Why Did I Not Enjoy Winning?

It seems like a strange question to ask myself. Something was missing. It provides a strange scenario, but it has happened a few times now to not be a fluke.

I'll provide two examples for comparison.

League winners with University of Surrey Men's Second Team.

League winners with Southampton Saints Ladies futsal.

Both situations were in recent memory, and they draw many parallels that I shall now list below.

• Both leagues were won on the final day.
• Both victories were tense and nerve-wracking.
• I bonded very well with both teams.
• Both teams played the kind of game I was instructing them to play.
• Both teams put in amazing performances that were close to their level of highest performance.
• Both teams nearly blew their chances.
• Both teams underperformed at least once were able to get away with it.

There will be more, I'm sure, but in many big ways, the stories of success were similar. The only key difference is that with Surrey, I came into the season after they had already played their first game. They told me they could win the league, we went on to lose our next two games, and in that time, we'd figured it out. We knew how to play, what was needed to succeed, and began bulldozing our way to the top. With Saints, we went undefeated all the way, only dropping points once, in the final game. I think it's here, on that final day, where I can find what was missing.

Surrey's Final Game - Away v Chichester 15th March 2017

We were in 1st place going into the game, but that was a false position, Reading, the team who were also in contention for the title, had a game in hand, and it was against the league's weakest team. The win wasn't the issue, it was only how many they'd win by. We had played Reading a few weeks before, and a loss there put Reading in the driving seat (although driving from behind, but they had more games and easier fixtures). A win would have pretty much sealed the title for us, whereas the loss almost blew it. We had to hope they'd make a mistake so that we could get back in front. I kept telling the players, and it was a bold faced lie, that Reading would drop points. I said it again and again, but I didn't believe it.

The game against Chichester was a beautiful day on the South Coast. We had beaten them 8-2 before, but they weren't that bad, just that a few players imploded, and became so angry it was like playing against children having tantrums. At the same time, Reading were playing Portsmouth, who were a good side, but were prone to underperforming. We needed a Portsmouth win, or else it was a foregone conclusion that Reading would win the title. A win for Portsmouth and a win for us would mean the title was ours.

We started the game poorly, and were lucky not to concede. It took around twenty minutes for us to calm down and play our game. With seconds to go before half-time, we went 1-0 up. Kind of against the run of play. That changed the dynamics of the match. Just after the restart, we were 2-0 up. Chichester were fuming. How had that happened? We were not the better side. Then came the onslaught. We needed another goal, as that would kill the game off. Chichester kept coming, but it wasn't working. They couldn't finish, hitting the woodwork and missing open goals. Then we finally got the third with around twenty minutes left of play. The captain and top goal scorer sealed the deal for us. We'd done our part, and now it was down to fate.

Back in the changing rooms, everyone was in a lulled state. Refreshing every page on our phones trying to get any insight into the other game. One of the players finally found something. It had said on Twitter than Portsmouth had won. If that were true, it meant we were champions. Some of the boys took it, and that meant a big wet, naked cuddle in the middle of the room, while the rest of us, not quite buying it, were still in suspense. It took about another twenty minutes as more proof came in, but I was hesitant. Portsmouth were known jokers. I had imagined them giggling like Beavis and Butthead while posting updates to Twitter that weren't true. For me, it took a day to be truly convinced, which was when the official website was updated.

Saints' Final Game - Neutral v Academica 22nd July 2016

It was my idea from the start to get a team into the newly conceived Hampshire Futsal League. It was a round robin of four teams, playing each team twice. Pretty much everyone was a novice to futsal, apart from our title rivals, Academica. It didn't help that many of them had associations with our rival football teams in the area. Nonetheless, in our first game of the season, we despateched of them 3-0. We defended the whole game and scored three goals on the counter, against what was clearly a talented and well organised side. Throughout the season, we both destroyed the other teams in the league, amounting sizeable goal differences. We both nearly slipped up once along the way. We went into the final game of the season two points ahead, but one goal behind on goal difference. It would have been nicer to have had the goal difference as well, meaning that only an absolute savage beating would mean we would not be champions. Nevertheless, it meant draw or win, and we won the league.

We had meant to play each other at the mid point of the season. That was already a title decider. A win would have put us six points ahead with two games remaining, meaning just one point would have won the title. For that game, we had such a strong team. We were up for it. We were ready for blood. But the hall was not ready for us. The school we played at were having exams. The court was lined with hundreds of desks. They had forgotten to inform us of that. What a pain.

Then came the final game. The real game. Do or die. It was incredibly hot that day. Everyone was tense. We perhaps weren't as strong as The Day of The Desks with some noticeable injuries and absences. Our opponents were stacked. Ringers galore. But as a new league, registration was always open. They brought in some of the top players from the area through their footballing links, including players from Portsmouth, our main footballing rivals, and a Northern Irish international we'd had at trials, but who passed on us to go to Pompey. This clearly meant something to them.

My team were perhaps a little worried about all the talent they had seen. I turned it around and said that in fact it is they who are scared of you, hence the major reinforcements they had brought in. The game was tense. The players knew that one goal would be the difference between life and death, glory and failure, and they didn't want to be responsible for that mistake. Emotional control was key. Don't get wound up, don't let the occasion consume you. Both teams had big chances, with great saves, and woodwork being struck.

Then it happened. The killer blow. Five minutes from time, and their forward cut inside, and hit a low driven shot to the centre of the goal. It nutmegged three players on the way in. What a fluke. All was not lost. We used our timeout. We went outside and calmly discussed the situation. The opposition were now going to sit back and defend. Our favourite thing about them is that they can't defend. We can. We were a team of defenders. Our opponents had most of the ball up until this point. Five minutes is a long time, and we needed only one goal. It takes seconds to get a goal. Be patient, as our chance will come. When it does, we'll take it. The team were calm yet focused. They knew what they needed to do. We had not lost our confidence or our drive.

What happened in those final minutes was incredible. One of the most amazing memories of mine as a coach. Our goalkeeper scored with two minutes remaining. It was a thunderbolt into the top corner of the net. But it nearly went wrong. A restart from the side, the keeper came out of her goal to receive it. With all four teammates in the other half, the passing options were limited. A lone defender came over the halfway line to pressure our keeper. She took a dodgy touch. The opponent saw the opportunity to steal the ball and put it into the empty net. Our keeper responded well, tapping it to the right with the outside of her boot to evade the challenge. She then unleashed a shot with the laces that was as if Zeus himself hat hit it. One of the hardest shots I've ever seen, yet one of the slowest goals to ever go in. We erupted! Before calming down, with 120 seconds to go. Timeout for the opposition. We focus, we don't do anything silly, and we play rationally. If the ball is in the air, the opposition can't use it. If the ball is off the court, it is not in play. If we have time and space to keep it, we do so, rather than giving the ball away. Do all we can to limit the time the ball is on the ground at the opposition's feet. Defend for your lives. They pulled their keeper and threw the kitchen sink at us. Our opponents couldn't defend, but we can. We rode that wave to the league championship.

Why does one feel different?

With both teams, I enjoyed working with them very much. I loved the games and the sessions. Following the clinching of both titles, I went out with both teams for burgers to celebrate. We talked rubbish and reflected on our achievement. They are so evenly comparable. The difference is, at Saints, it was never out of our hands. If we did our job, we would be champions. At Surrey, due to our mistake, it was out of our hands. We had to hope and pray that Reading fell, which they did. We did the business, but it wasn't down to us 100% in the way it was at Saints.

I'm proud of both achievements, and highlight the way the teams played when I want to brag about my coaching abilities. I hope to keep in contact with the players of both teams as I enjoyed the experience so much. At Surrey, we got a second chance we perhaps didn't deserve. Is that a perfectionist attitude to have? The team were ecstatic. I'm not.

It's different as a fan in some ways, as you have no control over what happens. And there are different emotions at the end of the game depending upon the circumstances. A draw can feel like a win or a loss. What contributes to that is the stature of the two competitors, the impact of the result, and the running of events during the games.

Two other examples spring to mind. In my recent game with my Aldershot boys, we won 7-5. We played great football. The best attacking display of the season. We should have won 7-2. In the last twenty minutes, we conceded three goals in a thirteen minute stretch. That put it to 6-5. It wasn't until our forward scored an amazing free-kick that we truly put the game to bed. That three goal slip nearly cost us. And it's not about results, it's about performance, and for those thirteen minutes, we performed poorly. The boys lowered their game and forgot how to kick a football. That's not good enough. Instead of being over the moon for a 7-2 win, we came off perhaps relieved for a 7-5 win. Well, I did at least. The players and parents were thrilled. It was a win.

And similarly with Portsmouth a few weeks back, we beat West Ham 4-0. West Ham can provide a banana skin for some teams in the league. 4-0 win on paper seems good, but West Ham only brought ten players with them, and we were 3-0 up very early on in the game. For an hour against ten players, we only won 1-0. That's dreadful. "A win is a win" many people will tell me. Winning is binary; you either win or you don't. "But Will, you can draw" yes you can, which does not conflict my statement that you either win or you don't. A draw is not winning. As a coach looking to develop players, I cannot just accept a win if it was a terrible performance. If parts of our play were inexcusable, we can't just smooth it over with "at least we won." We should obviously be happy for a win, but never satisfied with poor performance.

As a coach looking to win championships, again, I can't be happy with poor performances. There are times you have to win ugly. You can dig in and grind out a positive result. I get that. That shows determination and guts. You don't find those aspects in poor performances, and that's when I become annoyed. For thirteen minutes, my Aldershot boys did not show determination and guts. My Pompey team only showed their guts for the first half an hour against West Ham, In fact, West Ham, the technically inferior team, and the numerically inferior team, can feel very good about their performance. It should have been far more than four. We got to four and were happy. They kept playing the entire match, determined we wouldn't score another. They showed the guts we didn't. If we want to win titles, we need to make sure every game and every training that we show our determination. We cannot let our standards slide. The standards you set are the standards you set. With standards lowering, we perform worse. Declining performances correlates to declining results.

Does this make me a perfectionist? No. I think more of a realist that isn't blinded by hype. It keeps my feet on the ground. Saying "Well done, Will, you beat West Ham 4-0" and replying with "Why yes, thanks, we were fantastic today" how does that help my next session? It also teaches my players that I am accepting of okay. We did okay. We did our job and won, like we were expected to. The performance was okay. It wasn't acceptable. It wasn't a high standard, like we should be striving for. We took our foot off the gas.

I would have been happy at Aldershot with a 7-2 win. It's kids football, and we know that football happens. Kids games are always wild scores. A five goal margin and tighter defence than we normally show, is a very good sign, and a great step in the right direction. Capitulating and conceding three goals in thirteen minutes is a step in the wrong direction. And with West Ham, 4-0 against eleven players would have been good, when weighing up the strength of our two teams. But 4-0 against ten? And after being 3-0 so early in the game? Saying that, we did have plenty of chances. In fact, as many as we did in the first half, we just couldn't finish. Does that suggest players literally and figuratively took their eye off the ball?

You can be a perfectionist in some areas, such as your standards, like shirts tucked in and arriving on time, and also in your session design, making sure it is at optimum levels of effectiveness. In other areas, you have to be a realist. It's a trade off. I know we'll concede goals throughout the season, I just don't want it to be many. I know we'll beat the opponent this weekend, but it shouldn't be by the odd goal, it should be more than 1-0. I know we'll lose our next game against this massively superior opponent, it just shouldn't be humiliating, as we should fight them every kick of the game. Realism.

This goes some way to explain the phenomena of not being completely satisfied when you win, and not being totally upset when you lose. When Arsenal played Lincoln City, anything less than 5-0 would have been embarrassing for the Gunners. For Lincoln, a 1-0 loss would have been quite respectable. Know what I'm saying?

At Saints, we earned that league, through our blood, sweat, and tears. At Surrey, we messed things up and were handed a second chance.

UEFA B: Second Time Around

Day 1 - 14th September 2015

What can we expect? I had made the journey to Watford the night before, staying in a hotel not far from the sports ground. The facilities are wonderful, playing at the Metropolitan Sports Ground. How about the weather? It's hardly California.

Most coaches arrived around half an hour early, myself included. London traffic is unpredictable, though it was fairly easy. I could walk if necessary. We awkwardly sat down at tables, asking the basics; What's your name? What team are you with? At this level, most people are proper coaches, and therefore will turn up to the course in their coaching uniform. Very few people are dressed like fans. I do though. I need to wash my coaching uniform for coaching. So excluding myself, it's fairly easy to tell what team someone is working with.

And then in come the tutors. It's a proper Old Boy's club. It's easy and somewhat fashionable to bash the FA. One can clearly see why. All very old, all very unfit, and dressed head to toe in England training kit. It's a jobs for the boys type scenario in most cases. I am of the opinion that some of these tutors are genuinely into their coaching. You can tell by their enthusiasm, by how engaged they are, and that little obsession that you can detect within them. Others, well... probably played football to a reasonable standard, may have been someone's mate, and are firmly stuck in whatever decade they experienced the majority of their twenties. Do they keep up to date with the latest ideas, practices, research etc? It's hard to imagine.

We began the day in groups, working on group challenges. Can we identify and determine the attacking principles of play? According to what we learnt, transition is a principle. I would argue that transition is an event rather than a principle, but I must do as I am told in order to pass. Then we have penetration, dispersal, creativity, support, in no particular order. Another element they added I had not encountered before was chucking penetration in as often as they can.

Transition --> Penetrate --> Dispersal --> Penetrate --> Support --> Penetrate --> Creativity --> Penetrate.

That makes sense really, and actually we should be looking to penetrate immediately after each principle is displayed. Our group session, for all four groups, was to design a session, which we would then deliver later in the day. It was to imagine we are working with the England team, and look to get the ball from the two CBs into the CFs as quick as possible, utilising one direct pass. Many coaches were making the point that that kind of idea would depend on your style of play, that you might not be looking to hit the centre forward every time you get the ball. I agree with that, though you will see even Arsenal and Barcelona hit that front man from deep if presented with the opportunity. Also, do what they say so you pass.

In our groups we planned and discussed wildly. There was much debate as we went over the finer details. Excellent for new perspectives and alternative ideas to your own, and also shows us why we shouldn't collaborate with four other coaches when planning our own sessions. There's a reason why it's an autocracy. All four groups had the same session topic, then all four groups split and went round the table to learn and debate the other session plans. Can you justify your ideas? Even more debate arose. But this is a good thing. You get to look at it from other points of view. You get to understand your point of view deeper if you can justify it. Using the feedback from others, and looking at their sessions, the groups then had to discuss if they would change anything or keep it the same. Obviously we all changed. Then we had to present the new idea and the old idea to the entire room, including the tutors. I went up to defend our old idea, with another from my group defending the new idea. Little did we know, by going up, it meant we would not be involved in the coaching later, as that was left for group members that did not take part.

Footballers aren't the most intelligent bunch, and I could feel our brains slowing down by lunch after all that thinking. They offered us a menu, but the food was very pricey for what was on offer. In the car I had two big cool bags full of snacks and drinks to get me through the week. It was at lunch time that I finally began a long overdue conversation with a face I recognised. Going three years back, this young woman was in the same cohort as myself when we went out and revolutionised Canadian soccer. It was good to catch up, and nice to be in with a familiar face on the course.

After lunch we went out onto the grass, playing with the joyous sideways rain of England. The wind was blowing, and we could feel the chill in our bones. Time to get stuck in. The lead tutor takes a very detailed approach. Everything we will do is from 4-4-2. We are free to do it our own way in our sessions, though if you want to pass, stick to what you have seen. Each player corresponds to a number which is on the back of the bib, so then there is no confusion when we are discussing the game. "Six gets it, plays it out to the three, three should be looking to play it in there for nine, as ten peels off looking for that one touch pass". We all know which positions the numbers relate to as it is a basic 4-4-2 format. Simple. Attention to detail is just another simple way of cutting through jargon and avoiding confusion.

The topic was the same as we had done earlier in our groups. Can we play the ball directly into the centre forward? It began with a micro practice, unopposed, establishing patterns, playing with hands, in a small area. This picture only had nine players, excluding the wingers. Four were added in for the opposition, and I was one of them. Could the blues (team of nine) score by receiving in the end zone? So they were looking at that ball into the 9, with the rest of the team making the runs off him. Then we went fully opposed, still with hands, and finally put the ball on the ground, and took the 9v9 out on the appropriately sized pitch. Straight away he hammered us for mistakes. I was one of the victims. A deceptively bobbly pitch, I received the ball in the left back position, in a lot of space, and the ball bounced off me and went into the air. So alone was I, that this did not matter, nor did it affect the play. I regained control with the second touch, and just as I was about to play the pass, the tirade began. "This is a UEFA B course. You will be working with a high level of technical ability. The ball should not bounce up in the air when you control it". I get the point entirely, but what can be done about a bobble? I felt better when more egos were bruised in the coming moments. "This is a UEFA B course!" would be shouted following any basic error.

Following any session, we are asked to conduct feedback. It has taken on a new form. What went well, even better if, coach's opinions, assessor's opinions. The first two are for us, and the last two for the staff. You pick up a cone of the corresponding colour, chuck it down in a line behind those cones, and then discuss your point when it is your turn. Not everyone speaks at once, and there is clear structure and format to the feedback. I will start to do this with my players.

Day 2 - 15th September 2015

We're getting into the swing of things now, and we have a much better idea of the format and what is expected. Like I have said before, whether you agree or disagree, just do it their way. One such example was when a team was in the scenario of being 2-0 down with ten minutes remaining. They successfully defended an attack, and looked for the counter attack. The keeper saved it and rolled it to a full back, running forward into space. The practice was stopped, and the tutor was telling the team to hit the forward as soon as you get it, as they were losing with not long to go. We could understand his point, but felt the full back running into space was a better option as the pass was guaranteed, he was gaining territory, and was about to initiate an overload. The long pass forward, yes, it is a counter, but whether you counter with a direct pass or by running with the ball depends on the capabilities of your players and also the philosophy of your system.

Some of the assessors are stuck firmly in the past, and have no desire to join us in this new millennium. That being said, it's them that are in control of our destiny. We can't argue or debate with them. Only 20-30% of us will pass, though 60% of us may be competent. A competent coach that didn't question the assessor is more likely to pass than a competent coach who took issue with the assessor. Just keep your head down. A few tutors have even begun to talk to us like filth. Some might say it is banter, some might say they are just creating an environment that will produce high technical competence, but many will say it is disrespectful. I told one of my coursemates to calm down after he was made to feel like an idiot by a tutor during a session. Bear in mind that we were PLAYERS in this session. Should a coach be making their players feel useless? Of course not. "Do you even know the game?" Relax and just accept it. If we could talk back to them like that, maybe it could be banter, but it's definitely not.

The coaching styles exhibited are my way or the highway. The FA calls it command style. The tutors are commanding players to perform certain actions. They are right, you are wrong, and they are not open to suggestions. They cut you off when you try to explain yourself. That's not conducive to learning. We see ourselves as peers, as coaches, who want to help each other improve, and raise the quality of the game in this country. They see us as inferiors, idiots, and potential threats to their cause. It is the Old Boys Club. Young coaches with new ideas, new perspectives, and a genuine love of coaching could very well take their jobs in the future, so they keep us down.

Then there's the lighter side of the Force. The tutors that spend time with us, engage with us, guide us, make suggestions, and largely make us feel comfortable and welcome. We are, after all, customers. How about being treated like it for a change? They are the good guys. They want to coach, and they want to make us better coaches. They don't sit far away from us, enjoying the tea and banter. No. They're on the front line with us, showing the way forward. Essentially the difference between a leader and a boss. The coaching style is vastly different. Instead of telling you, or commanding, they ask you or challenge you. "Play that pass in there" becomes "Can you play that pass?" It's still a prompt for you to do it, and the technical information is the same, but the frame of that elicits a different response psychologically. "Can you?" is answered with "of course I can" and builds confidence, trust, and player ownership. Words more like "do this" give no ownership to the players, keep all decisions with the coach, and create no feelings of trust. The way you speak to someone really does make a lot of difference.

The tutors I have enjoyed more, on the lighter side of the Force, have also done live demonstrations. Watch me do it... pass here... like that... into here... They are on the front lines with us. They are engaging with us. They are one of us. Those on the Dark Side just tell, criticise, tell, criticise, tell, criticise. It's also STOP... PLAY... STOP... PLAY... STOP... PLAY. Quite often only one pass would be made before they stopped it, then the next pass, stop again, the next pass, stop again. Information is important, of course it is, but you're not being engaged if you're not playing and if you're not the one making decisions. This has the side effect of destroying creativity. No coach tells Messi every move to make. He is allowed that freedom. The FA's idea of playing it out the back is hoofing it into the other half. We played from the back, and it's now out the back. Job done.

The rain began to come down hard, and by half four we had one practical remaining, with a guy whose hair is similar to that of Bob Dylan, whose face is like Magneto, and who apparently hasn't cut his nails in ten years. With the day coming to an end and the weather making it difficult, we went inside and skipped the session. I was very much relieved. He is the tutor I have interacted with the least, and comes across as very FA. On our way in we saw the most beautiful and complete rainbow ever. It actually touched the ground in front of me. Sadly no pot of gold.

There's a million ways you can fail this course. What one assessor expects will be different from another. One will tell you to play to gates, whereas another will tell you to play to an end line. They will fail you based on your preference. Some will tell you to use a passive defender, others will tell you that you may as well use a pole or a cone. Why use a pole? Is that realistic? Put a passive defender in there. If you're going to have a guy stand there and do nothing, why not just use a cone? So you can't win.

My impression is that no one is filled with confidence. We're told we're crap, made to feel inferior, and know that anything can fail us. This is the exact opposite of how to bring the best out of people. You have to wonder if the FA even want high level qualified coaches.

There were two points that irked me, and I have to express them. Playing in defence, we were encouraged to get the ball, play forward, and then join in with the attack. It was a small sided game. I got the ball, hit it into the striker's feet, then ran to support. his touch took him towards the touchline, so naturally I ran on the inside of him, performing an underlap, looking to receive in space. The assessor stopped it, and demanded I do an overlap. Considering that the striker was actually on the touchline, where would I receive the ball, as an overlap would actually take me off the pitch? Or I just run in a straight line and plough right through him. I wasn't the only one who was confused by that. In the same session, another incident very similar to that happened. The keeper made a save, held it, and we dispersed quickly. Being near him when he made the save, I curved my run towards the touchline and then forward. He stopped it, told me I didn't need to make such a pretty little run, and to instead just run forward to I can receive it better. Running forward would mean my back was to the ball, making it very difficult to receive. By curving the run, you create that width, giving yourself even more time and space in which to receive the ball in the defensive third, and your angle to receive is greatly improved as you will now be moving forward while sideways on for the ball. A much better option. But of course I don't have to tell him that, as he is a UEFA B assessor after all.

I didn't play in any of the sessions after lunch. I can really feel it in my knees. It's the same problem as a couple of months ago in California. I'm okay when I start, but once I stop, I have finished. There is no starting again. With this kind of coaching we're always stopping.

Key words for us to understand are; constant, variable, and random. This describes the type of practice by the amount of decisions being made. Constant is very few, if any decisions made by the players, and random is loads of decisions for the players. In addition, one must remember the three Rs; repetition, relevance, realism. Make sure you hit these, as well as playing 4-4-2, direct football, not pissing off the assessor at any point over the next seven months, and not expressing an opinion. Easy. We are coaches. Educate us, don't belittle us.

Day 3 - 16th September 2015

Session Day! We didn't know this, but we were to begin delivering our first sessions. The topics were handed out for our first couple of mock assessments, and we were to deliver our first one by the end of the week. My idea from the start had been to go as early as possible, so then I could quickly find out how crap I am, and begin to work on it. This turned out to be a good decision.

The morning was spent planning. So many ideas floating around our heads. The tutors were peering over our shoulders and indirectly offering advice in the form of leading questions. It's hard to know what they want, yet we were aiming to please. My topic was to coach a team to attack off of a long pass. I cut off one wing, and played to about ten yards into the opponent's half. The players were three midfield and three defence plus a keeper on the defending team (the team I am managing) and three defenders, three midfielders, and two strikers for the attacking team. The attacking team go to goal, the defending team run the ball over the back line. Simple. But I wasn't certain. There was doubt in my mind. What do they want? What do they expect? What little seemingly insignificant things will I overlook that will actually get me in trouble? It's quite difficult to gauge it, so just give it your best, then work on your feedback.

It's tough going on first, but the guy who went first did a very good job. Quite impressive. We are all slightly self-conscious in front of our peers and assessors, all who do the same job as us, who collectively will have a million different ways of delivering the same topic, and who will all be judging us. There are many boxes that need to be ticked. The level of competence needs to be extremely high. So much can go wrong. There are literally hundreds of ways to fail, and yet very few ways to pass. Imagine the most absolute perfect session, and then not messing up anything. That's how to pass.

My turn. There's no point being nervous. You could either be nervous or be awesome. In that sense, I was in the zone. Suddenly it was like an out of body experience. The coaching became automatic, allowing me to focus on other things. I worked on three basic patterns of playing the ball into the front men, and then working off of combinations to go to goal, against passive defenders. Then we went live and the patterns came out. It seemed a little too easy. The long balls were working, I was loud, clear, gave good demonstrations, was able to coach and get good reactions from my players. Then, I noticed the mistake. I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was, but I could see the effect of it. There should have been more scenarios occurring. I was only coaching the same three or four things. Why is that? Why were these other pictures not developing?

That's why feedback is helpful. All the coaches had their say, then it was time for the assessor. I feel I got more right than wrong. It's a hell of a lot better than what I was capable of four years ago, but I'm not passing just yet. With the feedback, it all became clearer. Were we considering too much and therefore overlooking things? Here's what went wrong:

• The area - Should have included the left flank and been twenty yards longer.
• The players - There was no striker for the defending team, and therefore no one to press the ball players. That made the defence stay deep.
• Management of the opposition - Without having that striker, and without having a task, or a goal, the defending team were deep, and so only the same problems occurred.

To summarise, the pictures were always the same, because of the session structure. It didn't allow or incentivise the defence to push up, and therefore the balls to the strikers were limited in variety. Ideally, the backline should have been higher, and then there would have been the options to drop it in behind or to come short and receive it back to goal. Session structure was a key area for development in 2011, and it still is in 2015.

After what seemed like a long day, we finished relatively early. That meant I was able to take my bum back to the hotel, shower it, and then dress it in Rovers colours for my first game in nine months. We had tickets to Brighton a few weeks back, and although we didn't make the game, one can understand that some things are more important when a plane hits the ground and kills around twenty people.

Traffic. Why is there always traffic? Why does anyone in London own a car when you can't actually use it? "Hey, do you want to go to the [insert event here] down the road?", "Nah, we probably won't make it. It starts in three hours". That's not the life for me. People in traffic get angry, and begin to edge out to cut others off, and don't let anyone go. The irony is that by not taking the extra couple of seconds to let someone out or in (depending on the situation) that actually stops the flow of traffic and increases the backlog. We are merely pawns, and though our actions may be small, the ramifications can be huge. And the traffic lights let about two cars through before turning red again for half an

Day 4 - 17th September 2015

First of all, I will talk about falling in love with the McDonald's Canadian Melt. Only on offer for a limited time, this was a thing of beauty. I went to McDonald's after another long hard day, and thought I would give this thing a try. Canadian maple soaked bacon, with the usual cheese, burger, and ketchup. It was too good. Turns out, as this was for a limited time only, it was to be my first and my last. The memories are precious.

Onto the football. We had sessions all day, largely delivered by ourselves. The rain had begun, making things unpleasant. We're sweaty, worn out, and now it's raining. Brilliant. Being day four, with much playing, injuries began to crop up. Everyone was feeling it, but this was to place more stress on the rest of the group. You'd have thought we could bring some more players in from somewhere to help out. It says in the pre-course reading that you need to be fit and able to run around. It didn't mention that it would be for an unreasonable amount, that you hadn't done since you were eight years old. There's a huge demand placed on people who are into their forties and fifties, who gave up playing over ten years ago. They can play for a session or two, but then they have to give it a rest. The same goes for all of us really.

The head tutor took us out on the pitch to explain the difference between a constant, variable, and random session. It is essentially a spectrum, with constant being highly repetitive, such as passing with the right foot, in pairs, over ten yards, only using the inside, and not taking a touch to control. That's your repetition, but is it realistic? Does it include decisions? Are there other variables that need to be considered? Does it allow for the random element of the game? Then further along the scale is variable. You may lay 4v4 handball, with end zones, not allowed to run with the ball, not allowed to steal it from hands. This isn't a true reflection of the game as there is no stealing and no moving with the ball, so there are limits and constraints, but you do have decisions to be made and options to be weighed. The same kind of things should happen fairly frequently, but there is also the necessary random element. You may wish to work on pressure as a unit of four. It isolates some of the key principles, and provides a few different recurring scenarios to work with. When it comes to random, this is pretty much a game without imposed rules and restrictions. The decisions are down to the players, and anything can happen. This is the game in its truest form. But does a random practice allow you to work on your topic? If it is having the two CMs to combine and play forward, will that be happening all of the time, some of the time, or occasionally? You can help this during a random practice by selecting certain players for certain positions, so that your more favoured outcomes are more likely to happen, allowing the coach to work on the learning objectives, but it is very hard to isolate certain techniques or movements and provide the repetition if the session organisation is not altered in some way.

Another technique that they demonstrated, although not necessarily on the syllabus, was the Five Second Fury. Everyone knows this in one way or another, and the amount of seconds can fluctuate between four and six depending on who you listen to. The most famous example would be Pep's Barcelona, that they press instantly, high, and with intensity upon losing possession. If they haven't won it back immediately, they drop and regain their shape defensively. In the more basic forms, teams do need to know where and when, and also how to press. Take the Barca method and it is six seconds following dispossession, then drop. Take the Gegenpressing from Klopp's Dortmund, and it is to press a certain player, area, or time, while dropping based on other cues. For example, if the CB has the ball, leave them to it. If the RB has the ball, everyone squeezes in to press together. If the ball is then switched to the LB, let them have it there, drop, and regain defensive structure. Both have similar elements in that the high press only lasts for a few seconds, which is then followed by dropping and balancing. The triggers to press and the triggers to drop are different in that one is based on time and the other based on the location of the ball or the player in possession. Both are interesting concepts, both have brought success, and both will be hard to master at youth or amateur level, but that doesn't mean certain aspects of it can't be taught or implemented. Recognition of triggers is key to any part of sport, and knowing your role in any kind of strategy or tactic is paramount to the success of such an idea.

It's hard to know what the FA's ideology is. It is supposedly documented in The Future Game. I have both the Grassroots and Elite versions. What I see is a lot of "you could do this, or you could do that", which is great at creating all round technically and tactically proficient players, but this England DNA that is mentioned, is not referenced and outlined in a clear way that one can easily identify. It's like lots of little bits of everything else, but nothing clear and concrete. I must admit that I am against a blanket playing style to be adopted by all teams, academies, and grassroots clubs up and down the land. What makes the Premier League and Champions League so interesting is the clash of styles and philosophies. Kids should be taught long ball, parking the bus, tiki-taka, counter-attack, wingers, Christmas Tree, and all the rest of it, as it helps them become well-rounded and adaptable footballers, that are intelligent, critical, and responsible. Yes, I will copy 90% of what Barcelona do, and will emulate as many aspects as appropriate, but at the same time, they need to understand the strategies to beat Barcelona style football. At the top level, you don't get points for being pretty, you get points for putting it in the net. To create intelligent players, we need to give them problems to solve.

"The team this week are playing a 4-2-3-1 that slots into a 4-5-1 when defending. How do you think we should line up against that?" the players can then discuss, with guidance if necessary, what may and may not work against such a system. The players of the future will have to be technically proficient in all areas, as well as intelligent and adaptable. I don't think we should be doing this too young. U8s and under don't want to pass, as their abstract reasoning is still developing, but how about once they get to U11? Four week blocks, copying famous teams and their styles. Did you enjoy it? What was good about it? What didn't work? What changes would you make? Against what kind of opponent could this system be effective? When I've done such work with players, they absolutely love it. They find it so interesting, and love to be able to figure things out like that. The younger ones particularly will even wear the same colour bibs as the shirts of the team, and will take on the personalities of their favourite players within that system. You have two teams in training, one to play like Barcelona, the other like Real Madrid. Give them some key ideas and principles (to actually go into the required detail would blow their minds, so stick to about three main components), and then you have players who want to be Messi and Ronaldo, or Iniesta, Pepe, Ramos, Neymar etc. How do they play? What do they do in this system? Have a half time. Is that working? What changes would you make? Then a big discussion at the end for the debrief. They really get a lot out of it. I did a lot of this with my girls in Mexico to great success.

I have sidetracked a little bit, but there is no England team you watch, male or female, senior or youth, where you think "That is how an England team is supposed to play!" The women in Canada obviously had a great World Cup, but was there a distinct style of play that you could identify as England DNA? It's too wishy washy and fluffy. We need something written in stone, that is undebatable. A philosophy that lasts, and that stands up to scrutiny. The Future Game is great for educating coaches about holistic player development, and provides some great drills and technical points, which is absolutely necessary as the level of coaching at grassroots is poor, but I think it falls short on providing us with an England DNA. If you watch the TV in black and white, you can tell who Spain are, who Germany are, Italy, Brazil, Netherlands (apart from under Van Gaal - that was quite different) but I don't think you can with England. Apart from maybe hundreds of backwards passes, little off ball movement, a reluctancy to go forward, and meandering to impressive possession stats in our own half, you wouldn't be able to tell it is England from any kind of positive or admirable play that would make you wish you were playing that kind of football with your mates.

One of the candidate sessions was absolutely horrendous. The guy had a real train wreck. We are all learning still, especially at this stage. You can only feel sorry for the guy. He coached in what is his second language, and seems to be a little fiery. It's like he was nervous, not wanting to be judged by his peers, but at the same time, unsure of what exactly it was that he wanted to accomplish from the session. He kept giving out conflicting instructions, and was dong this all over the pitch. Your instinct is to try and help someone in this situation, but what effect we could have had was unclear, and likely to cause any kind of positive outcome. He was becoming frustrated and worked up, almost actively seeking conflict. I was playing centre back for the attacking team, and the left back was continuously being picked on for not understanding the exercise. It made no sense to any of us, and we were all confused by it, but this left back, also a foreigner, was an easy target for the impending rage. We tried to reason with the coach, informing him we didn't understand, but he kept dismissing it, saying that he needed to work harder and wasn't paying attention. Really not the case. No one is there to make you look bad. You do that to yourself. He threatened the left back, saying that he will sub him if he needs to. Another inexplicable misunderstanding, and then he actually did it. He substituted him. The coach called to the side and brought on another player to take his place. It all went a bit awkward. We couldn't really explain it. I was right there the whole time and had no idea how this had happened. After the session, during the debrief, we all had a good laugh about it, though it could have easily gotten out of hand. The left back was a good sport about it, as he is a truly nice guy. Imagine if you were that volatile around kids. Dangerous to a young player's ego.

Day 5 - 18th September 2015

I checked out of my hotel, chucked everything in the car, and went along to the sports club. This was to be our longest stint together on the course. We got through the remaining coaching sessions, and went into some more assessor ran sessions. This day was to be remembered for the ball in the eye incident, that showed the true colours of my assessor. He runs a good session, he really does, and is very hot on the detail. Doesn't mean he's not unpleasant. Others are showing signs they are glad they don't have him as their assessor. Demanding, insulting, and talking over people are part of his repertoire of dislikeable habits. I was playing as left back in this session. The opposition had tried to clip a ball into the space behind me. I read it well and had turned in time to get there first and shepherd it out of play for a throw. The forward hassled me as the ball bounced towards the touchline, but I kept my body between him and the ball, not letting him get to it. Just as the ball was about to cross the line, on the crest of the bounce, he reached his leg around me, and got a toe to the ball, attempting to flick this over my head. I did not know he was that elastic, and so it caught me completely off guard. Not expecting it, and with the ball only about a foot away from my face, he poked the ball into my completely open eye. I could feel the contact of the synthetic leather on my eyeball as it rebounded off my face. I dropped straight to the floor in a lot of pain. The contact would have lasted for less than a second, but eyes are so sensitive that I can recall quite vividly how the ball felt as it compressed my eye. Immediately concerned, those nearest to me, including the guy who did it, came straight to me to see if I was alright. That's when the assessor who was taking the session started screaming "Get him off!" and Play on!". He instructed them to roll me off the field mere seconds after the incident had happened, and then to leave me there as they got on with the game. To add insult to injury, the hapless man who was recruited to play in my absence, didn't know what to do. "But I don't have a bib" he protested as his human decency got the better of him while he tried to attend to me. "Take it off him! Come on, let's play!" screamed the assessor. He bent down to me, taking the bib off my back while I lay there, moaning in pain with my head in my hands, nervously apologising, saying "Sorry mate, he's shouting at me to play." I believe he had thought one of the many other FA assessors that were on the side would have seen to my welfare, and come to check on me. Minutes passed as I lay on the ground, waiting for the pain to subside, face in hands. Nothing. I slowly climbed to my feet, right eye fiercely shut. It just so happened that this was the eye that went blind when I was a kid, following a similar incident. That only lasted for a day or two, and no serious damage was done, after a visit to the hospital and two weeks of treatment.

I staggered about, one eye open, and in tremendous pain, thought that maybe, just maybe, someone would come and check on me. There were definitely enough people there to at least have helped me get off the cold and muddy ground. I had to walk up the bank to two of the tutors, sat on their fat bums, and interrupt their conversation in order to try and get some help. "Why don't you put some cold water on it?" was their helpful response. I staggered some more, over to the club house, fought with my boots to get them off, and went to the bathroom to put my face under a tap. After about a minute of letting the water cool it down, I then cleaned the mud out of the affected area. I tried to open it. I could see. Things were a bit blurry, and the headache persisted, but I could see. Taking some time to rest, I eventually went back out there, very dizzy, with a large headache. I sat down at the side, just waiting for the day to end.

The day had included a philosophy session that we had to speak about in groups. I had just recently done something similar for an assignment at university, so was pretty clear on my ideas. It was hard to know whether they meant a playing philosophy or a management philosophy. The former is all about strategy, whereas the latter is about standards and codes of practices. There is slight overlap and you should be clear of both if you are wanting to coach. What always amazes me with these kinds of discussions is the many ways that we all say the same things. There's always one exception to everyone's rule, and two people with very similar mindsets can venture into a heated discussion about one small detail. Was this helpful, or just a way to kill an hour in the timetable?

We were given our homework, which was to begin some of the tasks by the next time we were to convene in Watford. This included session log, as well as the easy stuff that takes ten minutes, like filling out the modules on drugs and psychology. I wonder how much of that stuff will be left to last minute.

The drive home was a difficult one. It took about three hours with traffic. All with an unnerving headache. I could be blind and still drive better than half of those on the M25. People suddenly become idiots when the number of cars around them increases. I thought about stopping a few times, as I was really in no condition to drive. One good eye and dizziness are not paramount conditions for any road user. I wasn't going to call home and ask for help. Probably because I'm stubborn, but more because I couldn't be bothered with the drama. It was a long week, and I wanted to get home.

Day 6 - 12th October 2015

So this was our first day back. There were many that showed up late that we began to worry. One guy from my group was absent the whole day. This is where I would make a comparison about here and the US courses. If someone was missing from an NSCAA course, we'd contact him to see where he is and if he is okay. In England, we're friends as far as the course goes, and so very few people exchange numbers. Another factor is that a lot of US courses are residential anyway.

Our group activity was to draw a spider diagram of absolutely everything that has to be considered when making a pass. It really does show then there are so many legs coming off of this pass that just telling a team to pass better, or an individual to make better passes, really is a stupid and pointless process. Vague advice is useless anyway, and you can see why. Firstly, what determines what type of pass you make? The area of the field, the options available, how the ball is coming to you (height, speed, spin) distance to the opposition, your own ability. Even before that, we have to look at whether this will be a first time pass, will you take a touch, what kind of touch? Will you draw the defender in with the first touch or take your first touch away from pressure? Secondly, we have to think about where or who you will pass to. Is it to feet (back foot or front foot), thigh, chest, head, space? In behind? Over the top? Long, short, midrange? Then we can consider if this will have effects such as dip, curve, swerve, backspin. Will it be driven, clipped, pinged, chipped etc? What about disguising the pass? Do you look at the receiver? Does your body shape try to throw off the defender? Is there a false start trick that will have the nearest defender be sold on a dummy or plant their weight into one foot, thus opening a passing lane that you have had to create yourself? So you see, "Pass the ball" is not a helpful command.

We did a session that was having the forwards combine with the midfield in Zone 14 to create and convert goal scoring opportunities. Or some nonsense like that. It wound me up, but not for anything that happened on the course. The session was good. I should know. I did it two years ago while working in New Jersey. Here's an article from way back when: http://footballperformanceanalysis.com/2013/08/19/what-is-zone-14-in-football/ This is Leo Chan, a coach that I met on a CPD event a few years back. The topic title was different, but it was basically the same thing. While in New Jersey, on a coach training morning, it was my turn to do a coach session in front of the rest of the coaches. I put some flats spots down to mark out Zone 14, with all my coaching points and spiel relating to Zone 14. I could tell from the perplexed looks that something was wrong. In the feedback afterwards, I was torn to shreds. What is all this Zone 14 rubbish? The coach educator and curriculum designer, someone who I admire greatly for his ability and who is now working at the New York Red Bulls. Here's another fun article that shows this has been footballing knowledge for a while now, at least ten years before my session in New Jersey.

While all those buttholes are still out there loving life, I've only travelled the world, seen amazing things, and met Sammy Lee that one time in Winchester. Really though, that company did blow my confidence. I know I'm a good coach, and I'm a far better coach than they made me feel. At least now I'm not working for the man. The only future out there was either to marry an American, or work behind a desk. I will definitely go back to the US to work in the future, but I am well past those sorts of companies.

The enjoyment levels seem to be dropping. It feels like a chore now. You don't see excited faces. More nerves, apprehension, anxiety, dread. This is football. The most fun thing on the planet. It really doesn't feel that way here. Definitely not how I felt in California. Every day was a new adventure in the sunshine, playing football with your best friends, learning from interactive and encouraging coaches. Absolutely no one is smiling, and the jokes are spare.

We cleared up a few things when looking at session planning. In regards to the consolidation phase, there's only three options; small sided game, phase of play, three quarter length game.

SSG - Playing from eighteen yard line to eighteen yard line, with the touchlines brought in halfway to the penalty area. Small sided games are equal numbers, with two teams going to goal. It's usually a midfield topic that is worked upon in an SSG, as that's where the field has been reduced the least. Two goals means that there are many transitions for the midfielders to react to, and it just keeps all the players interested too.

Phase - Playing to one goal, with an end zone or mini goals being the target for the team defending the goal. Can be about eighty yards in length, full width. The focus here is usually in the attacking third, whether it is defending or attacking. The midfield or defence have won or lost the ball, and another attack is building. 9v10 in favour of the defending team, the units are matched up. Attacking third sees two strikers play against a back four and a keeper. The middle third is 4v4. The defending third (or what's left of the pitch) sees a CB and the two full backs play against one target striker. And of course, it is always based off a 4-4-2.

3/4 - Like a phase, but played to two goals. One of the goals uses a penalty area, thus providing realistic markings. Having a second goal in encourages the defending team to step up more, and can create many transitions. Particularly good if your objective is to work on the building or defending of counter attacks.

When we do our next mock assessment, the last one before the final examination, we will have to do both a lead in and a consolidation practice. That's forty five minutes of coaching. The Lead in would be something like an advanced technical practice, a wave practice, a squad practice, but will most likely be a functional practice. The lead in is to introduce your topic and go through a few main points with the key players. In the consolidation, that is added to with extra players, extra interference, and thus extra decisions. One of the last sessions we were to witness from the assessors was by one of the trainee assessors. It was a very good passing exercise. One I have used a lot since I picked it up from Keith Boanas at a CPD event at Fulham's training ground. It can also be flipped to be about the shape of the line that is defending, preventing those forward passes. It's a basic setup and is adaptable to many different situations.

Day 7 - 13th October 2015

Not a lot of note really went on today. At the end of the last session, we had an incident involving a lost wedding ring. One guy had taken it off to play, and it had gone missing. Perhaps it had fallen out of his pocket. We combed every blade of grass until we found it. He got it, and went home to his wife and newborn as a very relieved man.

We started the second lot of assessments. With a couple absences and some injuries all piling up, the group was relying on the same people over and over again. I joined in one session as a centre back for the attacking team, so had very little to do. I had a grand total of two touches. I spent the rest of the day collecting balls and cones, which was most tedious, but I felt bad about not playing, so wanted to do my part. I felt by now that I had seen enough sessions. They all appeared to be blending into one as we slowly approach the bland one-size-fits-all ideology of the FA. Do it this way so you can pass and piss off. Others were apparently becoming bored by it all too. We just want our feedback and assessment, but then with twenty of us wanting that, we have to endure the labour of nineteen others. Many of my fellow coaches were struggling to know when to use a phase and when to use a small sided game, and what were the key differences between the different session organisation types. There were flashes of enjoyment among the boredom, frustration, and criticism. I was starting to feel a little ostracised due to not playing. I'm not taking any chances with a concussion, but you do feel others resent you, as if you are finding an excuse to not play. I promise I will do everything I can when I am good again.

Our assessor was showing glimpses of his dreadful personality yet again. He is a man now universally disliked across the course. Good coach, but horrible. People might not remember what you said, but will always remember how you made them feel. We feel that he is a ****.

Day 8 - 14th October 2015

Today we did more mock assessments. I apparently got the order wrong, thinking I was the one before the one I was. There was some light rain which brought great joy to us all. My session, although nothing spectacular was decent. I feel as if I am further along the scale of pass to fail than I was when we started the course, but that I had not made significant progress in line with the timings of this second block. Improvement is always good, but I was disheartened by the slow improvement. I really could have put a lot more time and effort into the thought and preparation. I have been preoccupied with so much other rubbish lately that I neglected the full and thorough preparation necessary for this. That's nobody's fault but mine. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

There's a lot of book work to be done on this course. Ain't nobody got time for that. I suppose we do have until March. For dinner, I went to a Mexican restaurant, that tries to be more authentic Mexican. I didn't have ketchup, which is always a thumbs down. I went for a burrito. This place is kind of like Subway in that you choose the bread and your ingredients, then they make it in front of you. It was alright, but not Mexican enough, and quite expensive for what it was. And they didn't have ketchup.

Day 9 - 15th October 2015

I have no recollection of what happened this day. It was a Thursday, so I probably raced home in order to get to training in time, via McDonald's at Fleet Services. Upon reflection, it appears nothing memorable occurred, just a few more sessions, a bit of boredom, and me taking part a little more.

Day 10 - 16th November 2015

So it's been a month. Did I do all that book work that was necessary? Of course not. I'm only human. But what about the session that needs to be done during the next block? Our third mock before our final assessment. Screw this up, and we might not be put forward for the final assessment in March. Well I did some of it. I designed the consolidation, which is the second half. That's pretty straight forward. It's a phase of play, and the assessors have been so clear on exactly how it's done, I hardly put any thought into it. As for the lead in, I know exactly how I would do it. I have about three or even four ways of doing it, and I would be more than comfortable to run those sessions with my team. The sad part is, this is what gets inside your head. What exactly do these old farts want to see? We should stop second guessing them and just go ahead and do it.

The first session began somewhat late. We're not sure why. I get the impression that the old farts are letting things slack just a little bit. It wasn't until ten o'clock that they decided to usher us outside. A staff meeting was required. It was more like half ten that we actually began the first session. Great planning. Oh well. We can all be captain hindsight and suggest that that meeting should have taken place earlier, via email, Skype, Whatsapp etc. But then we don't have a UEFA B Coaching License. First up was a top quality session. Good luck to the guy. If that wasn't good enough to pass, we're all screwed. More and more coaches are hearing horror stories, which we are all sharing with each other. It's doom and gloom. Stories like only one in twelve passing. Understandably, many of us were bricking it.

I was not to coach today, which suited me fine as I sought out inspiration for the lead in practice. Due to the previous concussion, I vowed to take part in every session possible. With seven lead ins and seven consolidations, amounting to seven sessions, I missed just one lead in as my position was not required to start. That means five hours. Five hours of football in the mud. It sounds like every kid's dream. I am no longer a kid, and cannot recover as quickly as those magical days, free from responsibility. Lunch time is the killer. That's when we go back out, having already calmed down and relaxed. It is so difficult to get going again, and the quality so quickly declines. It's a shame for the candidates that are attempting to coach, but there's nothing we, as individuals, can do.

Just yesterday I bought a massage roller after watching some recovery videos on YouTube. I gave it a good go after returning to the hotel with a meatball sub. Three double chocolate chip cookies were also purchased, but it seems the clerk forgot to put them in the bag. In addition to the roller was stretching and a hot bath. There's another day to go, and we need to look after ourselves. I need to look after myself better. By the seventh session, everything was creaking, pulling, tugging. I was not alone. No acceleration, no jumping, just going through the motions. I find myself these days at 28% body fat, and a BMI of about 26.5. That's statistically overweight. I don't look fat, but it's still alarming. Especially as my muscle tone has severely declined. It's hard to find the time when coaching. I sound like a complainer, but jobs in sport require you to be active. Going to the gym in the morning can sometimes affect your performance when coaching in the evening. If you coach in the evening and wish to go to the gym after, you often find yourself to be knackered. Going to the gym, a lot like volunteer coaching, is time spent not working or studying. You find yourself running out of hours in the day.

Day 11 - 17th November 2015

Rain over nigh, we were excited to be playing on the muddy, cut up pitch. To our delight, there were shallow puddles in places as we squelched our way through the pitch. My session was today. I was to be number five in the order, coaching a team to mark, cover, and press when defending. During the first session, we took part in a function. I found myself to be a marauding central defender, often joining in with the attacks. To compound yesterday's attempt from distance that struck the crossbar, I did another one today. With a bit more confidence, I kept going. Then finally, the goal came. The first goal of the day. My first goal of the course. Needless to say, I was most pleased with myself. Outside the box to the keeper's left, struck with the laces, across goal to the keeper's right, he got a hand to it to tip it onto the bar, but that wasn't enough as it struck the underside of the bar, then came down into the side netting. I felt like saying "Suck it" then taking my shirt off and doing a knee slide through the mud, but then I do want to pass this course.

The mud was affecting play quite considerably. Passes were holding up, standing feet were sliding, and the ball was not bouncing naturally. Not picked for the second session, I went to change my boots. Our third session was a guy from another course that had come to do a makeup day. His was an attacking topic, which contrasted our defending ones. It was here that I felt the standard of play was seriously compromised by the state of the field. Plenty of slide marks were appearing as the standing foot kept slipping. It's interesting to know that this guy, having came from another course, was unaware of a few of the intricacies we were doing. For example, the feedback arrangement with the coloured cones. Not standard procedure across the board.

Fourth session up, it was time for me to disappear. The rain started to fall. I went in to have some lunch while preparing. No one wants to be the after lunch session, so they were trying to sneak me in before the break. My tutor was having a look at what I had planned, and through some Chris Tarrant style prodding, he helped me reach the conclusion I needed. Back four, but with a CM in front or not? What would a CM do? It would help split play in either direction, creating more realistic pressure. I was ready.

Time to go. The rain was now heavy by the time I emerged. My finger tips were frozen upon touching the bibs, picking them up to arrange them into formation. The microphone wasn't working, so I would really have to gesticulate my points. No way was the assessor going to come pitch side. The shelter of a leafless tree provided a cosy environment for him to cast judgement upon me. Another course member was helping me get things ready. We're all in this together. My lead in was a function, and the consolidation to be a phase. A back four and a holding midfielder, with a keeper, versus two forwards and the four in midfield. Defence have to prevent scoring opportunities, and when they win the ball, play it out as quick as possible. Essentially that is the transition, and the ball immediately ends up with the opposition again in what is real back against the wall defending. The holding midfielder for the attacking team was to receive the ball in a pitch wide zone that was at the centre circle.

Difficult to coerce volunteers when it is pissing down with rain, and they know there is forty five minutes of running around in the mud coming up. Someone usually pipes up with "Come on lads. We're all in this together" prompting a flood of volunteers to come forward. The heavy rain was coming down right into my eyes and mouth. I mentioned in passing afterwards to my hatphobic tutor that this is precisely why I like to wear a hat while coaching in these conditions. In we went. Across the sludge. I like to let them play for a minute or two just to get used to the game, and to get in the swing of things. I believe that too many early interventions reduces the quality and intensity as players feel as if they have no incentive to try due to the constant stoppages. Secondly, an opportunity is provided to the coach to assess the player match ups, and see what kind of coaching points are likely to arise. We don't want the session to feel manufactures, although we do have a list of coaching points that we need to get over to the players. One must find the balance between methodical interventions and sequential teaching without making it feel like the coach is the puppet master.

Time to dive in and coach. Little thought was put into my coaching position. I suppose in all the excitement, I had neglected to consider that. It's very important, and can kill your session if done incorrectly. You need to be near the action, but not in the way. I chose the penalty spot. Well, not chose, more like meandered and found myself there. It allowed me to see the entire back four, and meant that I did not have to charge forty yards across the pitch to get to the players. First intervention, bang, body shape, distance to the ball, angle of approach. Second intervention, line of the ball, slide with it, deny the shot. Let them play for a while and see how they get on from there. CM plays a through ball wide for the RM. It looked over hit, and the RM appeared to give up for half a second, but the ball held up perfectly in the mud. Third intervention, and much like the others, it came at a pause where I had to wipe my eyes and spit the rain out of my mouth. At this point, the assessor had to step in and call it off. The ball was not rolling properly. The conditions had compromised the game so much that it was silly. We were soaked through, looking like drowned rats. We collected all the stuff and took it inside. The jokes were pretty good. Obviously the assessor had seen enough in the five minutes to give me a pass. He claimed that it had nothing to do with the quality of play, but because he was getting wet through his coat. All good, taking the sting out of the situation. Bit of a pain in the bum.

We congregated our wet selves back in the classroom to drip away the rain and eat some lunch. The decision was made that there was no way we could go back outside and complete more sessions, so we were to enjoy a presentation in the afternoon, and then make an early break for it. With an hour before we were to restart, I went to find a shower. The groundsman was in there, and told me which ones I could use. These were open showers with no privacy. I never got used to that situation when I was younger, so would probably have showered in my boxers if there were other spectators. You have to will yourself to warmness. When it is cold and wet, shrinkage becomes a big problem. You can never know who might sneak up on you, and you always want to give a good account of yourself. Without a towel, I used my wet and muddy hoody to dry myself. Warm, dry, and hair looking perfect, I emerged in my Saints stuff, ready for the session later that evening, and ready for the presentation in the afternoon.

The former England captain mentor took charge and began talking about fitness. Very insightful. Much like with the psychology, he's not that sure how much it needs to be covered as we only really skim over the surface. Likening it to brain surgery, he made the point that you wouldn't be ready to perform an operation on the brain after one presentation that covers the basics, regardless of how good it was. I get that point, but from my point of view, it provides some insight and a peek through the looking glass, especially with the professional experience that our tutors can draw upon. We were then challenged in our groups to come up with a test that will work with a specific player in a specific position. We decided upon CM. Looking around the table, we all professed to have very little knowledge on the fitness side of football. I took the lead as I had done a lot of work on it recently. Pretty much clueless, we went round in circles for a while, until JT's mentor came over to see how we were doing. He really did challenge us and our ideas. It's good to be blown out of the water occasionally as it shows you how far you are from where you need to be.

The groups had to present their ideas, and we were first. I went up with the poster of our test, which was a zig zag test to analyse agility. We thought it was okay. Everyone else ripped into it. Some things to take away from it; players sprint usually no more than twenty yards, never in a straight line, it lasts for three to four seconds, so they use only about a third of their ATP store (adenosine triphosphate), which then replenishes fairly quickly, within the next thirty seconds, and is very rarely depleted. This is all good to know. Work to rest ratio is very important, as football has a lot of intervals. We find a lot of starts, stops, increases, decreases, turns, changes in direction. It's never constant. Fitness training and fitness tests need to reflect that. How can we isolate one component and work on just that? We found that very difficult. How do we make the test reliable and realistic? That's probably why we're not fitness coaches. There's a lot to it. I'm starting to find the topic of fitness far more interesting than I used to. Now I'm working at a higher level and studying at a higher level than ever before, it is becoming more relevant and more important to what I do. I think this has given me a bit more of a taste and a desire to learn about this part of the game. Fitness programmes, recovery sessions, periodisation etc. I have been using all this lately. As I move up the football ladder, I'll need to know more. The further up you go, the more management is required, and the more delegation to subordinates one has to do. With absolute no knowledge about a certain subject, you cannot appreciate their worth, or, understand if they are talking complete rubbish and can be trusted.

We do not reconvene until the end of the January. By then, I hope to have completed many more of the tasks within my folder. There is the fitness task, the analysis task, the psychology task, the logging of sessions, and the answering of questions throughout the different sections. Even more, the knowledge that will have been gained. We will have had Christmas. It will be 2016. All my questions about Star Wars: The Force Awakens will be answered. There will be much to discuss. And... I'm up first.

Day 12 - 25th January 2016

With Christmas behind us and 2016 in full swing, very little football had actually been played at our collective group of clubs with England suffering severe rain and flooding, as the island sinks helplessly into the Atlantic. Safe in the knowledge that we had all seen The Force Awakens, it was now time to focus on the remaining mock assessments that were to take place over the next two days.

Being first on, I felt the responsibility of getting things off to a good start. Many people were late, including tutors, which meant that some equipment was missing, and I had to wait what felt like an eternity before I could go set up. The course leader gave myself and another candidate his set of car keys and asked us to go down to the car park to retrieve some balls from the back of his car. We duly obliged. On the way down, I suggested that we should move the tutor's car just a couple spaces to see if he would notice. He wasn't so keen on the idea. An opportunity for mischief missed, I had the equipment and went down to the pitch to put some cones down. There was a lot of grass, with the pitch not being played on since we were there previously in December. What was below the grass was wet, horrible, squelchy mud. There were sporadic mud puddles that had not recovered in the month off. One of the larger ones near the centre circle just happened to have a yoghurt like substance in there.

As I was preparing, slowly the other candidates began to emerge on the field. The first one out had a bit of a buzz about him. He told me that we were going to have a very special guest with us, one that used to captain England, and has a Champions League winners medal. The one and only, John Facken Terry. I looked over towards the club house and saw the top of his very distinct head entering the building from the car park. As the others arrived, a toned down excitement started to build. We weren't about to go crazy like teenage girls seeing their favourite prepubescent boyband homos. We are coaches after all, and know not to be star struck. We haven't got as far as we have without seeing and meeting enough famous people. It didn't stop the jokes though. My mind was racing with all the Facebook memes that I had to keep under wraps. I was hoping JT would have been out quick enough for him to join in my session, but they told me as he had played the day before against Arsenal in the Premier League, that he was too stiff and tired to join in. We were instructed by the assessors not to act like knobs, to not put anything on social media, and to not ask for selfies. We behaved.

And so we began. It commenced with what would most likely be labelled an advanced technical practice. Exactly the same as before. The back four with the holding midfielder having to press, mark, and cover, while preventing the forwards from creating scoring chances. Going into it, it didn't feel right. I'm not sure why. It looked how I wanted it, kind of, and it went somewhat how I wanted it to go, but I still couldn't figure out what was missing. As customary, I like to give the players a minute or two to play around and get used to the exercise, while giving myself a chance to scan and analyse the effectiveness of the organisation. Then It was time to step in. I went into work with the CDM, asking him to give more protection to the back four. He wasn't quick enough at sliding and screening, and so the defence could not press, causing them to drop and force shots from distance. I let play go by again, and he still wasn't effective at his job. Due to that, there wasn't much playing to the centre forwards because the defence had dropped and were so compact. That forced the attacking team to always go round the sides or fire a shot from afar. Why was it not going right? I made a few more interventions, though felt they were more forced than obvious. Demonstrations, questions, drive by coaching, but I was not improving performance, and the action was still not happening the way it needed to do.

I progressed it into a phase, extending the width of the pitch and adding in more players. Now it felt better as it looked more like the real game. The feeling was still not there. What was wrong with me? I didn't feel in the zone at all. The phase definitely went better as with it being more game like, the correct and necessary patterns of play occurred more. There was a clear mix-match in personnel though. The attacking team were far better than the defending team. It created problems for the defence to solve, yes, but these were problems that were out of their depth. Like trying to get Blackburn Rovers to defend against a Barcelona side that contains Messi, Neymar, and Suarez. You can tell them and show them, but it's just not going to happen. The something happened in the corner, near the corner flag. John Terry had come out by then and was watching my session. About five yards away from where I went in to make my intervention. Unfortunately a couple of the buttholes did not hear my command to freeze, and continued playing, beating a couple stationary defenders, smashing the ball into an empty net, and high fiving, before realising play had stopped. At that point, I had completely forgot what my point was. Everyone was very far from where they were when the mistake happened. What was the mistake? With JT watching, I wasn't nervous, and calmly stated that I had lost the point I was trying to make with people moving on, and would require their help to recreate the scene. They were good to be fair, and I engineered a coaching point. Done. Time for feedback.

Time to eat humble pie in front of my peers and the former England captain. It was very disappointing. If that was a session I did with one of my teams, it would have been alright. The players would have learned a couple things and would have enjoyed it. But that's not good enough to pass a high level coaching qualification. I had gone backwards from where I was before. What had happened to me? Was it confidence? Was it just an off day? Was it lack of practice over the festive period? So looking at things I didn't do well, the first one is selection of the players. I know them all well enough now to know who I will be putting in what positions for the final assessment. There was too much of an imbalance in quality. I didn't coach with a logical sequence, just coaching what I saw, rather than moving the team towards an end product. How do I want the defence to play, and then take the necessary steps to do that. Start with the CDM, then the CBs, then the GK, then the LB/RB, or something like that. What one does affects another. Upon reflection, no wonder the CDM couldn't do his job. He had the whole width of the pitch to defend the midfield line by himself. I had to apologise to him for the work I made him do. So that was another one, looking at numbers and area size in the lead in practice. Instead of an ATP, I should really have done a function, cut off one wing, and played down one side of the pitch. I asked if it was possible to perhaps add players in as time went by, as that would aid the logical sequencing. Work on the centre backs, then the full backs, then the keeper, then the CDM as they are gradually added to the session.

Inside with the tutors, a guest tutor who had a very intense stare, and looked a bit like Frasier Crane's dad. he suggested that in future I visualise the session. Great idea. It could help, as I don't feel like I had a clear picture in my head of how it should go. I will visualise it, prepare it, practice it, evaluate it, practice it again all before the final assessment. I need to work backwards in my planning. Take the full game, get rid of a couple less relevant players, such as the opposition goalkeeper, perhaps an opposition defender, and also a striker. That goes into a 9v10 phase. From there, who are the primary, secondary, and tertiary players? How can I whittle it down to a relevant area size, with only a handful of the most relevant players? I know I can do better, and I am frustrated at myself for going backwards. Perhaps, like they say, I am being too hard on myself, but I am not at passing level yet, and taking it easy and feeling sorry for myself will not get me there.

Emotions battered, it was time to go back outside. I missed team selection for JT's session, so had to watch from the sides. We were having a right good chat, swapping jokes and dares. Oh the fun we would have had, and the trouble we would have made, had we had the balls to do it. If you slip and shank the ball, you John Terryed it. Introduce yourself as Wayne. All the black guys will change their name to Anton for the day. And many, many more classics. I suggested completely throwing him off in the debrief and seeing how he, and more funnily, how the tutors would react. "I really liked what you did with the back four, and the way you made your point so effectively, demonstrating clearly to the centre back how you wanted to what the Hell were you thinking during that press conference in South Africa?" Just like that. But I didn't. JT's session was about playing out from the back. He clearly know what he is talking about. You don't play at that level so long and so successfully without knowing the game. Think of the great coaches he's had over the years; Mourinho, Ranieri, Scolari, Capello, Villas Boas, Hiddink, Ancelotti, and Avram Grant. Even a rock would know a great deal about football and coaching after spending time in the company of those guys. This was his first session of this kind as a coach. You could tell. He seemed humble and nervous. Coaching is not his arena, and he is not yet a master of it. With such knowledge though, one can go far. The stuff Terry is lacking like communication skills, teaching, session organisation etc. can be taught far easier than actual knowledge. It's well documented that Pep Guardiola would fail his USSF A License (and that they are proud of that fact), and he'd probably be kicked off the Youth Award if he coached there the way he coaches his players, but what is important, and stands way above the rest, is the actual knowledge of football. As long as you are coherent, you'll do, as your knowledge will shine.

Well done to Terry for stepping outside of his comfort zone. This wasn't the snooker table pitches of Cobham, and we are hardly a group of international superstars. His session area was too small for playing out the back, which lead to a lot of mistakes. In his defence, he stated that they do that session all the time at Chelsea, playing 11v11 in one half of a football pitch, asking the defending team to get it over the halfway line. Hahahaha. We can do that too, no problem. His coaching position was that of a central defender, which he is. It often meant that he couldn't see half of the pitch, whereas if he was to step back nearer to the goal, he'd have much better vision. When it was time for his feedback, I told him that I liked his logical sequencing (especially as mine was so bad), and how in one intervention, he affected the keeper's positioning, moved the CBs wide, which pushed on the RB+LB, and then created space for the keeper to then move forward with the ball. He didn't say much, but it was obvious that he gave me a mental fist bump.

Now it was time to get on with the rest of the day. All I had to do for today and tomorrow was just play football. Unfortunately, I am bad. I was absolutely woeful. It became desperately embarrassing. They all knew I was bad anyway, but this took it to new levels of dyer. Was I thinking too much about my awful session? Was I being too hard on myself?

To wrap things up, the final debrief inside the clubhouse before we all went away for a while to contemplate our final topics, it was a most pointless exercise. They really do talk rubbish when they don't know what else to say. We get marked down for that if we do it on the pitch. Something they did say that is worth noting, something that we had already suspected, was "some in this room have already passed, some in this room have already failed, regardless of final assessment". Excuse me? Yep, they just outright said it. Wonderful. So those that have had a bad mock assessment, what do we do? Is there much point turning up for that final assessment? Well of course. We can learn from watching more sessions, and then get our biased feedback after our inevitable failure. What fun that will be. Four days off work, four nights in a hotel, hours and hours of football, all to be told "u failed in december lol". I do not think that is a fair procedure at all. They added that if you have a bad assessment, but your mocks were good, then they would find a way for you to pass. Likewise, if your mocks were below par, but had a good assessment, they would find a way for you to fail. Cool bro. Now we feel so special knowing that in some cases, our fate is already predetermined. There are likely to be some injustices in March when one remembers that statement. But isn't learning a process? So if you're not good enough towards the start of the course, but are good enough by the end of the course, isn't that exactly what the course is for? Perhaps I view education differently to others. And what about mocks and practice runs? Since when did they start to count for things? Imagine being at school, having a practice exam, and then afterwards, being told it will count towards your final grade. You'd be a little pissed to say the least. Saying that kind of rubbish is why these FA idiots get such a bad rap. "They're not so bad, apart from being old, stupid, sexist, aggressive, biased, and stuck forty years in the past." To be told that we may have already passed or failed is to replace the exam procedure that we had all agreed upon, and to replace it retrospectively with coursework.

Day 13 - 26th January 2016

This was the day that will forever be remembered for two corners. Unfortunately, JT was not about to be witness to what happened. We completed six sessions in the boggy mud, on unplayable pitches, of which I am tired of mentioning, but this is where we are at right now. The mud did provide some benefits though. Players, like myself, could get away with a bad touch on this surface. The mud killed the ball like a futsal dropping out the sky, so you could take a bad touch, and still retrieve the ball as it would not run off to an opponent. The wind was blowing a gale too, making the environment evermore unpleasant. In one session, we had a knackered keeper, so I took the goal kick. I launched it with power, and the wind hooked it back into the penalty area. Absolutely ridiculous.

I was definitely getting the impression that some people were getting on other's nerves. We have a few session terrorists. These are players that are either too cool to do their job properly, or will take on fifteen defenders before shooting way over the bar from forty yards. Don't be an showoff. No one needs to be the best player on a coaching course. I suppose it is realistic in one way that you do have players like these in your teams, but it's not really what the assessors are interested in. If the coach running the practice asks you to do something a certain way, just do it. It's common decency. Others who realised this, like myself, are often too nice to say anything. It's like we hope that they will realise in their own and then just stop doing it. Like they have had one too many and can regulate themselves.

To add to the annoyance of the weather and the session terrorists, competing to smash the ball as far over the bar as they can from well outside shooting range, a guy who had missed a couple days, and who was frequently turning up late, without explanation, made an appearance. He owed us a session. This came as a surprise, and changed our order. It may not have been so annoying had this change not happened only minutes before the next session was about to start, with the coach who thought he was going next, having prepared his entire session, then being blue balled in the final moments. It's not the end of the world, but an unnecessary frustration that one does not wish to face in the moments before a mock assessment, Making it worse is that the guy who had shown up after his absences, was not well liked. In part, due to these such instances, but also due to his personality. It's not like the coach who missed a bit due to having to go to hospital. We can understand that, and it was fairly obvious. Oh well. Communication and compromise solve so many of life's problems.

So now, the moment you've all been waiting for. During a session that I was taking no part in, there was an injury to the centre forward. I came on to play in that position. I had no idea what I was doing, but that never seems to matter. We were given the task of being a goal behind, and needing to come back to win the game. Play restarts, and we get a corner. I went over to take it. They know I've got good delivery, and I'm dreadful in the air, so it makes sense. Taken from the goalkeeper's left, it would be a right-footed out-swinger. I clipped it in, aiming for the second six, and it dropped right on the head of a teammate, who headed it into the net. 1-1. The coach was unhappy with the defending, so decided that it needed to be worked on. The corner was to be taken again. This came with all the usual and expected ribbing; "Bet you can't do that again" and the like. I put the ball down in the arc, assessed the positions, and thought about having a shot. The two players on the posts were short, the keeper wasn't a keeper, and no one would be expecting it. Knowing that outside of the boot strikes can often go horribly wrong, and considering the session terrorism that had been occurring, I decided against it. There wasn't much going on at the front post, and there was a lot of space unguarded in the six yard box, so I decided to drill it in across the face of goal, at about head height. In the final moments of the run up, as I placed my standing foot on the ground next to the ball, it slipped a little in the mud. This caused my right foot to cut under and through the ball with the laces, making it spin, and providing a trajectory that was off course for my intended delivery. Everything from that point on seemed to go in slow motion, as I realised that this was the magic formula needed to convert this corner into a shot on target. I could see this bending back towards the goal, and while in slow motion, just decided to stand there and enjoy the moment. It was like having superior information to everyone else, and feeling really smug about it. While they all looked on with bright eyed wonder, I knew what was about to happen. Alas, due to the power at which I struck the ball, that moment could not last forever. It was a moment of beauty that I felt was ruined too soon. The man on the far post could not anticipate what was coming. More out of sheer disbelief at the audacity of such an attempt. And there it went. Like waving off a loved one as the train takes them out of sight, suddenly, it was gone. As an homage to myself, the ball cannoned off the back of the post, displaying the speed of it's flight. That touch off the woodwork reminded me of seeing stars twinkle when movie protagonists gaze up at the cosmos while contemplating a loved one. 2-1, and I had only had two touches. I tried to not make such a big deal out of it, attempting to play it cool, but the huge grin on my face prevented that from happening. I was the only one there that could be 100% sure if it was a fluke or not. Most reckoned that it was a fluke with a "There's no way you meant that", but sounded like they were trying to convince themselves more than anything else. I tried not to give too much away, and just wanted to enjoy myself.

Then I was asked to do it again.

This time we opted for a short corner in order to give the coach something to coach. After that session, the assessors remarked that when doing a UEFA B session, to not play corners. There are too many intricacies to work on, and it is not relevant to our topics, so just play again from a goal kick. Makes sense, I suppose.

Today was the day we would learn of our final topics. Mine was to coach a team to defend against combination play. My tutor looked at me with sympathy, stating it was one of the harder ones to do. First, you had to manage the opposition to make combinations, then you had to coach your team to defend against it. If the combinations weren't working, you had nothing to coach. What is a boy to do? Possible a function, although maybe a skill practice, leading into a phase. But how do you get combination play to happen in a 4-4-2? The assessor went over some ideas with me, like overlapping fullbacks, inverted wingers, almost playing a diamond in midfield, with centre forwards rotating, one short one long, and changing sides. I had to instruct that, but first, pick the players that were able to pull it off. That's going to take a lot of time and thought. Fortunately, I have two months to think about that, and two months to practice.

Day 14 - 7th March 2016

Finally, here we are. All or nothing. It's going to be emotional next week when we all discover our results. Pass or fail, we will all go our separate ways, back to our coaching journeys. Log books completed and sessions planned, it was down to business. Who will be in the lucky few to progress to that next level? Since the previous support day, I had thought a lot about my topic and about the structure of the session. How best to do it? Immediately, from talking to the tutor and taking on board other information before leaving, I began to form a very clear picture in my head. I had gone over it again at home, and rehearsed it with my team. All the time, it had been at the back of my mind. Was that the right way to do it? Should I change it? I looked at many different resources, not sure whether the perfect session would appear, or maybe just for reassurance. Reassurance was provided. I am going with my first instinct.

At this stage, there are so many factors that should just be a given. Keep it simple. Don't mess about. The way they want this done is fairly clear. Ball placement, coaching position, area size, making sure the keeper is distinguishable, not wearing the same colour as the players, speaking loudly and clearly etc. All those should be completed on autopilot. They count for marks, but that's not what's really being tested. It is our ability to coach. Of course, the session organisation and everything around it needs to be of a good standard. If it's not, that will trip you up, but most important is the interventions you make, and the information you give. I've seen coaches that are much more effective than myself have what you might describe as lazy or inconsiderate session designs, yet still improve performance due to their actual coaching. They know the game, and that's the largest factor. I need to show that I know the game. The rest of it is the fluff.

The course leader was laid up in hospital. Some old man type surgery, like a hip replacement. We arrived in the morning, eager to learn when our session would be. What was to be the order? I wasn't keen on going as one of the first sessions. Turns out, it didn't matter. Our tutor would not be there today or tomorrow, and so no one in our group was going this week. There's two ways of looking at it; the first is that you get it over and done with, so don't have to worry. The other is that you get to see the other sessions, recognise their mistakes, get back into the swing of things, and perhaps better prepare for it. I am of the opinion of the former. If I were to go today, then not get feedback until next week, I'd most likely have forgotten all about it. A lot of the advice would lose relevance as it would be gone from memory.

We took to the field. There were people missing. Sad really, and I hope that whatever has happened to them, they get their chance and do well. We did have a few familiar faces, that were people making up days. One of whom was on my Module 3 the week before. Another is a guy that somehow knew me by name, recognised me, but didn't know where from. I was talking to him as we tried to figure it out. He was from Essex. I listed a lot of the courses that I had done over the years, quite a few of which were in London. It wasn't any of them. As a shot in the dark, I asked him if he'd worked abroad. Perhaps I had seen him at a training day or an interview. Turns out he worked for a rival company in New Jersey at the same time I did, and we were in the same interview group as each other. It's a small, small world.

The pitches had not recovered from the horrible December decimation, and were now far worse. The mud patches had increased in size, were devoid of grass, and had a sprinkle of cinnamon on top for good measure. Supposedly to absorb the moisture, but in reality, just accentuating the tractor marks. I tested it with a few balls at the start. Any bounce was like a futsal, and a pass through had the speed reduced to below 50%. To walk on or run through was to risk a sprained ankle, or even to lose your boot. We began at quarter to ten, had half an hour for lunch, and finished at quarter past five. We managed eight sessions. I played every minute of every session. That's six hours of playing, which is equivalent to four games of football. Plus all the standing around and waiting in the bitter cold. It wreaked havoc on all the joints, and I was dead by the third session, which would have been more than a game, plus extra time and penalties. With low numbers, we couldn't really share the load. Idiots like me didn't get to rest.

The lack of rest was made worse by the Billy Big Balls second in command, chief now that the lead tutor was in hospital. Lunch was cut short to allow us to get more work done. He was having a right old bitch about how long it took us to get back out there, stop eating, put our boots on, set up, and start playing again. Go away you old codger. You get to sit down on your fat FA bum and judge others. That's your job. And remember that he would only have done it for two or three sessions today. The rest of the time would have been spent in doors with a cup of tea, looking busy. Had I not been gasping for breath, and depending upon his approval for successful completion of the course, I may have felt the need to inform him that is a *****.

You have to feel sorry for the guys who went between third and eighth. It was a steady decline in play. It was bad enough on the pitch, but then the concept of diminishing returns kicked in, and no one had their best left to give. I swear I nearly blacked out in the final session. It's damaging to those that have to play so much, but soul destroying for the coaches who just can't do anything to get a little more out of those on the pitch. It was clear to see that some felt let down by their players, but I was honestly not holding back. I went into autopilot by about session six as I had essentially fallen asleep at the wheel. The mud made it feel like attempting to run with resistance bands on. Both legs were in dire agony, and there was nothing left in the tank. Realistic gameplay was just not going to happen. I couldn't accelerate or move quickly to apply pressure, or prevent a turn. Tracking runs was out of the question, and any time I got the ball, it was launched far away so that I wouldn't have to deal with it again. There were some beautiful through balls played by some to walking wounded that physically could just not get to the pass five yards ahead of them. That destroys sessions. The FA certainly aren't taking care of us, and for the money we pay, I'd expect a lot more. Although I played horrendously, I wasn't the only one. We all had our moments. The mud patches did more to disrupt play than any defensive unit did all day. It tackled me many times, scuffing passes, misjudging bounces, not pressing or supporting in muddy areas, as if I missed the ball, I wouldn't be able to turn quick enough to recover. Strange that for the same kind of price, we had access to beautiful, pristine, pool table like pitches in California and North Carolina, that were manicured and well groomed. Could we not have had a 3G pitch somewhere? The FA might lose money then, and won't be able to pay the assessors to sit on their bums and whine. The fat… fat!

There has to be another way. I talk about it with anyone that will listen, but can't we find some way of playing the football season at a time of year that doesn't include the three worst months for weather? I'm sure that if we put our brains together, we could think of nine other months in the year that don't include December, January, and February. This is a topic for another time. Now, I need to rest, with shower, stretch, and massage.

Day 15 - 8th March 2016

How was it to go down on the second day? To my surprise, by the time I arrived, in the seconds after the stroke of nine o’clock, I saw the group out there on the field. We were ready to go straight into it. Another day slogging through sessions. We had moved over across to the adjacent pitch, which was still unplayable, but not as far along that particular spectrum as the pitch the day previously. A factor that had not helped us was the lack of support from outsiders. Yesterday, there were a fair few. Today, just three. Without them, we wouldn’t have been able to do it. We had too many injuries of our own, that none of the playing group got to rest. And for the second day running, I was in every minute of every session.

Again, like every other support day before it, the sessions started to blend into one long session full of the same coaching points and the same session design. Save for a few tweaks in size, the content and area are all pretty much the same thing. Still surprising to see how many little things went amiss, such as playing throw-ins from the faux touchline used to outline the pitch for a functional session, and the amount of corners taken despite the instruction from the assessors on a previous support day to not take corners. You have to hope that the assessors were so impressed by the coaching, that those details did not matter.

We did five sessions in total, and my estimations are that one, maybe two, will result in a pass. I don’t think we have bad coaches on this course, but with the best efforts of the FA to make the assessment process become standard, there are so many variables that are out of our control, it can become unfair. Obviously, it would be a million times better to be assessed working with your own teams, which will eventually happen to many of us as we go for reassessment. One guy who definitely won’t pass, is a thoroughly nice bloke, part time Ray Wilkins impersonator, and someone I have enjoyed spending time with. The coaches being assessed have had microphones attached to them throughout, and this gentleman referred to his tutor as “that cunt over there”. I don’t disagree with his statement, and sure there would be many more in agreement, but such a slip can be costly in a world full of egos.

Five sessions felt a bit silly. Especially when you consider that the day previously, we had endured eight, with four of them being before lunch. They wanted to save our legs, but really, the only ones who will benefit from that are the one or two coaches that go at the start of the day. We all wanted to just get on with it, and crack through as many as possible. Next week we will have to factor in time for our assessment feedback, which will be emotional.

There was a Christmas miracle, and that was not just the flurry of snow that lasted for half an hour but never settled. A coach had the exact same session as me. I watched it with keen intent. Playing as a centre back near the halfway line on the team not being coached, I was close enough to see it, but not involved enough to be distracted by it. My main concern has been the session design. I've seen it in the resources, and have now seen him do it, and I am now very much reassured that I will be going function – phase. Simple. Thank you. This is a guy who I have a lot of time for, and have spoken at length with about a great many things. Previously, he had stalled in his sessions, looking a little like a deer in headlights. Not that he’s a bad coach, just perhaps the occasion had got to him. It’s not easy being judged by everyone around you. Thankfully, and most pleasingly, he had a great session. His best one yet. He was calm, in control, seemed confident, and almost had a kind of swagger about him. It meant that he had found his rhythm which was previously missing. He’ll probably still fail. The FA only wants about 20-30% of us to pass, and will have been quite open about holding previous sessions against you. If he did pass, I wouldn't begrudge him. Nor anyone for that matter. I think we’re all capable, though may deal with this particular assessment process quite differently.

A growing trend I had noticed over the last two days is one of cheating. I'm not sure where it comes from. Is it players just having a laugh? I really don’t know. Four happened in plain sight that were directly related to me. One yesterday was flicking it round a player as he rushed in to block me, who then batted the ball away with his hand. The three today were a knee high pass past a pressuring defender, who stuck out his hand to block the ball, a throw into the box which was punched away by a defender almost Maradona style, and another who competed for a header, and hit the ball away with his hand. These four incidents were from three players that are very competitive. It’s difficult to gauge their motives. They are not alone in this, as balls are going over the lines and out of bounds, there are quite clear and deliberate fouls, and what is blatant cheating. The coach at the time often lets it go. I’m not sure why. Someone deliberately and plainly handballs it, everyone stops apart from the offender, and the coach plays on. Sometimes they don’t acknowledge it, and others they do instruct us to play on. Their inaction sometimes comes from perhaps shock, or not expecting it and therefore having no protocol from it. What kind of idiot would act like that during a UEFA B assessment? They must be bricking it, and thinking about so many things, that they do not go down the quick and easy thought process of calling a free kick, or calling to go back to the start point. It’s so unexpected and completely out of left field.

In addition to the blatant cheating is one clear example of can’t be bothered. This isn’t someone that is exhausted or injured, so not able to put the effort in, this is someone who keeps playing in goal, yet makes no attempt to save with his hands. When he is awarded a goal kick, he just chucks the ball down and kicks it at someone, regardless of whether they are still in the area, and regardless of whether they are open to receive or even looking at the ball. We are all capable of mistakes. I nearly scored a spectacular own goal, outside of the boot that missed the top corner by a foot following a miskick, but these mistakes all come from a good place. They come from trying to do the right things. His mistakes are coming from sheer laziness and disregard for others. It severely reduces the realism of the sessions when such easily avoidable mistakes are happening so frequently. We began shouting “HANDS!” at him every time a shot come in. Some would say “Yeah, but he’s not a keeper”, and then add the point that he’s just going in to not have to run around. To counter that, I’m not a keeper, and would be no use in net, but I still know to roll it to someone’s feet along the ground rather than throw it at them, to pass it to players that are looking for the ball, and to use the whole area rather than to distribute from within the six yard box. A bit of a session terrorist.

Day 16 - 14th March 2016

Finally. No more escaping it. Today was the day that I found out my assessment would be tomorrow. Our assessor was back, dreadful jokes and all. He's hard to get a read of, but I do think it is clear what he wants. Two from our dwindled group of four went on today. The first one, who has had many strong sessions, put on another good one today, and I believe that is the standard our assessor wants to see. There was a lot of talking, a lot of information, good detail, energy, and demonstrations. Not a fun session to play in, as hardly any football took place. Now that there is no formal feedback, and that we go straight into the next session, there are small opportunities to gather and talk with peers about how you felt a session went. In regards to that one, the contrast was stark, but there were common denominators. Everyone I talked to felt that it was very detailed and that the information was spot on. Some remarked that their assessor would fail him because of the 70:30 ratio of playing to coaching, but the others, myself included, said that our particular assessor would wish to see that, as essentially for him, it is your chance to show everything you know about football in one forty five minute window.

I hope I'm not getting shin splints. The front of my shin bones hurt. It is very physically demanding. I've documented thoroughly the downfalls of this course, and I just want to get it over and done with. We're at the stage where we've all had enough, and a lot who didn't have amazing sessions seem to have come to terms with it, and so appear as if their time is being wasted by still being here. Where only 20-30% are going to pass, everyone here is capable of achieving the standard. I'm going to keep this short so that I can run through the drills on my board a few more times.

Day 17 - 15th March 2016

So let’s jump right in. Four sessions for us to complete today, and I was first on. This came as a bit of a surprise to me, but the change in order had come due to another member of my group not being ready to take his turn. No problem, as I was prepared anyway, just not keen on his bull “No, it’s okay, I can go now if you want me to”. Shhhhh. He and a couple others helped me set up. I was feeling much better than a couple months ago, when I completed my mock. Then, for whatever reason, I felt unable to coach. No idea why. But today, I was flexible, fluid, energetic, confident, and quite looking forward to it. While setting up, stack of cones in my hand, with just one line of cones to complete, an FA tutor summoned me via dog whistle. I walked over the seventy yard distance only for him to ask me if I was finished setting up. Well no. With a stack of cones in hand and a half completed line, I didn’t expect that it would take Scotland Yard style detective work to figure that one out. He then, in his impolite and demeaning tone, told me to hurry up and proceeded to remind me that we should have begun at quarter past nine, and that it was now twenty past. I decided it was not in my best interests to remind him that I was on first, nor that it would be helpful to point out that I would be ready, and probably half way into my brief by now if I had not been interrupted by his beckoning. While he was midway into his Captain Obvious routine, I turned round and calmly strolled back to where I was before, way over yonder, to place down the remaining cones. He has stupid hair, small feet, and long thumb nails. It’s amazing the kind of things you can notice about a person that consistently talks down to you.

Cones down, bibs laid out, it was my time to shine. I went into my spiel, and told the players by name who I wanted to play where. A couple of positions I was unsure of, but was able to figure it out in the moment. A younger guy that had shown up just yesterday was someone who was brilliant on the ball, but stopped playing when he didn’t have it. Perfect for playing a defensive midfield role if you wanted plenty of coaching points. In my eyes, the session went very well. I received good feedback from the others, as well as a customary round of applause. It was by far my best session on the course, and felt like what I believe to be a good account of myself. Had I done enough to impress my assessor, a man that was notoriously hard to please?

Coach a team to defend against combination play in the defending half.

I joined in with the next session, and after three minutes, rolled my ankle. Jockeying the centre forward, he was too tricky for me, and as my body changed direction, my right foot decided to stay where it was. Quick sub, and I limped to the car to get my ankle brace. This gave me an opportunity to begin talking to an English guy that was working in the Netherlands, who had flown in for assessment day. He had been playing all over the world at lower levels. It sounds like a fascinating career, one that I wouldn’t mind to replicate in coaching. The third session was the guy who was supposed to be on first. I still don’t know what the problem was. As English isn’t his first language, he can sometimes babble or come across as aggressive in pressure situations. His anxiety was definitely on display for this assessment. He got his numbers wrong in the brief, which confused some. And he told some by name that they were not included in the start, although he had previously said that number was starting. He had the blinkers on at that point, and it was too late to offer any help to provide clarity in his organisation.

The fourth and final session brought with it a sense of relief when it was over. The journey was finally complete, and we could now move on with our lives. No more early starts, long drives around the M25, nights in hotels, or even flights from Dubai for any of us. The fourth one was a fun one, and coached by the man that had come over from the Netherlands. Straight away he made friends by reeling off his storied playing career, and boasting about where he had played. At least thirty seconds of his opening dialogue was dedicated to bigging himself up, and of course, as people in football, we were so very impressed, and no one thought he came across as a ****. Even during his session when he used lines like “NAC Breda are watching you” and “You should have gone pro, not me”, we felt nothing but awe towards him. How can you not be impressed by someone that points out their superiority over you without provocation? Considering our total admiration, there definitely were some giggles when he fell flat on his bum following the “should have gone pro” comment. This guy was the only one to use a skill session (or was it an advanced technical practice? I often can’t tell the difference) which was a daring move, as most people went for functions, patterns, or game related ATPs. Essentially, to do otherwise would be very much a Level 2 type practice, which won’t give you enough opportunities to really demonstrate your advanced coaching knowledge.

Many were subdued during the lunch break. Staring off into space, empty vacant looks into the bottom of lunch boxes, and very few conversations flowing. This was the moment. This is when we would find out if the £800 plus travel, plus time off work, plus injuries was going to be worth it, or if we would have to persevere with a reassessment. I genuinely believe that everyone on the course, passing first time or not, is capable of achieving this level. Some may have struggled, yes, but no one is out of their depth. It’s a different environment, coaching tired coaches on mud, than it is to work with your team that you know inside out for an hour on 3G. There was some discussion as to what the order would be. Many felt it right that we should see our tutors in the order that we had been assessed.

After about six or seven coaches had returned from their interviews, no one had failed. This was strange, but created a positive feeling. The more people that came back with a pass, the more the rest of us believed we would also receive good news. There were one or two that came back with a pass that certainly made me think “Well, if they’ve passed, then surely so have I”. I won’t have been the only one. I can’t remember who the first to fail was. By counting the ones that said they passed, I would make it around 70-80% received good news. This was well above the standard. Quite exceptional really. One or two snuck off without saying anything, and there were also one or two that said they passed, but didn’t have the look of relief or joy that you would expect. It could be that they were pretending as to not look like the idiot. They struggled with eye contact, and gave short sharp responses. Not sure what that was about, but it happens on every course.

Then it was my turn. With everyone else receiving a pass, and with the good session that I had, I was quite hopeful that it would all be over for me too. Alas, I am still a Level 2 coach, and in need of reassessment. Like previously in 2012, there was definitely a trend of not agreeing with every pass that came through, and also some assessors being more lenient than others. My old roommate from Kuwait had previously informed me that no one on his course had been passed by that assessor, and a peer on this course had shared that he had friends on another course, where he passed only one from twelve. Also that he was quite conflictual and not at all liked.

It’s hard to take an objective approach when so much of it is down to opinion. There’s so much that can affect opinions too. My mind thinks back to the comments such as some of us had already passed or failed in the minds of assessors, and also being told off for wearing a hat, and constantly being told I had been in America for too long. I’m trying to not make excuses, as that will get me nowhere, but before I begin the self-reflection, I need to get this off my chest. Had that awful mock session in January done me over? Had wearing a hat really pissed him off that much? I don’t think I’m that much of a knob that someone would take an instant disliking to me and thus hold it against me so that I fail. Some coaches that previously had absolute brain farts in their mocks passed, though they had a different assessor. Then you think about the times you looked over and saw them not looking, talking to another assessor, or even with their back turned, seemingly engaged with something else. This is my turn. This is my forty-five minutes. You look at me and only me.

So to now analyse the feedback, I’m trying not to sound like a bum here, but there is so much I disagree with. It’s not as if I can look at it and say “Well you’re absolutely right, I definitely got that wrong”, which I suppose would give me the closure I’m looking for, as at least it would give me quantifiable objectives to aim for, but that is certainly not the case. Apparently I didn’t do any demonstrations, which I definitely did. I didn’t time my interventions well. Apart from one intervention where I brought it back to make one quick point, I definitely did. I had a whistle with me (maybe that was it as he didn’t like whistles) so that I could stop the play quickly and effectively without players not hearing it for five seconds and moving on too far away. I also had marks off for session organisation and progression, which are essentially easy marks to give or take away based on whether you want to pass or fail the coach. The organisation was fine, and the progression was fine. I literally cannot fathom a way that it wasn’t. You have to progress it after twenty minutes anyway, so that takes care of that one, and the organisation was a simple wide function into a phase. Cones laid out clearly and effectively, with the relevant part of the field, and the appropriate size for the players and the topic. I received 13/28, with the pass mark being twenty one. Whether I got 75% of the session right or not is debatable, but I definitely got it more than half right. With the aforementioned points, if they had been scored how I feel they should have been, I leave Watford with a big grin on my face as a UEFA B coach.

There is some feedback that I don’t totally disagree with. The defence was too deep, and thus combinations from the attacking team were hard to come by. I get that, as a lot of the combination attempts were unsuccessful, but that was due to the defending. I had specifically coached the defence to play deep and narrow, thus restricting the space and opportunities for combinations. They did their jobs effectively, and with my coaching, did even better. I don’t know what else is wanted of me. Because combination play is such a hard thing to do, I had to manage the attacking team to play combinations, and then defend effectively against it. Apart from one good shot from distance, the attacking team were not getting through, thus I had coached a team to defend effectively against combination play. I was told my management of the opposition, the attacking team, was poor, and pretty much non-existent. I do not get that at all. I thought long and hard about putting players into positions that would then go on to play free-flowing football. I briefed them twice in a collective. Overlaps, underlaps, one-twos, cutting inside, rotation etc. I encouraged them to do all of that, and they did. So I really don’t get it. Coach a team to defend against combination play. We knew this was a tough one, and that I had more to do than most other coaches, as I had to ensure that the attacking team was combining effectively before I could even begin to coach it. Was I supposed to make the defence bad to start off with, so that the attacking team could experience lots of success, so then I could come in and coach them? It seems like that is what he is asking of me. That can’t be done in the allotted time. If it were to work like that, I’d be marked down for allowing too much attacking success, and for picking bad players to play in defence, thus making it unrealistic. He asked me in the interview why I decided to play inverted wingers, and I said it was because I wanted them to cut inside more and encourage overlapping full backs. He seemed not to be too keen on the idea, but I have notes from a previous discussion with him where he actually suggested I do that. Talk about mixed signals! Lastly, before I implode, apparently I engineered situations too much. One time, I did a What If? scenario where I showed the defence how to react to a switch of play (which actually happened) and then what to do if, following that switch, the winger went wide and the full back come to support. That was engineered. That one time. I don’t know how to win. Many times I had seen someone commended by the assessors for coaching a What If? scenario. It should great knowledge, insight, and showed defenders how to react to the next step.

I’m trying not to sound bitter. I’m happy for everyone that passed, and wish them every bit of success on their coaching journeys. I swear, despite my ramblings, that I am trying to make sense of the feedback, and really hone in on the components that I can work on. It’s hard to do that when you flat out disagree with what’s been said. Even the guy who called his assessor a cunt still passed! What did I do that was so wrong? Apparently I talk for too long, and need to be short and sweet. I stopped doing that years ago. I have even documented such progress with my previous NSCAA courses. Unless I suddenly turned into a bumbling idiot during this assessment, I know I don’t talk too long. I’m trying to be objective, but I don’t think right now I can be. I disagree with so much of the feedback that I really don’t know what to take from it. And then my mind races again. Is it because I didn’t play to a good level? Is it because I sound more posh when I speak? Is it because I am educated, and this group of assessors claim to hate academics as they are ruining football? It’s petty of me to think like that, and I don’t like it. When I finished the UEFA B in 2012 and didn’t pass, I knew I wasn’t good enough to pass. When I had done previous mock assessments, again, I knew those performances were not good enough. But this was. It really was. I don’t profess to be God’s gift to coaching, but I am not in the bottom 20-30% of coaches in this cohort, nor was my assessment in the bottom 20-30%.

This whole assessment isn’t so much about your ability to coach as it is about your ability to set up a session that allows you to demonstrate your knowledge of the attacking or defending principles, playing in a 4-4-2, against a certain topic. Your eight NASPE coaching domains are as follows:

1.       Philosophy and ethics

2.       Safety and injury prevention

3.       Physical conditioning

4.       Growth and development

5.       Teaching and communication

6.       Sport skills and tactics

7.       Organisation and administration

8.       Evaluation

I would say that if you judge me over all eight, I’m a good coach. A very good coach for the level I am currently at. This assessment tests a very small part of number six, which in itself, has three of the forty standards:

27. Know the skills, elements of skill combinations, and techniques associated with the sport being coached.

28. Identify, develop, and apply competitive sport strategies and specific tactics appropriate for the age and skill levels of the participating athletes.

29. Use scouting methods for planning practices, game preparation, and game analysis.

To say that there is number five, teaching and communication going on, would be a disservice to the name. Teaching and communication is touched upon slightly, but very slightly. Essentially they want everything done command style, which isn’t as much teaching as it is telling. I guess I do sound bitter, but I expected more. A lot more. Let’s count it all up:

£1,275 - 17 nights in a hotel

£150 – Petrol

£-250 – Loss of earnings due to time off (and I only work part time)

£100 – Any future reassessments

All in all, it’s cost me about £1,775 so far. That’s not including the amount of junk food I would have eaten throughout all that time due to travelling and being away from home for so long. But it’s not the FA’s fault I have bad nutrition habits. I also didn’t have to pick a course in London, or stay in a hotel, right? Of course not. Why didn’t I just do the course down the road? Big cities with long footballing histories, and large populations like Portsmouth and Southampton must have loads of courses. I’m obviously a knob for not getting on one of those, and choosing the Watford course instead. And why not drive to and from every day, rather than staying in that luxurious Premier Inn? Simple because of that car park known as the M25. Such a journey would have taken six hours a day, and cost in fuel about two thirds the price of a night in a hotel. So for all that time and money, that huge investment made by a student working part time as a grassroots coach, I expected more. I expected more than being shouted at, I expected more than having no one tend to our injuries, I expected more than being talked down to and belittled, I expected a pitch to play football on, not muddy craters. We’d have been better off taking our shoes and socks off and playing inside with a sponge ball than trying to do anything out there. I expected more than having my coaching ability judged by dinosaurs, and I expected more than having a tiny bit of my coaching knowledge and applied to a 4-4-2 being tested for my assessment. I expected more than being assessed by an assessor that wasn’t fully concentrating on my session, and failing me based on inaccuracies. If I fail, I fail. I’m alright with that. If I’m not good enough, I can accept that. It really has been disappointing and underwhelming, and rings true to the driving test label that is associated with it.

What’s next for me? Hopefully I can get an assessment done in the next couple of months, while the season is still going, and before everyone breaks for pre-season. Knowing how swift the FA can be in their accurate and poignant communication, I’m sure it won’t be long before they are leeching me of more income to send two old farts down to one of my sessions with a clipboard to come and judge me again. I’ll be alright. I always am. It’s not over until I win. I fail things a lot first time, and can often be a slow learning. My determination will see me through. I do vow to watch more games on TV, while not being distracted, and also to film my sessions. Not the whole thing, as not all of it is relevant to this qualification, but the bits that are, definitely. Maybe then I will see that I do no demonstrations, and talk far too much. It would also be decent for my own portfolio.

How did the others take it? The other three or four to admit failing obviously weren’t happy, and were clearly disappointed. I don’t think they felt hard done by in the same way I did, as they were able to find something that messed it up for them. One guy, the guy who sneakily switched order with me, had failed. That really was no surprise. His previous assessments had gone very badly, including the famous substitution, and although this one had some normality to it and passed by without incident, it still wasn’t brilliant. Some had decided to stay until the end to see everyone off, whereas others had received their result and left. When he came back in, there must have been around eight of us in the bar. He was raging. “Is f****** b***s****, man!”, “They say I no pass. They not even see what I f****** do!”, “Is f****** lies, man, is b***s****!”. Clearly he disagreed with his feedback. Shocked at his outburst, we slowly moved to calm him down. The FA Old Boys with their saggy balls entered the room, staying the other side of the rail, and sternly told him to leave the premises. The fat old guy that was second in command had said to us “Can you hear this, boys? Just in case we need you to back us up!” So there we had three men, covering their own butts, and showing us who their primary concern was – themselves. To be fair, as much as I disagree with my assessor, he was the only one to actually take a human approach to resolving the situation. He went the other side of the barrier, went up to the man, and talked to him calmly. The saggy ball brigade told him to leave him alone, to which he refused. In that moment, he showed decency that had been lacking so severely from those in charge. This wasn’t a bad man that was hell bent on destruction. This was an upset man that needed help coming to terms with what had happened. He was eventually calmed down, with no help from those that stayed behind the rail, and the tension dissipated. Even at the end, there was a demonstration of pure selfishness and disdain from those that were representing the FA. The sooner this lot move on from their posts, the sooner English football can be revolutionised at the top end.

Although there were no knobs on the course, I wouldn’t say we bonded as well as the NSCAA courses I have been on. That camaraderie can really help spur you on, when being asked to run, and run, and run, following the tenth session of the day, when your legs feel like jelly, and you have bumps and bruises up and down both legs. The feeling from the tutors was one of shared knowledge, that was a two way process, and that you were in control of your destiny. From the FA, it was very much shut up and do as you’re told.

Now I will compare the NSCAA Advanced National with the FA’s version of the UEFA B.

	NSCAA	FA
Positive Learning Environment	Yes	No
Facilities	Excellent	Grassroots
Playing Surface	World Class	Match Abandoned
Location	Beautiful	Alright
Peers	Best Mates	Indifferent
Tutors	Positive and Friendly	Arrogant and Unpleasant
Meals	Included	Your Own
Amenities	Physio, Ice Bath, Injury Prevention, Pool	None
Boarding	Bed Included	Own Arrangements
Extras	Free T-shirt, Coach Awards	None
Detail	Alright	More In Depth

The biggest advantage of the Advanced National is that it is over and done within a week. It is a little crammed and condensed, but still a great course. The only thing the UEFA B has over it, is that due to the length of time, it can go into more detail. They cover the same topics, and look at the same details, just the UEFA B is more detailed, and demands a higher standard of the coach. Everyone on the UEFA B would pass the Advanced National, but not the other way around. Of course with the title being UEFA B, it’s the license you get at the end of it. NSCAA courses are just diplomas that demonstrate a level of competency, whereas FA (and USSF) courses are licenses that enable you to coach at certain levels.

Now what? Well obviously, I need reassessment. Hopefully I can do that within two months before the off season begins. I think it will be much better doing it at my club with my players, whose strengths and weakness I already know, and whose respect I already command, where they will be fresh and ready to go, playing with players they are familiar with, on a surface that is conducive to football. None of that means I will pass, but it certainly puts the mind at ease, and removes a whole range of potential problems that could create hiccups.

I also have the Youth Award assessment to look forward to. I am finishing my Module 3 logbook, noting all the sessions, and getting closer to the time that I will be able to go for assessment. I want to pick up a few others, such as begin the psychology courses. I already have Psychology Level 1, which is free online. Level 2 to 5 take place over two or three days at a central location, like St. George’s Park. I’d like to do Futsal Level 2, since my recent foray into futsal management. Let’s take advantage of it while I’m doing it. If I haven’t even passed UEFA B yet, there’s no point in considering the A License. It’s a hell of a lot of money, and appropriate for a level that is far above my current station. Until that day comes, I’m going to try and get some of the shorter ones done, starting with the USSF F License (it’s easy, online, and costs $25), then work my way up the American ladder, both NSCAA and USSF. Coaching Education is so important, as it is the name of my master’s. I’m currently on track to graduate in December with a decent grade. I could even squeeze it up to an A, which would be unbelievable. Within a couple years I want to do the NSCAA Premier Diploma, which would be like a condensed version of the A License, focussing on the football side. From there, the USSF B and A Licenses, which are condensed courses, but also keep my mind working, and refresh the coaching principles of higher level football. Once you pass the UEFA B, that shouldn’t be the only education you do until you move to the A License. Those courses will be great stepping stones and refreshers. Since they are only short, I can literally fly in for the week from wherever I may be in the world at that time.

See if I can do these over the next three or four years:

USSF F License

UEFA B

FA Youth Award

Master’s Degree

PGCE

Futsal Level 2

Psychology Level 2

Psychology Level 3

Psychology Level 4

Psychology Level 5

FA Advanced Youth Award

NSCAA Premier Diploma

USSF B License

USSF A License

How’s about that then? Maybe even look at the Canadian ones if I can. They seem to have taken a lot of their ideas from what the FA has done, particularly research that has come out of Loughborough University. It would be interesting to see how directly students from that university may have influenced the Canadian Soccer Association. Then you’ve got coaching experiences and trips. Ajax and other clubs do coaching education. With my ever decreasing Spanish, I could go to Spain for a while and see what they do. But first, I need this reassessment.

Where my path will go from here, I don’t know. Trying to become a teacher in this country is an awfully expensive process, considering that you don’t get paid for a year, have to pay them for the privilege, and cannot earn anything else in that time due to your workload. Still, I think it would be worth it due to the rewards at the end. I’m thinking of heading back out to the Middle East to work as a P.E. teacher. That will give me plenty of disposable income, and plenty of time off, thus enabling me to travel to do these courses. I have ambitions of a PhD, probably five or six years from now. Maybe in coaching, management, or education. I might change my mind nearer the time. I fancy doing that in Australia or New Zealand. I’ve never been down there, and really want to go.

With some free time coming back my way, I can do proper analysis of my own coaching performance. I have sheets printed off so that I can mark myself to FA criteria. I will begin to record sessions, so that I can watch them back, and see where and when I went wrong, and what was good that worked. I will try to make the best of these FA cluster groups, supporting the development of myself and of other coaches. I will watch more games on TV without distractions, such as Twitter or other people. I will record the Monday night game on Sky and watch the post-match analysis, as they often go into detail that is sometimes lacked on other shows. I will listen to coaching podcasts to keep up with the latest ideas and practices. I will watch the sessions and read the articles on the FA Coaches Club site, keeping my mind fresh in regards to how the FA wants it done. I will read the NSCAA and FA coaching journals that I subscribe to. I will do all I can to become the best I can. This failure is just a setback. It’s just a delay. It’s another hurdle. I will keep going. I will persevere, and I will succeed.

Day 18 - 10th May 2016

Since I was last in Watford, I had tried numerous times to contact my tutor or the FA to find out about the reassessment process. Eventually they got back to me. My assessor sounded almost alarmed that I had contacted him so soon. He made it abundantly clear that he does not think I am anywhere near ready to pass, and so I should not be looking to take a reassessment in the near future. He added that too many coaches aren't good enough to pass, so they fail, and then they try again a month later, and so what's changed in a month? If you weren't good enough a month ago, why are you suddenly good enough now? The best thing for me is to wait a while, and consider reassessment, at the earliest, six months from now. Such a boost to my confidence came without me even asking a question. By the end of the phone call, I had not been able to ask most of my questions, and the ones I did ask came without a solid answer. That's why God gave us two ears and one mouth; so we could listen more than we speak. I wanted to know if there were any courses occurring down here that I could get onto, as travelling to North London from Fareham is quite costly, and massively time consuming, as I have previously pointed out. Were there any assessors much closer to me that could provide guidance? Of course I was expecting I would need to go back a few times and watch some more sessions, but instead I was just told how bad I was. Hardly helpful.

I did, however, receive a certificate congratulating me on passing the UEFA B. I was thrilled. Occasionally, in the post, a household will receive something with somebody's name on it that does not live there. It happens to us a fair bit, as we have been here for thirteen years and will still receive letters intended for the previous residents. I brought in the post, and nearly threw it away. I left it to see if mother or father would know what to do with it. It did strike me as interesting as the name on the envelope was the name of a fellow course mate. A common first name and surname, I put it down to coincidence. My dad opened it later that day and informed me that I had a UEFA B certificate. It had this other guy's name on it, but with my date of birth, town of birth, and address. Quite a mix up, but forgivable I suppose. The only thing is, this is the guy from Dubai. I sent him a message to let him know the good news. He thought it was strange, as he's not from Portsmouth, and was not born in 1989. Easy to mix up Portsmouth and Dubai really. It happens quite a lot. We often see many people taking pictures of the Spinnaker Tower, exclaiming "I thought it was much bigger than this". Just another screw up.

Knowing they would be back at Watford this week, I set off very early this morning. It was raining a fair bit on the way there. With work in the afternoon, I was prepared to go for the morning, eat lunch in the car, then get back home for work at half three, with three sessions taking me right through to nine o'clock. Sadly, the traffic was so intense, I was getting nowhere. Cars attempting to exit at Guildford somehow causes a massive tailback along the A3. GPS suggested A3 rather than M3, as the roadworks started in Basingstoke last year are still yet to be completed. Brilliant. I decided to cut my losses and head home. What's the point? I'd only be there for an hour or so, most likely less, before then having to turn around and go home again.

Upon returning home, early, I received an email to tell me that my Spanish speaking exam was to be this Friday morning. That's for an AS Level. They were aware that more than three day's notice is required, and apologised for the inconvenience. Oh well. I'll try again tomorrow and Thursday, and then again in two weeks. Made even better was the fact that only three players turned up to training, meaning my very long day became a very short day.

Day 19 - 11th May 2016

I set off a lot earlier, attempting to either avoid or absorb the Guildford traffic. I absorbed it. I like Guildford, but really, that many people? Not important. I arrived in Watford at half nine, just as the candidates were taking to the field. The car park was heaving. A film crew hard arrived and erected floodlights in the car park, and filled multiple spaces with large equipment lorries. What could they possibly be filming here? I made my way down to the pitch and saw a large amount of candidates. Upwards of thirty, approaching forty maybe. When doing a phase of play, there were at least another fifteen observing on the sidelines. Wish we'd had that many. The pitches were still awful though. Same brown patches all over that had been there since September.

The first three sessions were tutor sessions. First was a SSG about passing choices. This is the nice bloke that everyone likes. The second was a function focussed on creating chances from wide areas, by an ex-Chelsea coach that had previously given me some feedback. The third was a 3/4 length game, but we're not really sure what it was about. That was lost on us, as the guy talked so much rubbish and for so long during his introduction, that we forgot what he said. This was an old fart with stupid hair and small feet. Even during his session, he would mention every coaching point available. Not that any of it was wrong information, just that it didn't seem specific to a topic. I played in this one as a CM for the team defending the 3/4 goal on the edge of the box, attacking the normal goal. He was working with the opposition. Our keeper was encouraged to boot it long every time, and then the opposition were to play it out the back and try to move it forward. Somewhere in there would have been the topic title.

The more I look at it, the more I think we need help as a nation. How many times can the phrase "Research indicates..." or "The evidence strongly suggests..." in pretty much every area of life, yet people still don't budge in their opinions. Play it forward as quickly as you can in a 4-4-2. High energy but simple. Reading a quote from the Secret Footballer, he makes a point about contradictions within English academy coaching. He says that coaches encourage the game be played at 100mph, and then tell a player to relax on the ball when they make a mistake. Another point he makes with some relevance to this is that the best coaches will not be scared to rock the boat a little. They will fall out with others at the club when their opinions aren't aligned. The worst coaches are the ones that stay in one place for so long that they become synonymous with the identity of the club. We're not talking about Alex Ferguson or Arsene Wenger, who have had long sustained successes with one club. We're talking about backroom staff that put on the occasional session, do the balls, bibs, and cones, become everyone's mate, and never do anything to be noticed. They like the area, they like the job, and they like the tracksuit. Eternal Yes Men. I can see a lot of that in these FA tutors. Too scared to do things a little differently.

I find articles on sites such as this: http://spielverlagerung.com/2014/09/16/the-half-spaces/ about half spaces to be far more interesting and in depth than anything I have learnt from a UEFA B tutor. But alas, I am still chasing that license. Let's understand why. Let's question. Let's educate. Can we talk about how Leicester have won the league? Can we talk about how Atletico have knocked out both Bayern and Barcelona, despite having less ball and less chances? Let's look at shapes, creation, exploitation, and recognition of spaces (and half spaces), pressure lines etc. This 4-4-2 that they want is so simple that I feel like such an idiot for not having this certificate.

I learnt nothing new from going back, but at least I have shown my face. They can see that I am interested and dedicated. I did learn, although expected it to be the case, that the pitches would still be bad (long grass now as well as bobbly), and that this next wave of coaches would also think these tutors are bellends. Amazing. In the absence of Number 1, Number 2 (that cunt over there) was still in charge, and he was absolutely loving it. Putting people down, being condescending, butting in, and all-round general unpleasantness. Following the first session, he interrupted the briefing of the second session to make sure that those who did not participate in the first one did so in this one. I wondered over closer to the bibs, looking for an available position. Many were selected by the tutor, and then the rest were taken in a free-for-all, leaving only two positions; left wing and centre-forward. I'm bad in most positions, but especially those. While we were figuring out who of the fifteen or so non-participants was going to step in and take one of the bibs, he had a go at me for not doing so. Not a polite request. Would you mind playing there? Doesn't matter if it's not your position. Nothing like that. Scolding and condescending. It's quite a lot of effort to be such a prick. Being neutral takes absolutely no effort. Being polite takes less effort than being a prick. I can't wait to pass this so that I never have to see him again.

After the third session, the rain began to fall, and my watch told me that it was time for me to go. No traffic on the M25 (I know, right?) meant that I got to work in plenty of time. Very much looking forward to making this trip again. I definitely made the right decision with a hotel previously.

Day 20 - 12th May 2016

As my alarm went in the early hours of the morning, I awoke, and sat up in my bed. I check my phone and read the news as almost an instinct these days. Sitting up keeps me out of the comfortable horizontal position that is likely to lead to more sleep, and reading the news gets my brain and eyes to work, slowly waking me up. I find it very difficult to just jump up out of bed when the alarm goes, and so have made this deal with my body. Accompanying my rise from the sheets was the sound of hard pounding rain. As my brain slowly started to compute this information, I thought to myself that with such a long day ahead (drive to Watford, watch and play in sessions, drive to work, observe a youth mod session, conduct training this evening) there would be no opportunity really for me to come home or change. Perhaps if I left Watford early and brought spare clothes with me. Then it occurred to me that when we had torrential rain, we'd sometimes do classroom sessions. I checked the weather for Watford on my phone, and it had a grim outlook. Well that was that then. Go all that way to sit inside and watch the presentations I have already seen. No thanks. And back to bed I went, to the sound of rain pounding the windows.

A few hours later, it actually turned out to be quite a nice day. I could have gone. Still, I'm not upset about this decision. Some you get right, others you get wrong. I'll go back in two weeks.

Day 21 - 25th May

Another support day done. This was now the third batch of candidates I had been with. One guy one this course was still trying to pass, having originally joined my group following first assessment. I had forgotten that a coach from my club was also going to be up here. Always fun to see a familiar face.

Last week, I hurt myself at the gym, though I'm not entirely sure how. This ankle problem, that just won't seem to go away, has greatly affected my range of movement. With range of movement limited, it also limited my decision making. Due to that, I think I played better, as the option was always obvious. At least being there, the FA tutors saw my face, and I saw their miserable, old, wrinkly faces. Pitches still bad. The group was working on consolidation practices, all small sided games so far. Some rookie mistakes like talking too long or not doing a rolling restart. Some coaches showing good technical knowledge even at this early stage. Left to go get lunch and go to work. 180 mile round trip.

Day 22 - 26th May

Has it really taken twenty-one days for me to see sun in Watford? I was sweating just watching. I have a bit of a tan now. Another change was that the FA Big Wigs had decided to attack the other goal. Months and months of phases of play, and it was all done to the same goal. No wonder the ground was worn out. Sporting my new Rovers tracksuit with a pride that says more about misplaced faith than any kind of battle hardened resilience, some naturally assume I work for Blackburn. Are we now that bad as a club that decent coaches think that a Level 2 coach could work there?

For the first session I observed, I was with two men talking 90s football riddles. Since the Premier League's inception in the 92/93 season, how many English managers have won the FA Cup? Who are they, and with what teams? Twenty minutes of a small sided game went by, and the three of us realised we'd not seen any of the session.

The small sided games had been and gone, and now it was time for the phases of play. We got through about three of those, with me playing right back on the defending, non-coached team, each time. Dodgy ankle still, that kind of position allows me to hide, but also has me out on the pitch running around, which shuts up the old farts. Another coach from my course showed up. He asked me how it was going on this one, and asked what I had been learning. I was rather obtuse, and said I had learnt nothing new, as we had already done it, and added that at least the two of us had shown our faces. Not speaking too loud, I could tell from his eyes he imagined it being that way. We had already taken lots of time off work in order to do this course, and can't afford any more. Another bloke I spoke to said that was all his holiday gone for the year. He'd really wanted to take his daughter on vacation, but chose this instead. That's the price that we're paying, and for what? Some old fart in a tracksuit to deem us worthy of obtaining a certificate. Lots of these assessors haven't existed within the real world for quite some time, and as such, I believe they are out of touch (they are already out of touch on so many other issues). Why can't these courses be nearer and more accessible? Why can't they be evenings and weekends? Why can't they be cheaper? I have noticed an increasing amount of occasions where the assessors are just not paying attention whatsoever. They've probably seen hundreds and thousands of sessions now, but you can't have any sympathy with them. THAT'S THEIR JOB.

In terms of benefit to me, these coaches are still making the basic B License mistakes, such as not using a rolling restart, talking too long etc. Not a massive problem, but we can sometimes get boiled down on the pedantics. I suppose what is helpful is to be a player in these situations and to be coached. Some of these coaches have had the benefits of knowledgeable coaches, playing at decent standards, being around players of high quality. I haven't had that. The best coaching I have ever received as a player has come on coaching courses. I genuinely don't think I see things as quick as others from an overall point of view. When managing a team, you have to be aware of so many factors, but when playing, it's fairly limited. My brain just isn't there. I can see it, but not at the necessary speed, and sometimes I'm not even sure what to look for or where to look. In that case, I'm going to enjoy the next support days in a few months. I should have most of August free, so may be able to come up and not worry about work. I will be starting an academy job fairly soon, which will be a major step up in my development as a coach.

While playing today, there were a couple highlights. Twice I smashed the ball out of play for a throw while clearing a cross in front of goal. They were about thirty seconds apart, one left, one right, and the second, the ball didn't come back. The assessor that tells the bad jokes shouted "Will, could you kick it a bit further". Such quick wit, demonstrating English sarcasm at its finest. I did get the shovel out a lot today. The coaches all instructed the defending team to play direct and launch it forward at every opportunity. When on the ball with time and space, knowing what was to come, my teammates never moved into space to receive a pass. We were just kicking it forward for the sake of getting it forward, which became unrealistic. We definitely do need to be careful of that.

Some useful resources for you all:

http://lagalaxysd.com/docs/coaches/UEFA_B_Technical_Guidelines.pdf - PDF of the course from when I first did it in 2011.

http://www.shinfieldrangersfc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/uefa-b-every-practical-session-book.pdf - Complete session guide established in 2010 by a coach, detailing sessions and session design based on previous criteria.

http://www.discountfootballkits.com/blog/continuing-to-progress-up-the-coaching-ladder/ - Detailed guide to the UEFA B course structure from 2014.

http://www.thefa.com/news/my-football/coaches/2014/mar/uefa-b-coaching-practice-definitions - B License coaching terminology.

https://coachkarl.wikispaces.com/file/view/UEFA+B+Sessions.pdf - 17 sessions from a coach made UEFA B session planner.

https://markfc713.wordpress.com/2013/05/12/session-coach-a-team-to-defend-against-combination-play/ - Detailed explanation on coaching a team to defend against combination play.

Day 23 - 19th September

Oh good. It's been a year. This was day one of eight. Four consecutive weeks of Monday and Tuesday. They are all final assessments. This means I'll be seeing quality sessions, but without any debriefs.

On my way out the four tutors that were there actually seemed to treat me with respect, and mentioned starting the reassessment process. Apparently, there are over four hundred coaches on the list that are awaiting reassessment. These assessment days will be the last assessment days of this type of UEFA B course. Time to get it done.

I saw four sessions before lunch, then two after, before leaving for work. They really do blend into one. It's hard to know if they are good sessions for the person doing them as I have not seen them before, but you still know a good session when you see one, regardless of the reference point. These guys seem quite nice. They are a supportive bunch and there appears to be some decent coaches on the course. Good luck to them all. I overheard someone bitching about the surface, that with the bobbles, you can't play crisp football, as the receiver always has to wait for the ball.

People are being polite when asking me why I'm there. They politely make the assumption that I need to make up some days. No shame in admitting that I failed. The other coaches suddenly become so obsessed with finding out how, why, the process, and what others think and say. They want as much information and as many different perspectives as they can possibly gain. As a species we're obsessed by our own mortality.

I wasn't picked for the first four sessions. All that standing made my back ache. It was simply a case of them not knowing who I am, and doing all their planning in advance. As injuries and fatigue started to filter in, I got the nod. Two sessions at CB on the defending team.

Oh well. Back up tomorrow to consolidate some learning.

Day 24 - 20th September

Day 25 - 26th September

Day 26 - 3rd October

Day 27 - 10th October

These days passed without event. Literally nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was stretching to make this piece seem detailed and interesting. For these days, I drove up, spent a few hours there, had mildly vague conversations, and took part in a few sessions. The only important thing to have happened is that I finally arranged my assessment, and it wasn’t going to be with my original assessor. Turns out there are something like 400 coaches still in need of assessment. The courses I were attending were supposed to be the last ones until the following September as they look to revamp the course. Thankfully that meant they were pretty quick in helping me arrange an assessment.

Day 28 - 13th October

Finally. That took forever. Third time’s the charm.

It was to be a Thursday evening. At my club with my players. A few of them had been acting up recently in training, causing us some problems that were started at their schools and colleges. Nothing to do with us, yet it would still come into our team and ruin things. I was very clear with the players beforehand that if anyone even looks like they will cause problems, then they will be kicked out. My career, my money, my education, my future, is far more important than their silly tantrums and their feelings.

I began the preparation the night I knew I had my topic and date set. The assessor gave me a simple enough topic, which was different to my original assessment topic. We spoke about the session on one of my final support days, and he asked me what my thoughts were. I had in mind a function going into a phase. He then showed me what he had in his laptop, which was exactly that. He'd done a few PowerPoint slides on the topic, which was Create And Score From Crosses. Two positives emerged here. The first being that I was on the right track, and the second being that now I knew you could edit slides in PowerPoint to create sessions. This had a profound effect on my session planning.

 

Alright. Something clear to work on, and not worry about. Eliminate things from your cognitive processing, allowing you to focus on that which is more important. The session design is the frame, and an important frame. What happens in the session is the improvement of performance. In order to figure out the specifications of such a performance, we need to reverse engineer from the 11v11 picture. Knowing my players and who would be available, I started to hot down plenty of ideas on a notepad.

As is most apparent, I went into a lot of detail. Essentially write down everything you know about crossing that is relevant to an 11v11 format, and then whittle it down into what is important for this session. This lead me to put these ideas into my own PowerPoint slides.

No stone was left unturned.

So did it go well? Absolutely. I passed. So why am I left unsatisfied? Because it wasn’t perfect. It was a pass, but it wasn’t an amazing session. I should absolutely be thrilled that I had finally overcome this hurdle that had plagued my thoughts for years. There’s the nagging feeling that I was always going to pass because they needed to get me off the list, and although that’s not the case (maybe not) and I did well enough to pass the session, I have felt that before and been wrong. This assessment was far better than any of the other assessments or mocks I’d had. The more experienced players said it was a great session. On the whole, it was. But I’m not happy.

What is bugging me is that I didn’t work enough for the forwards. I did the ‘create’ part, but not enough of the ‘score’ part. I was coaching the players to put good balls into the box, from a variety of points, working on where and when was appropriate to do so. They made mistakes, I went in, and we worked on better delivery and timing. I can recall only once going in and working on the movement of the strikers, and that was outside the box, beginning the run. That’s not enough detail. That’s not good enough for where I want to and need to be. It didn’t solve enough of the problems.

I am a much better coach than I ever have been. I’m getting better every day. I’m also developing a perfectionist attitude in my work. Or at least higher standards. For example, if we are strong favourites in a game, it’s not good enough to play okay and win by one or two goals. Bayern Munich don’t accept that, with their philosophy of “More than 1-0.” 

As an example of where I was, let's take a look into the past. The following sessions are from the extra assignments as part of the course.

Coach a CM to receive and distribute.

Coach a CM to receive and play forward.

Passing Priorities for CMs.

Improve tracking and retention of the CMs.

These sessions are hardly masterpieces and are severely lacking in detail. For comparison, we'll go back to 2011, to when I first started this journey.

Defending in wide areas.

Coach forward movement and finishing.

What do you notice? For one thing, the designs are neater. It looks far better, and is much easier to understand with colours and numbers, and straight lines. Since completing the UEFA B, my knowledge of football has sky rocketed. Perhaps it has helped pour some of that into me, perhaps it has given me the confidence to learn, adapt, and experiment. Throughout all of this there has been a distinct lack of detail. I feel that I didn't know it enough, and so took a more broad and general approach. Sometimes a game is won by playing one specific pass type in a key area, at a key moment. The coach has recognised that and practised it with the team over and over again.

Juan Carlos Osorio training with Mexico.

It's bee a long, horrible,gruelling process, and I am glad to be done with it all.