If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48
Oh, so you're the fun coach...
"When fun gets deep enough, it can heal the world."
Why do we play football? Because it is fun. That's why we watch it, play it, and consume it in every way possible. It can bring communities together. It can open up new worlds to explore. It can provide a pursuit of mastery and excellence. It can bring camaraderie. It is a passion. It is a calling. Let's never forget that.
One of the strangest complaints ever levelled at me was by a group of parents, having a go, saying that all I ever do is play games during practice. That small accusation offers a window into the confused web of American soccer. Was I to explain to them the constraints based approach? Teaching games for understanding? That learning doesn't transfer if the environment in which we practice is too far removed from the environment in which we compete? Although not the most articulate of people, as this family were Trump supporters with an aggressive grandmother who used to shout at referees and parents (and they did give their daughter a boy's name, while spelling it incorrectly for no apparent reason) they hit several nails on the head without realising it.
You see, I am a very different coach to what they are used to. Up until then, they had only ever experienced drill sergeants. The archetypal American coach, full of high fives and cool nicknames like "Slugger" and "Champ" who certainly puts the players to task. They were used to a lot of cones, strong organisation, and plenty of (albeit vague and unhelpful) instruction. They wanted a shouter, someone who would whip these young whippersnappers into shape. Someone who knew that deep down, soccer was a silly sport, invented by effeminate European men as a pastime to flirt with other men, trying to hide from their wives. Beyond all this, sport is a vehicle to teach the true American values of
In my sessions, kids were active participants, agents of their own journey. That would include discussions and decision making, that sometimes would be left to them. I don't shout, grill, or embarrass. I try to appeal to their intrinsic motivations, and bend myself to meet them at their level, rather than applying a one size fits all approach to coaching. I treat them like equals. I can sometimes be a bit silly, or not entirely serious. And my games are always fun and game realistic.
WHAT KIND OF BERNIE SANDERS KARL MARX CCP BRIE LARSON CRAP IS THIS?!?!?!?!?
In America, coach is God. Capital G. If coach tells you to punch yourself in the balls, you better do it. And most parents will shed a tear as they watch their little soldier pound themselves in the balls, without question, because a true democratic society such as this one, relies on its constituents never questioning those in power. Imagine their shock when I spoke to the kids kindly, made them laugh, didn't lose my temper when the team lost, and never once made them run a lap or perform a push-up. Everyone knows the two biggest components of youth soccer development are laps and push-ups. It's just pure facts. Utter blasphemy.
What pissed them off even more is that I was their kids' favourite ever coach. You can suck on my tea and crumpets flavoured balls.
Many parents over the years, particularly in the USA, have made the kind of half-patronising, half-complimentary remark, that their kid has so much fun in my sessions. Yay, I'm the fun one. Which is kind of strange, as my personality is that of a reserved cynic, spewing sarcasm and nihilism. Just the other day, I heard a parent explaining the difference between myself and a British colleague is that my colleague is "more serious." To them, it means more involved, more into it, more of what they expect. To me, it is synonymous with boring. No coach at the grassroots level should be described as "serious."
Will is the silly one, the one the kids like, the one who tells jokes, the one who plays with them. And that's a bad thing? Yes, because this is youth soccer, and everything is win at all costs, win now, forget your morals, treat kids as pawns, and give it your all for that plastic trophy.If only they knew. If you want to talk about serious, I watch far more games on TV, far more games in person, read far more books, listen to far more podcasts, read far more tactical magazines, watch far more videos, read far more articles, attend far more coaching courses, have far more strings to my coaching bow, have far higher qualifications, have stepped way further out of my comfort zone, have sacrificed far more to be where I am today, have coached at a far higher level than my more serious colleague. But, you know, I tell dick jokes and don't do line drills, so, guess that makes me the fun one.
But why is fun such a bad thing? Why is it looked down upon in this country? Most American parents equate fun to goofing off and dicking around. So what is fun? To have fun, as a verb, is to enjoy oneself. Well kids certainly aren't playing football because it is boring. In fact, that's why they quit. Fun is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as "Light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking' entertainment." Although particularly associated with recreation and play, fun may be encountered during work, social functions, and in daily life.
Similar words are; enjoyment, pleasure, entertainment, amusement, excitement. And your kids get all that from me while (these are things multiple parents said to me while here) being the best coach their kid has ever had, and their kid learning more in one year with me than in their entire soccer playing career? It's almost like there's something sinister going on here... Perhaps learning is linked to engagement? And engagement is down to... giving a crap about what you're doing? Because it's... interesting... challenging... fun?
See, that's it! Fun is a byprodct of what I do, while not necessarily being the goal. My goal is to challenge kids, to grow their understanding of the game, to make them players for life, to develop an interest in the game that goes beyond our training. If you make sessions challenging and engaging, kids will have fun. Kids like to solve questions. Parents forget that kids actually like to learn stuff. It's just because most parents are so boring and passive that their kids don't give two craps what any of them have to say. Football is a game of problem solving, much like those bloody video games kids play on their X-Stations. They have a challenge, not too easy, not too hard, give it a go, and get to try again if they fail. There's guidance nearby if they need it, and they get rewarded by points if they succeed.Enjoyment is also linked to competence. The more we can help players develop their football IQ, the better they will become, and the more fun they will have. This increases enjoyment. As does ownership. Not all the decisions have to be made by the coach, and these parents hated that I did that (they couldn't see the parameters that I set for kids making decisions, and would get pissy - the parameters were much like those on a Disney ride; you can't stray too far off-course, and there is no real danger).
Let's compare why kids begin playing football, and why they dropout. In the US, the big dropout occurs around age thirteen.
Why kids play.
Why kids quit.
They play because; it's fun. They like to try their best, they enjoy game time, they like being treated with respect, they like playing well as a team, they like making friends, they like being active.
They quit because; it's no longer fun. There's too much pressure, they get overuse injuries, they lack competence, it is too time consuming. They lose ownership, they don't get to play, they're afraid to make mistakes, they are not respected.
But not being a dick to kids is so hard! I know everything, and they need to appreciate that! If they want to be a world class athlete, they need to do everything I say!
STOP TAKING KIDS SPORT SO SERIOUSLY YOU DICKS!!!!!
Often, the most fun times of our youths were spent with little to no adult intervention. The paradox that kids face themselves in these days is that they are accused of being to soft, by the very parents who make them soft. The parents that constantly wipe their children's arses, and then wonder why their kids can't wipe their own arse. The parents who teach their kids that everything is a threat and to be feared, and then wonder why their kids are such chickens. The parents who ridicule and deny their kids any chance of being different or special, forcing them to conform, and then complain that their kids are too boring and lacking in personality.
Kids need to fall down. They need to take risks. They need to have periods without supervision or intervention. They need to be given the tools to stand on their own two feet when you are not around. I have long said that if you want your kid to stop playing Fortnite, you should start playing Fortnite with them. It becomes uncool when the adults get involved and take it too seriously. The focus and the narrative shifts from the child to the adult. The irony here being that the parents who complain about their kids playing too many video games are also the parents that bought the console, buy games, make their credit cards available for in game purchases, and put TVs in their kids' rooms so that they can play unattended.
Here's a bunch of crack, you crack addict. Stop taking so much crack!This is an important line about burnout; "If they lack an intrinsic drive, if they're not having fun, they'll likely become frustrated and quit. When parents hire personal trainers and coaches, there's an expectation of success that can create a pressure-cooker scenario and lead to burnout."
Parents turn fun into work. They want to replicate the conditions of their miserable existence, and force it upon their kids.
Something kids may have originally enjoyed, even loved, suddenly becomes a life and death competition. The knee slides, the high fives, the shouting at referees, the cup final type celebrations, the tense pacing, the screaming of unsolicited illogical tactical advice, all coming from the sidelines. If watching your kid play a game they love with their friends makes you nervous, you need serious psychological help. Let me reiterate that. If you are watching your kid play a game they enjoy, with their friends, in a safe environment, and you are concerned with their winning and losing to the point where you are nervous, can't sit down, and have emotional outbursts, you seriously need to rethink your life. This is not one of those occasions where I make a silly joke that over-exaggerates reality to prove a point. No. You have a very small and insignificant life, and the fact that you become nervous at youth sporting events, or lose your temper, or have huffs, become aggressive, means that perhaps you were too damaged to have kids in the first place, and you have condemned these innocent souls to forever having to carry around your baggage. Drop your kids at the game, and piss off. Maybe even spend that hour or two at a therapist, talking about how you feel like such a twat, that the only way you can redeem yourself is if your eleven-year-old's team defeats a team of other eleven-year-olds, at a sport you didn't give two craps about until your kid started playing it.
Seek help.
Kids play because it is fun. Play is something that can be found all throughout the animal kingdom. Ever made a cat chase a laser pen? Truly a hilarious and wholesome pastime. But what exactly is play? When we see two cubs fighting, we assume they are honing their hunting skills. Play is a form of exploration and experimentation. Anyone who has ever learned a musical instrument, and spent hours playing it without supervision will know this. As a kid, I explored every aspect of my guitar. I experimented with different sounds. I heard songs I liked and tried to replicate the rhythm or the melody. When competent enough, I tried to write some of my own pieces. This was all outside of supervision. Nobody made me do it. I was intrinsically motivated by the music (and as I got older, by impressing girls).
Remember that education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. We are looking to spark or ignite a lifelong love of something within these kids. We don't do that by turning it into work. When something is work, you do what you have to. You do the bare minimum to get by. You do it to shut people up and get paid. You're not happy about going there, your only happiness comes when it ends, and you spend significant free time dreading having to go there. That's how many coaches and parents make kids feel about football, sport in general, and a whole range of other activities.
We know that competency increases with deliberate practice hours. The few hours a week we get with the kids in practice will do absolutely nothing to help them. We are pissing in the wind. Our main objective here is to light that fire. Once they start watching games on TV, asking for football shirts for their birthday, going out and playing by themselves, looking up personal drills on YouTube, attempting to emulate their favourite players, that's when you know you have got them. It's an intrinsic drive that you will not reach by being dicks to them.
In football, we say that a child must first fall in love with the ball before they fall in love with the game. The ball becomes an extension of your body and mind. You want to do things with it, like juggling, manipulation, and different ways of kicking. If I go to the park by myself with a bag of balls and take shots and free-kicks, it's not for anyone else but me. I like bending that ball so that it goes outside the post, and then curls back in again. The swish of it hitting the net is bliss. Or cracking a shot off the underside of the bar, that bounces behind the line and into the roof of the net. I love that. Is there a better feeling?
So what are we doing in America to cultivate this love of the ball? We're making kids kick it as far away from themselves as possible. We're telling kids that having the ball is dangerous. We're not teaching them how to do anything with it, for fear of losing it and conceding goals. We're playing games with teams that are too big, on fields that are too large, so that they rarely touch the ball. In summary; the exact opposite of what we should be doing.
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"Play is the universal language of childhood." I would argue that it goes on for life, but many people are beaten into submission into turning into old farts. These people grow to resent fun. They cast long shadows from their clouds of misery, ridiculing anyone who dare take a chance on perhaps enjoying themselves. They walk among us. They become parents, teachers, and youth coaches. They hate life, and it's time to pass that gift onto others. They guilt trip anyone who dare try to smile or enjoy themselves in their presence.
In my sessions, I aim to make it feel like an expedition. We are on a journey to explore the concepts of football. We encounter problems, and work to find solutions. Every player can get something out of it, and every player can contribute. And much like in the video games, there are consequences for bad decisions or poor execution, but this is in the form of losing, points, and challenges, not being scolded, verbal abuse, or physical punishment.
Removing the crippling fear of failure allows for the players to make mistakes. Kids won't grow without mistakes. Fear of failure leads to a player not taking risks, and playing within their means. That's certainly not an enjoyable way to participate, nor is it how world class players perform. Imagine watching a game on TV where nobody took risks, and kept passing the responsibility to do stuff onto their teammates. A team is awarded a penalty and nobody steps up to take it because they don't want to be the idiot to miss. This is how we make most of our kids feel.
Risk taking leads us to creativity. A good 99% of my exploration and practice on the guitar was pure crap. Bad timing, duff notes, and even things like perfectly playing the wrong chord, because I may forget what comes next. And most of that was done away from other people. Had I been told I was an idiot and should quit, I would have. Many kids are self-conscious, and they react to our reactions. Ever seen a kid fall over, pause, and look at the adults? If the adults laugh, the kid laughs, and is completely fine. If the adults panic, the kid begins howling, and you remember you should not hang out with people who have kids.If kids know they will get several attempts, have your support and guidance, and that the world will not swallow them up when they fail, they can begin to accomplish great things. Another paradox being that many Americans think that soccer is boring, and yet do all they can to create boring players.
Creativity in football is essentially problem solving, but in unexpected, unorthodox, or unconventional ways. Creativity is not fostered in environments where coach rules with an iron fist, and players are too scared to make mistakes. We have to show kids what they can be, allow them to explore the confines of the game, and encourage them to try and fail, and try and fail, until they start to become good. You hardly see this in the American game. A load of fit and functional players, but no magicians. We beat it out of them at such a young age.
This is how the rest of the world aspires to play the game. This is why we call it the beautiful game. It's fun to watch and fun to play. And if Americans saw more of this and less of the dross displayed at college and high school, there might be a larger appreciation for it.
To play football is fun. And to get good at football, you have to play football. You get good at what you do, so if you run around cones, you get good at running around cones. We have a phrase in coaching that asks "Are they learning the game or learning the drill?" when it comes to session design. A good session is fun, because a good session is game realistic, challenging, and interesting, delivered by an engaging and empathetic coach. If your kid complains that practice is boring or frustrating, chances are their coach is doing it wrong. If the session has a lot of organisation, instruction, and closed unopposed repetition, it's not soccer that they are learning how to play. We are learning more and more about learning transfer as the years go by. If kids are disengaged, they will not focus, and thus will not learn.
I can recall when I first started out here, some dads were talking to me on the sidelines of a practice one night. We were observing another coach's session, who they all viewed as this coaching God. Booming voice, lots of high fives and nicknames, makes players run a lot. They were telling me how the other night, the players were messing about, and that he made them run laps as punishment. They passed this onto me like it were sage advice to be given to a coaching novice. If I wish to be as great as him, I need to study his methods. Yet the way I looked at it, and the way I encourage you all to do, is that his session was so bad, the kids broke focus. He designed a session that was not engaging, challenging, and gave no autonomy to the players. He made a mistake. And then he punished his players? Because they were bored in his boring session? Wow. They may have stopped misbehaving in coming sessions, but that was more likely due to the external motivation of fear of punishment than it was down to enjoyment of the game.
And if you think I'm just some stuck up English twat who spouts opinions as if they are gospel, listen here to the science.
Remember; life's too short. Enjoy yourselves.
