneaking off when I wasn't looking in order to take pictures
of the women in the gym. It's not for lack of engagement that one boy a little
while ago stormed off and walked home when he felt his teammates weren't passing to him. This is the
same boy that regularly receives red cards, has tantrums, and even took his
shirt off, threw it on the floor, and stormed off in a huff during the summer.
But this is not my team, so punishment, team selection etc. is not down to me.
If I had my way, the tantrum kid would have been kicked out six months ago. All
I can do is remove them from the session. Then they complain. It's hard to win
as a coach. Kids never lie to their parents, right?
The last two days were spent
on the FA Youth Award Module 3. The two tutors are tutors I have had before,
and have been very important in my coach development. They obviously have
little idea who I am, as they have been doing this job for years, and see
hundreds of different faces each week. In our groups we had to design a session
on keeping possession to build attacks for U8s. We went first, and I
volunteered to lead. Another coach did the arrival activity while I began to
set up. When I took over, I kind of winged it a bit. I had several ideas in
mind that I had been thinking about since the day before, but right up until
the moment that I was given the signal to start, I didn't know which of my
ideas to do. You plan for a whole session, but until the tutor indicates what
they want to see, you really don't know. It was simple enough. Basically
passing and receiving aimed at eight year olds. The feedback I got was the most positive I have ever
heard in regards to one of my sessions. I think it was not necessarily about
session design, obviously important, but more delivery. I used a variety of the
coaching techniques and methodologies that they wish to see displayed from us.
There were realistic progressions and challenges throughout, and they loved my
manner and communication. Now I'm much older and wiser, I feel very much at
ease when coaching in front of coaches. The way I see it, the worst thing they
can do is tell me how great I am. The best thing they can do is tell me how
crap I am. The two criticisms that were put forward can be attributed to not
knowing the players. The first one was using advanced terminology, but then I
was looking at adult faces. The second was that I didn't provide any challenges
to individual players. They admitted that this is difficult to do when you have
seen your players for the first time and have very little idea in regards to
their strengths and weaknesses.
This gives me a lot of confidence going forward as I believe I
will be ready fairly soon to take the assessment.
Entry 21: Wednesday 3rd February 2016
Since the last blog post, I have been involved in one game with
Saints Ladies. We won that comfortably, 4-0, against lower league opposition,
progressing to the semi-finals of the cup. We looked a bit shoddy to start off
with. It had been over a month since we last played. It was fortunate that this
game was against a team way below us, or else we may have been punished. For a
while it felt like it may be one of those games, one where we dominate, cannot
capitalise on our possession and chances, and then take the sucker punch of
losing by one goal on the counter attack. With only minutes to go before half
time, we scored two goals. That made things a lot easier. The second half was
full of more chances, and two more goals. Some of the play was very good,
including that of a debut performance from an U16 at left back. She had the
confidence to keep going forward with the ball and get involved in the attacks.
We like that.
The quarter final win has set
up a date against the first team in the semi, which will be the 18th of
February, under flood lights. We go into the game as the underdogs, and I have
already begun the psychological warfare against them. I plan to make them think
different about us, potentially causing a surprise, as well as prod and probe
certain areas to expose potential weaknesses.
Our next game, if it goes ahead, is against Lewes. We threw away
a 2-0 lead against that side, and know we should have held on to take all three
points. What scares me a little is how under prepared we may be as our players
lack match fitness and the sharpness that comes with it. Our game was cancelled
on Sunday, so a few of us went to watch Lewes play Portsmouth, making some
notes on their players. We believe we now have a good idea of how we can combat
their strengths, while also taking advantage of their weaknesses. My biggest
fear is not losing. I don’t think it ever has been. My biggest fear is that my
players shoot themselves in the foot. That we are the reason for our demise.
That we let our own shortcomings be what prevents us from achieving our
potential. Unrealised potential scares me. It’s a waste. It can be haunting.
“How well could we have done if…?” “What could I have achieved if…?”. In the
grand scheme of things, like England ever winning the World Cup, or one of my
players going on to play professionally, I am a very small cog. If I were to
leave, I would be replaced, and no one would miss me. While I am here, and
while I have the opportunity, I need to do the best that I can, and be the best
that I can be. No one can magically become better overnight, but on any given
day, on any given occasion, we and we alone choose our level of output. Am I
going to put in 100% today or just 80%? Should I prepare everything the day
before in case things go wrong, or leave it until the last minute? We control
those, and many other aspects. I want players to be getting close to my maximum
every time. Only losers, the real losers, blame others.
In the last few days, away from that, I’ve been dealing with
other people’s problems. When you have one of those irritating kids, regardless
of age, it’s hard not to question why they turned out to be the way they are
now. Who failed them? Or if we were to think a bit more old fashioned, who
hasn’t administered a beating to this child? Then when you meet the parents, it
all makes sense. Everything falls into place, and you see why they can’t sit
still, listen, behave, play nicely, keep their emotions under control, and have
to resort to things like cheating. It’s amazing. I think that if I was given a
new team of kids, and spent enough time with both the kids and the parents
individually over a small number of weeks, I could determine with a high degree
of accuracy which kid belonged to which parent. I am a firm believer that it
takes a village to raise a child, as studies have shown that bad neighbourhoods
do far more damage than bad parents, and that a child growing up with bad
parents but in a good neighbourhood can still turn out just fine. The problem
is that sphere of influence, as the child gradually moves away from the parents
to be less dependent upon them. Until the age of around eight, parents are by
far the most important influencers in a child’s lifetime. By then, other
factors like teachers, coaches, extended family, and other adults that they
come into contact with, begin to become more influential. By the time a child
is eight, a lot of their protocol and hardwiring is in place, which determines
their personality and psychological growth from that point onwards. If you wait
until a child is seven to introduce them to sports, they will be very far
behind their peers. Everyone else will be better than them, and no amount of
encouragement can suddenly make up for the vital years that have been missed
when developing agility, balance, coordination, as well as skills like running,
jumping, kicking, catching, and throwing. The only exceptions are maybe
ultimate Frisbee and badminton. The first years of their lives are the
fundamental stages, where skill acquisition begins. Unless it is a very
particular and specific skill set that require early specialisation, such as
gymnastics, it doesn’t matter what sports and activities kids play, as long as
they are doing something. So much is transferable, and what must be embedded
are the fundamentals of all sports.
That’s why I find it sad when I encounter teenagers who can’t
run, jump, kick, catch, or throw, and have no passion for any kind of energetic
activity. Who destroyed it? Or better yet, who didn’t cultivate that? We all
talk about the health defects thereafter, but some will say that they can just
go to the gym or walk, or do aerobics when they are older and want to keep in
shape. The point that many miss is that it will not be intrinsic. These people
will not be intrinsically motivated by some almost innate desire to compete or
improve by doing something that they love. This doesn’t mean to say that
someone who is largely inactive until their twenties won’t suddenly love Zumba,
and stick to it like a cult. It just means that they are far less likely to
make that drastic change, less likely to keep going with it and make it a
permanent habit, and less likely to be able to enjoy it, be competent at it, or
avoid injuries, because they did not have fundamental physical skills learnt
and honed when they were children.
I was a bit of a loner growing up. No siblings, two parents that
worked a lot, tons of homework, a private school that largely sheltered me from
the common kids on the street, and only a handful of friends due to our limited
class numbers, that lived miles away due to our huge catchment area. By having
a dad who was mad about football, he passed that onto me from a young age. That
was compounded by the extended family also being mad about it, and my school
friends too. So after only a small number of years, but a significant part of
my then short lifespan, I was hooked. Nothing meant more to me than the ball.
Even now in my mid-twenties, all the girlfriends I have had, stacked together,
make up only a small fraction of the devotion and dedication that I have given
the game. That’s why they all know that they will always be second best. Now
I’m not saying that kids have to be passionate about a sport until the point of
unhealthy obsession. What I am saying is that the parents must try very hard to
build in good habits of fun, competition, wanting to better oneself, and
keeping healthy at a very young age.
As well as the body, the mind must also be looked after, and
this is where I begin dealing with the problems of other people. The U15 boys
team has been giving me a lot of grief lately. One mother has accused me of
calling her boy a “fucking little shit”. Seeing as the word ‘little’ is the
only one of the three that I use, no one really believes that. I’m just not
capable of saying that, especially to a kid. It seems that one or two boys are
having some problems in their lives, like divorce, bullying, bad grades (boo
hoo, wah wah), and are acting out in many constructive ways, such as sneaking
out of sessions, answering back, telling lies, taking their phones out while
playing games, and even sneaking off to the gym to take pictures of women
exercising, to then come back to the session and show the photos to other
players. Of course, the boys wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t such a bad
coach. It’s amazing, and I imagine it is the same for teachers, that how in any
bad situation, there’s always a way that it is your fault. Sometimes you can
wait for days, even weeks, before you find out it was your fault. It still
comes as a surprise, and the ways it is your fault become more creative and
unbelievable each time, yet they always find their way back to you. Just when I
thought something wasn’t my fault, it turns out that it was my fault.
In a quiet moment, you do actually begin to feel sorry for the
kids, as you realise, there is no hope for them. They are past the point of no
return. They will forever be, an arsehole. They haven’t quite achieved their
full potential yet, but they are well away on their path, slowly accelerating,
edging closer and closer to a lifetime of failed relationships, emotional
instability, and an impressive sense of self-righteousness. Can you have
interventions? Absolutely. But this often creates problems that you are just
not paid enough to want to care about. If I’m being paid to run a session, and
a kid’s behaviour constantly disrupts that session, and I have tried many other
methods leading up to that point, you have to remove them from that session,
entirely for the benefit of the other kids that aren’t being disruptive, yet
have to play witness to your constant battles with the one bad kid. “But it’s
not fair, wah wah wah” is often something you hear from someone who has gone
beyond their fifteenth last chance, has pushed you way beyond your limits, and
you have finally cracked the whip. Tears start to flow, tantrums are had, and
they do everything they can to make you look like the bad guy. The worst thing
is, too many parents out there will side with the kid, despite not being
present at the incident. They will take the word of their neglected and
manipulative eight year old over you. Let’s examine the motives for a second.
Why would I want to get rid of a kid? I don’t have an instant and distinct
disliking of certain types of children. To think like that is paranoid and
petty. I serve to gain absolutely nothing by removing a child, so why would I
do it if I didn’t have to? Do people really think that their kid is that
important to me that I would engage them in some kind of mind game? I don’t
care. But then if we applied logic from the beginning, we probably wouldn’t
have got to this situation that we’re in now.
My players should never know if I have had a good day or a bad
day leading up to the session. Some that know me personally outside of the game
may be aware of such bad events, but I do my best to remain in Spock mode.
Events such as deaths, and other less tragic incidents such as break ups,
failures, job losses, and even career threatening accusations that have you
awake all night, contemplating chucking all your things in a bag and fleeing to
Thailand. There was one incident four years ago now, and a particularly bad
school in Southampton. They were by far the least competent kids I have seen,
both in sport and in behaviour. One kid was being typical of himself by acting
out and starting fights with the others. He was about seven or so. He stormed
off across the field during the middle of the session after I told him off for
doing something wrong. So now what? Chase one kid who is on the war path and
leave a large group of them running wild unsupervised? Or let the kid go, and
at the very least, feel good about improving the gene pool? Of course I went
after the kid. I tried all sorts to calm him down, as his temper flared and he
was making threats and accusations about the rest of the group. He was breaking
down. As the tears and snot flooded from his face, I could just about detect
between the howls that he was saying his dad beats him down the stairs. This
was less than twenty four hours after a childhood friend had died from a brain
tumour. I didn’t have to go into work that day. I thought that I might as well,
seeing as sitting around the house feeling sad won’t change anything. While
some of the tears and snot were spraying their way onto me, I remember thinking
very clearly and calmly. “I don’t care”, and had a strong inclination that the
kid deserved it. I had my own troubles and my own trauma to go through. All I
was doing was trying to teach some kids how to use a hockey stick properly,
while keeping my mind occupied from the tragedy, and I had this now going on in
front of me, while earning little more than minimum wage. I almost walked away.
Part of me had an urge to punt the kid over the fence first. No one ever trains
you for these situations. All the coaching education courses just talk about
fantasyland scenarios where everyone turns up on time, is eager to learn, and
already possess a decent amount of skill. What about the five year old kids
that put their shorts down and wave their penises? What about the parents that
like to spread wicked email chains about you behind your back? What about those
players that you just never see because their parents are too lazy to take them
to training? How do we coaches deal with this stuff? Eventually the kid calmed
down, and we went back to the session, but I was stunned and found it very
difficult to continue. Later that night, my session with Winchester Women went
a lot better. I was friendly with the players and dating one of them, so they
all knew what had happened, and all knew that I just wanted to concentrate on
coaching without any distractions. They gave me their support and their best.
Defiant kids come from defiant parents. I’m not talking Rosa
Parks defiant. I’m talking about the kind of person that would park in a
handicapped spot just because they are lazy, or were only going to be quick.
There’s a difference between standing up for what you believe in, and
constantly chastising the referee because you can’t forgive them for not
noticing that a throw-in should have been given to the other team twenty
minutes ago. When we want players to be defiant, we want them to not give up,
and never accept failure as an option. That is commendable. What we don’t want
is for them to refuse to wear a bib in practice, or to only play if they can be
on their friend’s team. I have a boy in my U9 team who is a bit like that. He
is prone to outbursts, and will react to provocation. His dad proudly proclaims
“he gets that from me”. Then you need locking up don’t you, having posed as a
competent parent for nine years now, when you’ve actually created a mini
version of your idiot self. Who could be proud of an eight year old hitting
other players when they are upset? He’s just standing up for himself, right?
Perhaps I am naïve if I think that humanity has moved on from the mind set of
“Get hit, hit back twice as hard”, but clearly it still lives on, thriving in
the harshly competitive dog-eat-dog underworld of youth soccer. Just last
night, I had a session with the U9 team. The other U9 team coach wasn’t there,
so the boys joined in with my boys. I had sixteen. Bear in mind that there have
been problems in the past between these two teams, despite both belonging to
the same club. I did well to integrate them successfully, and avoid any
problems. They were kept active, the teams changed sufficiently, and there was
always a challenge. The defiant kid was being a pain. Kicking the balls of
other players away, kicking sand at people, and poking other players in the
buttocks. I told him two or three times that he needed to stop that, or would
be in time out. I was too lenient, I know, but then had sixteen energetic boys
to look after, as well as one energetic parent, who believes himself to be Pep
Guardiola, but I will come to that later. Right at the end, after a successful
session, where everyone had fun and there were no incidents at all, during the
debrief, this boy just suddenly decided to hit another kid in the back. As you
do. Completely normal behaviour to hit someone in the back for no reason. Me,
being the ever unreasonable demonic coach that I am, told the boy to go sit at
the side so I could talk to him in a minute. No anger, no malice, just
Vulcan-like tranquillity, at which I specialise. He refused, so I told him
again. He said no. Keeping calm and doing my best Chris Hansen impression, the
boy refused to take a seat over there, and was now beginning to shout “I didn’t
meant to”. No accusations, no threats, no moral judgement. Merely asking the
kid to go away for a moment before going to talk to him about the incident. He
teared up as he kept repeating it, and was starting to shake. The other kids
thought it was hilarious, and started to mimic him. He wasn’t backing down, and
the hole was getting deeper. Even after telling him that he ran the risk of not
playing in our next game, he would still not back down. Now we had to get off
the pitch as the next team was due to start, and the situation went unresolved.
I cannot talk to this boy’s father. He doesn’t like me. He also
gets angry for no reason, and is fairly confrontational. I could take him in a
fight, I know that, even without knowing the Vulcan death grip, but it should
never come to that. I don’t want to be in that situation, and do not feel
comfortable having such a conversation with him. A conversation with the mother
will only come back to the father, and we are back at the same problem.
Conversations with the boy obviously have their limitations. What’s lacking
here are the skills to compromise, to listen, and to self-reflect. Many people
can feel hard done by, and may not be approachable at that moment, but this boy
and his father would still not be approachable about the subject even weeks
down the line. Avoiding it would be easy, but then what does the kid learn?
Conversely, is it my place to tell the father that he is an aggressive jumped up
Neanderthal that runs the risk of condemning his little darling to a lifetime
of problems caused by a short fuse, resulting in potential years of therapy? Of
course it’s not. Again, I don’t get paid enough to care. It’s actually money.
The thing I need to pay for my education to get me away from these idiots. The
thing I need in order to buy food. The thing I need to put fuel in my car so
that I can get to these sessions, in order for the whole world to scrutinise
every little detail of my training. Why should I risk upsetting the harmonious
balance of poor pay for animosity filled conditions? Do these people realise
the effect that they have on my livelihood? I don’t have kids that depend on my
income, but that shouldn’t matter. Human to human, when did it ever become
acceptable to treat others like this?
Going back to the Pep imitator at this very same session, he’s
not a parent of one of my boys. At times, I thought perhaps he is just
over-zealous in his encouragement. Then I noticed a few things that crossed the
line. He was giving specific coaching instructions to his boy and a couple
others. I’m not sure if they were conflicting with mine, as often instructions
from the side are garbled nonsense that possess very little practicality. The
point is, you just don’t do that. Later I noticed that he physically crossed
the line. The white line that marks the boundary of the playing area. He
crossed that, entered the session, and started barking instructions while
pointing wildly at things. Thoughts immediately turn to the kid, and the
funeral we must have for his chances of becoming a fully functioning adult.
He’s a nice kid and a good player. But again, I ask the question, am I paid
enough to care? This session was a one-off. He is not one of my parents. I had
sixteen kids, some of which were being poked in the bum, to keep an eye on and
coach. If I confronted him, how well would he have taken it? How would it have
made the kid feel? Would it have created further problems for me to then have
to deal with? I tried to resolve the matter positively. Whenever I heard him
saying stuff, I coached over the top of it. You don’t want to interrupt the
coach, right? When he was giving advice to his boy, I stopped the game, made
the kids stand still, and used question and answer and guided discovery to get
them to solve problems. Where can you go? What would you do if the ball goes
here? Do you need to be so far away? So I was taking control. Sadly, with two
4v4 games going on side by side, I couldn’t always be on top of it. In the next
set of 4v4 games, I moved his kid’s team to the other pitch, the one further
away. That meant it wasn’t obvious, as all teams had to change their opponents.
I will have to mention it to the boss, as I had never seen anything like it.
I’ve complained about parents being too involved before. Just read anything
about my time in Mexico. But this guy took it to new levels. To actually go
into the session, put his arm around a boy, point at certain things, and then
tell him what to do, that really does cross the line. Parents only go in if
someone is hurt or a shoe needs to be tied.
I wish I could have dealt with all of the aforementioned
problems better, I really do. In hindsight, I must have prioritised them by
need and importance at that precise moment, and done what I thought was right.
It’s the very same reason why I’m not a multi-lingual, multi-instrumental,
ambi-dextrous, professional soccer, basketball, golf, and tennis player.
There’s just not enough time to do it all. You can’t win every battle, and not
every battle is worth fighting. Choose the ones that are worth the fight, and
win them.
As an aside from all this, for the months of December and
January, I earned just £200. School holidays and rain have meant that I have
done very little work. That’s not liveable. Yet more applications have been
sent off to see if I can make some hours up somewhere. My debts are getting
bigger, and time until I’m earning a good wage as a teacher seems to be getting
slower and slower. How can I find something that works around my current
commitments, leaves me with enough spare time to study, gives me sufficient
days off for course support days, and isn’t permanent, thus allowing me to
begin teacher training in September? I could send off hundreds of applications
and not hear back. A lot of employers don’t like to respond. Maybe I need to
venture outside of the sporting world.
Entry 22: Wednesday 17th February 2016
There have been many interesting developments since the last
instalment. I will get the easy stuff out the way first.
I have sent off many applications to schools and coaching
companies to see what extra hours I can get. This having no money thing is
really becoming tiresome. My car broke down at one in the morning because I was
short on petrol, meaning my dad had to get out of bed to come rescue me. That
was embarrassing. The bank is charging me so much money for not having money,
that I am now not earning enough money to pay off interest, bank charges, and
other such related fees. That is an incredibly fun situation to be in. Another
embarrassing situation took place yesterday at the bank when I went in to pay
off a charge, and the money was taken away instantly to pay off another charge,
leaving me with nothing to pay the first charge, resulting in yet another
charge coming my way. When this will end, I really don’t know. An interview I
had went well, and with a bit of luck, I may start next week. It will be
breakfast clubs and after school clubs, bringing in some much needed extra
cash.
As far as football goes, I have hardly seen my boys due to the
weather and the school break, so nothing to report on there.
All the drama has been taking place at Saints Ladies. In what
was a relatively unremarkable training session, though bitterly cold, it has
since turned out to be a potentially defining moment in our season. It was time
for the six week bleep test, which was even poorer than usual. Two players
refused to do it, and have since left the club. It’s not unusual for players to
moan about it. Fitness, wah wah wah, especially with the lack of games. These
two didn’t want to do it due to injuries. Obviously ten minutes of running back
and forth is so much more harmful than playing for an hour and a half.
From the fitness test, we went into a 3v3 exercise, which would
be a mixture of a wave practice, an advanced technical practice, and perhaps
even a squad practice. Three attackers would be set loose against three
defenders and a goalkeeper, with the task of scoring. Then the next wave of
attackers begin their attack. I was working with the three defenders throughout
this to get them used to dropping and absorbing pressure in counter attack
situations, where the midfield line has been penetrated. The three centre backs
are to be the three centre backs to be used against our first team tomorrow
night in the cup semi final. There was a lot of emergency defending, getting
them to protect the red zone at all costs, and make decisions about which is
the lesser of all the evils.
That progressed into a functional practice, which was 7v8, with
the seven trying to score in the goal, and the eight trying to protect it. Once
the eight got it, could they play out and get the ball over the half way line.
It was to get the defence used to defending against combination play, and to
see how the structure of my assessment topic would work. As far as structure
goes, I am happy with it, but the biggest challenge is the combination play.
How do I manage the opposition to be effective at combinations before I even
begin getting my defence to defend against it? That’s going to be the biggest
issue.
Finally, we progressed into a small sided game, of two even
teams. My assistant took one, and I took the other. My team was winning quite
easily, so we had our half time, and I asked my team if they would like more of
a challenge. They agreed, so I explained the concept of gegenpressing, which
Dortmund did under Jurgen Klopp. I asked them to choose a player on the
opposite side, Player A or Player B. They chose A. I instructed them that whenever
A gets the ball, they all press together, giving her no time and space on the
ball. If the opposition pass to her, that is their trigger to press. If Player
B gets the ball, they are to drop off and let her have it. It worked really
well. Player A was forced into making many mistakes, which resulted in scoring
opportunities. When Player B had the ball, the team responded well by dropping
back into position, and regaining their compactness. It was most impressive to
see how well they responded to what is a relatively new concept for them, and
also just how effective it was.
At the end of the session, we came in for our collective chat,
and openly spoke about the idea. Player A seemed to take offence that she was
elected as the player to be pressed. Everyone else saw it as a great idea, and
enjoyed discussing how and when it would work. I don’t believe that anyone
there saw it as an attack on Player A as an individual. The only one to make
fun of her for it was Player B, who is also a friend of hers.
Within about half an hour, I began to receive texts and phone
calls from two dads. One was from Player A, and the other was the goalkeeper.
The first line of both messages seemed to be inquisitive to say the least, and
with it being late, and me having a girlfriend and a family that I want to go
home and see, stress free, I decided to not get involved until the next day.
Good choice, as I had a good, well deserved sleep. The next day, I decided to
read them. This also falls in line with the twenty four hour rule that we
should be using when dealing with parents. Let things cool off first.
The dad of the goalkeeper was complaining that his daughter
received no goalkeeper training, and was not engaged all evening. I have to
agree with that, as despite her playing in goal for an hour and a half, she did
not dive once, and made probably just one save with her hands. Why make a dive
for the ball when there’s a perfectly good net behind you that can stop the
ball for you? The goalkeeper coach that usually sees her at the start of the
session was not there. Who can blame him? He’s been coming so many weeks, and
she hardly ever shows up. So the Dad said that she will no longer come to
training, and will only be available for matches. If we can’t deal with that,
then we will need to look for another keeper. I began doing that right away.
The dad of Player A, one who likes to text me quite frequently
with his thoughts and opinions, gave me a long sob story about how we had all
been so mean to her, and that she will not be coming back. Both dads stated
that they will be putting in a complaint against me to the club. In light of
that, I went ahead and forwarded everything onto the club.
Then the team selection went out, and that’s when it really hit
the fan. Of course neither of these players were listed in the squad. To my
mind, they had left. Saying they are leaving, saying that they won’t be coming
to training, saying that we should find a replacement. Unless I am mistaken, I
felt I was supposed to take that as them leaving the team. They may not have
meant it though, as people often say different things to what they actually
mean. So when the team went out, and neither of them were included in the squad
or even in the communication for that matter (they had left, so no need to contact
them, right?) they heard from other players that they were not in the team, and
then decided to tell the rest of the players that due to not being picked, they
had decided to leave the team. This contradicts what I had been told by them
just the night before, but seems like a way for them to pin it back on me. To
their surprise, the tears weren’t shed by their former teammates in their group
chat. “So he drops you once and you decide to quit?” was the response of one
player. And that was that.
The allegations since made at me were that I had been bullying
players, and encouraging others to do so. Yeah yeah yeah. I’m a huge bully. As
someone who never says mean things, doesn’t swear, don’t raise my voice, I fit
the description of a bully. The goalkeeper could hardly have been bullied by
me, as she was never left out of the team. Pretty much the only player to be
consistently picked despite missing training so frequently. Player A on the
other hand, well she was hardly picked. So if not picking a player that
constantly misses training (even though it’s totally never her fault) is
bullying, I am definitely a bully.
This began on Thursday, it’s now Wednesday, and I still have not
replied to any of their messages. They are still so angry. What would be the point?
They have left the club, and so my obligation to them is finished. If they are
going to be angry and threatening about a situation, then I have no reason to
get involved. The goalkeeper’s dad said he would come to our game on Sunday to
demand an explanation face to face, but sadly he never showed up. If he did, he
would have seen us win, with the first team keeper that we borrowed playing an
absolute blinder. The face to face explanation has since been rescheduled for
tomorrow, when we play our semi final match. It’s not just me that has fallen
victim to vaguely threatening messages. One of the players, a supposed
instigator of this bullying, has come under fire, with such chilling
intimidations of “wind your neck in” and “you’ll see”. The club Twitter account
too has been on the wrong end of this, receiving tweets that said:
“ fully grown women bullying 16/1 year old girls how do we feel
about that ????”
And…
“and 2 17 year olds”
A point can often be blunted by incorrect grammar. It took our
top team of social media defence experts just six minutes to delete the
messages and block the user from contacting the handle again. This kind of
defence is up there with the British Trident Nuclear Defence System. To dig
deeper and get some more information on the situation, the club requested from
me some details in regards to the attendance of both the players. It makes for
interesting reading.
Thursday evening training 2016
Keeper 3/6
Player A 2/6
Keeper 3/6
Player A 2/6
All trainings of 2016, including Tuesday, Thursday, and in place
of cancelled games on Sundays
Keeper 7/16 = 44%
Player A 3/16 = 19%
Keeper 7/16 = 44%
Player A 3/16 = 19%
Thursday evenings going back to August 2015
Keeper 12/22 = 55%
Player A 9/22 = 41%
Keeper 12/22 = 55%
Player A 9/22 = 41%
All trainings since my
records began on the 23rd of August 2015
Keeper 24/50 = 48%
Player A 13/50 = 28%
Keeper 24/50 = 48%
Player A 13/50 = 28%
Both players have had to miss some sessions due to injuries, as
pretty much everyone will do at some point, but those attendance figures are
alarmingly low. Which is why the rest of the team hardly seems to notice that
they are gone. I then went on to add this:
“Their attendance is generally pretty low, both attending below
half the amount of sessions that the team has had, with Player A attending just
over a quarter of all sessions in total. Both players have previously stated
that they can only really come to Thursday sessions, but at 55% and 41%
attendance for Thursdays alone, we can see that this is just not true. Even on
a Sunday, if our game is called off and we arrange a training session, they are
still frequently absent.”
There have been other messages, none of which I have responded
to. The dad of Player A has sent me a couple essays, which I have completely
ignored. He told me by text on Thursday that his daughter was leaving the club.
Therefore, my relationship with them had ended. Personally, having been accused
of bullying his daughter, and with him going straight to the club without first
having a conversation with me to clarify any such issues, I had lost any
respect that would be due to him. Perhaps I could do the decent thing and
respond, but I don’t see how anyone would benefit from that. What would I get
my way? More accusations and more aggression? Take your opinion to the club and
let them decide if I have done anything wrong. People can’t have it every which
way. You can’t be a dick to me and then expect a civilised conversation. What
do they want to achieve? Do these players want to come back? Do they want to
play? If they do, they certainly haven’t shown that in my eight months at the
club. What is there to suggest that would change? With all that’s been said,
they certainly couldn’t come back into the group and just continue as if
nothing happened. Or maybe they want an apology from me. You don’t apologise
when you’ve done nothing wrong, and you don’t apologise when you don’t mean it.
These players have left, and I’m okay with that.
So onto the game. It was in doubt due to the weather, but it
went ahead. There was a strange level of excitement in the team. Finally, after
all this time, we had a match. We were confident, and no one seemed to be hung
up on the events of the past couple of days. We had a keeper for the game as
the first team had no game, so we borrowed theirs. She had a great game, and
really made the difference. Had we had our normal keeper, we would have lost.
Our former keeper does not leave her goal line, doesn’t like to dive, and
doesn’t like to play with her feet. Just by doing what she is supposed to do,
the first team keeper was a huge improvement. We played West Ham and decided to
attack them in a 4-2-3-1, moving forward quickly, and pressing them high. We
scored two goals after twenty and twenty three minutes, which were both quite
similar. The ball passed out to wide right, crossed to the far post, then
finished, with the second one being laid back to be finished from the same
sequence. We remained on top of West Ham for the rest of the half and nearly
added a third before half time, yet again, the same move.
At half time in the changing rooms, my teamtalk was interrupted
by shouting, screaming, and banging, coming from across the hall. It was the
West Ham manager. Evidently, he was rather upset. We listened to it for a
while, being able to pick out clear words and phrases. They were going to come
out fired up, no doubt about it. Now that, that was bullying. In that moment, I
felt appreciation ooze out of the players towards me. One of them remarked “If
you spoke to me like that, I’d walk out”. And rightly so.
We tried to keep it tight, absorbing the West Ham attack as best
as we could. It was a gamble to sit deeper, but it paid off. As a team, we have
dealt with this a lot this season. The Hammers did get one back, which was
poked in following a scramble in front of the goal, but could not get a second
or a third. We held on. It was tight. It was very tight. It took me about forty
eight hours to come down from the high. What a spirited performance that was.
In light of everything that had happened, we pulled together, and got a well
deserved and much needed win. It was thoroughly enjoyable, and has definitely
helped my position. That’s four players to have left us now, which are now
referred to as the Fantastic Four, due to their largely inflated feelings of
self-worth, and the fact that there are four of them. Had we not started
winning games (three in a row now with only one goal conceded) I might have
started to feel the heat, but we are on a run, have moved up from tenth to
seventh in the table, and have a new found togetherness and confidence. There
will be more hurdles in the future, but we are gaining momentum for now.
Our attention swiftly turned to Thursday night’s game. Three
games in eight days is new for us, having gone one game in two months.
Tuesday’s training was a very easy session. Some light ball work for recovery,
some tactical examples, and then a game. It was very awkward to train side by
side with the first team knowing that we were to do battle in just forty eight
hours. Whether they paid attention or not is irrelevant, as they would still
have to stop us.
When we have played them before, we know that they hate when we
go into 5-3-2. It is so frustrating for them. In the key areas of the field, we
outnumber them 3v2 in the defensive and middle third, and match up 2v2 in our
attacking third. This leaves a lot of space in wide areas, but we will be so
compact in the middle, making it hard for them to play through us. This is not
a team that works well from crosses, preferring to play through the centre.
That will be very hard for them to play their normal game plan. We know that
they become frustrated easily, and like to argue with each other. We also know
that their midfielders do not like to track back. We intend to hit them on the
counter attack, using our speed up front to rip right through them with direct
balls behind or through the defence. The right and left defender will be
encouraged to join in with the attacks, pushing up as wingers, because we will
still have four covering for safety. The players know which zones they should
and shouldn’t press into, and where our line of engagement is. We expect to
have eleven players behind the ball when out of possession, and the team know
not to move forward a line to cover a player out of position i.e. a midfielder
not tracking back to be replaced by a defender pushing up. It is important that
we remain disciplined in our roles. Do your job right, to the best of your
ability, and we may pull off a miracle.
I am very excited.
Entry 23: Wednesday 2nd March 2016
It has been a busy two weeks. Right now I write this while
dripping excessively from the nose. The Wilson household has been fighting the
flu in recent times. I will start by mentioning that I have agreed to help with
the Saints U14 girls. The parents have been horrible to the coach, a young
woman with limited experience in coaching, and she has left. This is the second
time they have done that to a coach. Essentially, they want the former coach, a
different one to the two they have scared away, to come back and run the team.
This is one of the dads. He left last season as he didn’t have the time to do
it anymore, but now they are lobbying for him to come back.
It’s a sad case. I can’t get to any of the games, apart from
maybe one or two, so the club will try and get someone along, rather than
letting a parent run it, and I will take the training on a Thursday. Taking
them last week, it has to be noted that they cannot defend. This team is
winning heavily every week, and is even playing up a year. They are not being
challenged. So let’s challenge them. We have to find was as a club of putting
them up against tougher opponents, as the leagues here are so weak. If not,
when these girls are old enough to play adult football, they will essentially
be useless. There clearly is a lot of talent to work with, but none of them
enjoy the off the ball side of things. You’ll find that two teams of eleven
makes twenty two, who all have to share one ball. This means that at any given
time in a game, there will be twenty one players without a ball. If your mate
has it, work hard to support them. If the other team has it, work hard to win
it back. When we moved into a game, there were two players that did nothing but
stand shoulder to shoulder and talk the whole evening. I would have filmed it,
if it were not for child protection laws. At the end, during the debrief, I
remarked to the group that although we played 6v6, it was really 5v5, and that
if they just wanted to come to training to chat, then they can go stand at the
side and do so, while I make the area size more appropriate for those that do
want to play. I also pointed out that neither of them received a pass all game.
This was 6v6 for about twenty five minutes, and they did not receive a pass.
Would shouting at them the first time I noticed this behaviour have helped or
changed things? Yes, it probably would have made them work a bit harder, but
they would be doing it to shut me up, therefore making the motivation
extrinsic, and thus turning it into a losing battle. At this time, the rest of
the group had an embarrassed giggle about them, as if perhaps they had been wanting
someone to make that point about the two of them.
There’s been more drama with the U15 boys team. A bot has left,
claiming to have been bullied by the other players in the team. For the last
half an hour, we played a small sided game of 6v6. One team had the team’s
goalkeeper, who stayed in for the whole time. I instructed the other team to
rotate their goalkeeper after every goal. A couple goals had gone in, and I had
noticed that they had not changed. The boy in there was trying hard to make
saves, and was doing well. More goals went in, and he stayed in goal. After a
while, I went up to him and asked if he would like to change. He said
“nothing”, which was an answer to a different question. I tried again, and he
said he didn’t want to come out. Okay, fair enough. At fifteen, you would
assume that he would be sure enough to be able to answer such a question, and
in the middle of training, I don’t really want to start a counselling session
with a boy I see just once a week.
On the way home, I get a phone call from the manager saying that
the mum had been on the phone to him, and that the boy has quit. I was being
blamed, as were the other boys in the team. It turns out that he interpreted
staying in goal and having the other boys take shots at him as bullying.
Apparently he was covered in bruises. As someone who has been hit very hard by
footballs in many different areas of the body, I can quite honestly say that
bruises for soccer ball impacts are so very rare. It has to be a rock hard
ball, smashed at you from close range, on the most freezing cold night. Even
then, it’s rarely a bruise, and more often a ball imprint with a Nike tick on
it. These boys were certainly not smashing the ball at this kid from close
range. The objective is to put the ball in the goal, not hit the goalkeeper.
And bullying is targeted, systematic, over a prolonged period of time. If
anything, she means neglect, but I don’t think playing in goal in soccer
practice would have any social workers.
What joy it all is. I missed the most recent session due to
illness, and I will miss the next two U15 practices due to being away on
courses. I really can’t be arsed with this team anymore. I have no bond with
the players, and since I’m not at the games, I cannot link training to games.
The manager gives me stuff to work on, such as; drills for attacking, quick
pass and move, beating the defender, placement and power. That’s all for one
session, and may be clear to him, but is not clear for me. Each topic is fairly
generic for U15s, then multiply that ambiguity by five. Just WTF is my session
supposed to actually look like? They only have a few games left before the
season finishes, and as I’m not there anyway, it might just make sense for me
to leave.
In the last two weeks I finalised my teaching application, and
in the same day, was offered an interview at a primary school in Southampton.
That took place only a few days later, and I was one of four to be interviewed
that day. Later, in the evening, I received a conditional offer, giving me a place
to teach primary school starting next September. This is an unsalaried
position, and I will be unable to gain any kind of bursary or grant large
enough to be able to pay for the fees entirely, of £9,000 for the year. There
are sadly very few salaried training positions, despite what the advertisements
say. Start teaching next year, and you could earn up to £30,000 through a
bursary or government grant. What it doesn’t say is if you teach maths or
physics, in secondary school, in Central London. So without knowing that, many
people see it as an attractive career prospect. If you’re straight out of
university, for most people, you will be somewhere between £20,000 - £30,000 in
debt. Can you really afford another £9,000, plus a year of no income? Absolutely
not. It’s scandalous that they can ask for that.
There have been many news reports lately about a teacher
shortage in the UK. Many of them are leaving the country to go work overseas.
The number reported was about 100,000. I’m not sure just how correct that is,
but anyway. They want to put measures in place that will stop newly qualified
teachers (NQT) from going abroad in the first few years. If they do that, then
the amount of talented people applying to become teachers will drop
significantly. Rather than forcing teachers to stay, let’s instead try and
understand why it is they are leaving. Why I will be doing the same in a few
years’ time. Most of these countries are sunny. That helps. We can’t change
that in the UK. Why else? Better wages, that are tax free. More holidays.
Reduced workload. Greater job benefits, such as free apartment with bills paid,
sometimes with a pool, gym membership, perhaps a car. Schools with much greater
facilities. Opportunity. Far less accountability.
I will look at each point, starting with accountability. This
encompasses many things. In the UK, we have gone way beyond what is necessary
for welfare and safeguarding. Obviously it needs to be there, and we need to
have measures in place to help and protect children. Now we are almost living
in fear of what we can do and say, that we are tripping over ourselves to not
do anything wrong. The demands placed on this in charge of and responsible for
children is to actually be perfect at all times, and never make a mistake. Even
if your time with the children is an hour a week, you better not do anything
stupid, or else you could be out of a job. What if parents were held to the
same level of accountability? What if we criticised parents’ use of language,
dress, timing, interaction, lifestyle choices etc.? We can’t be perfect all the
time, and we will never get everything right. Kids cannot be sheltered from
idiots, and instead, that should sometimes be embraced. “That was stupid, don’t
do that because…” is much better than putting your hands on their ears and
screaming “LALALALALALALALA”.
Linking into that comes opportunity. In a second world nation, a
school trip can be organised with relative ease when compared to the military
style operation of a school trip in the first world. Obviously, far more could
go wrong in a place like Mexico than in sunny old England, but it’s much easier
in places such as Mexico to get kids off site and seeing and experiencing the
world. Then comes professional opportunity. If you knuckle down and work hard,
you will be able to progress higher up the ladder. This is in part due to there
being less competition abroad as most will only stay for two or three years.
But if you really want to be a head teacher, or head of a department, you’ll be
willing to make such sacrifices, regardless of location. And with all this
comes the feeling that you are actually making a difference. That can’t be seen
as easily in the UK. We are all in these educational roles because we want to
affect positive change.
I look at a lot of these foreign schools and become envious. I’m
comparing private school to private school. I went to a private school with
very little to offer in the way of facilities. This was across the board in all
subjects, not just the obvious ones like sport. The technology, the classrooms,
the buildings etc. Everything. And no, this stuff isn’t the be all and end all
of education. What matters far more is the subject knowledge and ability to
teach, but anyone with any ambition will be looking for these marginal gains.
Old fashioned chalk board, or interactive screen?
Job perks are a factor that cannot be neglected. We shouldn’t be
looking at “What’s in it for me?” but certain perks do make life easier by
removing mundane and often inconsequential choices. Child care, insurance,
healthcare, gym access etc. and suddenly, a load has been taken off your mind.
It frees up thinking space to do your job better. It can also create a feeling
that they actually care about you and your wellbeing.
There’s a reduced workload, which links into the accountability.
In the UK, we are expected, and I mean teachers and coaches here, to be in
control of everything, despite not being trained to do so. Yesterday I had a
girl have a howling fit that lasted for half an hour. She was not crying, but
still making the noises in order to prove a point. It was disrupting the other
kids. What do I do? Attend to her or attend to the rest of the group? Should I
try to calm her down or not do that since I actually have no idea what I’m
doing and will probably make the situation worse? Being abroad doesn’t mean you
don’t have to deal with this stuff, just that you’re not in a culture where
you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
The interview was very good. It was in four parts, which were;
face to face interview, presentation of a current educational topic, delivery
of a reading activity to a group of kids, and to write an essay explaining why
you want to be a teacher. They brought in heads from across the partnership,
who were all there to have a look at us. I found them to be helpful and
positive, looking at who we could be, rather than digging for our flaws.
I will explain them in the order I did them. First was the
essay. I had to pretend that I had a new class, and that I was writing to the
parents of my class to explain who I am, and why I would be a good teacher. I
wrote one page of A4, and having not written a paper by pen for a while, I
forgot how to write joined up writing, or cursive as it is called in the USA.
I’m used to scribbling out notes at games, so don’t join the letters to make it
easier to read. It changed after a paragraph, but must look silly to an
outsider. I wrote about my commitment to the learning of each child, how I will
take seriously the duty of care, be a good role model, and do everything I can
to the best of my ability, with the best interests of the learner at heart.
Good enough. Hope my English was okay.
Next I went into a room with two head teachers who had a series
of questions to ask me. They were pretty much why I want to be a teacher, what
my skills are, what I can bring to the profession, why I think I am suited for
teaching. One question asked what I think the biggest challenges for teachers
are. Parents. They laughed. I know, I really do. They are the bane of the
existence for anyone working with kids. I felt I connected with both of them,
and that they were genuinely interested in me as a person. I answered with
confidence, with passion, and even a little humour to demonstrate I was in
control of the situation. It came natural, and I looked good in a suit. Some of
my questions were quite long and detailed, much like this blog entry, just
going over 2,500 words now. Some were so detailed in fact that they actually
answered what was to be the next question. I explained a lot as I often do
quite candidly about how my own schooling has shaped my view on teaching, and
that I will be determined to not be the same as them. It was uplifting to walk
around a school and see and hear activity. Children up and about, engaging with
one another and the teacher, working in groups, attempting to solve problems.
Very little of the sit still, shut up, face the front, copy the board kind of
teaching that I experience at private school. I explained about learning styles
and about truly reaching out to the child and trying to inspire them in
whatever it may be that works for them.
The presentation was a five minute Power Point about a topic of
our choosing. With help from my cousin particularly, I did a presentation on
attendance. Turns out that the Southampton area is one of the worst in the
country. I went through some ideas on what can be done, and why attendances may
be low. For the first time in ages, I read from notes. I explained to them with
only a few days to prepare, and a big game at the weekend, that my preparation
was limited, and that I usually research the subject well enough and rehearse
the presentation well enough that I can do it off the cuff, with no prompting.
They asked me my opinions on children taking time off to go on holiday during
school time. It’s sad that the prices are so high that they need to do that,
and that travelling should be encouraged, as it opens the mind of the
traveller. And then what about a child who has the holiday of a lifetime, but then
returns with two weeks of work missing? I said I really don’t know, and that it
would probably depend on many factors, such as year, grade, subject, weeks or
days until next subject begins, as well as a few others.
Last I went into a room with five kids, two girls and three
boys, and had to do my reading activity. I don’t know what an appropriate book
is for an eight year old. Luckily, my cousin helped again. He provided me with
a very interesting book that somewhat resembled Little Red Riding Hood. It was
a picture book with small amounts of words in it. A few of the children nearly
killed me when right at the start they said they had already read it. Oh bloody
hell. In each illustration is something a little strange, and a little hard to
see. It’s often clues from other childhood stories. That, with the grammar and
wording, enabled me to ask lots of questions and pose lots of challenges to the
kids about why the author may have done this or that. They were enthralled.
Literally on the edge of their seats. A genuine success.
I have two more teaching applications to hear back from. I don’t
know when they will get in touch, but I do hope it is soon. I don’t like to
wait, and I do like to plan.
With Saints, the last few weeks have been eventful. Following on
from the bullying saga, we have replaced the goalkeeper. She played her first
game in a 4-1 loss away to Portsmouth. We weren’t at our best that day. It all
went very wrong before the game started, and considering that we lost 3-0 to
them before, there are some positives to take from that. Before, we couldn’t
attack, and had a squad of sixteen. This Sunday gone, with all our injuries,
absences, and illnesses, we had a squad of thirteen. One pulled out of the
starting lineup, our returning captain, and another was far too sick, so didn’t
play. If we had not borrowed a player from the first team, who played the whole
game out of position, we would have been stuck by ten. We had identified Pompey
as a team we were unlikely to get any points from, so felt we had nothing to
lose against them. It all went so very wrong, so we lost nothing, and for those
who believe in bad luck, I think we had all of ours in one go, getting it out
the way for the remaining games. We looked lethargic in this game. It took us
twenty minutes to be able to connect a pass, and could not cope with the
movement of Pompey. We went 1-0 very early on, and struggled from there.
Through individual brilliance, one of our forwards unleashed a ferocious shot
from range to put us back level at 1-1, though we really had no right to be in
the game. Two minutes later and Portsmouth re-established their lead, going 2-1
up. After the half, the game continued like that. Frustration was evident on
the faces of our players, as nothing was going our way. One player received a
yellow card for dissent, which is absolutely ridiculous. You should never get
yourself in trouble like that. Our new keeper did make a good save from a
free-kick, but as is typical, none of our players reacted to the rebound.
Silly.
The new keeper is not near her best yet. Six weeks since she
previously did anything in regards to football following an operation, and a
step up of many leagues, being thrown into a game against very tough opponents.
You have to feel for her a bit. While she adjusts, we won’t see her at her best
for some time. What she does provide that is new for us is, is her
communication with the defence. She’s also a positive and upbeat person that is
good to have around the team. Definitely good to have on bus trips.
Our game versus the first team was a good exhibition for the
club. We gave them a good game for eighty three minutes. There was an
appearance from the threatening dad of the former goalkeeper, with the keeper
and mother too. “Come on you reds!” he encouraged throughout the game. What was
his angle? Who cares? We played defensively and were confident in our strategy.
They went 2-0 up, but that didn’t affect our game plan or our confidence. One
of our U16 players scored a great goal from the edge of the box, following the
ball rebounding from a corner. A great moment for her as the U16 coach is the
first team goalkeeper. The second half began and we believed we could come back
into it. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the first or second goal. 4-1 down, but
we kept going, and for our efforts, pulled it back to 4-2 after a defender put
one of our crosses into her own net. With not long left, a third goal for us
would make things very interesting. Sadly, that never happened. We suddenly
fell apart, and conceded three very avoidable goals in the final seven minutes.
4-2 is far more respectful than 7-2. The result did not reflect our
performance, but we got a lot of credit from many involved with the club. The
players were happy with themselves, but annoyed at the score.
The best moment recently was our away trip to Chichester, which
we won 5-1, and it could have been many more. We played absolutely outstanding
that day. It was a joy to watch. The pitch was dreadful. Muddy, bumpy, long
grass, with wet patches covered in sawdust. With all that had happened
recently, we needed some positive performances to lift the team and prove to
ourselves that we are capable. It was 2-1 at half time, and I made a very
difficult and unpopular decision. Our right back and right winger were both
struggling. The defender was not moving anymore due to the onset of the illness
that kept her out of the Portsmouth game, and the right midfielder was
hobbling, so could not run. The problem was, that we only had two on the bench,
both U16s that had played that morning, the day before, and ninety minutes a
few days prior in the first v reserve game. Did they have the energy? And what
happened if we had another injury? I talked to my assistant, and we made the
call. He said it was the obvious thing to do.
No player likes coming off, especially not at half time. They
protested, as did the rest of the team, but that was it. We were going to make
the change, and I was going to take the heat if things went wrong. The logic
was that as both our right sided players were dead, we were effectively playing
with just nine players. The two U16s may have played a lot already, but they
were hyper. They’d just won a semi-final, and were bouncing off the walls. I
wanted an injection of energy that would have put us back on top in the game,
got another goal, creating a two goal gap, which we could then have defended
effectively. We know we can defend, backs against the all, so even if we lost
another player and went down to ten, we fancied our chances of holding onto the
win with only half an hour to go. Risky, but I was very confident it would
work. The hyperactivity of the U16s may only last for twenty minutes, but it
could be enough. The plan worked beautifully, as sixteen minutes in, two the
U16s combined, and then hit an incredible shot from distance to put us 3-1 up.
The girls kept working, creating many chances, playing some beautiful attacking
football, finishing 5-1 winners. We were very happy with that.
Tomorrow, I return for Day 3 and 4 of the FA Youth Award Module
3. Then next week begins the assessment days of the UEFA B course. That’s a lot
to get through, meaning there will be much to discuss in the next blog.
Lastly, I must talk about my U9 boys, who played their first
game in what felt like a decade. We had our first training on grass of 2016,
and they looked like they had forgotten what football is. Strange, as I was
still seeing them on a Tuesday, and they were having their Super Secret Sunday
Sessions when our games were called off, so they were playing plenty of
football. Maybe it was the grass and the mud. Two games, as usual, now a cup
competition, with the games combined to form one result. They won 2-0 and 4-0,
and apparently played very, very well. That is encouraging. I might be able to
see them play this Sunday in the first time in ages. There’s so much more to
write about, but it is almost one in the morning, and I started this at nine
this morning, adding to it throughout the day. Big day tomorrow, so I’m just
going to submit this piece and get some much needed sleep.
Entry 24: Monday 14th March 2016
I am writing this the night before my UEFA B assessment.
Honestly, I’m not sure how it will go. I know I am capable of passing, but
there is always doubt. I have to make sure, like in any performance, that
what’s within my control is executed to the best that I can do. Everything else
is a mystery, and I hope it all falls into place. I’m happy to be going as one
of the last few, as it has enabled me to look at the other sessions and get
back into the swing of things. I’m going to go over it shortly with the board,
and then again tomorrow morning, attempting to visualise the scenarios, and
prepare what I am going to say.
The latest to report from Saints Ladies is that I have just this
second cut our new goalkeeper from the team. She just wasn’t up to scratch. Unfit,
and unable to kick, she became a burden to us in the two games we played. Her
distribution was just inviting pressure, and the defence in front of her looked
shakey. She’s a nice person, and as a former player, there’s a bit of
attachment there, but I have to do what is right for the team, and that is
making difficult decisions. It doesn’t matter how right you are, it’s always
hard to tell someone they’re not good enough.
The West Ham game saw us lose 6-1. I wouldn’t put that all down
to our keeper that day. We conceded only three minutes in, and never looked in
the game. Stark contrast to the game only a few short weeks ago. We didn’t
challenge aerially, had no fight, no bite, and seemed sluggish. Players got on
each other’s backs, some went into hiding, and it fell apart. We can’t expect
perfect harmony all the time, but this felt very disjointed, and quite
psychologically naïve. The game yesterday versus Crystal Palace was a great
improvement. We won that 2-1. As Palace were the first team we played, way back
in September, it is amazing to compare the improvements made. There have been
peaks and troughs, but we are strong contenders to finish in seventh place from
ten, when we were given no hope at the beginning. We could even sneak into
sixth, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Seventh is currently ours, and we
are in the driving seat here. We have to take one game at a time, going along
steady, and if the team in sixth, Crystal Palace, make a mistake, we will be
ready to take over them.
We had our first futsal game on Friday night, which was a
rousing success. It was a 3-0 victory, and all seven players had a jolly good
time. Being new to the sport, there were many pointless infringements, such as
rolling ball and ball over the line. I prepped the team to play a fluid shape,
aiding their tactical development and enticing them to be creative. Key words
are necessary to provide reference points in what is a new experience. Diamond
in possession, square out of possession. It’s easy to see and easy to do. Play
one touch of receiving facing your own goal. And there are five positions in
our system; goalkeeper, pivot, left and right wing, target. As it was a first
time for me too, actually coaching a game of futsal, rather than playing it or
going over it in training, I did all I could to remove pointless decision
making beforehand. We had seven players, no goalkeeper, it’s a forty minute
game, and subs are rolling. Out of the seven, four could do a decent job in
goal. That’s ten minutes each. Rotate them, and rotate the rest to get an even
turn in the net. Changes were made every five minutes, with players staying on
for only five or ten minutes at a time, to keep the energy levels high. I put
this in a chart, with pretty colours, and this was stuck on the wall behind our
bench. I didn’t have to think. Not even once. Every five minutes, turn around
to see what the chart says, make changes accordingly. That freed my brain to
analyse the game. Being a new experience, I coached them through it a lot more
than I would do normally.
Everything worked very well. We were defending tight for most of
the game, but proved we can do that, as the opposition had very few clear cut
chances. We were effective on the counter attack. The quality showed, as these
are a group of players that already play together three times a week, and not
it was four. The understanding, trust, and knowledge was there, despite their
apprehension in a new environment. They were so happy, and now we sit top of
the league.
My U9 boys have been going off the rails a little bit. I need to
get them back on track. In my absence, with the parents taking charge, it’s
become a pressurised, aggressive environment, full of vague coaching and talk
of fight and passion. “Where’s your composure?” is not the kind of thing you
say to a nine year old. How do you even answer that question? Is it rhetorical?
Is it like “Where is your soul?” Do we even have a soul? It just becomes too
philosophical. Give the kid some advice or some reassurance. Other fun
utterings were “My dad is being mean to me” by the tantrum boy whose dad wants
him to become a professional, and also “He’s too obsessed by it” from the son
of the dad that has been taking charge. I’ll be around a lot more now, so can
reign it in a bit. Another boy was in tears after having very little game time.
He is small, but not playing him will not benefit him at all, and only make him
not want to come. I will arrange some friendlies and some tournaments and try
to put the fun and the learning back into things. There was very little joy or
skill displayed in our last match. The passing, moving, turns, dribbling etc.
were not present in the games. You don’t do that. You kick it as far forward as
you can, and then run after it. Repeat until you score. Winning is so unimportant
in comparison to development. You don’t go into a game specifically to lose,
but by the same token, if you don’t give the players the freedom to make
mistakes and to learn, then they will grow to be very limited players. It’s
long term, long term, long term. Nothing but long term. Only long term.
Entry 25: Wednesday 7th April 2016
Usually for writing these blog posts I have a notification on my
phone that appears every two weeks on a Wednesday. For some reason it hasn’t
done that, and I now have three weeks between this post and my last one.
There’s a lot of disappointment for me to log. I failed the UEFA
B assessment. It took a while to come to terms with. My session went well, and
I thought I gave a good account of myself. While waiting for our name to be
called prior to our feedback interview, most people were coming back with a pass.
I got my hopes up. Surely if that many had passed, then I was to also be
successful. Without being over confident, there were some that reported passes
that I thought to myself “Well if they have passed, then surely I have too”. If
I’m not good enough, I can accept that. What came back at me in my feedback is
just not true. I don’t agree with the points that my assessor made. It’s not
about quality, which is subjective, and he has the more important opinion. It’s
about quantity. I didn’t do enough demonstrations. Yes I did. I talked for too
long. No I didn’t. Why did I play with inverted wingers on the attacking team?
Well, thinking back to a discussion we had two months prior, my assessor
actually told me that playing with inverted wingers would be a good idea. I’m
becoming annoyed again while writing this. Some of my restarts weren’t good,
and the defence was too deep. That makes sense. I get that. I agree with that.
But the other stuff? No way. Perhaps he was just saying it to make my fail look
more convincing. I’m trying not to be petty, but with the reputation of this
assessor, and with the comments made by the assessors previously “some of you
on this course have already failed, regardless of how well you do in your
assessment”, it just plays in my mind. Reading back that quote, it’s actually
an oxymoron. How can we have already failed an assessment that takes place in
the future? My mind is screaming “BIAS!!!!” at me, but I’m putting faith in
humanity, and trying to not be so petty, while looking upon myself to see where
I can improve.
So now I need to do the assessment again. At a cost of £100,
plus the cost of the facility that I will need to hire. That’s on top of the
£1,500 or so I have already spent on hotel, food, and petrol to get to the
course, not to mention the £800 course fees. For that money, I’d appreciate
some better feedback. I’d also appreciate not seeing my assessor with his back
turned, engaged in conversation with other assessors during my session. If I
wasn’t good enough, then I wasn’t good enough, but I felt I did well, and your
mind plays tricks on you when you think that you were unjustly and unfairly
treated by an assessor that was not paying you due attention.
Some good news has arrived. I am no longer with the U15s team.
The kid that causes all the problems has finally quit. I had one session last
week with six players. It is unbelievably better when he is not there. The team
has been taken off my schedule. No explanation given, but I really don’t care.
It was becoming too difficult for so many reasons. These are fifteen years olds
that play Saturday and Sunday, as well as indoor on Friday, and train about
three times a week, one of which is with me, who doesn’t even go to their games
and has no input on team selection. I’ve had and seen a lot of these scenarios.
It’s popular in the US as it makes a lot of money for some big coach provider
companies, but essentially if there is no link between training and games, it
becomes ineffective. You need consistency of rules, standards, and learning
objectives. It’s also important that the ones with the information are the ones
that are making the decisions. A coach that doesn’t go to the games does not
have such relevant information, and therefore fails when it comes to realism.
You don’t know the true strengths and weaknesses of the individuals and the
team, nor have you seen how effective or ineffective their playing system is.
It’s far worse in the US where your only link to the team is a parent that has
no soccer background. Upon asking them what needs to be worked on, their
uneducated reply is usually along the lines of “Yeah, we need to take more
shots. We get near the penalty box and we just don’t shoot it.” So where does
the problem actually lie? Is the lack of goals the manifestation of another
issue? Technically, it could be passing, dribbling, creating of chances,
recognising the opportunity for a shot, it could be many things. Tactically,
are the runs off the ball not creating the space? Are the players on the ball
taking a touch outside, when really they need to control the ball towards a gap
in the defence?
“Take more shots”.
Hardly the way forward. The way forward for me, if I have not
previously mentioned, is that I have accepted a position to teach in primary
school next year. My other two applications failed. Basically, the two more I
was waiting for had already closed their applications, but didn’t bother to
tell me for months, so in that time, I couldn’t search for a better option. Oh
well. The one I have accepted looks to be really good. They made me feel great
when I was there, and they have been in good contact since. I think they will
really support me and want the best for me. I need to try and get a decent loan
or else I will not be able to afford it. Student loans in the UK take about
fifteen years or so to pay off, at a very low rate. I can do that. Looking at
my options for the following year, I’m leaning towards going back out to Kuwait
to do my NQT year. I can start to earn some decent money straight away, and will
be on the ladder of working abroad. I don’t know if they would be as a sport
teacher or as a primary teacher in that NQT year. After that, my options would
be wide open. Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Kuwait, and a healthy package. I would save. I
don’t want to be in this situation any longer. I owe too much, and it keeps
getting larger.
The last two games with Saints Ladies have been incredibly
disappointing. Away to QPR, we took a very early lead, which we doubled soon
after. QPR came back to 2-1, but again, we re-established dominance and put two
goals between us and our opponents. Then it turned. We started to make a few
mistakes, and began to lose our cool. Players began to argue and bitch with
each other. This was definitely not going to help our plight. It was causing
some players to give up their chases for the loose balls, panic when in
possession, and make rash decisions. Players were arguing as they came off the
pitch at the half time whistle. We looked like losers and were in great danger
of throwing it away. I did my best to get them to calm down and focus,
reminding them that we were in front. It didn’t work. Very quickly, it was 3-2.
We held on until the last ten minutes, when QPR made it 3-3. We had so many
golden chances to kill the game off. At least four 1v1s with the goalkeeper,
and even a 2v1. Three of those were the easiest saves she will ever have to
make, as the ball was clipped gently into her hands. Maybe a point wouldn’t
have been so bad, but with three minutes to go, they got their fourth goal, and
we were crushed. The players argued in the changing rooms, and the ride home
felt like a funeral.
It was to be two weeks until our next game and I focussed
heavily on team cohesion, teamwork, togetherness, respect, and anything else I
could think of to help overcome this problem. Training was poorly attended for
various reasons, so I reached out through our private Facebook group,
essentially bombarding them with motivational videos, some of which appealed to
our British sense of humour, enabling us to make fun of them, building common
ground.
The next game was to be very winnable. Our preparation was top
class. We had ninety minutes of video footage of this team, and we had also
been to see them a few weeks prior. We had details on how they play, and of
individual characteristics. We knew what we were up against. Perhaps it was a
mixture of lethargy, fear, over confidence, panic, shirking responsibility, and
many other mental frailties in different amounts depending on the player, but
we threw this game away. We were terrible. There was not one redeeming feature.
No “Well, we may have lost, but we did this really well.” Absolutely nothing.
We were awful all over the place, against what was a bad team. We didn’t want
the ball, we didn’t work hard to win it back, and when he had it, we couldn’t
keep it. We were lucky it was only 0-0 well into the second half. Suddenly,
everyone switched off, possibly expecting an offside call, leaving the striker
to put the ball into the net completely unopposed. Something similar happened
again not long after, and it finished 2-0. The mood, again, was like there had
been a death. It took me a while to get over that.
Training on Tuesday was much better. The mood had somewhat
lifted, and there were smiles and laughter. We have our final game coming up on
Sunday, against by far the worst team in the league. We can still achieve our
twelve points target. We need a good performance more than anything. We owe it
to ourselves. We need to prove to ourselves we are capable. I’m looking forward
to a bit of rest when that’s all over and done with.
Entry 26: Thursday 14th April 2016
We won our game at the weekend! We can rejoice, calm down, and
relax. It was really pleasing to see a lot of the work that we did during
training actually come out on the field. Yes, they were a much weaker side, but
that often counts for very little in the game. So much of it is mental. The
team the week before were weaker, and we made them look good by playing with
fear. What exactly were we scared of?
I have been trying to get the players to understand the
importance of maintaining possession. Keep the ball, control the game. We don’t
like the ball in England. We keep kicking it forward every time we get it,
regardless of whether anyone is able to receive it, until eventually it finds
its way to one of our talented players in the final third. We then hope that
they can do something with it. We’ve got to start to think about what having
the ball means. There is now a trend growing in modern soccer that you attack
directly, with pace, much in the way of Dortmund and Bayern in their Champions
League campaigns in 2013. I’m trying to get my team to play like Barcelona, who
have just been undone by both the Madrid sides. It’s deep defending, but with a
lethal counter attack. Far more skill and discipline involved than the English
way of kicking everything you see, and launching the ball into the box. I’m
trying to encourage my players to play like Barcelona, despite the trend moving
away from that style of football, as it is the most effective method for
developing technically and tactically sound players.
Just a few simple principles. You may often hear grassroots
coaches shout mundane advice to kids playing, but there is wisdom far beyond
their own comprehension of what they are saying. Play the easy ball, keep it
simple, play the way you’re facing etc. actually carry a lot of weight as
effective tactical demands. Reminding the team what colour they are wearing is
sometimes a step too far. I want them to look for the 100% pass. Not because we
want possession stats and other arbitrary measurements to look impressive, but
because there is actually a purpose to it. Number one, is that if we have the
ball, the opposition can’t score, so it’s a great form of defence. What players
don’t understand, which is the intricate part here, is that by keeping the
ball, you are then tempting the pressers from the opposition to break rank
after becoming frustrated, and perhaps press too. At that moment, you pass the
ball round them, exploiting the gap created, and penetrating a line of their
defence. We have to find situations that we can turn into 3v1 overloads. A 3v2
is not good enough as both the nearest passing options for the ball have been
cut out. If a 3v1 turns into a 3v2, it means that another opponent has been
drawn out, and now is the trigger tom play through the gap they have left. As
Pep says, you don’t pass to keep the ball, you pass to move the opposition out
of the way. It takes patience, discipline, and a greater understanding than
they already have.
I am looking forward to this rebuilding stage that comes with
the off season and with pre season. With limited ability to change or influence
much before the start last season, I really want to be able to put my stamp on
it this time around. We have months to bring in new players, and get them to
adjust to the team, as well as letting me assess their strengths and weaknesses
to determine the best and most effective ways to help them grow as players.
Being thrown in the deep end like we were, I felt a little blindsided. We had
no idea of the level of competition or the demands of the game, just that it
was going to be tougher than anything we had faced previously. How does it work
in the Women’s Premier League, and how good do we need to be? Now we know. And
we know our own potential. I think some players may be very keen, yet there are
months to go until September. We will be thorough, but we will take it steady.
There’s a lot to cover, but the main areas for me are possession and fitness.
We have not retained the ball well enough, and we have been fatigued quicker
than our opponents. Sure, there are other things, but that’s more of a tweak
than anything else, such as ensuring one of the CDMs holds, forming a triangle
with the CBs, while the RB + LB push forward to create width, provide support,
and allow the RM and LM to play more inside, with a viable recycle option. And
some work needs to be done on corners and free kicks, but most importantly,
let’s keep the ball. That will be the focus in every session, friendly, and
tournament that we play in. Pass, pass, pass. No more shovels.
Entry 27: Wednesday 20th April 2016
The season is over. The stress has
been lifted. Suddenly my shoulders feel free and able to move around without
resistance. What could this feeling be? There’s still plenty of football going
on, and much to organise. I don’t think my workload has really changed much. It
must be the judgement, the expectation, the dread. Being in charge of a team is
a weird feeling. You spend most of the week either upset about the previous
performance, then worrying if the practices were effective enough to prepare
the squad for the next game, then you worry about the next game until the game
happens, and repeat the process again and again. There are so many lows. The
only high is a win, and even that lasts for just a fleeting moment. So why do
this? Are we adrenaline junkies? Why endure six and a half days of anguish for
perhaps enjoying one out of every three Sunday evenings being enjoyable? The
high isn’t that high, and it doesn’t last very long. From the works of Dan
Ariely, I understand that humans are loss averse, and that we feel the impacts
of negativity about twice the amount we feel the impacts of positivity. In
essence, you need two good things to happen to you to cancel out one bad thing.
No wonder so many people are miserable and sadistic despite having enviable
lives.
I have now completed a few sessions
for another after school club provider. That puts me in schools five days per
week. Some football, some multi sports. They trick is, especially with large
groups, to play simple games and keep everyone moving. No laps, no lines, no
lectures. With this new company, I usually work with someone. We have large
groups of more than twenty, so an extra set of ears, eyes, and hands is
invaluable. There’s always some kid that wants to cry after being brushed in
the face by a one ounce sponge ball. One can deal with that, while the other
maintains order in the games. The coach to player ratio is an important one,
but even more important than that is the ball to player ratio.
Monday’s ASC football session: every
player with a ball, try to kick your ball at the ball of any other players. One
point every time you kick your ball successfully at another. You can run away,
dodge, protect etc. to not get hit. Progress into having eight goals, with one
goalkeeper defending a goal, all the other players with a ball. Go score as
many goals as you can in one minute. Compare scores. Change goalkeepers. Set
challenges. Can you score with your left foot? Then finally, move the kids into
games of 3v3, separated by age. Once we know the kids a bit more, perhaps
separate by ability rather than age.
Tuesday’s U9 football session: using
my new pug goals, create an area that is 24x24. In the middle, place all four
pug goals, back to back, so essentially you have one goal with four faces. As
kids arrive, (I had six in total) they join the attacking team, to try and
score with one ball in any of the four goals. At first it was a 3v1, which,
with my involvement, turned into a 5v2. Two goalkeepers shuffling around trying
to defend four small goals, while the five, limited to two touches, pass the
ball around the goals, looking for an opening to then score. That progressed
into a 3v3, with the goals staying where they are. No goalkeepers, and one team
defends two goals (North and South), the other team defends two goals (East and
West). There’s a lot of transitions in this game. Progress to taking the goals
from the centre of the area, to all four sides, and same again, defend two,
attack two, in a 3v3. Progress that into a normal 3v3 game.
Wednesday’s ASC multi sports session:
kids split into four teams right away. Started off with variants of foxes and
rabbits, where they are all chasing each other. The bib goes in the back of the
shorts like a tail. Run around and catch people. Start with no elimination,
only points. You rip out the tail, drop it to the floor, gain one point, move
on. If your tail is ripped out, pick it back up again, move on. With no
elimination, everyone is engaged. With a points system, there is an incentive
to try hard. That progressed into having one team try to chase everyone else.
That did have elimination, but the turnover was quick, as the new game would
start about thirty seconds later. We moved that on to an all v all moving
dodgeball game. Red team, blue team, yellow team, orange team. Don’t hit anyone
on your team. Don’t throw the ball in the face. Don’t run up close to someone
and hit them with the ball. YOU MUST THROW IT. Every kid has their own ball,
which they are responsible for. You get one point every time you hit someone.
No elimination (not only to keep everyone involved, but also because kids cheat
and pretend they weren’t hit), using a challenge to see how many players at one
point each you can hit in two minutes. You can either dodge their throw, or use
your ball to block their shot. With that, we provided challenges of can you hit
someone over a long distance (more than ten yards) for five points? Can you not
only block a shot with your ball, but also rebound it back at the shooter for
five points? This game progressed into something similar, but done with the
feet. Like on Monday, can you kick your ball at someone else’s ball for one
point? One minute to see how many points you can get. Finally, still with every
child having a ball each, in their teams, they had to protect their goal (a
bench) and score by hitting the goals of the other teams, either by throwing or
kicking the ball. Kids who want to be a goalkeeper can do so. There is no limit
on goalies. Every ball is playable, so where there is one ball for every
player, if someone steals your ball, or it ricochets off the bench, wall, or
opponent, there are plenty more balls bouncing around. Players keep track of
their own score.
In all these games, as simple as they
were, there are some key elements at play here; every child was engaged, every
child got to play at their own pace and weren’t impacted by any differences in
ability (both the strivers and the strugglers), there were hundreds and
thousands of repetitions as there were plenty of balls (mostly one each),
constantly changing and ever adapting situations, risk and reward (if I take a
long shot I can score five points, but then I have to retrieve my ball and will
be more at risk of being hit), no player was a burden to their teammates and no
player was having to carry the team, all the in game decisions being made were
those of the players themselves, no player was allowed to hide, so even the
strugglers were kept active and involved, but not to the detriment of the
session quality, nor of their own personal enjoyment.
So much running, jumping, kicking,
catching, throwing, turning, dodging, blocking, and thinking took place. That’s
exactly what kids need in the fundamental stage. Sessions with young players
should be like this all the time. They were always engaged. They were all tired
at the end of it. They all had hundreds of ball touches. No two seconds were
alike. We’ve worked on motor skills. We’ve worked on agility, balance, and
coordination. We’ve worked on speed, agility, and quickness. All this stuff has
come out. So where we have ticked the repetitions box, I would argue that
despite playing anything that actually resembles a typical sport, we’ve hit a
lot of the relevance box too through the amount of bare essential components
that have been utilised. I would also argue that the realism box was ticked. It
was high tempo, plenty of opposition, ever changing scenarios, with risk and
reward, and plenty of problems to be solved in a split second.
People who I can corner to bore with
my rants will probably have heard the phrase ‘hidden curriculum’. It’s the
stuff you learn secretly while you’re learning stuff. Let’s take the football
game where players had to kick their balls at the balls of other players. Let’s
pretend we’re coming at it from the angle of passing a ball. I would encourage
proper technique; use of the inside of the foot, placement of the standing foot
etc. As balls and players are flying about all over the place, the pictures are
constantly changing (JUST LIKE IN A REAL GAME!!!!) so we are working on both
the psychological and physical corners too. Psychological as we encounter
decision making (which part of the foot to use? Which technique? Where will the
ball go after) and also anticipation, by monitoring the movement of your ball
and the run of an opponent. Looking physically, players are chasing moving
balls, perhaps changing direction, slowing down, making last second adjustments
as stimuli suddenly changes (such as an opponent throwing in a dummy or a
feint) which again is ABCs. There’s even a tad of the social corner, as we
consider how players may react if they are targeted by many opponents, or if
they encounter a weaker player and perhaps feel it would be too easy and maybe
unfair to smash their ball into the ball of the weaker player.
So in addition to the technical side,
the passing, we’ve touched psychological, physical, and social, without really
realising it. But even in the technical corner, there is still much more. If a
player comes up to me to hit my ball, I have two options; turn, or protect.
Both valuable skills in football. As players will have to cover a lot of ground
throughout this game, they will also be working on their running with the ball
(big touches over large distances) and dribbling (small touches over short
distances). If we condition the game so that players must strike the ball with
their laces, it becomes a lead in to a session on power shooting. We could just
as easily make this exercise about dribbling. “When there are many opponents,
keep your ball close, take short, sharp touches, and change direction as you
dribble between them. Or turning. “When an opponent comes towards you with
their ball, perform a drag back so that you are facing away from them, and then
accelerate away”. Marvellous.
It’s so easy, and so much fun for the
players. Considering the soccer specific drills from Tuesday, they games were
fun simply because they were interesting. Four small goals back to back in the
centre with one goalkeeper to protect them? What has coach been smoking? It
looks silly, and kids love it. But what were we working on? Shooting? Passing?
Dribbling? Tackling? Support play? Preventing shots? Transitions? Counter
attack? Patience in possession? We could have actually taught any one of those
topics, and more. Thing is, all of those components happened in those exercises
on Tuesday night. All of those components happen in real games, so they should
all happen in practice. We shouldn’t have kids running with a ball from cone to
cone, turning, going back to the other cone, turning, going back to the other
cone. It’s boring. Skill isolation and constant practices do have a place, and
they are an effective means of breaking down a move simply and slowly so that a
young learner can understand the different components of the skill, but if you
can do it in a more varied or random practice, then do it! Give them a
challenge, a purpose, a goal, an objective. Constant practices develop one
technique in one exact and specific scenario. Scenarios change all the time,
and come with decision making. Decision making is influenced by previous
experience, and is essentially a form of knowledge. Knowledge is remembering in
disguise. Why can a player solve a problem quickly? Because they have solved
similar problems thousands of times. They haven’t worked it out there and then
in their heads. The conscious mind doesn’t work quick enough to be able to
factor in all the variables on display and then offer a solution to accept or
reject. It’s the unconscious mind. It happens in a fraction of a second. The
player is on auto pilot as the brain recognises it has been here before, and
chooses the correct option without having to do mass calculations. Get them
into game situations. Completing passes in isolation teaches a player how to
hit an unopposed pass over a short distance. It doesn’t factor in defenders,
change of angle, distance to goal, approach vector of the receiver, potential
wall pass opportunities, and third man runs.
That’s one of the biggest reasons why
players can’t take decent training performances out onto the pitch. For
whatever reason, it wasn’t realistic enough. It’s too different to what it’s
like on the pitch in a real game. Usually either effort or practice design,
something is letting everybody down. If the practice design is too easy, of
course you will experience lots of success in training. If it provides
unrealistic or irrelevant scenarios and problems to solve, then it will not
help you one bit. You get good at what you practice. Practice makes permanent.
If you’re practicing the wrong thing, you will become good at it, and be very
good at doing the wrong thing on the pitch. Likewise, with the effort of the
individuals. Those special people in our lives who just don’t see the value of
trying hard in training. They let everybody down. Of course we can look like
Barcelona against a group of players who aren’t trying hard enough. The team
we’re playing on Sunday won’t be doing that though. The team on Sunday will be
fighting for every ball, and dripping sweat, blood, and tears to beat us.
That’s what we need to practice against, or else we’re just wasting our time
doing some pretty drills that will be of no real benefit to us.
Moving away from this, I finally got
in contact with my assessor from the UEFA B license course. I require reassessment,
and my enquiry was essentially to see how to go about it. I was definitely not
looking to be reassessed soon. Obviously I have been deemed unworthy, so need
to do something to bridge that gap from unworthy to pass. This guy doesn’t let
people get a word in. He quickly told me that I should not be considering
reassessment any time soon, that I am not ready, that I am very far off the
required standard. As much as I appreciated the confidence boost, I was trying
to enquire about support days, or assessors more local to me that I could reach
out to for advice and guidance. He thinks the earliest I should do it is six
months from now. I am inclined to disagree with that. I may not have been good
enough to pass, and I know I have areas I need to work on, but I don’t believe
I was that far behind, if behind at all, compared to those who did pass. I
think it’s a case of really looking to justify his selection of failure. I
still maintain that some of the criticisms he made of me were either wrong or
invented, and I think that was done to bring my mark down. I’m not good enough,
I get that, but in those particular areas, I am of adequate standard. My key
areas for improvement are game understanding and session design. Maybe he feels
that if that’s all he says to me, I will feel that the fail is unjust, as I
would have been so close to the pass mark. Like he has to give me a harsh fail
to really justify his point. I don’t know what the purpose of that would be,
but unless I am blind to my own ability, I do feel like I was not judged
properly.
Now I need to go back to Watford
again in May, for two weeks’ worth of sessions. Yay. I love driving to London
in the traffic. I love getting up early. At least this time around the weather
won’t be so bad. But I bet the pitches are still terrible. I won’t be spending
a fortune on hotels again, as I will be driving home each day to go to work and
to practice. I’ll just be spending a fortune on petrol instead. At the very
least, I will be showing my face, and being seen to do the right things.
Hopefully this recap will help me hone in on the aspects I need to work on.
With the knowledge I gained throughout the course, I may be able to look back
at the earlier content with a fresh perspective.
Now that the serious coaching is taking
a break for a while, I’m trying to get to as many games as possible to keep my
mind working, and to improve this lack of knowledge of the game that I
apparently have. This weekend I want to see Portsmouth at home to Wycombe
Wanderers. Next Wednesday evening will be a team trip to see Reading v Arsenal
in the WSL. For my birthday will be Rovers at home to Reading. The following
weekend it is the Women’s FA Cup final at Wembley, and our U16s playing in the
Hampshire Cup final. Throughout the summer I will keep going to watch any WSL
and friendly games possible, as well as watching MLS, Euros, and Copa America
on TV. I’ll be able to have a clearer mind now that my thoughts won’t be
concentrated solely on my own team. I could also go see a game next weekend,
but all the local teams, as far as I can tell, are away from home. Saints,
Pompey, Eastleigh, Aldershot, Bournemouth. Maybe I could go to Fareham,
Gosport, or Havant. That would be nice. I think that’s something I should do
next season. Keep my Saturday afternoons free, and try to watch more local
football. See if I can fit some refereeing in there somewhere to earn a bit of
cash, but mainly keep going to watch games, where I won’t be attached to a
team, nor will I be distracted by anyone around me.
Last Sunday I was able to be with my
U9 boys for the whole game. They won 4-1 and 3-1. They played quite well.
Everyone was given an equal turn, and they all enjoyed it. The dad who had been
helping for games I wasn’t there had definitely become too involved. He gives
them long winded, complicated instructions full of jargon. Mine were “Give the
ball to someone, go get it back” in an attempt to encourage the passing we had
been working on. Two simple, easy to understand instructions. When you have the
ball, pass it to a teammate. Then, move to a position to support. The kids get
it, and I haven’t bored or confused them. There was also a dispute over which
ball to use, when he nearly got into a fight with the other team. It should
have been our ball for the first game, but we used theirs. Big whoop. Just as
the second game was about to start, he noticed it was their ball on the centre
spot, marched over to it, and replaced it with ours. Their coach then went and
switched the balls again. Then the dad started with the finger pointing and
accusations. The other coach was explaining that a ball is a ball, there is no
big deal. I would have to agree with that. It became quite aggressive. At this
point all the kids and all the parents were watching, and our respect officer,
a designated dad in a bright yellow jacket, came running across to intervene
and take our dad away. I looked after the boys and tried to provide calm
influence. “Don’t worry boys. Just play” smiley face. “He’s trying to get one
over on us!” the dad said to me. “It’s cheating!” It’s really not worth getting
wound up about. It’s kids’ football. A ball is a ball. All of ours and all of
theirs were size 3 Nike balls. What’s the big deal? Making a big deal about it
has made this dad look like a knob in front of everyone, including his own boy.
I know I’m not every parent’s cup of tea, due to my lack of shouting, and thus
apparent lack of passion, but I think a few of them have quietly become more
appreciative of my cool and calm approach. They may not like me, but I’m
certainly not a bad role model. And the kids like me. A lot.
My job interview for an activities
assistant for a summer position at a language school in Bournemouth went very
well. They have offered me the job. I will have to wait for the contract, as
this might not actually be worth the time. It seems like long hours for small
pay, plus I’d have to spend a lot to drive there. It’s six days a week, at
about forty or so hours, plus another twelve on top of that for driving there
and back. It would bring in £250 or so per week, which divided per hour is
below minimum wage. Filter in the driving time, and it is well below minimum
wage. Add in the amount it will cost me to get there, and it’s around £4 per
hour. It will only be for a month, and will disrupt pre season. I will wait for
the contract, but it might not actually be worth it. There’s little to gain
from this proposal. Plus, I have other interviews coming up.
Entry 28: Thursday 28th April 2016
Last night my reserves played
in a 6v6 tournament. We took nine players. I missed the first game due to work,
which they lost 1-0. Turns out, they were only to play three games, at ten
minutes each. That's half an hour of football. That's nothing. Shared out, our
players played about fifteen to twenty minutes each. We lost the second game to
a team in our league, 2-0, from two silly individual mistakes. The final game,
against a much weaker team was a 3-0 win. Only one team from each group of four
would progress. The tournament finished about thirty minutes early. Now, we
didn't play very well, but that is a separate issue. Thirty minutes made it
almost pointless. The three ten minute games were interrupted by a half time.
Why would you need a half time if the games are only ten minutes? Forget half
time. You can increase that to twelve minutes per game, and suddenly it goes up
to thirty six minutes of playing time. A slight improvement at least. To make
things worse, only four teams from twelve progressed to semi finals. We could
easily have had quarter finals too, making it forty eight minutes. Like I said,
the tournament finished very early. There was definitely time.
For argument sake, I'm going to
construct a better tournament right now, using the parameters that were set
last night.
Group A
18:30 Team A v Team B
18:45 Team C v Team D
19:00 Team A v Team C
19:15 Team B v Team D
19:30 Team B v Team C
19:45 Team D v Team A
18:45 Team C v Team D
19:00 Team A v Team C
19:15 Team B v Team D
19:30 Team B v Team C
19:45 Team D v Team A
Games last fourteen minutes with no half time, and only one minute
for turnaround. All games start
at the same and end at the same time, starting and finishing on the buzzer. So
after an hour and a half, there is still an hour and a half of pitch time remaining.
If there are twelve teams spread into three groups of four, eight
teams are needed for quarters. The other
four could be eliminated, or they could play one extra game, in the second
round. To make sense of it, the top two teams from each group gives us six
teams. The bottom two from each group gives us another six. Two from the bottom
six are needed to make it a quarter final. In that case, pick the two best
placed teams outside the top two. Or, as mentioned, give these teams an extra
game. Have the six teams compete for two places in the quarters. So like this.
Group A, B, C positions 1st and 2nd progress
to quarters. 4th position
and the worst 3rd place
team compete for progression/elimination in the second round. The two winners
would play the other awaiting 3rd place teams in the third round. The two
winners of the third round progress to the quarters to make up the eight teams
needed. Timings as below. There were three pitches, so each group played only on one pitch with just one
referee. Easy to manage logistically.
20:00 Second round
20:15 Third round
20:30 Quarter finals
20:45 Quarter finals
21:00 Semi finals
21:15 Final, 3rd place playoff
20:15 Third round
20:30 Quarter finals
20:45 Quarter finals
21:00 Semi finals
21:15 Final, 3rd place playoff
Like this, even if
you progress straight to quarter finals, every team would play a minimum of forty two minutes, spread over
three games at fourteen minutes each. By removing the second and third round,
that's another half an hour of time freed up. Allowing for mistakes, you could
take that half an hour and add eight minutes to each of the three games, making
matches now twenty two minutes long. That's an hour and six minutes minimum per
team at twenty two minute games.
I feel let down. It's not fair on the players. It wasn’t like it
was badly organised. It’s just we all could have played a lot more football.
Our futsal last Friday was another win. We played against my old
team that I was with in 2011 and 2012. As a far superior team, we were always
going to win this game comfortably. It finished 6-2, with 90% of the play being
in their half. Had we had goalscorers available to us, it would have been more.
We only took five to the game, with three being defenders, one defensive
midfielder, and a right winger. Destroyers and creators, but no finishers. Our
regular central defender scored three, when in reality it could have been ten.
It was good to see my old team still together despite the problems I hear they
have had to endure in regards to lack of numbers. We will play them again in a
couple of months. The other game finished 12-1 between the team we beat 3-0 and
the team we are to play in two weeks. We know we should definitely fill our
boots against the team to have only scored one. That would mean that after
playing three out of the six games, we would be clear at the top of the table
by three points. The fourth game would essentially be the league decider. If we
can win that one against the team we beat 3-0, we would be six points clear
with two games to go. Those two games are against far weaker teams, meaning
that just one point would clinch the title. Obviously we would prefer the
sweep, not dropping points. We also know not to get ahead of ourselves, and to
take it one step at a time. We want to win the third game, and we want to win
it well.
The two goals we conceded were very silly indeed. The first one
came at 2-0 up, when our goalkeeper didn’t react to a backpass, thinking that
if she touched it, it would have been a penalty or a free kick to our
opponents. She believed the viable alternative was to let it go into the net,
rather than take the foul. It was 2-1 going in at half time, and our opponents
had their best player in goal. She is a tall strong woman that takes no
prisoners. She’s actually in the police force. She came out of goal for the
second half, but we still were able to add to our lead to make it 3-1. They
called a time out, and from then onwards, she stayed up top, and they launched
balls to her on the counter attack. Another coach had joined us for the game,
and when we realised their change in strategy, I said to him that “It may
result in them scoring one goal, but it will also mean that we get three.” They
thought that by sucking us in, they could release the ball to her unguarded. My
thinking was that if we send everyone forward, we have already bypassed their
best player, the only one who could stop us, with the ball, and now have four
superior players playing against three inferior players. It also sets a
challenge to my players; keep the ball, and if you can’t, can you recover quick
enough to prevent the scoring opportunity? Our opponents did score, and made it
3-2. The other coach said to me at that point “We better get that three then.”
Lo and behold, we did, I was right, and became overwhelmed with smuggery. It’s
all a big gamble. We obviously had a much better hand than our opponents, so we
were able to take more risks.
Last night, along with a coach and a player, we went to watch a
game in the Women’s Super League between Reading and Arsenal. It finished 2-1
to Arsenal. The experience was great £6 and we parked right in the stadium. Sit
where you like, no idiots looking to cause trouble, no traffic, and a good
quality match. I feel like I was undercharged. More people should go. There
were so many young girls at the game watching with their families. That wasn’t
really an option when I was a kid. Women may have played, but no one knew
where, and no one cared. The league will take time to grow as people try to
overcome their prejudices, but there is hope for the future generations. These
young fans will grow up in a world where it is acceptable to go to see women
playing football, and also where the experience is a most pleasant one. I can’t
see the WSL being up there with the Premier League in terms of quality for a
few generations yet, but it certainly is an exciting time to witness this
growth, and to have even more football to go and see. Reading and Oxford are
the nearest teams, at about an hour and a half drive. You never know, if these
talks with Southampton go well, we could receive the backing necessary to put a
good women’s team on the South Coast. I would love to be a part of that, but
see myself being thousands of miles away by then.
Entry 29: Saturday 15th May 2016
Yesterday morning I drove up to
Watford for a support day following my UEFA B failure. I went Tuesday too, but
the traffic getting there was so bad, by the time I would have got there, it
would have been time to go home again. This morning I got up early to go, but
the rain was so heavy, chances are sessions would have been cancelled and we
would have been inside. It has since turned out to be such a lovely day. Oh
well. I showed my face yesterday.
Last Saturday was my birthday. Twenty
seven seems quite daunting for someone with the mind and attitude of a fifteen
year old. I’m turning grey, but that’s a natural process. What I can change is
my weight. I’m about 10kg overweight. You probably wouldn’t describe me as fat
when looking at me. What contradicts that though is my BMI of 27 and my body
fat percentage of 28%. I jiggle a little bit. Substantial changes need to be
made to my diet. I exercise a fair bit, hence why I look good for someone with
a high BMI and BF%. What doesn’t help is the eating habits of those around me.
There is always dessert, extra cheese, or something tempting but not good for you.
A lot of it is to do with self-consciousness. We can’t remain young and
beautiful forever. I’m running out of young. I also want a long and healthy
life, and to be able to reduce the chance of minor injury caused by carrying
around this extra weight.
For my birthday, we went to the
hallowed ground of Ewood Park to watch the final game of the season between
Blackburn Rovers and Reading. Rovers won 3-1. They don’t score, nor win often,
so it was great to see that. I went into the club shop beforehand and did well
with all the bargains. Rover the Dog, the club mascot, was packing bags, and
decided to give me a special gift. A brand new home shirt, signed by all of the
first team players. That was incredible. I was so touched I could have cried. I
gave Rover a big hug, and posed for photos to go on the club’s official media
outlets. They even took me and the Mexican out on the pitch before the game for
another photo. Since no one goes to Ewood, we had great views of the pitch. We
were able to be very close to the bench and the touchline. These players, and
even some of the coaches, are in such great condition that it makes me feel
ashamed. They don’t have any part of them that jiggles when they run. I met two
players after the game; Chris Brown and Simon Eastwood, as they were walking to
their cars. I had photos with both of them. I’m of a comparable frame to most
footballers, but have lots more flesh. When I put my arm round them for photos,
there was nothing to grab. I dread to think what they would have thought when
they put their arm around me.
I’m not sure how much of this is an
egotistical pursuit in the quest for validation from others. I’ve never cared
much about other people’s opinions. I do feel like I have let myself down
considerably. It’s a slow gradual process, that is one compromise after
another. I want to be able to do my job better. I want to inspire my players to
have a greater level of fitness. I can’t do that when my shirts are tight
enough to expose a spare tire. Baldness, greyness, wrinkles etc. all of that
will eventually come. Your shape and your physical condition are things you
need to look after. My costochondritis has flared up again recently. Even
though I had been doing very light weights and not pushing myself, I decided to
go on the monkey bars at the gym. That’s a full bodyweight exercise, and has
probably pulled my intercostal muscles in ways they don’t like. It could also
be down to confidence. I’m not a very commanding person. My strength is my
persistence, not my presence. I might have a bit more presence if my belly
wasn’t poking out of my shirt.
I’ve got a few months to get it right
before the new season, and before I begin teaching. I’m pretty much all good to
begin a language teaching position this summer at language schools in
Chichester and Portsmouth. It’s similar to the one I went for before but
rejected, only that it pays more, is closer, and is for a longer contract. A
large chunk of my employment with them will actually be in the classroom
teaching. New students will arrive every week or so, so at least that way, if I
get it wrong, I can start again as new the following week. Essentially this
gives me about six chances to work on my first impression. I’ve read a lot
about not smiling until Christmas with your new class, but I can’t do that. I
don’t enjoy telling kids off. I catch myself quite regularly feigning
disappointment or frustration, when actually I really don’t care, just I have
to give them a stern look for whatever it is they have done wrong.
Just recently I went to a meeting at
the school to see which of the available schools I should go to. It gave them a
chance to meet me, and for us to ask some questions. I think I have my options
decided. I believe they seemed impressed with me. I can quite easily go off on one,
moaning about how much I don’t like that kids are talked out of their dreams,
almost forced into careers they don’t want, made to conform, and are hardly
inspired to learn. They nod and smile in agreement as my rant goes into all
sorts of directions. I’m looking forward to the challenge.
Next week I will have an interview at
Aldershot Town for a position in their academy. This could be a great
opportunity for me, but also a huge commitment that will be difficult to manage
with teaching and Saints Ladies. If I am successful, I think I will just go for
it until I burn out. I have to see if I can manage it. If not, nothing lost,
but with good experience gained, and more knowledge of my limits. I’m not quite
sure at which level to pitch my session and organisation. I asked a friend for
a bit of advice, and I now have a clearer idea of what session to do. I will
have a good think about it over the next few days to make sure that I am
thoroughly prepared.
I’m currently reading a book about
football statistics called The Numbers Game. It’s the kind of book that you
don’t want to put down, but at the same time, I find myself having to, because
it is brilliant. It blows my mind. I need time away from the book to digest
what the book told me. I will sum up some key points:
·
There is little difference in quality and style between the top five
leagues in Europe. We see English football as fast and tough, Italian as
defensive, Spanish as slow and possession based etc. So each league has a
perceived identity. The book shows this is nonsense, and entirely down to
stereotype. Nowadays, the best football played, regardless of club or country,
is fairly similar. Style is no longer down to country or culture, but about the
best way to win with the players you have got. Good football is good football,
so the best teams try to play like that, not how they are perhaps supposed to
play based off of a perceived idea of culture.
·
In a game of football, your impact as an individual with the ball is
minimal. Forwards have about fifty touches, defenders sixty, and midfield
seventy. The average player has the ball for only 53.4 seconds out of the
ninety minutes. That means for eighty nine minutes, a player is just moving
without the ball. That shows how much off the ball work means. Some players
only come alive when the ball is within five yards of them. Over five yards
they will run fast and fight hard, but that’s enough for them. That just won’t
do. A lot of those touches are 50/50 contests, blocks, clearances, and
interceptions. That further limits the amount of touches left for shooting,
dribbling, and penetrating passes. If during a game a player runs around 11k,
they only carry the ball for about 190m. That’s well over 10k without the ball.
Incredible to think of the game like that.
·
Not conceding goals is more important than scoring goals. Scoring a goal
is roughly equal to 1.1 points. Not conceding, which we call a clean sheet, is worth
1.9 points. If you keep a clean sheet, you can only win or draw. If you score a
goal, you can win, draw, or even lose. Keep more clean sheets and suddenly you
will notice a higher points tally throughout the season.
·
The above point, considered with the fact that we, as observers, only
notice things that DO happen, and not things that DON’T happen, means that
defenders should be far more valued than they are. We all think of the forward
players that can suddenly create that bit of magic that scores a goal or sets
up a chance, and naturally assume that forwards are the most important players,
because of something we have seen that DID happen. When a goal isn’t scored,
that’s a non-event. We can recognise an obvious goal scoring opportunity that
was unsuccessful, but we can’t recognise the following every single time, or
may just place less value on them; a defender that marks the forward so well
that a pass cannot be made by the opposition, a defender that is occupying the
passing lane, a defender that wins a header, a defender that steps up to spring
the offside trap etc. This kind of non-event, or destruction rather than
construction (it’s easier to destroy rather than construct, right?) can often
be unnoticed, not be praised, and not be recognised as something good. Yes,
they are just doing their jobs, protecting the goal, but a clean sheet is worth
almost two points. If the average game has maybe two or three goals in it, and
you don’t concede, chances are you’re going to be quite successful.
·
Possession is the way to go. There are teams like Atletico Madrid that
have learnt how to defend effectively against Barcelona, but in most cases,
having the ball is a good thing. Football, before it became a thinking game, as
always about getting it forward quickly, and trying to score before the
opposition had a chance to organise themselves effectively. Defensive blocks
are so well organised, and counter attacks are lethal, so the best teams have
had to become incredibly adept at moving the ball into certain zones, placing
players in key areas to create overloads, and more importantly, setting a trap
that brings opposing players out of position. It’s as complex as a game of
chess. Teams with greater passing accuracy finish higher up the table. This
isn’t just passing it around the back without pressure from the opposition, as
it has been proven that any team can do this. There is no difference between
the players in the top leagues when it comes to unopposed passing accuracy.
What makes the best standout is their ability to do this when surrounded by
opponents, in limited space. They are still about to find and to execute the
pass. That is not down to technique, but down to speed of thought. There’s no
time to think, so it’s not a conscious thought. Their awareness and vision has
allowed them to absorb all the information, decipher it, and come to a
conclusion, all in the blink of an eye. That’s the difference. Not what they do
with their feet, but the speed of their brains.
There’s a lot more too, but this will
do for now. I’ve also been reading a lot more on tactics and analysis. I have
learnt about what are known as interior corridors, or half spaces. If the field
was divided into five columns that run vertically from goal to goal, it would
be numbers two and four. This area has the benefit of being central enough that
a player can go in all directions, and thus not having their direction of play
being limited, and not so far wide or central that means a player is not seeing
some of the field. A player facing the goal in a half space can see a large
amount of the field. It also gives the opportunity to switch play. If central,
a switch of play puts the ball so far wide that no realistic direct shot would
cause a goal. If on the extreme wings, a switch of play almost becomes
predictable, as the player only has one option. In a half space, the player can
go in any direction, so the switch may not be anticipated by the opponent, and
if the ball were to be switched horizontally, it can travel thirty or forty
yards to the other half space, meaning a player is, again, central enough to
shoot, wide enough to cross, central enough to go in all directions, wide
enough to see a larger view of the field. The diagonal pass is also greatly
undervalued. A horizontal pass means the opposition has to slide. A vertical
pass means the opposition has to drop. A diagonal forces them to do both at the
same time. It gives the defenders more decisions to make. More decisions means
more potential for mistakes. A diagonal pass has the advantage of switching
play, so changing the point of attack, while also gaining territory and
becoming closer to the goal.
I read a lot about tiki-taka, or
juego de posicion, as it should be known. There are so many neat intricacies
that provide it with the potency needed to be super effective as it has been by
Barcelona and Spain. Simple rules and guidelines. I have them all written down
and have shared them with the players, but I will try to discuss a few from
memory.
·
Upon stealing through an interception or a tackle, you should release
the ball by your second touch at the latest. A player that has just won
possession will have had their head down, looking only at the ball, attempting
to read its trajectory. In that time, the field picture could have changed massively,
and so players will need to lift their head in order to update their picture.
Unfortunately there is no time to do this, as that player also has no idea
where the opposition is. Win it and give it. Your nearest teammate will have a
more up to date picture of the field.
·
Upon releasing the ball, take three steps away from the pass. This
creates a new passing angle providing support to the receiver. Too many players
pass the ball to a teammate and act as if their job is done. Give it to
someone, go get it back.
·
When in possession, players wishing to receive the ball should have
their back facing the nearest corner flag. Show the flag your number. This has
players viewing the whole field, always aware of where the goal, ball, and
opponents, are, and are half turned, meaning that less touches will be needed
to shoot, pass, or beat the defender.
Again, there’s a lot more to discuss.
Yesterday was my Spanish speaking
exam. It went very well. I won’t find out the grade until August. I didn’t
struggle in this exam. I was expecting to have some problems, but no. It was
easier than I had prepared for. The hard stuff will be next year. I am still
determined to learn more languages. I don’t know when I will get the time to
seriously start working on others. Listening to all these other people that can
speak two or three foreign languages, it does make me jealous. I will get there
eventually.
I do notice some jealousy of others
when I look at friends and former colleagues that are working abroad, while I
have come home. The greyness, the weather, the familiarity, and the financial
struggle of being a student make me dream of going back abroad again. I will. I
see their photos and talk to them via Messenger, and they are having a great
time. What I need to remember is that in a lot of ways, they are essentially
stuck. That doesn’t sound too bad, but as I have mentioned before, they will
not be able to progress as far as I will. With my qualifications and education,
I will eventually get much higher up the ladder. A lot of them wouldn’t be able
to support themselves with a job in football in the UK, but their
qualifications and experience are adequate for the role they currently have.
They depend on their employer for their visa, and without guarantee of another
job, they can’t rally leave. I have to keep thinking of the long term. I still
want to go volunteering at some point. Teaching will give me six long weeks in
the summer to do that. A coach I know has gone to
Lastly, I should mention our recent
futsal game. We won 7-1 to stay top of the table. It took a little while for us
to get started. We did eventually, and our quality shone through. It was the
first time in this league that we had gone behind. It means that the next game
we have, against second place, could essentially win us the league. They are an
organised team, but they can’t defend. That’s our strength. It will be our
advantage, as it was before. If we can defend better than them, we will be
fine.
Entry 30: Wednesday 1st June 2016
In the last two weeks since my most recent entry, I went to
Aldershot for the interview, and I have since been offered a job. With this
will come a season ticket to all home games. This is a massive step in the
right direction for my coaching journey. I’m going to be working with good
players, in a professional setup, and I’m guaranteed to be watching live
professional soccer every two weeks. I’m not sure when the actual start date
is, but I have to go along to assist their trials in the coming weeks to pick
players. The expectations will be high. It’s a little bit daunting, but some of
my recent assignments have not been as challenging, and at times you can find
yourself slacking.
Pre season starts tomorrow night with Saints Ladies. No idea
what to expect here. Not all players will attend, such is their nature, and
will they be mentally prepared? With young players coming up, they need to
realise straight away that this is not easy any more. It will be tough, and I
will place high demands upon them. We had a six-a-side tournament on Monday,
using three U16s that will likely be joining us. We started slow, as we often
do, waking up eventually. From seven games, we lost the first two, then went
unbeaten in the next five, playing some good stuff. Had we started like that,
we would have gone on to do well. What is it? Why are we such bad starters? The
younger players seemed a little shocked at the standard. It’s a lot faster and
tougher than they are used to, but the sooner we get them involved, the sooner
they can adapt.
I’m looking forward to beginning a 600 rep, 600 touch programme
with the players which we will use all throughout June. These are individual
high intensity pursuits that use one’s own body weight to provide the
resistance. 600 reps will be full body, and will be compound movements,
challenging the body aerobically too. 600 touches will be each player with a
ball, manipulating it with all parts of the foot, working on agility and
aerobic fitness. My players are not as comfortable on the ball as they should
be. Not that they’re bad players, but they panic. I need to get them to love
the ball. We’re then going to go into possession games, using frequent rest
periods in order to keep the performance high. For example, a 3v3 type game
with one player resting. The player resting will change every thirty seconds.
The benefit of this is that the quality will remain high as fatigue will not
set in so quickly, challenging them with their decision making, and will also
challenge players to wake up quickly as they will be thrown in at the deep end
from a period of rest, forcing them to start well, literally hitting the ground
running.
Recently, for a bit of fun, I have been enjoying some charity
refereeing. The first game took place at Southampton’s St. Mary’s stadium, and
was between a bunch of work colleagues. The quality was awful, but to be
linesman at a Premier League stadium, even if it was empty, was pretty cool. A
week later, I went along to a Guinness World Record attempt. The longest ever
game of football. They lasted 108 hours, and broke the record. I went from two
until six in the morning, spending one hour on the line, one hour in the
middle, one hour asleep in the car, and one hour drying off in the car. While
there, it poured down with ice cold rain, and started to thunder. Just minutes
in, I was questioning why I was there. This is stupid. I should just go home.
But that was nothing compared to what the players were going through, having
already been playing for a day or two, and not being able to brush their teeth.
The game was in memory of two players that died last year when a plane crashed
into the road. I was on my way to see Brighton v Blackburn, but never made it
due to the traffic. Having complained so much about the traffic, I felt it was
only right I went to this match and volunteered my services. They started
Thursday and finished Monday. I watched some of the videos as they finished on
Facebook, and it was truly touching. The sheer elation and relief as the game
was called to an end, and the pure joy at their achievement, while witnessing
their quite evident injuries suffered during the event was enough to bring you
to tears. Although my part was small, I was honoured to share a pitch with
those men and women. I will go back to St. Mary’s again this Friday morning to
be linesman again. Not sure what charity it is for, but I will enjoy the
runout.
Entry 31: Wednesday 8th June 2016
I started at Aldershot on Monday. Next time I go there, it will
be in my new car, making the long drive a lot smoother. We held trials, and I
was with the U9 group. Two guys stood round with clipboards and made notes
about the boys, while I kept them going with passing drills and one v ones. We
were instructed to look for the five best technical players in each group, and
then grade the others accordingly. Some were looking for an academy place, and
some were looking for a spot in one of our training groups that exist
essentially for kids to receive good practice sessions from good coaches. Some
of them clearly shouldn’t have been there. They were way off the standard
required. It’s sad, and you have to wonder who told them to go. Was it the
parents? Was someone doing it for a cruel joke? Their passing and control
technique left a lot to be desired, and some couldn’t understand simple drills.
After a few attempts at explaining it and helping them, you’re no longer
observing, and are now coaching. Once it became obvious that they weren’t
getting it, or were not capable, we just had to leave them. You could feel the
parents on the side fretting. They could understand it, so why couldn’t the
kids? It’s a cut throat industry, that’s for sure.
I believe that being at Aldershot will be great for my
development. I get a good feeling about the place. The facility is top notch.
There’s plenty of equipment, and even access to showers. Some of those cold
rainy winter months may warrant a change of clothes. After long hard days at
school, then coaching, it may be that I shower before returning home, and
literally go straight upstairs and into bed. The coaches are what create the
environment, and they seem to be motivated and knowledgeable. I have no idea
yet which team I will be with, but I am looking forward to the journey, no
matter how tough and time consuming it will be.
My new job has not yet started. It has to be put back a week
because we are still waiting for my police check to come back. It’s now taken
over a month for the national database to inform the school that I have no
criminal record. And of course, we have to pay for the privilege. The company
say they will move my start date back by one week. That’s still a pain as it is
a fair bit of money that I am missing out on.
Leaving Tecnico has now happened. I have handed back my kit and
said my goodbyes to the players and parents. They gave me a sweet leaving gift,
which was a signed ball. A very good ball too. I would love to take it to the
park and practice my free kicks. I’m going to miss the boys, but at times it
was too stressful and did become a bore. There’s too much in the way in
grassroots football. Too many idiots, too many parents, too many bad habits. It
just becomes a struggle to try and maintain your credibility and sanity. Like
anything in life, shut up and listen to the expert, and we’ll get through it
quicker and better. I also have just one session left with LTS. It’s a good
feeling walking away from a school and knowing you won’t have to keep repeating
yourself to a bunch of uninterested kids again. I am very grateful for the work
that the two companies have given me.
The school I will begin training at for the first term of next
year is Harefield. It’s my second choice, so I am quite pleased with the
outcome. It looks like a nice school, it’s easy to get to, and the staff look
very supportive. I don’t know yet where I will be for the second term, but
won’t have to worry about that until 2017.
Since my last entry, there’s been two training sessions and a
tournament with Saints. The tournament went well, with us conceding only one
goal in five games. We lost in the semi-final on penalties to a team that we
beat in the group stage. The standard wasn’t amazing, though it was a good run
out. It does go to show that the book The Numbers Game is right when it talks
about how football is so regularly decided by luck. If games are usually
decided by one goal, and luck is classified as benefiting from something that
is out of your control, then it’s very easy to spot. For example, our defender
does very well to read and intercept a pass (skill), as she moves full speed
into the passing lane and sticks out a leg to prevent the ball moving towards
an opponent that would be through on goal, where the ball ends up could be
anywhere. Unfortunately, despite doing well to block that pass, she only
managed to redirect it towards another player, who was then able to make that
very pass, unobstructed (luck). So the ball went to where we tried to prevent it
from going. Two defenders then did very well to recover and dispossess the
forward, but the referee judged it to have been a foul (luck), which we
completely disagreed with. A penalty was awarded, and our goalkeeper saved it
(which could be luck or skill, depending on how you view it).
The semi that was decided on penalties showed a lot about the
maze that is penalty taking. We lost 4-2. They took five, and won the game
before our fifth taker could step up. The two to miss their penalties did not
practice earlier. The two to score, did so confidently and competently. It’s no
mystery. The goals were smaller than we play in eleven-a-side, and the distance
to the goal was shorter. Should you go for placement or power? There are
obvious advantages to either in differing circumstances, but a lot of it is
down to the skill set of the player. I always go to the goalkeeper’s left. It’s
well practiced. The chances of me facing the same goalkeeper twice from the
penalty spot is minimal, especially when you consider my travelling. There are
many things a player can do to increase their chances of scoring, especially if
they aren’t a regular taker. Key ones are to make your mind up well in advance
of the penalty, and to not look at the keeper. My two players that missed made
their mistakes in the approach. Their run up was all wrong. Had they even had
just one practice go, they would have been far better. It’s amazing, the power
of practice.
Our two preseason sessions have been attended by seven and by
four players. It’s a shame the rest of them have been felled by excusitis. They
will be left behind if they are not careful. The 600 touches and 600 reps were
a hit. The players loved them, although were suffering throughout. They’ve even
taken kindly to the running. Last night, when we stopped, two of them decided
to do more. Those extra inches will all add up, no doubt, but the mindset
created will help a player dig in when all else seems futile. I have a core of
players that do such good work. I really want to have a team of players that do
such good work. I want to get the U16s involved soon. Trials are in two weeks.
We have eight friendlies lined up now, including two against professional
teams. Some good old fashioned ass-whoopings will prepare the new players well.
I want to test their mettle, their desire, their hunger, and their commitment.
We can all play well in the sunshine, but England is not a sunny place. Are you
prepared to dig in, travel long distances, get beat, and maybe not even play?
That’s the reality of competitive football. No more hand holding now.
Entry 32: Wednesday 15th June 2016
My new job finally has the green light. They are prepared to
accept an older criminal records check, which means I start this weekend. It
will be a little hard over the next month to fit in the coaching around it, but
it’s only temporary. With the way the players have been treating preseason
lately, I genuinely feel I can trust them to get on with it without me. Their
motivation is completely intrinsic, which is wonderful. I am not having to push
them, only guide them. Our recent session was delayed a little due to rain. We
hid under a tree until it passed, and then continued. There’s real desire to
improve. I know it’s not everyone, but this core group will raise the bar. Anyone
coming in will have to up their game to achieve that. There are enough of them
that can help me shift the mindset of this team. We are becoming stronger and
more resilient. I don’t think morons coming in could break us (not that I will
be permitting morons).
We have trials over the next two weeks, and I hope to have a
squad of eighteen to twenty by the end of it. That’s quite a few, but when you
consider that players will leave, players will be injured, players will go on
holiday, some players will be picked up by the first team, you can see why I
want so many. There should be two players competing for each position. Some of
the laziest players last season were the ones with little or no competition for
a place. I fear that I may miss one of the trials. I won’t know the hours for
my new job until a week before, and I don’t really have much say over what
hours I get. I’m hoping it’s a nine to five type arrangement. As far as next
week goes, I have Aldershot trials on Monday and Wednesday, with Saints trials
on Tuesday and training on Thursday, and then we play futsal on Friday. I’m
probably going to miss or be late to a few of those. Some of the players were
complaining, saying that last year was boring as they completed a warm up, then
played a game for nearly two hours. I want to get in there and coach them.
Ultimately, they are going to be listening to me giving them instructions three
times a week. I need to know how they can handle that, and what they bring to
the atmosphere of the team. Are they hard working? Committed? Do they listen?
Are they respectful? I don’t want to waste my time on a player with ability and
yet a terrible attitude.
Another worry of mine is that Aldershot may give me Tuesday and
Thursday sessions. I’m sure I can negotiate with them for the Monday and Friday
sessions that were originally mentioned. I wouldn’t have gone for the job
otherwise. When September comes, I’m going to have to be exceptionally good
with my timing in order to stay on top of all this work. It’s going to take
great organisational skills and a hell of a lot of discipline. Keep thinking
long term. It will be worth it. In another year I can start applying for
teaching jobs abroad. Go somewhere sunny and earn some money.
My new car appears to be incredibly fuel efficient. This will
help massively with money. I will stop shelling out so much on fuel, which is
important, considering I will be doing a few hundred miles per week. The car
will essentially be my office. I have pretty much always operated that way. I
will take better care of it than I did the last one. Keep it clean, regularly
service it, truly respect and appreciate it.
Entry 33: Wednesday 22nd June 2016
At Saints we have had our first trial for the upcoming season.
Many new faces showed up, and there is some good quality. It may mean I need to
cut a couple players, which I will be happy to do so. What I think will be
difficult for us is knowing how many would still play with us if their only
chance was in the reserve team. We need to reiterate to them that our reserve
level is a very high level, and much higher than they will experience playing
in the lower leagues. As I have said before, some of the teams we play would
thrash our first team, and so you know that it will be tough. We also need to
demonstrate to them the clear progression that has been had within the club
last season. There are opportunities there for players to move on up. That’s
why I want a large squad, as inevitable the following will happen; players will
become frustrated and leave, they will have other commitments, there will be
injuries, and some will move into the first team. I’ll be able to see them
again next week and then have a much better idea of what’s coming my way. It
was a very positive evening to say the least.
I have now had three days of teaching, which has been an
incredible experience. Obviously there is much overlap with coaching, but there
are two distinct differences. The first is my knowledge of the subject matter.
My coaching sessions are detailed and precise, and my lesson plans are not yet
at that stage. I don’t know what we have to consider in a lesson when teaching
foreign learners. I have no experience, and even my own experience of learning
a second language is fairly limited. I can relate to them a little bit, but I
am a long way off being a good teacher.
The second is the motivation. So many kids, the overwhelming
majority, don’t want to be there. Sure, travelling to England for a few weeks,
exploring, meeting new people etc. sounds like fun, but while you’re there, you
have to wake up early and go to class. Nobody wants to do that. I will learn a
lot from the others around me, and tomorrow morning I am being observed in the
classroom. A teacher trainer from head office is coming down to spend time with
everyone, and when he sees me with my class, I will be with a very difficult
class that really struggles to engage. They don’t want to talk, and are very
shy. It’s so difficult. My teacher partner has the same problems when she is
with them. By comparison, the second group are such fun, very active, and full
of energy. They say the teacher trainer is a nice guy and very helpful, and at
least I can learn more from a situation in which I struggle than from a
situation that I find easy.
Entry 34: Wednesday 6th July 2016
The trials are over, and my squad is pretty much selected. We
are still waiting to hear from a few people as they are being touted by other
clubs, but I am very happy with what we have. It’s a young squad that seems to
be hungry, with great potential to be moulded into great players. I had a chat
with them at the end, and said to them that I have two expectations, both of
which are very simple, and yet many people still let me down; 1. Always try
your hardest 2. Don’t be a dick. Explaining it like that puts them at ease, but
also shows the light hearted side of things. Don’t bring your problems to the
team. Don’t slack off. Effort and attitude are paramount. We might now have
nine friendlies, eight, or maybe even seven of which, I can go to (we have
booked a vacation to Spain in August).
Our formerly injured goalkeeper from last season will be coming
back, and slowly joining in again. In twenty-two games, we used six different
people in goal last season. I definitely don’t want that to happen again. And
if all goes well, there will be two players for each position, aiding
competition and helping when injuries set in. The core that I already have are
rapidly improving their fitness, and are setting a good standard for new
players to catch up to. It’s a good impression for them to see upon their first
encounters with the club. Although, saying that, some of them were mocked by
the first team players when it was announced that they would be hanging around
for extra fitness. That’s definitely not the right way to go, and shows them up
a bit really. Surely they should be commended and emulated. Small minds.
With Aldershot, I went to the stadium at the weekend for the
signing on event with the new youth players. This will be such a great
environment for me to begin working in. I can’t wait to get the official kit
and start to feel part of the group. The stadium holds 2,500, and they have big
ambitions to make it back into Football League 2, the fourth division within
the English pyramid. Time consuming, but worth it.
The English teaching is going well. I haven’t done anything
stupid and I am keeping out of trouble. A few of the others are causing all
sorts of problems and are making me look good. Only three and a half weeks to
go. It’s a nice wad of cash to make before having August off to relax and
prepare for the upcoming academic year. I keep reading about all these foreign
adventures, and dreaming about being away again. I will finish this entry by
quoting the wise Master Yoda; “All his life he looked away, to the future, to
the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing.”
Entry 35: Wednesday 20th July 2016
Saturday we
took a team to a tournament, which was six-a-side. It was boiling hot. One of
the very few days that the British summer can melt people. And it went on all
day. A lot of these tournaments are finished by the early afternoon. We were
still playing by around four o’clock. We had six of our old players, and one
new player join us. She seemed to fit in really well. Calm on the ball,
intelligent passes. There were eight group games. We won five, drew two, and
lost one. We finished in first place and qualified for the semis with a couple
games to spare. By this point, the sun burn was unbearable. It was the semis
that we ran out of momentum, losing 2-1. What a shame, but they played some
great football that day.
Sunday took
us to our first friendly, with still about six weeks before the season was to
start. We looked a little sluggish at the start, and struggled to gain
momentum. This was to be expected with new players coming in and attempting to
gel. Some seemed to be quite nervous, playing with their new team at a higher
level. We were 1-0 at half time, but it could have been more. In the second
half, we were far better. It started to click. We dominated the game, having so
much of the ball, strangling the opposition for possession, and limiting their
contacts in our half of the field. The only problem was that we couldn’t score.
And then with seconds to go, they scored a very easy, silly, preventable goal.
On the balance of things, a 2-0 loss was about right, just a shame we couldn’t
score.
Entry 36: Wednesday 27th July 2016
So much has
happened recently, it’s going to take time to describe and document it all. I
think I should start with the incredible futsal win.
Well. What
a night. It was the night. The night to end all nights. No night has ever been
such a night as this one. It was our night. I will never forget that night.
Tense as it was, we arrived early to prepare. We saw that our opponents had
large amounts of reinforcements. There were ten of them. A lot of them we
didn’t recognise as their regulars. We saw a player from Portsmouth, a good
player from our rival team. And we saw a player that was a Northern Ireland
international that our first team had tried to sign, and they rejected. We had
two players away, and another injured. We had one sub,
The game
was cagey. A point would do it for us. A loss was not enough. Both teams had
one obvious chance to score in the first half, but apart from that, it was very
tight. Some solid defence was being executed, and though a neutral may find the
lack of scoring chances boring, it certainly wasn’t. Perhaps that was due to my
own involvement in the game that I thought that, but surely one could admire
such robust and organised defending. Both teams were determined not to be the
first to concede.
With our
opponents bringing in multiple reinforcements, I made sure that didn’t
intimidate my players. I quickly turned that around into “Look, they’ve had to
bring an army with them, because they’re that scared of you!”. Every timeout
and opportunity for a team talk, I kept reiterating the same message; do not
focus on the time or the score, do not think about winning, take it one step at
a time – one pass, one tackle, one block, one shot at a time. Focus on getting
that right, and it will add up to good performance. This is your opportunity to
be champions. Leave nothing out there. Come away with no regrets. Give it your
all, and when the opportunity presents itself, we will be there to take it.
I was calm,
I was focussed, I was determined. I wanted that trophy, but the players wanted
it more. This meant so much to all of us. It finished 0-0 at half time. If we
kept them out of our goal, we were guaranteed the title. And we were halfway
there. With the second half, players were bound to tire. Chances were going to
be created as mistakes were capitalised on. No matter how the players felt,
there was no opportunity to give up. Regardless of the pain, you may not have
this opportunity again. If you lose, you lose, but if you give up, you have to
live with that regret.
The clock
was ticking. Their goalkeeper made a huge mistake, and was stranded. The ball
fell to one of our players with an open goal from distance, who had to shoot
first time due to being closed down by the opposition. She shot and it was
true. It was flying into the net, and the keeper pulled off a remarkable save,
tipping the ball onto the bar, which then crashed down onto the goal line, and
away to safety. We had been less than an inch from taking the lead. It wasn’t
long after that, the deadlock was broken. 1-0 to the opposition. She cut inside
from the left and shot hard and centrally with her right foot. It went through
the legs of the tracking defender, through the legs of the covering defender,
and through the legs of the goalkeeper. How? A triple nutmeg! What a complete
fluke. Five minutes on the clock. What were we to do? The game was so tight,
carving out opportunities to score had been incredibly difficult.
I called a
timeout. It felt like those cheesy American movies where the coach talks about
heart and togetherness, and then as the seconds decline in slow motion, the
crowd gasps as the most unlikely player scores the necessary point. It was
scorching hot inside. We took a step out to clear our minds and to cool down.
Our opponents were going to drop deep to defend this lead. They did not want to
be opened up and exposed at the back. This meant our goalkeeper would have to
play more forward to create attacking overloads. Just like all great American
movie coaches, I gave a speech. It doesn’t have the same effect without the
music, and when said in my Spock-like tones, but here’s how it went; “One goal
is all we need. That hasn’t changed. Do not focus on the score nor the time.
Take it one step at a time. One pass at a time. One tackle at a time. We’ve
come so far together, and not winning does not take away the fact that you’ve
played so well and improved massively. If you keep working, an opportunity will
present itself. It may just be one chance, but that’s all we need.” Or
something to that effect. Short and sweet. Calm them down, refocus them,
inspire them.
Time went
by, and we overloaded their half. Four out-field players in their half, as well
as all five of our opponents. We had to draw them out in order to create a
scoring opportunity. How was that going to happen? It depended upon our keeper
playing more forward, and attempting to draw away one of their defenders. It
could be enough to create the space needed to get a scoring opportunity. Even
then, their keeper was pretty decent, so who’s to say a shot on target would be
a goal?
The ball
left the field and restarted as our possession on the left touchline in our
half. All others moved forward, and the ball was tapped back to our keeper
midway in our own half. She took a touch forward. All forward passes were
screened, all options covered. A lone defender stepped out to press. Our keeper
then took a huge risk. She engaged the defender. The defender moved in to
tackle. Our keeper took a dodgy touch, and looked like she had lost the ball.
The defender was about to steal. We could see it. All the defender had to do
was poke the ball away, and she’d be free to stroke the ball home into our
empty net, to make the game 2-0 and destroy our championship.
Our keeper
saw the defender was about to steal the ball, and just tapped it round her with
the outside of her right foot. Suddenly she was free. A lane opened up. A
direct line from foot to top corner. With all her might, she struck that futsal
hard and true with her laces. It flew like a rocket, but felt like slow motion.
Sat right behind it, I had the perfect view to see that ball fly into the top
corner of the net. The opposition were speechless. We broke our voices
screaming with elation. 1-1. Two minutes remaining. We’d be champions.
Our
opponents decided to just go for it. They pulled their keeper and played with
five out-field players. Of course that creates an overload, but leaves them
susceptible to shots at an open goal. By this point, they were too frantic to
make the overload work, and all we had to do was defend solidly, which we are
experts at. The two minutes didn’t drag like I thought it would, and we were
not threatened in that time.
And then,
we were champions. It had actually happened. The games were short, and there
weren’t many, but as it was spread out over so long, as we as a group had
endured so much from others, as we had played so well, and dreamt so hard, it
felt like it had gone on for years. This championship meant so much. That was a
feeling that was not going to go away. It was won in such dramatic
circumstances too. A goalkeeper, pulling out a rocket shot, from inside her own
half, with two minutes remaining. Surely that stuff only ever happens on TV?
The next
morning was bliss. The feeling had not subsided. It wasn’t going to.
Sunday’s
game did put a little dent in it though. We travelled away to Enfield in North
London. Turns out we weren’t playing their reserves, but their first team.
Woops. On the bus journey up there, some of the new girls, led by one in
particular, were doing things to cause some friction among the others. Maybe
they were being young and showing off, but it resulted in name calling and hair
pulling. It continued into the warm up, where they were messing around, jumping
on each other’s backs, and rolling around on the floor. Hardly showing the club
in a good light. Some older players told them to cut it out, which made the
captain respond to them, saying they shouldn’t be so negative. I was a little
disappointed in her behaviour. It’s like she was condoning it. Why does women’s
football have to be like this?
The game
began and we weren’t too bad. I was expecting it to be a lot worse considering
the standard of opposition. We went 1-0 down around half time, and had to endure
a bit of an onslaught, but recovered and were on top for the last thirty
minutes. We made so many chances, but could not score. It eventually did come,
with only seconds remaining, and was scored by the girl causing all the
problems.
On the bus
home, this girl, friends with some of the girls who left last season under
horrible circumstances, was messaging them about being told off by the
experienced players, which made one player who left say some things on Twitter.
Why? Why act like this? What on Earth do you think you serve to gain by
behaving like a child? Some people do not think. They really have no idea. It’s
pure idiocy.
This unnecessary
tension carried over to the Tuesday night training session. The new players
were acting cocky and putting no work in. This lead to a few comments. I
stopped the session and said it was not good enough, and it needed to stop.
This lead to sarcastic comments from the new players, and that’s when myself
and a few others walked away. We’re too old to be dealing with this. We have
players driving from miles, travelling for hours, and what’s happening is a
bunch of bitchy teenagers are showing off. None of us get paid enough to deal
with it.
The captain
again chastised us and began having a go, almost justifying their behaviour.
She got out some cones and balls and decided they should just play a game. It
was in this game that the main instigator decided to leave her mark on some
other players in the team, kicking out at them wherever possible. Our chair
lady was there to see it all. We both decided there and then that we would ask
her to leave the club. Whatever ramifications it was then to have, we’d deal
with. If other players decided to leave, we’d be okay with it. There was still
plenty of time to find new ones.
Away from
Southampton, I had finished working as an English teacher. That was liberating.
What a frustrating job, made almost unbearable by just one sour faced cow.
Negative influences do not view themselves as such. What a condescending bitch
she was. Apart from her, and the lack of structure, it’s not a bad job, but I’m
in no hurry to start again. With all my other commitments going on, it was hard
to manage. I had to drive like an F1 racer to get down the motorway and to
training. My diet and fitness regime went out the window. There was always fat
food around, and no time to exercise.
This week,
now with the whole summer to look forward to, I was offered a week of work at
Aldershot’s summer player development camps. I met a few of the boys that will
be mine in the season coming up. The skill level is phenomenal. We’re creating
some very good players in England, but what’s happening to them? If these
players are at a club in the fifth league, it would be frightening to imagine
the skill of the players belonging to Premier League clubs.
Each day
would start with about an hour of 4v4 futsal in a tight space. The U13s would
genuinely be able to compete in the Women’s Premier League, such is their skill
level and game understanding. I can’t wait to get my hands on them. I’m going
to learn so much as a coach. It will challenge me to find ways to challenge
them, thus raising my game exponentially. I also have a lot of time alone while
driving up there, giving me plenty of opportunity to get through my audiobooks.
Entry 37: Wednesday 3rd August 2016
After that
explosive training session, we had a game at Eastleigh, that are a new team,
many leagues below us, and are just around the corner. This was in place of
Thursday night training. Things were a little tense after Tuesday, but the
instigator was not there. Eastleigh contained former players from years gone
by, so we knew they would be decent, it not ill-disciplined and unfit. The
pitch was full of pot-holes, divots, and large patches of sand. It was
atrocious. The ball was bouncing in all directions, players were stumbling,
falling over, and making so many unforced errors due to the terrain.
We looked
decent, as we should do against such a team. Passed the ball around well, moved
alright, though still a little quiet for my liking. We finished the game 3-1
winners. It should have been a lot more. The goal we conceded came from a lapse
in concentration with just seconds to go.
This night,
however, will be remembered for the two hours I spent after the game with the
chair, talking about the instigator, all the antics, and dealing with parent
accusations. One mum had a right go at me for not including her in the email
distribution. I had been sending her stuff, I don’t know why she wasn’t getting
it. It later turns out that I had entered her email address in wrong. The 2
looked like a Z when she wrote it down. It’s a bloody stupid email address
anyway.
I won’t go
into all the details of it, as it’s boring and trivial. What it does highlight
is just how little coaching the coach actually does in comparison to the
collective amount of work they do. My life seems to be spent dealing with and
solving other people’s problems. One idiot says something stupid to another
idiot, and suddenly it’s raining on my parade. How is that fair? But like I’ve
been saying to them all along, it’s only preseason, and I’m glad we’re dealing
with these problems now, rather than in September. That futsal win seems a long
time ago now.
Two days
later on the Saturday was another 3-1 win, against a travelling team from the
island of Guernsey. I missed it, however, as I had problems with my car,
breaking down on the motorway. I was taking two opposition players with me, as
well as all the kit. I called the breakdown service, then called my dad to help
take the players and the kit to the game, just twenty minutes away. It
shouldn’t be so bad as I had given out all the instructions to the players
previously. I’ve always maintained that they should be able to do their jobs
without my input.
Apparently
they started slow, just kind of bumming around with no real direction or
leadership. That’s worrying. What did cause a ruffle in the feathers was that
the instigator turned up, when we had told her not to, and that my captain
included her in the team, when I had told her not to. She scored two goals, but
that’s beside the point. My captain went against direct orders from me and from
the club. It was sneaky and underhanded. This player was not to be in the team.
I had written the letter and everything, just waiting for the club to confirm
it and pull the trigger. Including her in the team caused quite an upset,
giving me yet more to deal with.
The next
day I took my mind off it all by travelling to Oxford for the afternoon with
the Mexican. While there, we went to see a Women’s Super League 2 game between
Oxford United and London Bees. This is two leagues above our first team, so
interesting for me to compare up close like that. It was an enjoyable 4-2 in
the sunshine with some decent football played. They are noticeably better technically,
far better drilled tactically, as you would expect, but they also just look a
lot meaner. That’s it. They want it more. They’re more prepared to go in where
it hurts. More prepared to make sacrifices. They’ve got the scars to prove it.
They play without fear of pain, but as if the pain of losing is worse than
death. They’d run through brick walls. Our first team look at us like idiots
when I make them run. As was shown on Tuesday.
With all
the fun that had been going on lately, I decided to call a meeting. The parents
could ask my anything, and we get it all out into the open, and settle it like
adults. I was setting myself up for a public execution, but believed the bigger
the risk, the bigger the reward. I’ve handled situations like this many times
before. If I were to face them, open myself up to all their criticism and
abuse, explain myself and thank them for their time, I believed I could earn
some respect. I’m calm, relaxed, and a good public speaker. So why not?
Now that we
had jumped into August, it was time to start the 10k runs. They did not want to
do that at all. I worked out the space and the number of laps necessary, and
started to time it. Only two players cracked it this time out. The instigator
had turned up to training. The club had not pulled the trigger, and said that
it was against their policy to kick someone out for those types of offences
without first giving a warning. Twenty minutes into the run, she was moaning,
displaying her opinions in regards to how she thought running was pointless,
and so walked over to her dad, on the far side of the park. Together with her
mum, they stood talking to the chair and first team manager explaining their
dislike of everything. Meanwhile, her friends continued with the run, despite
cutting corners heavily. She then sat out for the rest of the session. When we
joined in to play a game with the first team, she was told to pick up a bib and
play. Oh goody, was this meeting going to be fun.
Quite a lot
showed up, actually. I didn’t do a good enough job of stressing that it wasn’t
mandatory. Many of these parents I’d never seen before. They simply drop their
kid off and go home. I explained for about five minutes what I want from the
team and why it is I want that. I was open, honest, candid, and gave plenty of
eye contact (as much as was possible in the twilight of on setting dark). It
seemed to go down pretty well.
Then I
opened it up for questions. The first one, from the instigator’s dad; “When are
you going to start proper training?” Clearly with some venom attached, spouting
from a strongly formed negative opinion of my methods, I mentioned we had been
training properly for a number of weeks now. He disagreed and said that running
was not proper training. There was actually a point to his question. Running
10k’s worth of laps is not that relevant to football. I explained that since we
don’t have a team of fitness coaches, sports scientists, nor remarkable
equipment, given the situation, it was the best way for me to test their long
distance endurance. Players run around 10k in a match, the ball is in play for
about sixty minutes, hence 10k > 60min. It also needs to be measurable and
repeatable. And I need proof. Yes, players can do it at home, in the gym, in
their own time. But they don’t. If they did, I wouldn’t have to spend all this
time on fitness.
What also
came up was the same old same old very boring criticism that I don’t shout
enough. It was the same dad, who accused me of not shouting enough, and then
said “admittedly I haven’t seen any games yet.” I couldn’t stop myself. “Well
there you go then” was my response, before explaining for the ten millionth
time in my career about player centred approach to development, giving them
ownership, letting them make their own decisions, creating a fear-free
environment yadda yadda yadda. This doesn’t fly with the vast majority of
parents. They seemingly don’t want you to trust their children, but instead
bark them to victory. Make the decisions for them so they can’t go wrong. It’s
all about winning and winning right now! If we don’t win this game right now
then our lives are inadequate!
The
experienced players backed me up when appropriate. We dissected it all later,
but it’s good to know I have their support. One more classic from the
instigator’s dad was that he was unhappy when trying to get her to play in a
tournament a few weeks ago (one where we made the semi-finals), I said that
we’d probably start slow, lose some games we should win, and be home in time
for lunch. There’s obviously an element of truth to every joke, as we are
notoriously bad starters. He said it sets a bad impression and makes a player
not want to play. I had to explain to him what a joke was, and the apologise
for his apparent lack of a sense of humour. But not so blunt as that. Why
wouldn’t that be a joke? Come along to a tournament, we’re going to lose!
Perhaps in the United States where everything is taken literally, where my
sarcasm has gotten me into trouble before, but not in the UK. We invented
sarcasm. We are masters of it. We are fluent in it. We only speak proper
English when foreigners are around so they don’t take everything the wrong way,
otherwise, everything is in sarcasm. Silly man.
Facing the
music like that earned me some respect. A few of the previously critical
parents stayed behind for a chat, and expressed their support, and how they
were only concerned, and were sure things were going to work out fine. We’re
all best friends now.
The next
evening, I went on a drive to see Reading play Manchester City in the Women’s
Super League. Man City are one of the best teams in the country, with a whole
bunch of England World Cup stars. The game was played with great intensity, a
fantastic advert for the league. With last night fresh in my mind, I decided to
watch the Reading coach closely, as he was just in front of me. He was very
animated. I sometimes think that can be distracting. It shifts the focus of the
player from the game to the thoughts of the coach. Rather than concerning
themselves with making the right decisions, they are concerning themselves with
pleasing an external source. As leaders, we have to embody what we want from
our players. Teams characterise their coaches. I want my teams to be calm and
thoughtful, not panicky and anxious. A lot of his antics were aimed at the
match officials, but as far as I could tell, he gave a similar amount of
tactical advice as I usually do. I just don’t do all the shouting and screaming
that comes with it. I’m also incredibly confident, but don’t seem that way.
People look at me strange when I say I have faith in my team. I’m not sure in
what way I’m not showing it. Maybe it’s confidence in myself? I’m thorough in
my preparation, and believe the players to be fully capable of carrying out the
tasks that I set them. I wouldn’t ask them to do what they’re not capable of.
Seems like a strange one to me.
At the
conclusion of the game, a Man City win, I stayed a little while. The players
all went to sign autographs and pose for photos. Very refreshing to see. It
enabled me to get a photo with the England captain Steph Houghton! Very happy
with that.
Entry 38: Wednesday 10th August 2016
The
instigator was missing from the following training session. She also missed our
Saturday game. It was to be a very difficult weekend. Yeovil at home on
Saturday, Cardiff away on Sunday. The atmosphere around the team was fine.
Quite strange, but positive. Both of these games were to be to try our 5-3-2
formation. We worked on it in training, and the players started to see it and
to get it. To apply that in the game is a different matter entirely.
Yeovil
started the game very strong, and could have scored two goals in the first
twenty minutes. They hit the post twice, but apart from that, they weren’t
getting past our defence. We looked shaky to begin with as players adjusted to
this new system, but then it started to work. We scored some great goals,
played good football, and severely limited the Yeovil chances. It finished 4-2.
In the 90th minute their striker pulled off an unbelievable top
corner strike. Full credit to her.
The team
was a lot happier than I was. I just thought Yeovil’s inability to penetrate
was more down to them than to us, and papered over our cracks a little bit.
They gave us the illusion of looking good. The next day against Cardiff, with
everyone exhausted from the day before, we were exposed. All our CMs were
missing, meaning that the three players who were supposed to shield the
defence, were players playing out of position. This wasn’t good. The goals
flooded in. We lost 10-3. The instigator scored all three of our goals. They
were largely self-made.
The ride up
there, the ride back, watching the game after ours, and the team meal provided
great opportunities for bonding. The instigator and a few of the others had a
chat and settled their differences. This actually appeared to be genuine. She
said she had only been acting that way because of what her friends had said
about the team, realised it was all untrue, and that it was a silly thing to
do. Well that was easy.
Amongst all
this I had my first meeting at the school with the teacher that is going to be
in charge of me and my development. I was with her for two hours as she took me
around the school and talked about what our schedule will be like. It’s going
to be demanding but I am looking forward to it. I don’t know if it’s going to
be time consuming and stressful, or if that’s just the perception. I’m somewhat
used to time consuming and stressful. Still waiting on my student loan to come
through though. It may not even get to the case where I find out what teaching
is like if they don’t approve the loan.
Entry 39: Wednesday 17th August 2016
This
Saturday gone was my first ever Aldershot Town game. All the coaches are
expected to go when possible. I’m looking forward to a season of this. The only
teams I see regularly are those that I am directly involved in. Watching the
Aldershot first team play from a distance will allow me to make more objective
judgements. The standard of football was better than what I was expecting. It
was far more intelligent too. There’s a lot of hope and ambition around this
club. A former manager was brought back in, and he has aspirations of getting
the team promoted again.
It’s quite
a family atmosphere, and I really did enjoy it. It’s easy to get to, very few idiots
about, and a decent show. I have been recommending it. Aldershot won 2-0
against Wrexham, and the second goal was pure class. The kind of passing move
Barcelona would be appreciative of. After the game I was invited up to the
executive lounge, where the wealthy sit around and feel good about themselves
for their contributions. These were mainly well off people from the community,
wanting to do right by their local club. The country is full of towns like
Aldershot, and a football team can give it hope. As much as I smelt
self-importance, I couldn’t help but admire them. Let’s face it, without their
support and involvement, there would be no youth department, and I’d not have a
job. The captain was voted man of the match, and he came up to meet the suite
and face some questions. I couldn’t help but wonder if I should have felt more
star struck or more underwhelmed. For one thing, this was a professional
footballer. A beacon of our club. On the other hand, he plays for a fifth
division club, and our wages are paid from the same source.
The Sunday
was a difficult one for me. Back to the stadium for a long and thorough coach
induction. While that was going on, Saints Ladies Reserves were on their way to
London for a three way friendly, playing forty-five minutes against London
Bees, and forty-five minutes against a travelling team from Japan. We went into
these games looking to play against massively superior opposition, and try out
our 5-3-2 formation. This formation relies heavily on the 3 being well drilled
and well disciplined. Sadly, all four of our players who can play those
positions were missing. That meant a makeshift midfield, including some who’d
never played that role before, being chucked in against great players in great
teams. Oh well. It’s a learning experience. We lost 3-0 and 5-0. I asked for
feedback on the game, but do miss being able to make my own mind up.
Powerless,
there I was in Aldershot, with all the other coaches, with our laptops out,
watching, listening, learning. I was given a brand new bag of balls, a coaching
bag, and a massive tactics board. The level of planning and reporting will be
so very in dept. It could be overwhelming, and one could easily fall behind if
not completing tasks little and often. It’s going to challenge and extend me as
a coach, no doubt. I’d be more okay though if I hadn’t decided to do this PGCE.
The trip to Barcelona already has us all buzzing. We’re so excited before a
ball has even been kicked.
Today, I
made the long and lonely trip to Cardiff to see my beloved Rovers play. Cardiff
City v Blackburn Rovers is hardly appealing to anybody, even fans of the two
clubs. This game will be forever remembered as the game Shane Duffy scored two
own goals and received a red card. What a horrible night for the man. Horrible
for us all concerned actually. Our club is rotting slowly, and no one seems to
care. There’s the occasional passing comment in the media, but just to tick a
box. What’s happened there should be criminal, but we’re an unfashionable club
and people still hate us, despite leaving the Premier League four years ago.
Entry 40: Wednesday 24th August 2016
First I’ll
begin by writing about my trip to Spain. It was disaster from the start. As we
were nearing our villa in the mountains, we had a flat tyre. We spent all afternoon
trying to repair it. It was eventually done Monday afternoon. Such a different
culture means that nothing is open Sundays, and everyone is asleep in the
afternoon. It’s brilliant, but not for us uptight Brits. This meant that I
could not go see the game I wished to see between Granada and Villareal. I was
distraught, and spent a lot of time doing research attempting to find any
alternatives, be it semi pro, reserve, female, academy. I just wanted to see
something. Anything. With a bit of guidance from Twitter, I will be going to
see Real Betis v Deportivo La Coruna on Friday night. It’s a two and a half our
drive, but I don’t care. I was becoming restless. Inconsolable even.
Sunday,
while I was away, Saints drew with a team that they should have demolished in a
friendly. I mean double figures demolished. The controversy that came from the
game, and I can only speculate as to how much it affected their performance,
was that I dropped the captain, she was very unhappy about it, sent me a very
angry text while I was sat by the pool on vacation, she also began arguing with
and blaming other players, and somehow managed to get on the pitch after twenty
minutes, despite my instructions. I don’t know why this was such a surprise for
her. She only came to one training, to which she was late, and then skipped our
fitness work at the end. Other players competing for those positions didn’t do
that. I’ve been picking this team for a year now. Maybe she thought that
because she was the captain, she’s above that. The first thing that comes out
of players when they are dropped for these reasons is how difficult a day or
week they’ve had. I don’t dispute that. I’m sure it was tough. But we all know
the rules of team selection. Whether you were at home watching TV, or in
burning buildings saving lives, you weren’t at training. It’s hard line, but
then everyone is treated the same, and no one can cut corners.
A very good
new recruit has left the team. Sad, because she was a decent player with a
great attitude, but there’s not much I can do about that. She was driving an
hour and a half each way just to come to training. It was too much for her.
While out
and about on these travels, I noticed the large amount of artificial fields in
Spain and Morocco. I get that with the weather and terrain it’s a better
alternative to real grass. What struck me was the locations and the access.
They looked like people actually used them. We use them in England too, but the
costs are so high you have to sell your soul to get use of one for an hour.
They are rare and expensive here. In other countries I’m sure they take just as
long to build and cost just as much to build, but they have them. Even the tiny
rock of Gibraltar has them. Actually on top of land reclaimed from the sea.
Fancy that! It’s one of many things that is detrimental to English football. It
won’t solve all our problems to build more artificial pitches and to subsidise
costs, but it would be another dent in the armour of the beast that is holding
our nation back from reaching its true potential.
It was
while making long journeys late at night that I realised something. Kind of an
amalgamation of my studies and experience. Everything to do with success or
lack of success within youth development in football can be explained by the
CEO principle. Coaching, environment, opportunity. I’ll give some examples. In
Kuwait, the coaching the kids received from us was the best in the country, but
moving onto the next phase, the environment was one of flashy wealth, lazy
kids, and disrespect towards authority and learning. Then there’s also no
opportunity for them to make it as professionals there. Even so, why would you
want to earn the measly wages of a footballer when you’re rolling in Dinar like
most of those families were? In the US, they receive brilliant coaching from
foreign imports and a growing number of educated American coaches, but still,
they are let down a little by the win at all costs and the anti-intellectualism
culture. Opportunities to play are growing, and soccer is vast become a
recognised sport with a viable career path. In Mexico the coaching isn’t
anywhere near as good as it should be for a football mad nation. Past that, the
environment is selfish, places way too much pressure on the kids, and deflects
blame onto others. There are opportunities, but it’s also a very corrupt
situation. I plan to write a long and detailed blog post to further explain my
thoughts.
While away,
I did receive the dates to start at school. It’s daunting. This is becoming
real now. I’m not 100% sure I want to do this. It’s a viable career option and
opens up the world to me, but I don’t know if my heart and soul will be in it.
It’s too large a commitment and too important a job to not care truly 100%
about what you’re doing. This is going to be a huge month; starting school,
master’s assignments, Aldershot, Saints Reserves. I don’t really spend time
with my family and friends anyway. I’ve become addicted to work. It’s this
relentless pursuit of something better. I don’t know when it’s going to stop.
I’d much prefer to watch TV or play Xbox.
Entry 41: Wednesday 31st August 2016
With my
last few days of freedom soon coming to an end, I have been best organising my
life in order to deal with the onslaught that is soon to come. The master’s is
coming to an end, my assistant coach will soon be back in the country, and my
players understand now what I want from them, and how I want it done. I’m
confident due to my preparation.
In the last
few days I have started listening to Legacy, by James Kerr, which is about the
management and culture of the New Zealand rugby team, the All Blacks. Their
motto is “No Dickheads.” Quite similar to mine. In fact, I’m going to steal it.
The more I read these management books, the more I can feel it shaping what I
do, and the more of what I do I can see in these books. It’s reassuring. It’s
good feedback to have when there is no one out there to monitor me.
Saints
Ladies had a game Sunday, the day after I got back from Spain. We started slow,
and were losing 2-0 to a massively inferior team inside six minutes. It was 3-1
at half time. We weren’t playing very well. We all knew we were better than
this. Half time was fairly easy. “That wasn’t very good, we all know we’re a
lot better than this, let’s go and win the second half 3-0.” That was bad, we
can do better, the past is done, here is your challenge, with a pinch of I
believe in you. We came back to win the game 4-3. Could even have been more.
The opposition became incredibly frustrated that they were throwing away their
lead. There was nothing they could do about it. We were just better than them,
and didn’t decide to turn it on until the second half.
Last night
in training we worked on some patterns, and then finished with the dreaded 10k
run. Apart from one or two injuries and absences, they’ve all done it now.
That’s a great achievement to have the team that fit going into the start of
the season. They were all very pleased with themselves. That level of fitness
will pay off.
Earlier
this evening, we played our eleventh opponent of preseason, a team lower down
the pyramid, and won 2-1. Twenty-two hours after doing 10k. And it should have
been five or six goals. We didn’t even appear to be playing at full intensity,
but still created countless chances. It was very encouraging to see. I still
want them to trust each other a little more on the ball, to not go forward so
quickly. They need to understand to move the ball to move the opposition. They
look like they understand their roles well and what’s expected of them. It’s
been a rollercoaster preseason, and I am confident we will have improved upon
last season’s points haul.
Another
player has decided to call it a day. This is one I admire so much, and truly
value. She missed most of preseason due to vacation. Her influence on the team
was so positive. She makes the team better. She does a lot of the dirty work
that goes unnoticed. It lessens the competition for places, though we still
have it. I suppose it means that there is a little more security for the
players. It’s hard to find the balance between always being on edge but being
comfortable. We do our best work when we know there is stability and security,
but without that competition, we can become complacent.
By the time
I write this next piece, I will have had two days of teaching. Quite a thought.
It’s also
worth noting that I received the results of my Spanish AS Level. E overall. A
pass, which I am happy about. Could have been more though. I didn’t apply
myself as I tried to do too many other things. Still a positive to have that
qualification.
Entry 42: Wednesday 7th September 2016
How strange
it is to introduce myself as a teacher. I don’t feel like one. I still hold
resentment towards mine. It’s strange being on the other side of this. It’s
massively different to when I was at school. I am twenty years older than these
kids, and come from a very different background. I went to a rich private
school that was rather exclusive. My school now is in a very deprived area. The
parents are on welfare. I enquired about the policy towards school shoes, and
was told that it was lenient, due to many of these children only having one
pair of shoes. Culture shock.
There’s
many differences. For a lot of these kids, I’m the only man they ever see in a
suit, unless they are being referred to as “The Defendant.” When I was their
age, we had one teacher for every subject. These teachers were specialists.
We’d have many throughout the day. Now, the one teacher is the only teacher
they have, although we do have a separate Spanish teacher. This means that the
teacher becomes their everything, but doesn’t possess any speciality, and is
knowledgeable enough in each area. Realistically, you don’t know to know that
much.
All the
teachers seem very helpful, friendly, and hard working. I have no interest in
getting to know anyone socially. I already have enough friends that I don’t
spend time with. What also is apparent to me though is the lack of ambition.
I’m surrounded by people that have peaked. They will forever be teachers. They
may move to slightly better skills, get a wage increase, or take on more
responsibility within the school, but they are happy where they are, and
they’re not going much higher. There’s not a lot wrong with that. They’re
passionate about their jobs and committed to the children. That’s great. It’s
strange for me to be in such an environment though. What is the top in
teaching? In football, it’s obvious. It’s your top leagues in Europe. It’s
Champions League teams. It’s working for teams in large international
tournaments. We all want to progress there. This is a never ending quest that
can take decades, and yet may not ever be achieved, but we’re all still
striving for it.
Another
large difference is the type of quest you’re on. Sure, you’re in charge of a
group of kids and need to teach them certain skills and ideas, so that’s very
similar. But the end goal is completely different. At Aldershot, we want to
create players capable of playing professionally. Making a living out of the
game. At school, we’re making sure they leave us capable of tying their shoes
and spelling their names. You’re also teaching them everything, as opposed to
just one area. Football is very complex, but only as complex as just one school
subject.
I’m quite
lucky with the teacher I have. She’s very knowledgeable, passionate, and a
good, effective teacher. I’m going to learn a lot from being in her presence.
I’m mentally noting the techniques that she uses.
Monday was
awful. A day of safeguarding procedures. What joy. Don’t use any equipment in
case you die. Don’t use the internet in case porn shows up on your screen, porn
downloads itself to the hard drive, and you die. Don’t make physical contact
with the kids in case they accuse you of molestation, and you die. Great fun.
Nobody there enjoys it, but as the world we live in, it’s a mandatory eight
hours we’ll never get back. Following that, we had to talk about what it is to
be a teacher. T is for trustworthy, E is for educate, so on and so forth.
Definitely worthwhile.
Straight
from there I motored up the road to have the first session with my new
Aldershot team. They were great. Well disciplined, keen on learning, and played
with great intensity. We worked on counter attack, and played plenty of small
sided games, allowing many, many touches on the ball. The boss gave me quite
the compliment, saying he liked the detail on my tactics board. The night
before I planned that thing, and even talked it over with the Mexican, as she
was curious as to what it was all about. We have another session Friday, and
our first game Saturday morning against Bournemouth.
And then
there was Sunday. The first game of the season for Saints. We went away to
Charlton. We lost 4-1. That was a real shame as we played very well. A far
sight better than we did against them last season. We started very slow, which
is so frustrating. I just don’t get it. Anyway, we were a goal down after
forty-four seconds. Sink or swim now for the newbies. Playing in a tough league
against one of our toughest opponents. There’s no hiding now. Some of them
still tried though. One girl did very little in the game. She stayed as far
away from the ball as possible, didn’t defend, and snatched at the ball when it
came her way. A real shame. That will have to change soon or else we won’t be
seeing much more of her.
We did bring
the game back to 1-1 just before half time. We were very much in the game. Then
conceded again to be 2-1 down. That just spurred us on. We were on top. We were
going to score. Then, pandemonium. Their keeper comes rushing out, our forward
goes around, sends the ball towards the open net, and a covering defender just
gets there in time to stop it going over the line. We attacked from the corner,
and there was a big shove in the back on our ball challenger. The referee put
the whistle to his lips, but did not blow for the penalty. Why not? We regained
the ball and sent in a cross. Our forward jumped for the header, but also was
pushed in the back. No penalty. Then the counter was on. We conceded to be 3-1
down just seconds later. How? We were so on top. We came so close to
equalising. That didn’t stop us though. We kept going with resilience and
determination. But we couldn’t score. And conceded again in the final seconds
of the game. It seemed really unjust to lose by so many. But that’s the game.
Entry 43: Wednesday 14th September 2016
I quit
teaching. I had to. Just four days in. Before I go into detail of my thoughts
and feelings, I will try to explain what happened.
Each day, I
was coming home very late, after being up very early. When teaching had
finished, I’d go coaching. When that had finished, I’d try to study, and would
fall asleep while writing or reading. I was becoming mentally and physically
drained. I was doing too much. Spreading myself too thin. And this was only the
beginning. My grades and attention to my work at Ohio have been suffering. That
just cannot happen. The finish line is so close, I can’t jeopardise that. I was
becoming aggressive and moody through a lack of sleep, mixed with stress. My
coaching had suffered too, as it was nowhere near as good as it could and
should have been. That was only a small number of sessions, and everyone has a
dip in form, so that will recover no problem.
I think I
knew in the back of my mind that it would happen eventually, but something
forced my hand. It was the Monday night meetings. As soon as the bell went and
the kids were with their parents, I would need to leave to get to Aldershot for
a session. I asked if I could be excused from the staff meetings. We all know
what meetings are like. Most of them could be summed up in a couple paragraphs,
to be sent out via email. Attendance was mandatory, and they would not make any
exceptions. Even for a trainee teacher, on no salary, who may not be granted a
student loan, that needs money in order to be able to afford transport to
school. It’s valuable training, apparently. Essentially I was at an impasse. Do
I give up coaching completely for a year in order to qualify as a teacher? No.
Absolutely not. I came home to progress with my coaching education. That won’t
happen if I’m not coaching. My window of opportunity to complete these courses
will vanish. The long and short of it is, that means more to me than teaching.
I couldn’t do both, and had to decide. Teaching was going to be for a few
years. Another string to my bow. Coaching always is and always has been the
long term vision.
People will
think I’m crazy. I get it. But let’s consider a few things. I would not have
been earning while teaching. Sure, I MAY have been given a maintenance loan. I
applied for eight thousand, they may only have given me three, IF anything at
all. That was uncertain. At least coaching I can earn a part time wage while
furthering my chances of progressing up the ladder. These are exciting times at
Aldershot, and it is a great club to be involved in. If the club gets promoted
into League 2, myself and the other coaches will be first in line to gain more
hours and responsibility. With a master’s and also high level coaching
certificates, I will give myself a great chance, while already knowing the club
and the operations very well. Clubs promote from within.
Coaching
brings me great joy. It’s what I want to do. It’s what I dedicate myself to.
I’m fine with all the menial tasks of planning, research, admin, communication
etc. because I truly believe in what I’m doing. While teaching, so much of it
is printing, cutting, laminating, planning, which I just don’t want to do,
because honestly, my heart wasn’t in it enough. If it was five or six hours per
day, with everything readymade, I’d stick with it. But it’s not. It’s ten hours
a day, with little break, in a high pressure, fast paced environment, where
you’re always racing against time. I’ve worked in those environments before and
been happily exhausted, because it’s what I wanted to do. At Disney, I’d
regularly pick up extra shifts and work silly hours with little sleep, because
I loved that job and I loved that company. I do things in coaching that very
few at my level or pay grade do, because I love it. I want to be successful in
this arena, and so I devote everything to it. I’ve made huge sacrifices;
friends, family, girlfriends, money, time, leaving my comfort zone, learning
new cultures and customs, being forced to adapt to unfamiliar ways of life, and
I’d do it again and again, because I love what I do. Teaching is an
all-encompassing job, and I didn’t love it, so wasn’t prepared to make the
necessary sacrifices to be successful. It’s that simple. I didn’t want it
enough.
Yes, I do
feel regret and shame. Regret as it is an opportunity wasted, and it has closed
a few doors for me. Shame, because of my failure. I looked those kids in the
eye and told them I was going to be there for them (not directly, like some
inspiring lecture, but my words and my actions made promises to them), I shook
hands and informed people I was excited to be there and that I wouldn’t let
them down. I think at the time I meant it. Perhaps my own arrogance, or lack of
knowledge to what was required greatly threw me. Luckily, the impasse forced my
hand early enough, that I have escaped without fees. It was the jolt that made
me realise my two careers plus studying were not compatible. A few more weeks
down the line, and I may have had to pay thousands for quitting. By that time I
could have done severe damage to my coaching and to my relationships with my
family. I believe I am pretty good with time management when I need to be, but
that is inconsequential when the two hours you’ve created for yourself to do
research, your eyes won’t stay open, and your brain feels like two marbles
rattling around inside a steel can. My head has never felt heavier. So many
decisions. So much responsibility. So many cognitive processes running
concurrently.
I can still
work in international schools as a sports coach, without a PGCE. I know of many
that do it. A lot of the job listings just list master’s or bachelor’s as a
requirement, simply because it helps with the visa. There are an increasing
number of jobs in a vast number of countries being made available. When I get
these next level qualifications, I will be set. In the last couple of months I
have seen Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, China, Vietnam, Thailand,
Mexico, USA, Canada, and Russia. There’s many more out there that are even
unlisted. These are done through referral, or networking. Liverpool
International Academy or Challenger Global offer positions in places as weird
and interesting as Egypt.
It will
benefit my future self to keep this email I sent as a permanent reminder. I
shall not try to hide my decision, nor my feelings. Obscuring the truth rids
oneself of the benefit of learning. I have removed the name, and I did not
write anything along the lines of “my heart’s not in it”, but apart from that,
I was genuine and sincere. It’s hard to open up to others, and hard to admit
you were wrong:
“It is with much sadness and
disappointment that I write this email. I will begin by explaining the
situation that I am in.
Since the interview
process, I was fortunate enough to be offered a coaching position at a
professional club. Finally, it was my big break in the game in this country. I
have my foot in the door. The required hours would run opposite to teaching,
being weekends and evenings. It was too good an opportunity to turn down, so I
decided to go for it.
Running
concurrently to this is the completion of my master’s. I’m only a few months
away from finishing, but the workload is mounting up. Before accepting the
coaching position, I knew it would be tough to balance the SCITT and the
master’s, but it would only be until Christmas, which I could have put up with.
What’s been going on this past week is that I’ve been juggling the three. A
full day at school, then coaching, and then writing essays until I fall asleep
on my laptop. I’ve been taking aspirin for the headaches that this causes.
It’s my own fault
entirely as I have bitten off more than I can chew. I was fooled by my own
ambition, believing I could do too many things at once. I’m so close to
finishing the master’s that I can’t drop that now. I’ve paid a fortune for it and
travelled thousands of miles. So that leaves the teaching and the coaching.
Teaching is something I believe I could do, and do well, but right now, I’m
earning no money from it. One of the two would have to budge. If I gave up the
coaching for the teaching, I would have no income. Student Finance is
progressing at a snail’s pace, and very soon I won’t be able to afford to put
the petrol in my car if I don’t maintain coaching employment. It’s a large
dilemma.
This last week I’ve
had a real insight into the teaching world, and that has become invaluable.
Harefield is an excellent school, and Miss Herd is a fantastic teacher. I have
learnt so much from her in this short space of time. The kids are lovely and
are a real credit to her and to the environment at the school. After each day,
then rushing off to coach, then coming home to study and write essays, I have
been drained. Apparently I have become grumpy and miserable around my family.
Although I am unaware of this, it’s probably true. I’m essentially burning the
candle at three ends. My girlfriend’s visa will expire in a few months, and if
I continue being like this, i.e. not my true happy and polite self, she’ll
probably go back to Mexico even sooner.
I’ve talked to my
family and talked to my boss, and had to come to some realistic conclusions. I
can’t do it all. The teaching will only become more intense as time progresses,
considering I will be taking on more responsibility, and becoming a more
integral part of the planning. The workload will increase, and I’d struggle to
fit everything in, even if there was an extra day added to the week. I can’t
drop my master’s, and I’m not in a position to give up paid work, nor the
opportunity within the football industry that has come with the position. And
it is for that reason I have to pull out of the SCITT.
I feel like I’ve
massively let myself down, and I know yourselves at the school will be very
disappointed in me too. I have to be up front and honest. Honesty has always
been my policy, and I would expect it back from others. Life has changed since
the interview, and the time is ticking away on my education and my girlfriend’s
time in the UK. I desperately wanted to come in and explain this face to face,
but due to the disappointment, I would struggle to look yourself in the eye. I
would also wish to avoid any awkward situations in front of my peers. It’s been
a really hard choice to make, and I am fully aware of what I will be missing
out on. With every tough decision, naturally regret will come. Following much
soul searching, it is my belief that this path will provide me with the least
amount of regret.
I will return my
folders and the book I have borrowed from the school in the next few days.
Perhaps I should have listened to all those who tried to tell me beforehand
that it would be too much to manage. I’m accustomed to hard work and to
sacrifice. It’s not easy living in dangerous cities, where you don’t know
anyone and don’t speak the language. My own ambition and confidence blinded me
to the reality of it all.
This is by no means
a reflection on yourselves or the school. It’s been a privilege to be a member
of the team. Everyone made me feel welcome. You have some talented,
hardworking, dedicated staff there. I would have much happier reflections upon
my own time at school had I gone to a school like Harefield.
Thank you for
everything.”
Their
response was shorter, but touching:
“I
am very sorry for the delay in replying but I didn't want to rush a reply to
you.Both Gary and I are sad to lose you from the training. We do completely understand that you could not continue to do all the things that you are currently doing, although it is disappointing that you have decided not to continue with the teaching as we both felt, along with Kay, that you had a great deal of potential.
I hope in the future, when you feel you are able to, you do take up the opportunity to continue with training to teach.
Thank you for the positive things you said about the school and we wish you every success in the future.
If I can do anything in the future to support you please do not hesitate to contact me.
Please feel free to pop into school whenever you are able.
Take care.”
I find it
hard to read. I don’t like letting people down, and I feel as if I have let so
many down in one decision. With all that said and done, let’s focus on what
comes next.
Between now
and Christmas, I will focus exclusively on finishing these qualifications. I
will have four sessions, and two games per week. That’s more than ten coaching
hours there. There’s also a couple hours preparation. And, I will make sure
that each day, I am watching, reading, and analysing coaching sessions online,
in books, or on DVDs. I will also be watching tons of football. With school
gone, it frees up time for games, highlights, and discussion. In addition to
coaching, I will go to any other game that I can. For instance, this Sunday I
will be watching Southampton v Swansea. There’s always an Aldershot game every
two weeks. And whenever I’m feeling too good about life, I can go to see the
depressing Blackburn Rovers. I have England v Malta lined up for October, as
well as Portsmouth and Wimbledon on spare afternoons. I have a CPD event next
Wednesday at Southampton’s training ground, which will be very cool indeed. A
new log book for the youth award is being sent my way, and with two Shots
sessions per week, I can fill all ten sessions within five weeks, and apply for
assessment. For the next four weeks, each Monday and Tuesday I will be back in
Watford looking at and taking part in UEFA B sessions. That’s eight days
observing up close the standard that I need to be at. Then I will apply for
reassessment. Meanwhile, I will be keeping up to date and excelling with my
master’s work. I don’t want to crawl over that finish line, I want to sprint.
I have
taken the decision to formally continue with my Spanish learning, going for A
level next summer. Hopefully, after Christmas, all the necessary coaching
education will be out of the way, as will all the work for Ohio. Then I can
begin to look for part time coaching in schools during the day. That’s when I
will start looking for opportunities abroad again. My Spanish exam and the
Aldershot trip to Barcelona will keep me here until June. After that, I’m a
free agent. By then, I will have left Southampton Saints. It’s been a hard
slog, and a very worthwhile one, but I need to free myself of that and look for
new challenges and responsibilities. And while she’s still here, I’ve been able
to make my girlfriend a priority again. She’s been way down the pecking order
lately. That’s my fault entirely.
It's kind
of exciting, but at the same time, it feels a little like the previous year.
Like I’m going nowhere, but incredibly slowly. June 2017 is when it can all
change. When you don’t have to be up in the morning, it’s hard to get up in the
morning. As a student at home, very quickly your motivation, routine, and
organisation can leave you. There’s always the potential to do it tomorrow.
That’s why I need to wake up and get dressed and go to the gym first thing
every morning. Start the day positively. Get things done. I’m on twenty-six
books for the year so far, and have attended eighteen games since July 17th.
That’s about one every three days. I need to apply that same goal setting to
the coaching education that needs to be done. I have the chance to rack up
hundreds of hours of learning before Christmas. I can’t waste it by getting up
late and watching television. In Alex Ferguson’s book, he mentions taking your
slippers off after breakfast. Even when you’ve got nothing to do, it’s too easy
to fall into the trap of doing nothing.
People will
think I’m an idiot. No one thought that when I was passing courses in
California, coaching in New Jersey, exploring Mexico, working in Kuwait, flying
out to Singapore, and no one will think that when I’m graduating from Ohio. And
when I figure out where and when this next big move is going to be, they won’t
be thinking it then. It’s frustrating, and I should just get a normal job, go
to the pub with a group of friends, and watch reality television. But that
doesn’t get you anywhere. I’m too driven to settle. Even if it’s painful. Even
if it’s stupid. Even if it is borderline insanity. I will fight to succeed.
During this
big mess, there was the small matter of Saturday morning’s first game with
Aldershot U13s. It was quite misty. The boys were nervous. The phrase in
England is that they were “bricking it.” My goalkeeper showed up and was
twitching. It got the better of us. I had eighteen talented, hardworking players,
that were out played by our opponents from Bournemouth. We lost 8-0. The thing
is, I wouldn’t say that technically as individuals that we are any worse than
them. The difference was in their organisation. We had a bunch of new kids, new
coach, new standards. I’m still learning their names, and they certainly don’t
know who is who. We had two training sessions for me to figure out their
positions. That’s not enough. Within a few weeks, we’ll have gotten over these
problems facing us, and it will click. This is a good team, and I can’t wait to
unleash their potential.
The
afternoon, the entire academy were guests at Aldershot Town’s very boring 0-0
with Chester. The kids loved it. We were paraded around the pitch at half time.
The youngest were singing songs and booing the opponents. It was a great day
for the youth department. I really feel like I am part of this club. I am
becoming emotionally invested. I will give them nothing less than my best.
Entry 44: Thursday 22th September 2016
Much of the last week has been spent online searching out opportunities to work abroad, almost reassuring myself, and justifying my decision to give up teaching. There’s many out there. It will happen.
Saturday morning’s game with the Aldershot boys was frustrating and yet encouraging at the same time. Technically, I’d say we were stronger and more intelligent. It’s just about putting this together in a way that’s going to optimise our efficiency. The boys can see it coming, the parents can see it coming, and other coaches can see it coming. Our game this weekend, against very weak opponents, has been postponed. That’s annoying. It does help me shirk the responsibility of who to drop. Seriously, what a great problem to have. They’re all working so hard, and coming with the right attitude. I’m really struggling to know who to get rid of.
We lost the game 5-1, yet at 1-1, we missed a penalty. Game changer. Try not to measure it in terms of results. Measure it in terms of performance, which I do via four means; fitness, organisation, effort, desire. If we are fitter (which we should be, considering the subs we have), more organised, harder working, and more willing to fight, we should do well in most games. The idea is that we can’t determine the level of opposition, but we can determine our output. We’re starting to do these things.
Sunday afternoon, without a game with Saints Ladies, we all took the day off. I went to see Southampton v Swansea City. I thoroughly enjoy going to games as a neutral. There’s nothing to worry about. I can just observe, watch, think. There’s no responsibility and no pressure. While those around me are blinded by their biases, I can watch, analyse, and enjoy.
Thursday’s training session with them was shambolic. Some of them were just not interested, and had little intention of actually playing football. That’s just not good enough. We had words at the end, and a few of them stormed off when I mentioned that players who did that will not be included in the squad. I didn’t target anyone, and was calm, abstaining from blame. “This isn’t good enough”, “We can do better”, “This won’t be tolerated.” They’re a bit too volatile for my liking.
Tuesday night was much better. And there was no atmosphere. There’s a few factors at play; we had no game Sunday, so no competition for places. The first team manager was absent on Thursday, as the trouble makers don’t want to look bad in front of him. Three senior players were missing, who usually keep the young ones on the straight and narrow. And Tuesday nights, we do in a cage, which means that the ball cannot escape, and so games pause for very little. As soon as it’s out, it’s back in again.
Monday with my Aldershot boys was a strange one. They were fantastic, but I was not happy with my own performance. They trained hard, concentrated, and played some good stuff. From my point of view, I tried to do too much. I tried to fit too many things into one session, and so rather than learning three key points well, we touched on six things. I suppose that since we’ll play and train so many times, that we will have many opportunities to hammer these home. Seeds have been sewn. Next time they play or watch games, a few of them may see it, and understand it better.
Monday and Tuesday during the day I went back to Watford for more UEFA B support days. I’m going to nail this qualification soon enough. Like before, many of the sessions did blend into one, but it’s beneficial to touch upon many things on which I need to improve. We briefly spoke of reassessment also, and for the first time ever, some of these tutors appeared to treat me with respect rather than disdain.
Last night, something hilarious happened. I was just about to head to a CPD event at Southampton’s training ground, when suddenly, I ended up on the floor. As I walked down the steps out the front door and to my car, the gravel under my left foot gave way, and I appear to have done some ligament damage. I won’t be able to drive much. As long as I can get to coaching, I can still instruct on what needs to be done.
Entry 51: Thursday 25th November 2016 FINAL ENTRY
This is my final entry, and there’s plenty to report. I’ll
start off with the big news. I quit Southampton Ladies. Just there and then, in
the middle of training. It was calm, peaceful, and without controversy. Yet
again, the players were not bothered, not trying, and walking their way through
training. The game coming up was away to Tottenham. Our toughest fixture of the
season. We had a positive display against them previously. After the upcoming
game would be a much easier run of games. Let’s challenge ourselves against
this lot and then push on to the games after. They didn’t see it that way.
Leaning against goalposts, incessant chatting, giggling, not chasing balls,
ducking out of challenges. It was pathetic.
So what now? We’d gotten rid of the bad influences. We’d
improved the quality of the squad. We’d improved the fitness. We had been
playing better each week and better than last season. Surely now was the time
to push on? There were no more distractions. I’d believed that was always my
job, to smash through all the barriers that inhibit performance, allowing
players to unleash their potential. I’d done so much for this team, sacrificing
so much of my time and wellbeing. I’d pushed and fought, often alone, on every
front conceivable to be able to get the best for these players. We’d finally
reached that stage. So what was left? I came to the undeniable realisation that
perhaps I’d been kidding myself of the whole time. Once this or that is sorted,
everything will be okay, surely? But no. They simply don’t want it enough.
Don’t get me wrong, some do, and I love them for it. I’m
genuinely going to miss those people. But they only make up half the team. I
saw a great quote earlier from Jock Stein about successful management. It was
don’t let the six players that hate you affect the five that are undecided. Too
many players would stand idly by when the others were messing around or not
trying. That makes them just as bad. If you don’t stand up to it, you are part
of the problem. Conversely, those that did stand up to it were labelled bullies
and were often verbally attacked by disgruntled, and, now that I’ve left I can
say it, idiotic, moronic, uneducated parents.
This was the underlying factor the whole time. They weren’t
that serious about their football. It wasn’t a priority. They weren’t keen on
working hard, competing, and improving. With no more distractions, this was
clearer to see than ever before. There were no more excuses to fall back on.
Their ambition, determination, and commitment didn’t match mine. I decided I
was putting in too much and not getting enough back. There’s always give and
take, but it felt very one sided for a long time. I can work hard for free if I
believe it is worth it. Being with this team will not improve my coaching any further
because the players are resistant to my message. I can’t improve my management
skills because all the damage is done during the day at college, over social
media, and has been happening for years. I cannot change that. I’m not enjoying
it anymore, and it won’t make me a better coach. So what’s the point?
About an hour and a half into the session, which I was
attempting to record for my own self-analysis for university, I got them into a
game, walked over to the lady in charge of the club, and simply told her I was
done. Effective immediately, I am no longer part of the club. Many had seen it
coming, and many were surprised I stayed for so long. I was probably going to
leave at Christmas anyway. It just happened more suddenly. And on my terms. The
captain of the first team who was talking with us went over to the team, called
them in, and gave them a grilling. Everything she said to them was right. Every
point she made to them, I have been making for near a year and a half.
The players were brought over to me to say something, led by
some of the senior players. There was a sheepish, teenage like apology. That
wasn’t enough. They had apologised so many times previously. What was going to
be different about this one? I relayed that sentiment back to them. I don’t
dislike anyone, and I wish them well. I’m just tired.
It feels like unfinished business. This was my team. The
team that I built. I was sure that we could go on to achieve so much. The
players are very capable. I don’t feel bad about the decision and I have no
regrets. I miss seeing certain people. I’ve gone from seeing their faces three
times a week to now most likely never seeing them again. That’s quite a
significant change. I quickly gave all the stuff back. I’ve done everything I
can think of to distance myself. Don’t go back. Nostalgia changes the way we
view the past. I’m happier, calmer, more energetic. It was definitely the right
decision.
Just a few days later, I had a call from the manager of
Portsmouth Ladies Reserves. I didn’t know she was at the time, as I had only
known her as a recent Saints first team player. She wanted to know what had
happened, but more importantly, why we had recently kicked out our instigator,
as she had been training with them and was looking to sign. I told her everything
that had happened, and that put her right off. She also talked about wanting to
bring me over to Pompey. Within an hour, I was talking to the first team coach
about the very real possibility of working for Portsmouth Ladies. Quite funny
how I quit Saints and then three days later I am talking to Pompey. The two
incidents are completely unrelated. Still funny though. She’s new to coaching,
and wants someone experienced to work with. I don’t fancy getting too involved,
like I have been before, so turning up, coaching, then going home is exactly
what I’m looking for. At Saints, especially this season, I’d largely been doing
it on my own. That wouldn’t be the case if I were to go to Portsmouth.
The very next day I went to Iceland with the family for a short
vacation. It was quite an eventful time. I spent one night watching America
self-implode while the election results came in. I was also kept awake by
stomach problems. Iceland is a very interesting place, and I kept wondering to
myself, all those hundreds of years ago, why would anyone wanted to have
colonised such a place? It’s a harsh environment. In modern times, it’s a
lovely country with lovely people. The history is rich and interesting. Pretty
much every tree is imported. It’s also one of the world’s leading exporters of
bananas, and is pretty much self-sufficient when it comes to food and
electricity. Not bad. While there, the very next day after the Pompey talk, the
first team manager left, and so did one or two others. I have no idea how or why.
It seems like the club is in a bit of turmoil at the moment. I knew that at
Saints considering the rumours we had been hearing. From talking to everyone
and conducting my research, it seems like the club has great foundations.
Officially backed by the men’s team, they have access to good training
facilities, a physio, strength and conditioning, analysis, and a whole team of
coaches. That was all me at Southampton! I was underutilised and
underappreciated. Who knows what Pompey could bring? I’ll be talking to them in
person this week to find out what I can do.
Back at Aldershot, it’s had its ups and downs recently. One
of the top brass took my team for their session while I was in Iceland. He was
unhappy with what he saw and reportedly grilled them for it. Lack of intensity
and swarming around the ball. We’ve arranged to have a talk before training on
Monday to go over a few things. We may have to begin cutting players from the
squad soon. I’ve just picked up another boy sent down from the academy. Some of
what I have probably won’t cut it. I believe they all have the potential, some
obviously more than others, but some clearly won’t reach that potential.
Attendance, attention, focus etc. These are the telling signs. Only the hungry
make it. Those kids hang on your every word, and treat every challenge like a
battle. They ask questions and are keen to demonstrate their knowledge and
ability.
Saturday morning, we played against Southampton’s London
academy at the Southampton training ground, Staplewood. What an amazing
facility. This is your Premier League millions at work. The pitches on display
were from another world. Thankfully, the players looked awe-inspired. Good.
This is what they can achieve. This is what they should be striving for. If
not, they’re wasting their time putting in so much effort with us. The team we
played were the age group below. The boys weren’t supposed to know that, but
they magically found that out pretty quickly. It may have been due to the size
of their opponents, or that we only played 9v9 football. It may even have been
that there was constant chatter of the U12s. Somewhere along the line, I think
it was inevitable that my U13s were going to find out the other team were U12s.
Still, they were incredible. Tactically and technically, I’d say far above us
and what we can achieve. So why did we beat them 5-1? Two goals from corners
and two counter attacks. Usually, that’s where a physical advantage comes to
light. The goals were also smaller, so our keeper must have felt like he was defending
an ice hockey goal compared to what he is used to. He also had by far his best
day in an Aldershot shirt.
What the boys did so well, and what the parents noticed and
pointed out with some charming positive feedback, was that they did the little
things. The things that seem simple or even irrelevant. They made the right
shape when the keeper had the ball. They provided good support angles. They
didn’t panic and kick the ball away. They didn’t smash the ball out for throws.
They passed back to their goalkeeper. Suddenly, it meant we were retaining
possession more, and for longer, giving the ball away less, and winning it back
quicker. Funny how when you do the things your coach tells you, suddenly
performances increase. Against Southampton, they did play some beautiful stuff.
It was a joy to be part of.
At half time, I had to send some boys up to Basingstoke to
play another game. The rest of us were to join later. We were let down a little
by some players. I won’t hold it against them, nor their parents for that
matter. It was arranged at fairly short noticed, and involved a lot of time and
travel. I made sure they knew I was doing it from a hotel or a restaurant in
Reykjavik. We went to Basingstoke to play Ormer, the team that travels over
from Guernsey. Basically, we had this weekend free. They were due to play. The
team they were due to play quit the league a few weeks ago. They asked the club
if we could play them that day as they had already paid for their flights.
Naturally, we agreed. That was all settled. Then, just a week before, we are
told about the opportunity to play at Southampton, and were told to cancel our
regular league fixtures. I asked for clarity, considering we had already agreed
to play for a team travelling to play us by plane, and it was just a week
before kick-off. It would only be possible to do both if I had enough players,
and we could move the start time back a little. They agreed to move it to
13:00, the latest they could do with the flights. And sadly, a couple players
did let us down. That meant the first twenty minutes against Ormer were played
with only eight players. They scored seven goals. We also had no keeper at that
point.
My boys were tired, and were playing the best team in the
league that slaughter everyone. The next sixty minutes were dreadful. I can’t
make excuses. For some boys, it meant playing eighty minutes of football spread
out across four hours. That’s not so difficult, surely. Perhaps it’s
diminishing returns, but our last twenty minutes were actually an improvement.
Oh well. Eventually the game ended, and it was a 16-1 loss. The secretary of
Ormer came over to me a little annoyed and asked why we didn’t respect the
fixture. I told him the truth. It’s the easiest thing to remember. He was
annoyed that they had paid all that money and travelled so far to play against
a tired team that started the game with only eight players. I was put in a
difficult situation. To cancel on them would have been a real dick move. I
tried to go down the route that would have disturbed the least amount of
people. From our point of view, parents, players, and myself, had driven around
a hundred miles, and been out of the house from nine until five. We didn’t have
to do that. We’d have been well within our rights to have cancelled a week
before. That would have screwed them over on the flight money, but it’s not our
fault or problem that they choose to fly over from Guernsey every week. I did
the right thing. Sadly, it’s going to come back and bite me in the arse in one
way or another. I think he’s going to complain to the academy manager, which
will then come back to me. If only the parents would send in a few nice emails
containing some of the positive sentiments that they had expressed to me
regarding the performance of the boys at Southampton. That might soften the
blow a little.
So this is the end of the blogs. It’s been an interesting
time writing these things. Quite interesting to be doing the reflections. I
will probably look back upon these one day and laugh. These probably won’t be
the last blog posts I ever do. Keeping a journal is quite fun, though it is
hard work, and very time consuming. It provides a platform to be completely
honest. I’m an honest person as it is, so it’s not like I’m telling lies. It’s
more like being able to scrutinise yourself fully. There’s no one around to
judge me, so I can go in depth, with a lot of detail. It’s allowed me to unlock
parts of me that are not displayed to the public.
Something that is abundantly clear to me is that I always
try to do what I think is right. I like that about myself. I don’t have an
agenda, I’m not out to get anybody. I’m honest. Perhaps too nice for my own
good. I’ve definitely become a lot sterner, but still need to become more
forceful. I’m caught between not caring what others think, but also not wanting
to outwardly cause offence. Other people’s opinions do not matter to me. They
can call me whatever they want and say all sorts of silly things. At the same
time, I don’t wish to be rude or insulting to them. It’s a very thin tightrope
to navigate across. Nothing wrong with becoming more forceful I suppose, but I
do have a thoughtful and considerate nature. I’m fine with taking
responsibility for big decisions, but I am also willing to listen and to
delegate. Some see me as an easy target, which is unfortunate. I’m not loud,
and probably don’t come across as warm or confident. Yet, the thing is, I have
every confidence in myself to improve, to do well, and to succeed. And as for
warmth? I always put the credit on the players, regularly put their needs ahead
of my own, at my own expense, and don’t even look for praise or approval in
return. I just want to see them do well. That’s going to be a battle that
plagues me for the rest of my life. I have complete trust and faith in my
abilities and my methods. Surely I don’t need to be arrogant to properly
outwardly convey that to others.
My biggest strength has got to be my resolve. I can be
knocked off course, and I can be slowed down, but I will keep putting one foot
in front of the other, for as long as it takes, to get where I want to go. It’s
probably stupid. Who am I? I’m nobody, really. So why do I believe in myself so
much? Perhaps I’m deluded. Perhaps I’m deluded enough to succeed.
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