My New Position as CEO

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

Don't believe everything you read. Although I am immensely proud to begin this new position, and steer this ship in the right direction, there has been a lot of misinformation, which I will seek to correct within this article. I will also outline my plans for the Federation going forward.

First, was this article on Sports Illustrated.

The U.S. Soccer Federation announced Monday that Will Wilson will be its new CEO, the organization’s most important daily position, finally ending a search process to replace Dan Flynn that had taken many months longer than expected.

Wilson, 52 30, comes to U.S. Soccer from the Wasserman sports agency Global Premier Soccer, where he was an executive vice-president director of camps and co-head of football head of coach education for the last eight years two and a half years. He’s an uncle nephew of Andrew Luck White, whom he signed as Wasserman’s first American football client in 2012 once had trials for Southampton FC.

Wilson also spent four years weeks as an executive head coach with Soccer United Marketing and Major League Soccer Girls United managing all their international business relationships coaches and players during a volunteer project in rural Mexico. The past connection to SUM GPS, which has a deep business relationship with U.S. Soccer, will raise concerns from some critics who have said the federation is too close to a company that financially benefits the owners of MLS. But that didn’t appear to be a big concern for the U.S. Soccer board of directors, which gave Wilson its unanimous approval in a vote on Sunday. (Carlos Cordeiro remains on the board as the immediate past president after recently resigning as U.S. Soccer president following criticism over a federation legal strategy against USWNT players that argued women inherently had less skill, ability and responsibility than men.)

“We are thrilled Will Wilson is joining U.S. Soccer as our CEO,” said new U.S. Soccer president Cindy Parlow Cone in a release. “He brings an unrivaled set of experience and expertise to soccer in America. His global perspective, background in marketing and growing sporting events running camps and extensive experience in the sports business will be invaluable in growing soccer at all levels. Soccer is the world’s game and Will is the perfect person to help us grow it to America’s game.”

Added Wilson: “I’m very excited to be joining U.S Soccer. I have always somewhat admired abhorred the federation from afar and have long felt that the U.S. Soccer crest is one of the best brands in the business bad and needs to go back to the old one. There is nothing like harnessing our nation’s support behind our women’s and [disdain towards our] men’s national teams, and I see significant upside in our ability to work with our membership to grow participation levels, increase our commercial business and drive our ability to compete on the field at the highest level.”

Wilson has worked over the years in Europe, Mexico and the United States and speaks fluent conversational Spanish, according to U.S. Soccer. Before he was with MLS GPS, he held positions in the Arena Football League The Women's Premier League, the Champ Car World Series academies and the NFL schools. His arrival at the federation should help Parlow Cone as she deals with a leadership vacuum. Several of the most influential figures at U.S. Soccer have recently left the federation.

Cordeiro resigned as president. Former president Sunil Gulati is no longer on the board since he is no longer the immediate past president. Flynn left his CEO post after being in it since 2000. And Jay Berhalter, the chief commercial officer, was the most important figure at U.S. Soccer in recent years before not being considered for the CEO job and deciding to leave the federation last month.

The U.S. men’s team still hasn’t won back the American public after failing to qualify for World Cup 2018. And although the USWNT won last year’s World Cup, U.S. Soccer has earned heavy criticism from fans for the way it has handled the USWNT players’ gender-discrimination lawsuit. On the plus side, there will be significant interest from fans and the global business community in World Cup 2026, which will be co-hosted by the U.S., Canada and Mexico.

“U.S. Soccer has an amazing entitled fan base and our supporters are waiting for us to get things back on track both on and off the field,” said Wilson. “I’m incredibly energized and excited about the work in front of us to continue striving to become America’s preeminent sport [for middle class white kids].”

The overly long CEO search process had raised questions about Cordeiro and the board’s leadership. The initial search firm hired by the federation had identified Berhalter as the top CEO candidate, but he came under fire last June in a New York Times story citing concerns about the federation workplace environment from employees there.

Dissatisfied with the first search firm, U.S. Soccer hired a second search firm. Wilson was identified early in that second search process.

Second, I didn't write this:

Here's what I actually wrote:

First, on behalf of everyone at USSF, we hope that you and your loved ones are safe and healthy. Amid this global threat from COVID-19, I urge you not to listen to the President of this great nation, and instead listen to people with actual brain cells. Wash your hands, stay home. Do that, and we will get through this much quicker and much safer. No amount of boosts to the economy is worth even one American life.

We now begin a new chapter at the Federation. I consider myself more of a Picard than a Kirk, although I see merit in both leadership styles. American soccer is built on the swindling of middle class parents, making them over pay for inferior products for their entitled children. Many would love to maintain this culture, but I am here to break it. Football for All is the message. Soon, I will begin to outline my plans for this Federation going forward. Nothing great was ever achieved with half-measures and appeasement.

In particular, I am excited to begin kick out some of the corrupt old-guard that have held this great nation back, while profiting from enacting such processes. I will begin by making the board more diverse. The United States is one of the most diverse nations on the planet, and many people feel their thoughts and ideas are not heard. You will begin to see a lot more of the demographics that make our nation so great being represented within our hierarchy.

It is important to acknowledge the recent challenges facing the Federation. I can assure you all that I will put an end to the corruption, discrimination, and inequality. The resolution to the USWNT "issue" is to pay them. To pay them well. Let's not beat around the bus here. Girls around the world do not have the same opportunities or role models available to them that boys do. We will ensure our female players are paid in accordance with the men, while doing more to promote the sport, and enable our players to make long, lucrative careers from the game. The debacle within the NWSL and their treatment of players is a dark brown stain on the underpants of the women's game. Once we have kicked out the corrupt and stopped siphoning funds off to those who are leeches on our soccer system, we will subsidise the women's game in a way that will allow for it to grow, and eventually become more well run and better attended than MLS.

The most important element we need to make these goals a reality is not you the fan, as many of you have stuck by us through thick and thin. We don't deserve you. You have been abused, taken for granted, shafted, and ripped off. The fact that anyone still supports us and takes part in this sport is a miracle.

As we forge ahead, we will never take for granted the people that are outside of the white middle class. There are so many more people within our great nation that can benefit and contribute to our game. We will do what it takes to bring you back onside.

I am excited to begin this new journey with you, to make soccer super-rad kick-ass awesome!

Yours in Soccer,
Will Wilson
CEO

I hereby decree...

All future kits will be halves. The GK kit is a tribute to the best team on the continent, let's face facts. Also, we are going back to the old badge because the new one sucks ass. This kit pays homage to some of Europe's finest football clubs like Deportivo Alaves and Grasshoppers of Zurich.

The three stars on the kits represent the average rating for a USMNT on FIFA.

More decrees:

• I will set up toilet paper academies, being run from coast to coast.
• We will repeal the heading ban.
• The word "offsides" is to be banned, resulting in a two year suspension from the sport.
• The "I believe that we will win!" chant has been banned, and will be replaced with "You suck asshole!"
• Development Academy will still be referred to as DA, but will now stand for "Dat Ass."
• Promotion and relegation to be implemented by 2022.
• Club soccer annual fees to be capped at $350, known as the Tree Fiddy Act.
• Completely remove Alexi Lalas, Stu Holden, and Kyle Martino from all soccer broadcasting.
• Youth coaches can no longer wear khaki shorts. We will be enforcing a strict two pocket maximum on the sidelines.
• MLS will go back to that green and blue logo. It was way cooler.
• Referees will have to have a fitness test and eye test each season.
• Anyone screaming emotional nonsense at kids games will be removed in a straightjacket and banned for life.
• I will limit the monopoly of money grabbing mega clubs. No club can have more than 50 teams.
• You coaches are not to be paid more than $40k per year. Their wages for making kids run laps and do push-ups are obscene. The level you are working at does not morally justify making that sort of cash.
• Paul Arriola will now be referred to as Paul Nipple. It's easier to say.
• Anyone saying "If only our best athletes..." will be banned indefinitely from the sport.
• 30% of floodlit turf fields will be stripped and put down in inner cities. My studies have shown that our top players don't come from the middle class. Most of them don't even come from the USA.
• USNT will play friendlies against real countries, abroad, in front of actual soccer fans. For too long the women have played in front of sycophantic screaming girls, and the men have played in front of people dressed as plastic seats. They need real challenges.
• We will try and enter Copa America whenever possible, and stop trying to host it.
• Playoffs are stupid. They're now gone.
• High school and college coaches will now require minimum qualifications.
• High school and college teams will now compete in actual leagues. It's okay if a game finishes as a draw.
• No national anthem and player rosters to be read before high school and college games. You earn that privilege when you finally develop a first touch.
• Normal sub rules will be implemented, so teams don't hoard thirty players for a game which only requires eleven.
• Any coach making their subs stand during a game will face an eight hour disciplinary hearing. In which they will have to stand for the duration.
• Any new clubs cannot use "United" or "City." Be unique. One of the best things about American soccer is the cool names.
• No more treating fans at games like they have ADHD. Kiss cam, t-shirt cannons, overzealous announcers etc. all gone.
• People attending USWNT games will have to show proof of attending at least one NWSL game in the last two years. We need your World Cup support at the clubs too.
• Tailgating is fine. Keep doing it. But be in your seat before kick off.
• MLS fan groups will be sent on trips to England to learn how to be funny and inventive with their chants, rather than singing recycled nonsense.
• MLS games will start at the advertised kick off times.
• No more playing the national anthem before club games. Reserved only for international fixtures.
• When hosting an international game, the singer will sing both home and away anthems, rather than only signing the American one and having the visitor anthem be played on a recording.
• Any anthem singer who goes all extra and Mariah Carey on us will suffer redass from all 22 starters, taking shots from the penalty spot.
• Players will be allowed to stand or knee, as they wish, during the anthem, as is their First Amendment right.
• No MAGA hats allowed in the stadium. Fans seen wearing one outside will be denied entry. You can't call yourself a fan of America, when you hate most Americans.

If you would like to see my plans for the reformation of youth soccer, you only need look here.

There are proposals for a United USA, Mexico, Canada league pyramid. Although this is not a movement that I am in favour of, you can see my outlines for such an idea if it were to go through here.

And for those who want some more in depth knowledge on why I hold these opinions, please have a look at my piece entitled The Great Filter of American Youth Soccer.

Yours in soccer.