Happiness is measured in smiles. What are we striving for in life? Joy. To be happy. Therefore, I think our roles as coaches, regardless of the level we're working at, is to make people smile. That's what the pros do. Do you not smile when your team scores or plays well? When they move up a place in the league? When they progress a round in the cup? It should be the same with kids. Sure, we can have other objectives, and it is important to have a plan, but always remember that we play football because it is fun. We like to do it.
Right now, with all this time doing nothing due to the Coronavirus, we're all on self-improvement projects. My latest one is to write my philosophy and game model. In doing so, I have been collecting photographs from my career to use within this document. I want it to be vibrant and colourful, and also to show that I have been there and done it, and didn't just pull these ideas out of my arse. I have collected around 400 photos of myself coaching. These are from twelve years, across six countries on three continents, involving many clubs and organisations. I have forgotten the number of teams I have worked with, and thus cannot even begin to estimate the number of players I have come into contact with.
There's a few things that strike me. The first is how lucky I am to have a career in football. Yes, I have worked hard, sacrificed, and all that nonsense, but I have also been very fortunate in how I've been supported, allowed to give my life to this, and never discouraged from following this path. I've got friends, peers, and acquaintances from school, college, and other jobs, who have houses, nice cars, fancy titles, kids etc. Some, I will never earn their salary. They've been earning way more than me for years, starting in our early twenties. But none of them do what I do. None of them can have the impact that I do.
Looking back through these photos, it's amazing to me to see how many smiles there are. How many good times were had. Football is a people game. We forget that. We call them players and athletes, but before all that, they are a person. Empathy is important. Genuinely caring for them beyond the pitch is necessary. Many can't do that, and their interest in the player is confined solely to what they can do on the pitch. Why go into a people business if you don't care about people? Surely it comes down to ego. Due to these photographs happening in multiple locations across the world, with thousands of kids and adults being part of my journey, I know that I will never see 99% of them ever again. My part in their life was temporary. But the memories, the good times, the photographs, they last forever. And I feel truly privileged to have enabled that.
A little back story. Many may have known that I drove this car for nine months.
It was dangerous to be driving. It had bits missing, it was always leaking, it smelled horrible, and was in desperate need of repair. The club president bought it for me for about the price of a Subway sandwich. He took me to Alton, IL to pick it up, and I drove it back, over that hour journey. I also once drove it from Indianapolis to St. Louis on the way back from a tournament, when we were hit by one of the worst blizzards. That was not fun.
This car made a lot of noise, and was embarrassing to be in. One day, I saw loads of club badge stickers, and plastered them all over the car. Why? Because it went from being "Look at that crap car!" to being "Hey! There's the car with the stickers on it!" The kids loved it. They would be so happy if they spotted it on the road or in a car park. They'd come running up to me and tell me next time they saw me. "We saw your car parked at Wal-Mart!" It's the equivalent of someone pointing out you've had a haircut. I don't know why they feel the need to do this, as I have been present and consenting to every haircut I have ever had, and do not suffer from short term memory loss. Not to mention, humans are surrounded by mirrors.
Nevertheless, at the end of the season, we had had a disagreement with the club, and decided to go our own way. We weren't on best terms with the president, who stalked me and threatened to call immigration. He was a seriously cool guy and everyone loved him. I had to return the car. I left it outside the club office one day, with barely enough petrol to make it the 300 yards to the nearest station. Why would I? He never paid me my reimbursements. I also left a thank you card on the dashboard for him. It said that happiness is measured in smiles.
Definitely a dig, as the kids hated him. As did the parents. As did the IRS. As did several companies trying to sue him. And as funny as it was, the sentiment is true. If you type the phrase into Google images, you'll find plenty of pictures and memes saying that happiness isn't always measured in smiles, alluding to how strong they are for putting on a brave face. Sure do love self-promoting virtue signalling. These people definitely listened to emo and pop punk in the mid 2000s.
These are trying times that the world is facing, and you never know what might happen. I thought I would put down in an article some happy memories. You never know who it might benefit. These photos aren't posed. I don't like posed photos because they are fake and forced. I want to document memories and experiences, but I want them to be real. My wife hates me for that, as I rarely smile in a staged photo. Try this for a laugh. Go on Instagram, find a picture of someone posing for a photo, and then put your finger across their mouth so you can only see their eyes. The eyes are key to the smile, not the mouth. Their eyes aren't smiling, because that's probably the tenth photo they took, in order to get it right. If they were happy when they initially had the idea for a photo, that feeling was soon lost. It's the same for most photos used in advertising.
One of my most favourite memes ever. I know plenty of people who enjoy a salad. I know plenty of people who enjoy food altogether. I have never seen any person smile like this when eating anything. The sad part is, even though we can all see it's fake, the majority of you wankers fall for it. More Rick, less Jerry, please.
So now, I'm going to share some of my favourite photos from coaching, and provide a little context along the way.
As I was leaving Mexico, this boy asked for a photo. A great kid from a great family. He was new to football, but due to his enthusiasm and love of being active, he picked it up right away. He even overtook most of his teammates in such a short time. Always happy, always ready to play. Just a joy to be around.
Coaching in Canada was my first time coaching abroad. This girl is from the family that runs the club. They are brilliant people, and it was emotional when I left. They would not have done any more to help me, and the people of Alberta are lucky to have them.
"Go on kids! Jump on coach!" These boys never missed an opportunity to enjoy themselves. Placed in the wrong division, we got slapped regularly. These boys still turned up every week with excitement and enthusiasm. They loved to play, to compete, and to be young. I tell this story a lot, but one game we were beat 14-0. This one kid on the opposition was amazing, and scored eight or so of the goals himself. The atmosphere among parents after the game felt like a funeral. What about the boys? They were running around chasing each other, bonking each other on the head with inflatable tubes. No idea they had even played football.
How many coaches in the US would let their players jump all over them and act like this? Especially at a travel tournament! How many coaches would let a kid touch their hair like this? But look at how much fun they're having, just being stupid.
We came runners up at the tournament, and this girl with the most extravagant personality in the team, wanted to give me a medal, and then provide me with some feedback.
At Halloween, I suggested we do this practice in costumes. Look how seriously they took being silly.
Definitely one of my most favourite photos ever, as I explained in this piece.
One of the most important photos I have ever taken. These girls just won the tournament, and played fantastic doing so. They battled hard and I could not be more proud of them. This here is why I don't like using the word "player" because when we do that, many of us are guilty of treating them like they are professional athletes, when they are just kids. And kids like to wear cones on their heads.
When I bought these cones, I thought it would be funny to write "Champion Hat" on them, and make kids wear them when they were acting like idiots. Similar to a dunce hat. The word champion was used similarly to the word special. The kids of all ages thought it was funny. They would ask to wear them. I would have kids wearing cones on their head, follow me to my car, because they didn't want to take them off.
Most championship winning medal photos, the kids aren't smiling. The joy of winning the game has worn off by the time you get the trophy and then have to pose. In this situation, if was the first medal for many of these girls. Top it off with the fact this team in particular wasn't having a good season, and some of the parents were planning a coup. Ironically, the three girls touching the trophy, it was their parents. The kids were great. It's never the kids that are the problem.
Every year, it is Wear a Hat Day in England. It's done to raise money for brain tumour research. As I write this, it is currently Wear a Hat Day 2020. I asked players at the club to beg their parents for spare change so I can raise some cash for a donation. And also, you have to wear a hat to practice. A group of players turned up late, and came running over so excitedly. The team had decided to come together after school and make me the most wonderful hat. It's a football pitch, including goals, grass, and US and UK flags. And there are caricatures of all the girls and myself. They were so proud of themselves for making it, and I was truly touched they went through all that effort.
One day on camp, we're playing winner stays on. I had picked up the cones, and then placed them on their heads. They didn't move or resist, and keep the "champion hats" on until it was their turn to play. I love how to a kid, wearing a cone as a hat is so much fun. Why do we forget that as adults?
During our club barbecue, we had a parent and kid game of football. I joined in, and plenty of kids took the opportunity to give me abuse and try and fight with me.
Over the years, myself and this boy, nicknamed Frosty for his stylishly frosty tips, had a lot of back and forth. I used to tell him he couldn't look at me when I was talking because he was too ugly, and it would put me off. During this match, I received the ball as CB near the halfway line. He came charging towards me to press. I nutmegged him. I am so glad this photo was captured on camera. With my next touch, I rocketed the ball into the net from distance, and walked off to a standing ovation from 100 kids and parents. I was done. I had played for 90 minutes straight, and my legs were killing me. Still had enough magic to pull this off.
Here we are outside Sporting Kansas City, about to take the kids in to watch Bayern Munich train and meet the players.
My first ever time coaching a futsal team. It went well.
At the end of a hard fought match between two rivals, in what was a tense affair, myself and the opposition coach, a former colleague, were caught in an embrace. That pissed off our old club president. This photo was our new club versus our old club. A lot of the boys and parents knew each other. And due to the situation with the clubs, it was incredibly tense. At the end of the day, what actually prevailed was love and friendship. We thought there would be fights, but the people involved were just glad to see each other. We had been torn apart by one horrible wanker. We won, but I would not have minded losing, because once that tension was removed, it wasn't about that. It was about kids playing with their friends and enjoying themselves. From that day on, this coach and I always hugged when we saw each other.
This is me, smashing the kids at FIFA in the hotel. Even scored a 39 pass move against one of them. Encouraged the boys to take notes.
I don't have many photos of this group, but I loved working with them. One of the best connections I have ever had to a group of players. We ripped on each other mercilessly, and they played great football.
Futsal is stupid. Your team is crap. At 11v11 people told us we were useless, and should not expect to win many games. The title decider was against a proper futsal club, on the final day. These players had not played futsal before. They were so desperate to beat us, they brought in ringers, some of the top players in the area, including players who represent their countries at 11v11. With five minutes to go, the tension of 0-0 was ended. We conceded a goal, which was a triple nutmeg. Horribly unfortunate. We had our timeout, I calmed the players down and told them to simply keep working and do their best. With two minutes remaining, our keeper rifled in a shot to the top corner from our own half. As the Americans would say, a cleat seeking missile. We held on for the 1-1 draw, which meant we were champions. As we were such an unfancied bunch that faced so much adversity, this trophy represented so much more than just winning this league.
This photo comes from my last session with this team before I left Mexico. The girls had arranged cake, and were pleased to present it to me. I worked with them for a year and a half, and although it could be frustrating, I reached an epiphany with them that I had not reached with any other team. When players are not taught game intelligence and understanding, it can be very hard to actually develop them. They were resistant at first, because my way is different to what they are used to culturally. A shift was singalled when one day, the girl to the left of me in the black shirt and orange bib, was having a go at her teammates at half time. It was in Spanish, apart from the part where she told them they need to switch play. They didn't know the phrase in Spanish. There were a lot of football actions they didn't know in Spanish. Basic concepts. So it signified my teaching was sinking in. And then one day, it happened. We dominated a team, with probably 90% possession. Our keeper went an entire half without touch the ball from the opponent. We only won 1-0 as nobody brought their shooting boots, resulting in countless squandered opportunities. The epiphany was that these girls had now reached a level of understanding where they had become self-reliant. If I had walked away from the game, they would have been able to coach themselves. At this point, my presence had become unnecessary. As coaches, the long term goal is that we essentially coach a team so well that we ultimately become obsolete.
This young girl used to run up to us, hug us, jump on us. She was lovely. Would even stop to chat to parents, referees, and opponents during the game.
This was my last session at Girls United in Bacalar. Everyone wanted a photo. I loved working there and being with these players. I am determined to go back one day, and experience such an amazing place with amazing people all over again.
See what I said earlier about not smiling for trophy photos? Believe me, this bunch were ecstatic. This represented triumph over adversity. This represented vindication. Playing against bigger and older girls, this bunch wiped the floor with the opposition. And did so playing good football. I wish I had coached them for longer, and spent more time with them. I truly loved working with these individuals.
Look at the top right of this photo. Can you see it? Every player wants to be the coach's favourite. This girl was. When she was on the bench, she was screaming, cheering, interspersed between bothering me with stories and questions. She would be dancing, jumping up and down, and for some reason was waving one of my cones around. But look at her body language. None of this detracted from her focus on the game. She was as emotionally invested in the performance and outcome of a match as any of them. Her personality was infectious, and someone that brought happiness with her wherever she went. Why would I tell her to sit down and shut up? She wouldn't have listened to me even if I tried. Don't make your players be something their not. Instead, let who they are shine. That's the only way you'll get the best out of them.
While other coaches do line drills with their U6s for game preparation, I get savagely attacked by mine.
These boys had never had a team huddle before. Look how close they got.
The year before, we won the cup. The team nearly disbanded. I lead this group of flamboyant youths to promotion. What a magnificent bunch they were. Look at how great we are, in our Brentford kits.
"Jump on coach! It's funny!" Cutting edge Mexican humour. These boys regularly attacked me.
If memory serves, this was a preseason game away to Enfield. The bus wouldn't start. Bus wankers.
I loved every minute of working with this group.
"Look like twats for the photo!" Some were naturals.
The two photos above go as a pair. There are a few others, but I just picked these two. I had four indoor teams for this tournament, and over the weekend put the players in feedback groups. I had given them a team task, which I cannot remember, and then they went off to complete it. I really enjoyed seeing the players of different ages coming together, interacting, and working on something. Like a real community.
This is me, in hospital, after the funniest story ever, of having been knocked unconscious accidentally by a fourteen year old boy during training.
We were being twats, and I decided to pose for a Pepsi commercial.
In the pool at a tournament, playing water polo.
Same group, posing for a photo with bear statues. The parents loved me this weekend. I essentially babysat the whole group. I took them outside, I took them to the pool, and we had a FIFA tournament and ate pizza at night.
Here we are having a leaf fight.
Posing for a photo outside the neighbourhood where we knocked on doors and ran away.
The boys running away after knocking a door.
Their first football experience. The kids were thrilled to get their own brand new shirts.
I loved working with this kid. Her mum was a great help too. Not the kind of player that is recognised or appreciated in the US. Sorry.
How many kids would feel comfortable writing wanker on the window of their coach's car? I loved my time with these girls. This was two days before I left Missouri, and one day before I returned the car to Avis.
As I talked about in another article, this is two of my favourite players scheming, and coming up with the plan for the game at the weekend. They met up after school at this McDonald's, and collaborated on the game plan. The parents sent me this photo. I loved seeing the joy, interest, and passion, as players started to think about the game in more depth.
Remember the girl dancing on the bench while clutching the cone? One day she came up to me and presented me with this. She had been writing down some tactics while at school. Do you think if I tell her to sit down and behave herself that she would ever; 1. Enjoy football enough to think about it in this detail? 2. Ever present me with her ideas?
The players leading themselves. Going over their roles, objectives, and the game plan before the match. Without me leading or intervening. It's amazing what kids can do when you prepare them and trust in them.
My first game with the team. I asked them for help organising, and they took straight to it. They were not shy, and were really excited to show what they can do.
Easily one of my favourite ever groups to work with. They were just so much fun. They loved playing football, and they loved each other. That's the recipe for success.
I really wish I had more photos with this team. They played such great football. This was after winning the final game of the season, when it was goodbye for many of us. This was about ten minutes before we knew we had won the league.
This picture is just a really great shot. This was a team debrief after a game at a huge regional tournament in Chicago. Parents always seemed to be amazed how much time, effort, and attention I put into their kids. The players were always amazed how I included them in the process, and didn't just lecture them.
I would loved to have had more time working with this group. At 11v11, we went through two successive promotions through easy leagues. By the time I left Missouri, they were finally going to get a test in the top division. And that has been put to a halt due to the virus. We would walk any tournament we were in. I wish I could have challenged them more. Still, the laughs were non stop, and the football was brilliant. This particular photo came as we won an indoor tournament. Four games. After going behind in the first half of the first game, they then went the next seven halves of football without conceding a goal. Some of the skills, goals, and saves were spectacular. I could watch them all day.
I will finish by saying that obviously I enjoyed working with some teams far more than others. Whether that is reflected in here or not is down to you to speculate for yourself. There are some teams I really enjoyed working with, but there are few pictures, simply due to the absence of a camera to catch the moment.
I am thankful to all these players for the memories they have given me. For all the times they put a smile on my sadistic, nihilistic face. Nothing can ever take that away, We play football because it is fun, and a large part of that is the wonderful people that you connect with along the way. These photos only represent a small fraction of the great experiences I have had. I'm only thirty, and plan on living a long time. Let's see how many more memories I can gather in the next twelve years.
