My New Position as CEO

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

Don't believe everything you read. Although I am immensely proud to begin this new position, and steer this ship in the right direction, there has been a lot of misinformation, which I will seek to correct within this article. I will also outline my plans for the Federation going forward.

First, was this article on Sports Illustrated.

The U.S. Soccer Federation announced Monday that Will Wilson will be its new CEO, the organization’s most important daily position, finally ending a search process to replace Dan Flynn that had taken many months longer than expected.

Wilson, 52 30, comes to U.S. Soccer from the Wasserman sports agency Global Premier Soccer, where he was an executive vice-president director of camps and co-head of football head of coach education for the last eight years two and a half years. He’s an uncle nephew of Andrew Luck White, whom he signed as Wasserman’s first American football client in 2012 once had trials for Southampton FC.

Wilson also spent four years weeks as an executive head coach with Soccer United Marketing and Major League Soccer Girls United managing all their international business relationships coaches and players during a volunteer project in rural Mexico. The past connection to SUM GPS, which has a deep business relationship with U.S. Soccer, will raise concerns from some critics who have said the federation is too close to a company that financially benefits the owners of MLS. But that didn’t appear to be a big concern for the U.S. Soccer board of directors, which gave Wilson its unanimous approval in a vote on Sunday. (Carlos Cordeiro remains on the board as the immediate past president after recently resigning as U.S. Soccer president following criticism over a federation legal strategy against USWNT players that argued women inherently had less skill, ability and responsibility than men.)

“We are thrilled Will Wilson is joining U.S. Soccer as our CEO,” said new U.S. Soccer president Cindy Parlow Cone in a release. “He brings an unrivaled set of experience and expertise to soccer in America. His global perspective, background in marketing and growing sporting events running camps and extensive experience in the sports business will be invaluable in growing soccer at all levels. Soccer is the world’s game and Will is the perfect person to help us grow it to America’s game.”

Added Wilson: “I’m very excited to be joining U.S Soccer. I have always somewhat admired abhorred the federation from afar and have long felt that the U.S. Soccer crest is one of the best brands in the business bad and needs to go back to the old one. There is nothing like harnessing our nation’s support behind our women’s and [disdain towards our] men’s national teams, and I see significant upside in our ability to work with our membership to grow participation levels, increase our commercial business and drive our ability to compete on the field at the highest level.”

Wilson has worked over the years in Europe, Mexico and the United States and speaks fluent conversational Spanish, according to U.S. Soccer. Before he was with MLS GPS, he held positions in the Arena Football League The Women's Premier League, the Champ Car World Series academies and the NFL schools. His arrival at the federation should help Parlow Cone as she deals with a leadership vacuum. Several of the most influential figures at U.S. Soccer have recently left the federation.

Cordeiro resigned as president. Former president Sunil Gulati is no longer on the board since he is no longer the immediate past president. Flynn left his CEO post after being in it since 2000. And Jay Berhalter, the chief commercial officer, was the most important figure at U.S. Soccer in recent years before not being considered for the CEO job and deciding to leave the federation last month.

The U.S. men’s team still hasn’t won back the American public after failing to qualify for World Cup 2018. And although the USWNT won last year’s World Cup, U.S. Soccer has earned heavy criticism from fans for the way it has handled the USWNT players’ gender-discrimination lawsuit. On the plus side, there will be significant interest from fans and the global business community in World Cup 2026, which will be co-hosted by the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

“U.S. Soccer has an amazing entitled fan base and our supporters are waiting for us to get things back on track both on and off the field,” said Wilson. “I’m incredibly energized and excited about the work in front of us to continue striving to become America’s preeminent sport [for middle class white kids].”

The overly long CEO search process had raised questions about Cordeiro and the board’s leadership. The initial search firm hired by the federation had identified Berhalter as the top CEO candidate, but he came under fire last June in a New York Times story citing concerns about the federation workplace environment from employees there.

Dissatisfied with the first search firm, U.S. Soccer hired a second search firm. Wilson was identified early in that second search process.

Second, I didn't write this:

Here's what I actually wrote:

First, on behalf of everyone at USSF, we hope that you and your loved ones are safe and healthy. Amid this global threat from COVID-19, I urge you not to listen to the President of this great nation, and instead listen to people with actual brain cells. Wash your hands, stay home. Do that, and we will get through this much quicker and much safer. No amount of boosts to the economy is worth even one American life.

We now begin a new chapter at the Federation. I consider myself more of a Picard than a Kirk, although I see merit in both leadership styles. American soccer is built on the swindling of middle class parents, making them over pay for inferior products for their entitled children. Many would love to maintain this culture, but I am here to break it. Football for All is the message. Soon, I will begin to outline my plans for this Federation going forward. Nothing great was ever achieved with half-measures and appeasement.

In particular, I am excited to begin kick out some of the corrupt old-guard that have held this great nation back, while profiting from enacting such processes. I will begin by making the board more diverse. The United States is one of the most diverse nations on the planet, and many people feel their thoughts and ideas are not heard. You will begin to see a lot more of the demographics that make our nation so great being represented within our hierarchy.

It is important to acknowledge the recent challenges facing the Federation. I can assure you all that I will put an end to the corruption, discrimination, and inequality. The resolution to the USWNT "issue" is to pay them. To pay them well. Let's not beat around the bus here. Girls around the world do not have the same opportunities or role models available to them that boys do. We will ensure our female players are paid in accordance with the men, while doing more to promote the sport, and enable our players to make long, lucrative careers from the game. The debacle within the NWSL and their treatment of players is a dark brown stain on the underpants of the women's game. Once we have kicked out the corrupt and stopped siphoning funds off to those who are leeches on our soccer system, we will subsidise the women's game in a way that will allow for it to grow, and eventually become more well run and better attended than MLS.

The most important element we need to make these goals a reality is not you the fan, as many of you have stuck by us through thick and thin. We don't deserve you. You have been abused, taken for granted, shafted, and ripped off. The fact that anyone still supports us and takes part in this sport is a miracle.

As we forge ahead, we will never take for granted the people that are outside of the white middle class. There are so many more people within our great nation that can benefit and contribute to our game. We will do what it takes to bring you back onside.

I am excited to begin this new journey with you, to make soccer super-rad kick-ass awesome!

Yours in Soccer,
Will Wilson
CEO

I hereby decree...

All future kits will be halves. The GK kit is a tribute to the best team on the continent, let's face facts. Also, we are going back to the old badge because the new one sucks ass. This kit pays homage to some of Europe's finest football clubs like Deportivo Alaves and Grasshoppers of Zurich.

The three stars on the kits represent the average rating for a USMNT on FIFA.

More decrees:

• I will set up toilet paper academies, being run from coast to coast.
• We will repeal the heading ban.
• The word "offsides" is to be banned, resulting in a two year suspension from the sport.
• The "I believe that we will win!" chant has been banned, and will be replaced with "You suck asshole!"
• Development Academy will still be referred to as DA, but will now stand for "Dat Ass."
• Promotion and relegation to be implemented by 2022.
• Club soccer annual fees to be capped at $350, known as the Tree Fiddy Act.
• Completely remove Alexi Lalas, Stu Holden, and Kyle Martino from all soccer broadcasting.
• Youth coaches can no longer wear khaki shorts. We will be enforcing a strict two pocket maximum on the sidelines.
• MLS will go back to that green and blue logo. It was way cooler.
• Referees will have to have a fitness test and eye test each season.
• Anyone screaming emotional nonsense at kids games will be removed in a straightjacket and banned for life.
• I will limit the monopoly of money grabbing mega clubs. No club can have more than 50 teams.
• You coaches are not to be paid more than $40k per year. Their wages for making kids run laps and do push-ups are obscene. The level you are working at does not morally justify making that sort of cash.
• Paul Arriola will now be referred to as Paul Nipple. It's easier to say.
• Anyone saying "If only our best athletes..." will be banned indefinitely from the sport.
• 30% of floodlit turf fields will be stripped and put down in inner cities. My studies have shown that our top players don't come from the middle class. Most of them don't even come from the USA.
• USNT will play friendlies against real countries, abroad, in front of actual soccer fans. For too long the women have played in front of sycophantic screaming girls, and the men have played in front of people dressed as plastic seats. They need real challenges.
• We will try and enter Copa America whenever possible, and stop trying to host it.
• Playoffs are stupid. They're now gone.
• High school and college coaches will now require minimum qualifications.
• High school and college teams will now compete in actual leagues. It's okay if a game finishes as a draw.
• No national anthem and player rosters to be read before high school and college games. You earn that privilege when you finally develop a first touch.
• Normal sub rules will be implemented, so teams don't hoard thirty players for a game which only requires eleven.
• Any coach making their subs stand during a game will face an eight hour disciplinary hearing. In which they will have to stand for the duration.
• Any new clubs cannot use "United" or "City." Be unique. One of the best things about American soccer is the cool names.
• No more treating fans at games like they have ADHD. Kiss cam, t-shirt cannons, overzealous announcers etc. all gone.
• People attending USWNT games will have to show proof of attending at least one NWSL game in the last two years. We need your World Cup support at the clubs too.
• Tailgating is fine. Keep doing it. But be in your seat before kick off.
• MLS fan groups will be sent on trips to England to learn how to be funny and inventive with their chants, rather than singing recycled nonsense.
• MLS games will start at the advertised kick off times.
• No more playing the national anthem before club games. Reserved only for international fixtures.
• When hosting an international game, the singer will sing both home and away anthems, rather than only signing the American one and having the visitor anthem be played on a recording.
• Any anthem singer who goes all extra and Mariah Carey on us will suffer redass from all 22 starters, taking shots from the penalty spot.
• Players will be allowed to stand or knee, as they wish, during the anthem, as is their First Amendment right.
• No MAGA hats allowed in the stadium. Fans seen wearing one outside will be denied entry. You can't call yourself a fan of America, when you hate most Americans.

If you would like to see my plans for the reformation of youth soccer, you only need look here.

There are proposals for a United USA, Mexico, Canada league pyramid. Although this is not a movement that I am in favour of, you can see my outlines for such an idea if it were to go through here.

And for those who want some more in depth knowledge on why I hold these opinions, please have a look at my piece entitled The Great Filter of American Youth Soccer.

Yours in soccer.

Daniel Workman Show Interview

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

Last Tuesday the 10th of March, I was fortunate enough to be invited for a chat by Daniel Workman, with the interview appearing on his show the next day. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and can happily talk football for hours, especially with like-minded people, who view football reform as a necessary step to improving the experiences and development of young footballers.

Links to the interview can be found here:
Facebook
Twitter
On the site, taking you to your preferred podcast platform

We talked about the following articles:

Put Me In Charge
Tournamentitis
Giving Players Ownership in Missouri

The underlying themes in here are that the way football is done in the US is wrong, too many people are looking to make huge profits off of ignorant parents, most of what we do doesn't actually help, and that if we were to reform football and start from scratch, it would look completely different.

3-5-2/5-3-2 Positional Playbook

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

After a few games with these U13 boys at 11v11, we were playing 4-2-3-1, which was not working so well. At the time, I always had that as a Plan A, and the below shows my Plan B. The club had a great philosophy and methodology, and part of it was also down to us coaches based on the team we had. The club provided some principles, but no set formation. The justification being that players will play for many coaches in their careers, and so should be exposed to different formations when growing up, rather than limiting them with just one formation. Keep in mind that we were highly qualified coaches, and these were very talented players, so we weren't going over basics and fundamentals. It allowed us to be a lot more experimental

In most of our games, we were being overrun in the middle of the pitch. Although the boys were good, it was a step up for most of them. Our priority became defending better, which meant a deeper block, more compactness in central areas, and counter attacking via the wings and two forwards. The formation falls down if your wing backs don't have the stamina or the workrate to get up and down.

A couple notes for emphasis. One of the hardest concepts I have found when teaching this is striker movement, specifically an inside to outside run. Most kids who are fast and score goals are told to stay central, play on the shoulder, and wait for balls over the top or through to run onto. This also greatly impacts their understanding of pressing, covering, screening, dropping back. I have found many adults struggle with this too, as they were never coerced out of these habits. If we don't teach them how to play the game properly, they will be limited when older. Because our attack relied so much on counters, if we were countering from deep, our wing backs would often be all the way back in the back line. This meant that the ball side striker would have to make the run to the near side touch line, and act temporarily as a surrogate winger. Upon transition, one of our defenders would play the ball into the area I had told them to play it, and we would lose the ball, because the striker would be stood centrally, completely oblivious, forgetting everything we had worked on. They either wanted it to feet, or over the top, and to get them into the habit of making these wide runs was a challenge.

The other difficult concept was one of quick restarts. This is a problem with kids in general all around the globe. We are awarded a free kick somewhere in the middle, often due to offside, and the player nearest the ball would walk away from the ball with their back turned. In this moment, the opposition would be completely disorganised, but our failure to react quickly would always let them off the hook. At any restart, the player nearest the ball should get on it straight away, and all other players move quickly into position WITHOUT TURNING THEIR BACKS. If you turn your back, you miss the opportunity for playing quick or short because you don't see it. If there is nobody on the ball, then it doesn't matter how good our positioning is away from the ball. As I always say to players; it's better to be on the toilet and not need to go, than to need to go and not be on the toilet.

Here's a few video examples of where it comes out in the adult 11v11 game.

It was one of the club principles to play short and quick from restarts. Most kids are conditioned in the habits of just smashing it long and hoping something happens. Surely if we get the ball nearer to their goal, it's a good thing, right? Similar to how throwing my cheeseburger into the kitchen isn't going to help me eat it quicker. In English and American football, it's positively reinforced by the parents demanding players "send it" or "put it in the mixer" and then praising them for a good kick as the ball travels high and long through the air, to the other team.

Hope you enjoy. It's nothing special, but does provide a simple outline. I try to put it in terms players will understand, or at least via vocabulary I have explicitly reinforced with them via previous encounters. Football is a very visual game, so let's hope the pictures help.

But Will, is there a PDF? Don't worry Bro, I got you.

And honestly, if your players can't be arsed to read ten pages, with a lot of pictures, helping them to become better footballers, then save your time and do something else you enjoy.

Coach Education Presentations

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48


Howdy folks.

Here's some Dropbox links to download some coach education presentations I did at my previous club.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/jhkl100x5nie5hr/Coach%20Ed%202017%20September%2024.pptx?dl=0

September 17th 2017. Talk about the basics of session design, a brief bit on how to look at video games for inspiration on how to layer progressions, examples from the practice continuum of constant - variable - random. After this, I took the coaches through some of the exercises and drills, to give them an understanding of the level of engagement. They did not enjoy the passing line game. Enjoyment isn't the only factor, as we can teach passing in far more realistic and beneficial ways. Manipulate the constraints to increase the chances of your desired outcomes from happening, and don't remove the thought, skill, move etc. from the context of the game in which it is used.

Sometimes the presentations download with the videos. This one also has audio, as I took the hours required to narrate the whole thing for the coaches who missed the session.


https://www.dropbox.com/s/c18zwzkax7iicnm/Coach%20Ed%202017%20October%2029.pptx?dl=0

October 29th 2017. This next piece elaborates more on September, going into the theory and how to utilise teaching games for understanding for football. Narrated again for coaches who missed it. My graphics also got better. It then finishes with the Student's Prayer:

'Don't impose on me what you know,
I want to explore the unknown
And be the source of my own discoveries.
Let the known be my liberation, not my slavery.
The world of your truth can be my limitation;
Your wisdom my negation.
Don't instruct me; let's walk together.
Let my richness begin where yours ends.
Show me so that I can stand
On your shoulders.
Reveal yourself so that I can be
Something different.
You believe that every human being
Can love and create.
I understand, then, your fear
When I asked you to live according to your wisdom.
You will not know who I am
By listening to yourself.
Don't instruct me; let me be
Your failure is that I be identical to you.

The point of this being that the majority of people I was working with were joystick coaches. There's room for implicit and explicit instructions, as well as all other methods of coaching delivery. The problem I had with them was that they only barked orders, and the orders were nonsense like "hustle" and "get there." Most of the kids I saw at the club didn't love football. They enjoyed it to different degrees, but there wasn't that burning desire to be a footballer. I believed much of that was down to the coaches and the environment that was at the club. To be fair, it's like that at most clubs I observed. The child's experience should be the primary factor that drives all else we do.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/mtrk7o87uqt1o93/Coach%20Ed%202018%20November%20Futsal.pptx?dl=0

Initially shared in November 2017. This version was revamped for our new breakaway club that we formed the following year. It comes without narration, but a lot of GIFS, videos, and animations. It shows how we want to play futsal at our club, and is aimed at those with very little knowledge or experience of the sport

https://www.dropbox.com/s/9uy6551eqfp2qkt/Coach%20Ed%202018%20March%2025%20Managing%20Parents.pptx?dl=0

This was from March 25th 2018. It was only a short one, aimed at managing parents. A few helpful slides and videos. Some teams at our club were fine, others were a bunch of hooligans. It was a struggle to get everyone on the same page, mainly because many couldn't see the problem with their parents acting the way they were.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/t3ci636jsnuckfx/Coach%20Ed%202018%20February%20Leadership.pptx?dl=0

Dished out in February 2018. I also used part of this with some of my players and parents to establish a culture of leadership and accountability within the teams. This presentation focuses on leadership, and how we help our players to develop those skills. It's a heavy one, with lots of videos. Leadership isn't always the loudest player barking orders, so I look into ways that everyone can contribute and be a leader. As someone who is socially awkward and reserved, I may not fit the description one has of a leader, but I am. And just so you know, on the slide that talks about ability = potential - interference, those coloured dots represent interference. I have to state this, because this presentation comes with no narration.

7v7
9v9
11v11

The above links were in regards to our playing style. In there, I show the topics, the methodology, the formation, and for good measure, examples from top European clubs. It all fell on deaf ears. "But those teams can play that way because they have good players" was their response. I don't know how to help you. And it was evident after the first couple presentations that I couldn't help them.

Hope that these may be of some use to you. Sometimes the whole presentation loads, sometimes only part of it (meaning without the videos or narrations). I suggest you don't view or preview on Dropbox, but instead download the thing fully to a laptop that uses PowerPoint. If you are struggling to get some of the videos or audio to work, message me directly, and I will see if I can help out another way.

Truly mind blowing to me how much this was ignored. Only a couple took the red pill. It still shocks me the amount of self-proclaimed coaches there were that supposedly taught kids how to do things, who themselves were resistant to learning. After saying no laps, I swear we'd see more laps, like they were offended we told them to be better. No lines, and again, two kids would play while fourteen waited. Why was it not getting through to them? But judging by the numbers we had at these meetings, so few cared. I made all this available online on a messageboard for us. As the admin, I saw how few views our resources were getting. Even the booklet I made and passed round to each coach to make their lives easier was ignored.

And it's not like they had an alternative. These coaches didn't have their own coherent playing style they prefered to ours. They weren't using a tried and tested curriculum they used previously that they believed in. None of that. They were simply making it up on the spot, and shouting a load of nonsense at the kids. Our kids deserve better, especially if we are making them show up three times a week, and guilt tripping their parents into spending thousands of dollars on their child's "development."

As you can tell, I'm not bitter about it. Just like with my recent piece on the curriculum booklet, and my other piece on the frequently used exercises, I expect the content of this article to benefit hundreds more strangers on the internet that I will never meet, than people within my own club that they paid (or didn't, in the end, which is a big part of why we left) a lot of money to our organisation for us to implement this stuff.

Keep hustlin'.

Tournamentitis

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

There are plenty of takes on tournaments out there, all echoing the same sentiments. My take will be along those same lines, with my only contribution to the discourse being to call them money hungry wankers, that put profit over child development.

Prior to working in the job I am about to leave, the American soccer tournament was the stuff of legend. Friends and colleagues would regale stories about amazing facilities, exotic locations, luxury hotels, and the adventures involved with travelling with your team. It's almost like you're a real team! So much of American youth soccer is make believe. Our kids play at expensive facilities, they travel the country like they are pros making a living, they wear expensive brand name kits, have their highlights plastered all over social media, and have clipboard throwing coaches that treat every game like they are in the Premier League. It's time to wake up.

Before we dive into this, let's set a few things straight;

Talking to them, they would much rather someone with a bigger house just hosted the team for a night in sleeping bags. Kids, parents, coaches go out to play lazer tag or bowling, maybe followed by a friendly game. Then we go back to the house for barbecue or pizza. Everyone eventually leaves, until the kids are in their sleeping bags, playing video games and watching movies. The next day involves team breakfast, another activity such as swimming if anyone has a pool, and perhaps another friendly. Job done. The kids get to socialise (which is at least 90% of the point of tournaments, even if nobody can admit it) have fun, play games, and it doesn't involve travel, expensive hotels, and forking out tons of money.

• The vast majority of tournaments do nothing for the development of the players, and are more likely to actually hinder them.
• No kids below U13 should be doing this.
• You win a tournament simply based on the bracket you are placed in.
• You could achieve the same results with a sleepover and a friendly.
• If we start to advertise them as fun rather than crucial to development, they start to make a lot more sense.

Last week, I attended a tournament which is a big event for our club. It's only up the road in Kansas City, which is close enough to need to stay overnight, but not so far away that it's a bugger to travel to. This was my third time, and it is the most fun date on our annual calendar. It takes place over Martin Luther King Day, so three day weekend. It always snows, which gives me a chance to see which of the suburban/4x4/pickup driving parents is the biggest wuss, despite operating a vehicle which thrives in such conditions.

My record at this tournament is pretty good (because, you know, it's all about the coach - I may even be the most winningest!) Eight teams entered, five finals reached, five gold medals won. Five out of eight is the standard for domination when it comes to winning European leagues, so I guess that means I am in with a shot of the next big job that opens up. It's a fun tournament, as it is the 6v6 indoor game, native to these parts, which is really enjoyable to play. It's almost football, which is why it's so fun.

And last weekend, I was doing some thinking. I have long known that tournaments are a money grab, but we are not a money grab... but parents were saying it feels like a money grab? I started to break down the numbers.

The games are 6v6 (or 7v7 if you're younger, but remember that U13s should not be doing stay away tournaments). 

The games are 40 minutes long.

We are guaranteed 3 games.

That means we get 2 hours of game time. Potentially 2 hours 40 minutes if we make the final.

For a team of 6, we took 11 players. Only need 9, but that then means you have to cut someone, which leads to tantrums, which means the club is short a couple grand come next season.

Assuming the keeper stays in goal the whole time, that makes 5 positions to be shared among 10 players.

If game time is fair (although some parents will count the seconds, and will bring it up) each player will get 20 minutes per game, looking at an hour playing time, or 1 hour 20 minutes if you make the final.

If you make the final, it means you stay an extra night. This year the hotel cost $140 per night. That's $420 (blaze it).

You'll need about three tanks of gas, so let's make than at easy $100.

At least one parent and one kid will go. If breakfast is free, we need meals Friday night, x2 Saturday, x2 Sunday, and likely x2 Monday, at around $15 a pop. Make that $210. Double it for a family of four.

Some players need to buy the uniform too, but the costs are already horrific enough, so I will avoid that now.

My rough calculations come to $730 if parent and child go. $940 if it is a family of four.

(not included the tournament fee, as this differs from club to club)

Staying three nights and making it to the final is $730 for 80 minutes game time, costing $9.125 per minute of playing time.

Truly insane that anyone would pay that. But people here are so conditioned into doing so. Why? And it looks like my failure of pickup futsal, charging $7 for an hour of play, seem utterly ridiculous. $7 for an hour, or $9 for one minute.

This is indicative of the reason the rest of the world looks down on Americans.

The biggest driver of profit in American youth sport is fear of missing out. Somebody else out there is going to get it, and you're not, so you better pay through the nose to get what they're getting. And that's how we get you. You can't afford to go to this tournament? Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were a serious soccer player...

What else do these tournaments typically come with? Curfews, and bans on unhealthy food and using the pool. Remember, these are children, not highly paid athletes. Even though the games only take up a couple hours of your day, the rest of the day must be spent absolutely not enjoying yourselves. Don't you dare even think about it. I have known some coaches to ban their players from going to events that coincide with the trip, like say if there was a baseball or NFL game in town. Players have to stay here in the hotel and focus on the game. And it's as if forcing them into captivity improves team bonding.

Some of the parents stay up late and get a little drunk. I like to stir the pot, and this is when things get real. They begin revealing to me what they really think. One dad told me that due to his job and limited time off, these tournaments are the only quality time he gets with his daughter. That's why many of these parents look forward to these things like they are mini vacations. In a similar vein, another dad told me he was tired of these tournaments. The first couple are good fun, but then they become kinda samey. And when you do two a year, and you're on your second child, it becomes a chore. How many more times can you spend a couple nights in a hotel in Indiana, Memphis, or Kansas? It's sad, but they all feel compelled to keep doing it.

Why do we keep doing it if we all know it's stupid? We come back to the fear of missing out. This tournament is going to be great, real high level stuff, potentially even some college scouts there. Always follow the money. Clubs and organisations make huge profits off of tournaments. For many, it's the majority of their revenue. There are some clubs who make so much money off of their tournaments, that they can make their club fees significantly cheaper, which is kind of perverse if you think about it. We do it because there is a lot of money to be made, and all the time there is money to be made, those who profit will find a way to convince you. They know that soccer parents are ignorant and insecure, so they prey on that. If you value your kid's development... if you want that scholarship... if you're serious about soccer... if you want to prove yourself against the best... like no one ever was...to trick soccer parents is my real test... to scam them is my cause... SOCCER MOM! Gotta scam 'em all!

I am not spiteful, I am a pacifist. I do not wish for anyone who owns such a chair or one like it to die in a fire, but I will also not be upset upon ever finding out that someone with a chair like this ever died in a fire.

Youth sports in the US is worth $17 billion. The NFL is only worth $15 billion. That's coming right from your pocket. The best tournaments have the best facilities, which means more money, thus generating more income. I went to a tournament in Indiana. The venue had seventeen 4G astroturf pitches, including three full sized 11v11 which were enclosed in a specially made building. This place was better than St. George's Park, the brand new, state of the art training centre for the England national team. And most states have several facilities just like this. We have three on the same road in St. Louis. And as I looked around at this gorgeous facility, the stuff that only dreams are made of, I took it all in for a moment. My girls were decked out in full Nike kit, many with boots that cost over $100. As were our opponents. And every pitch there for that matter. It looked amazing... until you stopped to look at the football. I scanned all the adjacent pitches to look for some quality. Fields and fields of players wearing about $200 worth of equipment, and they couldn't string two passes together. Sidelines full of parents shouting nonsense like "Hustle!" and "Get there!" while intimidating coaches, (bald, arms crossed, sunglasses, calf tattoo) scream cryptic messages about finding feet and... going through her? I will not type either of those phrases into Google.

Part of me died that day. And unlike pretty much every character in any kind of peril in Star Wars Episode 9, this death is permanent. But it does signal a rebirth. An evolution perhaps. I have now seen how the hotdogs are made, and I want no part of this scam. The time, effort, and resources put in this race to nowhere, by all the parents and their clubs. Everyone is barking up the wrong tree, and rather than trying a different tree, they are just barking louder and more furiously. It's not just two bald men fighting over a comb, it's thousands of bald men fighting over conditioner and hair gel.

I really don't know where we go from here. Are we too far gone? Is this now such a loud echo chamber that it is impossible to conceptualise a world where we don't blindly fork out thousands of dollars for these pointless experiences? Or is there hope? I have been sensing growing apathy among parents, who seem less and less enthused each time. There might finally be a straw that breaks the camel's back. Enough people stand up and proudly proclaim "No! I can't afford it!" Doubtful, in middle class white America.

What immediately struck me about tournaments is how incredibly patronising the whole affair is. We should ban the word "champion." If you're winning a bracket which is not the top bracket, you're not a champion. If it only takes three or four games, you're not a champion. Once, with my older boys, who are really good, we were put in the lowest bracket in the tournament. Us and three teams, which were in our league. We had smashed all three of them in league play, and then smashed them again in this tournament. We progressed to a pointless final, where we faced the runner-up of our group; the team which we smashed the least during the previous three games. We then smashed them again. Both teams were called up on stage at the conclusion of the final. We were both awarded trophies. First and second, of a four team bracket, in the lowest bracket, went on stage to receive trophies that were two feet in height. Our massive trophy was painted gold, while their massive trophy was painted silver.

And remember that a team's ability to win a tournament is dependent upon which bracket they are put into. Let's say you're the lowest ranked team in the gold bracket, going into the tournament, chances are you will lose all your games and finish bottom. Then another team enters, and you are bumped from gold, and now go into the tournament as the highest ranked team in the silver bracket, which means you really should win. My first tournament in Memphis, my U12 girls came second. Big celebrations as we stormed our way into the final, made a heroic comeback from 3-1 down to 3-3 in the last seconds of the game, only to lose on penalties. What a surprise! What a performance! What a great tournament! But I had to be Sergeant Buzzkill, and point out to the parents who asked for my thoughts, that although the girls had played fantastic and I was immensely proud of them, we were the second ranked team out of twelve before the tournament started, and that we finished... second place. We did what we were statistically supposed to do. There were ten teams that were worse than us, as determined by the GotSoccer ranking ahead of the event. Any guesses on the ranking of the team that beat us in the final? First. Amazing.

This pointlessness does not stop coaches from using it on their resumé. Coach Dave, U8 runner-up bronze bracket at the Mother's Day Classic. Clubs too. Clubs that claim to be all about the D will be posting all about the W if their teams obtain any silverware. Sure, it goes against their mandatory mission statement PDF but WE WIN TROPHIES COME TO OUR CLUB!!!!!

Have any of you ever travelled out of state to a tournament, only to play a team from your hometown? "These dicks? I thought we had come all this way to get away from them!" My first tournament here, we shared a hotel with a team from here. Some of the girls knew each other. Or when you go far away to another state, only to play an affiliate(s) of teams you play back home, who employ the same ignored philosophy as the teams you play back home. To be fair, American soccer is pretty crap homogenous across the board. It doesn't really matter who you play, as 95% of it is mindless and terrible. The only thing that changes is the uniform, and those dreadful names. All the money in the world, and the names of these teams are just terrible. FC Strikers United White Jones 04 Hoffenheim. A local club here names their teams after countries. A bunch of parents got their titties in a twist when one of their teams were given a country that sounded vaguely Middle Eastern. We can only accept brown countries if they've won a World Cup. To be fair, the average American can only name about five countries, which is perhaps why they think USA is so highly regarded on the global stage; Brazil, France, London, Europe, and Canada. Canadians are too busy playing hockey, so USA has got to be at least fourth, right?

Tournament to tournament, there's no real variation in quality or playing style. Most states I have been to for football offer the same standard variation of crap. Not even the accents change. We think we have to take our better teams out of state to play other state's better teams, but 90% of them offer the same bland challenges the teams in our own state do. They play the same way, with a bunch of players that are not technically good, and tactically have little knowledge of the game. So what is the point? What do we learn from those experiences? And it's not like we can prepare. Who we play at tournaments are in the vast majority of cases are teams we don't know. Imagine if we had opponents that we knew something about, that played in different ways.

I think this would help. We're playing three teams in this coming weekend. One plays like Ajax, one plays like Atletico, and one plays like Liverpool. Now we can prepare to combat their strengths. This might actually be of some use. Instead, we always play long ball merchants, whose defenders can't trap a bag of sand and are banned from passing sideways. The fast kids play up front or on the wings. The goalkeepers don't ever receive a pass or leave their box. There's no diversity of challenge for the kids to experience.

Some of the bigger tournaments even go as far as paying European academies to send their teams over. That's the equivalent of your mum having to pay someone to be your friend. If these tournaments were so good for the development of young players, all these clubs would be coming over. Most of the time, if they do come, they play in closed high end tournaments, that are invitation only. The scum aren't allowed in. And they participate in such tournaments because they are mostly playing other good teams; European academies, top DA, and top Mexican and South American teams. They're not playing the winningest ECNL twats, containing a bunch of 6'2'' twelve year olds, coached by Coach Khakis and Sunnies.

Honestly, just market tournaments as fun. Because that's what they are. It's immoral to say that they are beneficial or necessary for development. They're not. Or at least in the vast majority of cases. Very few times have I ever come away from any local or out of state tournament with a team in the US and thought that it was an experience that enhanced their development or understanding. In most cases, due to the bracketing, we either smashed everyone or got smashed. Once lost 27-0 with U14 boys in a 70 minute game at a tournament, because the opposition were placed three brackets below what they should have been. My final tournament in Memphis, my U17s won it without stepping out of third gear, because the opposition were woeful.

What was the purpose of it? We had a great time socially. The parents got drunk and talked bollocks. I bonded with the kids. We ate junk food. The kids ran around the hotel causing problems and getting up to mischief. The football experience did not benefit us one bit. It rarely does. But we have to present tournaments as being beneficial to player development because we know parents don't value fun. They wouldn't fork out a grand for a three day trip because it was fun. They have to believe that the money they are spending is an investment, with the return being that by the time we return Sunday night, their kid is a few steps closer to that scholarship. Anyone who doesn't want to go or can't afford it is then coerced into going, because we all know American parents suffer greatly from FOMO. You don't want to go to this tournament? Why? Do you not love your kid? Do you not value their soccer playing careers? Do you not want them to get that scholarship? So they take three days off and spend money they don't have so their kid can play three or four pointless games against the same crap they play locally, but this time from different states.

This is a big part of the reason why parents become so emotionally invested. It's because they are so financially invested. And this is due to the lies we sold them. They scream, shout, cheer, fight, because their time and money is on the line here. Whether their kid wins or loses justifies their investment or not. Their kids' futures are at stake. The scouts won't come looking at my kid if they play for a losing team. I can empathise with that. We know the parents are ignorant, but they become deluded because they are lied to so much.

I think local tournaments are even worse. Most tournaments are simple a ruse for big clubs to make money. Have a look at their finances if you can, and see how much of their annual profit is generated from hosting such events. Locally, we play people we know and play frequently anyway. Still paying a fortune for the pleasure. It interrupts our regular schedule, and is an absolute bugger for parents as their entire weekend is gone. At an out of state tournament, you can view it as a mini vacation, but locally? At the same fields? In the same parking lots? Against the same morons? All twenty minutes from my house, which I would rather be sat in, relaxing, after a long week at work?

The sadist in me finds the sheer panic in the days before a tournament when there is bad weather projected so thoroughly enjoyable. Try not to care. It's not important. Your kids aren't missing out if it is cancelled. All that's happening is some rich twat doesn't become even more richer.

I have proposed, with much intrigue, that instead of doing an out of state tournament, do the following;
- Play at a local tournament.
- Have a team lunch.
- Do something stupid like trampolining or laser tag.
- All stay at someone's big house as a slumber party.
- Goody bags.

Less cost, less hassle, but with the same effects socially, and the same amount of football development has occurred. Don't be fooled by the FOMO nonsense. Stand up to the peer pressure and the bollocks within youth sport. Value your wallet, value your time, and value your kids. 

In many cases, good teams try to get out and go further for real competition, but if you drive eight hours for a game, or fly to games, what's really the point? Some regional leagues and competitions require air travel to away games. Kids and parents spending a fortune, giving up entire weekends, for one or two games. And having seen those games, they're not better than what one can find locally, only faster and more aggressive. It's not like your local league is full of idiots and ECNL or MRL or NPL is full of young Xavis and Iniestas. It's the same kids, only a couple inches taller, a couple metres faster, sometimes with a six-pack. The skill, intelligence, decision making, vision, tactical understanding etc. are not better enough to justify the huge increase in price and commitment compared to your local league.

It's like paying a personal trainer $20 per hour to lose 10kg in six months, or paying a personal trainer $100 per hour to lose 12kg in six months. Is it really worth it? Especially when that high level, isn't all that high compared to a global scale. And if you're rich and can afford the fees, and don't care that your kid won't go pro as it is all about getting to college, why are you seeking a scholarship for your kid? Have I missed something here? Maybe my calculations are way off. Maybe there's more parents who have given up work to be with their kid, than there is stay at home parents who can be supported by a rich bread winner, on the sidelines of these leagues.

My mind goes back to a flight from Detroit to St. Louis, where half a girls U14 team was on my plane heading to St. Louis for a tournament. Supposedly high level. But why St. Louis? It's crap. And why a plane? If we were going to Barcelona, and going for more than a weekend, then yeah, let's do it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. A weekend in Missouri... isn't that. I don't believe there is a justification for it, other than the one these large organisations have convinced gullible parents of.

If you're travelling such a long distance on behalf of a programme at such an inflated cost, and it is just for one game, is it really worth it? And if you're playing multiple games, are you recovering enough in that time? And if you're not recovering enough, so that you can't play these high level games in a short space of time, at your absolute best, again, is it really worth it? I'm well aware the US is a victim of large distances and in most places does not have the population density to help with football development, but we really could invest such time and effort into becoming better locally, and we really should stop tricking people into spending fortunes with no return on their investment, and robbing kids of their childhoods.

As always; enjoy spending time with your kids, enjoy watching them grow up, be a good role model to them. It's their game.