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Monday, 24 February 2020

Two Year Coaching Blog 2015 - 2016

If you enjoy my content and want to express gratitude, I would be so happy if you made a contribution towards my Argentina trip in the summer of 2021. The plan is to go there for four weeks and look at everything football, development, coaching, and culture. Any amount helps. I won't be upset if you ignore this message, as I produce this content purely for the enjoyment of it. Here is the link: http://fnd.us/c1en5f?ref=sh_98yL48

Throughout the two years of studying at Ohio for a master's in coaching education, I have had to keep a blog. This was roughly updated every two or three weeks, and in some cases, every one week. Essentially I had to make around fifty-two posts throughout the two-year course. I have made these public as it goes into great detail the thoughts, feelings, desires, and stresses of coaching. Maybe other coaches can relate. Maybe players and parents can gain some insight. For myself, it will be humbling to look back upon a twenty-four-month body of work and see what I have been through, how far I have come, and what, if any progress, I have made. Details were not spared, though I have left many names out of it. At times it is quite intimate and personal. I feel like I need a reminder of what has happened, and definitely need to be honest with myself. The past is the best teacher of all. I really said those things, and I really thought those things. There's nothing in here that I have said or done to make myself look good. Perhaps my own delusions and defence mechanisms, the same as with any other human, will have shrouded the truth in parts, but from my perspective, it is a completely accurate summary of events.

If you do find yourself needing to sleep at night, may I recommend the following;

In my most recent game with the 2001 Girls, we played our first game of the season versus a strong opponent. This team has quickly become our rivals, as they were the only team to beat us last season, and then we experienced a very eventful 5-0 semi-final loss in that same season. To apply some context to this game, it is perhaps wise to describe some of the backstory. We represent a rich private members club, and our opponents were a poor team from a poor neighbourhood. The social divide in Mexico is huge, and there are many tensions as a result. During this semi-final, at their venue, it just happened to be the club’s end of season party. This meant hundreds of people were at the venue, enjoying the festivities, and many turned their attention to the game. With some teenage girls playing naturally a lot of the boys began to watch intently. We were outnumbered by about three hundred to fifteen, which meant the abuse of my players, and of myself for being English, really started to affect the team and the parents. Girls as young as ten were being called whores by the spectators, and the referee, clearly intimidated, did nothing to discourage this behaviour. It was palpable that at any second, a fight would break out. One mother had to be held back as she confronted the parents of our opponents after her daughter received some abuse. This was very difficult for me as a coach. My girls were crying at the end of the game, not because of the loss, but because of the horrible atmosphere. I knew we were better than this, and I commended them for their high level of respect and fantastic conduct throughout, ensuring that every player shook every opponent’s hand and wished them luck in the final.


Having completed some good work with the team in preseason, we went into this game against our rivals, a home game, far more confident. Despite an early set back, conceding after seven minutes, the girls played with strength and confidence not previously seen versus this team. They were not scared. We knew what to expect, and I had prepared them as best as I could for what was sure to be a battle. Eventually we took the lead, as the goals started to fly. Leading 3-2 with seconds remaining before half time, something shocking happened, which should no longer seem shocking to me, as referees in Mexico seem to depend on a magic eight ball for their decision making. The referee complained of abuse from the parents of my team. This is unlikely as they are a quiet bunch, and our club has a strict policy about parent conduct at games. As a result of this supposed abuse, he sent away a father, and awarded a red card to my captain. Where on Earth did this come from? Apparently that is actually a rule here, though I believe no one would be capable of justifying it to me.


With this incident now to contend with, all the players were in uproar. Our captain was unfairly sent off, and we had to deal with a strong team a player down for the rest of the game. At half time I did everything I could to keep them focussed, rejigging the tactics slightly to incorporate the loss, and sending them back on their way for what was surely to be a second half full of kitchen sinks. In the end, it transpired our opponents were too strong for us. We lost a good attacking player, and my alteration to the tactics appeared to be too negative. When we got the ball forward, we could not keep it. Not long after the restart, our opponents equalised. From that point on, it was an uphill battle. As hard as they tried, we could not get ourselves back in front, losing 5-3.


I would say that motivation is a good skill of mine, and there were many actions I took deliberately in the build up to the game to inspire and prepare the players. Clearly it had worked, until the most unprecedented incident one could possibly conspire played out in front of us. In a game, absolutely anything can happen, and coaches need to be adaptable. Never have I seen a twelve year old girl receive a red card because the referee was unhappy with a parent. Still, soccer is random. Other incidents of a similar nature have and will happen in future. It is a tough challenge to lose a player and try to defend a lead with still half the game remaining. To play negatively is a gamble, but so is to still try to play positively in this same situation. When sending the players out for the second half, I was confident in their mind-set that they would continue to compete with high intensity, as before. Perhaps the red card then the goal was a sucker punch to a small number, and in a tight game like this, the inches become yards, which then become goals.


Recently I have taken steps towards improving my coaching. Being on a coaching education course, it is necessary that I seek opportunities for coaching education. I have signed up for the NSCAA Advanced National Diploma, to take place in California this July. Following that, there are the coaching education seminars at Ohio University. In the near future, I will sign up for the UEFA B course to take place in July, back home in England. This is all with the aim of becoming a better coach by acquiring more knowledge of techniques, concepts, coaching styles, the expectations of the governing bodies, the research of leaders in the field, with the added benefit of networking, and getting to see Santa Barbara, which is a very enticing factor.

Entry 2: Friday 27th February 2015

In the last round of games, I experienced two fantastic results. The first is with my 2007 Boys, who managed to win a game 3-1 while playing with only seven players versus the nine of our opponents. This win was especially pleasing due to some of the parental politics that are starting to creep in. I can’t take any credit for the performance, as all the boys played the game of their life. They knew we were really up against it, so all dug in hard and gave it everything they have got. At this level, there is not much going on in the game tactically. It is more akin to two swarms fighting over a ball. Our swarm came out on top. It may not be aesthetically pleasing, but what it does show is desire, commitment, fight, effort, hard work, which are characteristics not often seen in Mexican teams. I believe it is an important part of coaching to teach these boys good habits for life as well as for the game, and so I do not accept any cheating, diving, feigning injury, arguing with officials, which are aspects of the game a lot of other children are taught here. We also see a blame culture. Instead of blaming the other boys for not turning up, or more correctly, their parents for bringing them, they focussed on the task at hand and applied themselves. I was immensely proud of the character they showed.
My 2001 Girls team, experiencing two horrible results recently, finally showed why there is so much hope and expectation about this team. The game did not start well. We were two goals down inside nine minutes, both from corners. The first one didn’t cross the line, but there is nothing we can do about a referee’s decision. We can only react by playing better, not by complaining. The players were nervous as a lot of them are friends with the opponents, used to play for the team, and used to play for the coach who now ignores and blanks them. That sets a terrible example of how to act as a human being. In the game, we had almost forgotten how to play football. The things that have made this team so good, such as high pressure defending and a possession based attack, were not coming out. 2-0 down at half time, I reminded them of what they had done in the past to be successful, and that we shouldn’t panic, and if we do the easy things well, the result will come. They weren’t terrible, but were nowhere near their best. A couple changes in personnel too, and the goals started flying in. We came back to win 4-2, and they played amazingly. It was like a switch had been flicked. The goals were coming from good passing moves and individual skill. Spirits were lifted, and we are going to go on and have a great season. All that is missing from this team is a goalkeeper, then suddenly, just last night, our prayers were answered, as a new girl shows up who plays in goal. This is the missing piece to our championship.
A source of great pride is the way in which this team plays. Coaching in Mexico is stuck way back in the past. A lot of the coaches treat their players like animals. They are rude, patronising, uninterested, and it makes me sad to see that. My team are not amazing technically. Many of them still kick with their toes and can’t control a ball from the air. What we have is an idea and a philosophy. With time and effort, we are now keeping the ball and passing it around teams. All our opponents do is kick the ball as far and as high as they can to the good player and hope that she can score. This isn’t just one or two teams, this is all of them. My players can now see the difference in their style of play compared to the rest of the teams. They understand it. One scary example was the coach of our most recent opponent who gave praise to a player who just hoofed the ball away. The ball came to this player on the left wing, by the half way line, and she was completely unmarked. She had at least two or three yards of space in all directions. The majority of her team was behind her, I would say about seven players, and the defence was in good balance. So why is she kicking the ball away? Why is she not controlling it and dribbling or looking for a pass? She boots it way down the field into our half to absolutely no one, and out for a throw. The coach gives her a thumbs up and says “Good job, best to be sure”. Sure of what? There was absolutely no danger. How is controlling the ball and passing it perceived as a risk? And who cares if she makes a mistake anyway? She’s twelve! You have to teach them good skills or else they will still be useless when they are adults. It is a huge disservice to the players and the parents if all you care about is winning. Unfortunately, that’s how it is for many youth coaches.

Entry 3: Monday 23rd March 2015

Not a lot has happened recently due to terrible weather cancelling sessions, and then last week was not a fun one for myself, spending time in the hospital with gastroenteritis. The girls have hardly kicked a ball, as teams have either cancelled, rearranged, or just not showed up. Why would you join a league if you won’t show up to games? Three times the same coach has done it to me now. Apparently he doesn’t like us. The boys have played three games. The first was a 15-4 loss to a very good team. Last season it was something similar in terms of distance, but we hardly competed in attacking terms. A big positive in this game was that although we were conceding heavily, we still managed to create many chances. The next game was a 7-1 win, and then while in hospital, an 11-0 win. The first game had five different scorers, and the second had six. Too many youth teams rely on just one or two players to get the goals. It is very pleasing to see them all contributing, and they are beginning to trust each other on the ball. In the past, some players may not have passed to the weaker players. Passing is key. Now that they realise that, we can progress.
Just today I had a conversation with my boss. A decision that I had made a while ago, I will be leaving this position when the season is over, and going back to England for a while. There are some personal and some professional decisions. I feel our impact as coaches is greatly limited in Mexico by the sporting infrastructure around us. Pretty much everyone is useless and an idiot. I don’t like saying that, but I really think a group of monkeys could organise youth sports better. The lifestyle here is difficult, as it is a very dangerous place. Too often I am wondering if I will make it home alive, or at least with my wallet and phone. Mexico City is the noisiest, dirtiest, smelliest, most crowded place I have ever been. My tolerance is almost exhausted. It is also important that I find a job that can pay better. I never have been and never will be motivated by money, but on my wages here I will not be able to afford the master’s. Some jobs in the Middle East can offer three or four times my wage for the same role. If I want to save and pay for this degree, I have to look at those options. Just as an example; had I stayed in Kuwait, I could have been earning three times as much as I am here, but I wasn’t happy, which is key. Happiness is the most important thing in life, and I am becoming less happy here, so it is time to move on. Another factor is that being in this job, I have met a lot of girls. As time goes by and I move to a different country, it breaks down, or you don’t get too involved before something serious starts. My current girlfriend wants to study in England, and I believe we have a chance. I want to take that chance. I’m tired of goodbyes.
The week before hospital I bought a type of ball known as a futsal. It is a size four soccer ball with reduced bounce, and the game of futsal is incredible for the development of young players. I have been pushing for us to create a futsal programme as part of our academy, and may just have got the greenlight. I will start using the ball in some of my sessions, as it will greatly increase our movement, passing, and ball retention in tight areas.
Looking to the future, I have offered to work from England for this company. We lack a UK presence, and we are pretty much non-existent online. If we want to recruit a larger pool of coaches, that come with a higher pedigree, we need to look into our advertising. We have discussed a few ways in which I can do that from back home. I truly believe in what we are trying to do, but think our framework is counterproductive when it comes to human relations. Make your staff feel good, and productivity is greatly increased. As a company, we don’t do enough of that. I plan to change that.

Entry 4: Tuesday 31st of March 2015

We have no entered the Easter vacation, so there will be no coaching for two weeks. In that case I should sum up the recent events before I leave for Canada for a week. The stresses of Mexico City can really weigh you down. For instance, due to the amount of traffic and pollution here, certain cars cannot be driven on certain days. As this is the most polluted, nosiest, dirtiest, crowded, crime ridden city in the world, I can't think of anywhere better to go for a week to get away from it all than Southern Alberta.
The rainy season has apparently started early, which has disrupted most of our practices. One practice that did go ahead provided an interesting moment. I was working with a group that is not normally mine, but I do know a few of the kids. This group is the one the boss works with, but he had a game, so I took them. It's hard not to generalise, but this is a typical group that we initially encounter. As they are still fairly new to our coaching methods, they still persist with many bad habits. Work ethic and lack of respect are always two major issues that we need to address right from the beginnin. The topic was shooting, and I absolutely hate seeing line drills. It needs to be inclusive and repetitive. Line drills have about 90% of the kids standing there waiting their turn. You will not improve your technique if you are standing around doing nothing. I set up a game that included three teams, and they had a time limit to see how many goals they could score. After just the first round, there was so much cheating going on. Not even subtle cheating. I called the group in and without raising my voice, made a very firm and very clear point. I am not someone that uses bad language often, and certainly not infront of my players, but I felt a strong point had to be made. I informed them that I had seen a lot of cheating and that it was not to be tolerated. I then said "You cheat because you're crap. You're not good enough to win, so you have to cheat". The point really seemed to hit home. That, coupled with other organisational techniques such as ensuring EVERY player collects a ball, began to move the session a lot quicker, and actually saw them start to play well. Often in the past, discipline has been one of my weaker areas. The spoilt rich kids of Mexico and Kuwait have certainly made me improve that aspect of my coaching.
The 2001 Girls had a game against the worst team in the league. Five games, five defeats, a lot of goals. This would be the first time I had seen them after being in the hospital. The venue was walking distance from my apartment, and just around the corner from our own fields. We have a club wide policy to meet forty five minutes before the game. We find that most parents here don't often adhere to deadlines, but we enforce good routines nonetheless. One of my mantras is "Fail to prepare, prepare to fail". A huge advantage for our teams is the preparation we do. All of our opponents show up five minutes before the game, run a lap or two, and the coach kicks some balls at them. Professional standards create professional results. Unfortunately, ten minutes before kick off, I only had five players. That's one third of the amount I was expecting. Eventually we had eleven to start the game, but no one knew their positions or roles, I had to throw in some young players who are very new to the team, and it was a shambles. The parents were all saying there was nowhere to park. I don't buy that as people in Mexico park wherever they like. If a parent had parked in the goal, no one would have cared. There's also the thought that why didn't you just drop off your daughter and then go find a place to park. The response to that was "Have you seen the people round here? I'm not letting my daughter walk through here alone". Yes, I know the people round here. They're called students. The game was taking place at a college. A college I actually studied at for six months to learn Spanish. It's like these people live on a different planet.
The game itself went horribly wrong. We lost 1-0, and never threatened their goal. We were fortunate to only lose by one. All the things you would say our team is good at, we forgot to do. We could not connect any passes, most players were out of position, and very few were working hard. We were missing two key players; one being one of the fastest girls in Mexico, and another being what I describe as a "midfield destroyer", but we have played without them before and not suffered. I am trying to create a good team, not a team that relies on only a few players. We were all upset and disappointed, and it was entirely down to preparation. We were never in the game and always chasing. I can't blame the players as their parents are too protective of them to let them out the car by themselves. Looking back at our llast few games, we played one game with eight players because some parents didn't want to drive so far on a Saturday morning, so we lost badly, and another against our rivals, when in a winning position, our captain was sent off because the parents were shouting at the referee. One of many mind boggling stupid rules the league has, but still, this is a team that only lost one league game last season. Suddenly, despite our improvements, we're not doing it on the field. I know that you should always look inward to see what it is you can do as a coach to improve your own performance, but I am left stranded and bewildered when I don't even have the players, either through lateness, absence, or a completely stupid red card. I don't want to say it, but I think the parents have been hurting the team this season. After Easter, we will need to have a meeting about this. It cannot continue.
In reality, they are not bad people. Many of them gave up time last Saturday afternoon to help me out. I requested a training session with the players so that I could film it for my coaching evaluation. The club decided twenty four hours before we were due to start, to not award me permission to record it. I had permission slips ready to go with all the relevent information for parents, and strangely enough, the club had actually booked the field for us. After weeks of asking them for permission to record, twenty four hours before the start is when they declined. Big sarcastic thank you for you guys. Apparently it would have had to have gone to a board meeting. Why? A big club like this should have a procedure in place for something as mundane as requesting permission to film. Incredible. Essentially, the important decision makers have no real decisions to make, and their board meetings consist of deciding where they should purchase their doughnuts from, rather than important decisions regarding sports and operations. Nonetheless, one of the parents came to my rescue. They had secured a 7v7 sized field, literally just around the corner. Same time, essentially same place. Privately owned, they didn't care about video cameras. Twelve players showed up, which is a great number as you can get 2s, 3s, 4s, and 6s out of it. It was all going very well, I had promised them pizza for giving me their time, and because the cameras were out, they actually behaved. Then, a band started playing, as someone had hired the birthday area nearby. It wasn't amazingly loud, but my video will have an authentic Mexican soundtrack. To provide further problems, the sun disappeared behind some clouds, and the heavens opened. Thunder and lightning posed a threat, so we took a break to let it all pass. Then it started to hail. Why hail? It never hails in Mexico. Especially not in the usually warm month of March. These were big hailstones too. A few of them hit me quite hard on the head. When it all calmed down a little, we went back out. It was stop start for most of it, so will require some editing, and due to the time constraints, it felt rushed at the end, but there is enough video to work with, and I am satisfied with my performance. I will spend some time soon piecing it all together before uploading it. I have never seen myself coach, and believe it may be like an out of body experience. All part of the learning process.

Entry 5: Wednesday 22nd April 2015

We've been back after Easter vacation for just over a week now. It was so refreshing to get away from all this for just a little while.
I have told the parents that I will be leaving at the end of the season, but do not want the kids to know until after our final game. They are such an unorganised and ill-disciplined bunch that I fear they would potentially lose focus. It could happen that way with the parents, as they are the root of the problems, but with only a short time left, I am using it as a galvanising tool as we all make that final push towards playoffs. Still, no matter how much I insist, there are parents who just don't reply. All youth coaches face that problem. Why put your child in a team if you won't ever bring them to practices or games? Why have a phone or an email account if you never respond to messages? And it's not like we have enough players or that the rest of the parents are organised enough for me to exclude this lot from games. We actually rely on them. Some of them don't even think. It doesn't occur to them that you might need to know that your goalkeeper can't make it.
My 2001 Girls had a game last Friday, where thanks again to the parents, we have many players arriving as the game is starting. Without preparation, we rush onto the field and concede after three and then nine minutes. Finally the team woke up, and we responded on the twelfth, eventually going in at half time 3-2 up. The second half was great from our point of view, as we kept up that intensity, playing a great game, winning 4-2. Why do they do this? Why do some of them still think it is okay to show up five minutes before kick off? Some of them are adults with quite important jobs. Again, we just don't have enough players for me to not play them. Actually we do. We have about eighteen, but I would say only eight are dependable.
Monday we had another game. Probably the most frustrating game I have had. There was a lot of worry within the team as to whether we would have enough players. Many teams we face are school teams, and like to cause problems for travelling teams. They will put the game as late afternoon on a weekday. This is Mexico City. They know it is almost impossible for our players to get to that location at that time. They are trying to gain an advantage. Thankfully, a group of mums were able to make car pools, and we had a very strong side that were at the game early. We were able to prepare, and you could tell they were ready from the first second. Throughout the entire game, our goalkeeper did not touch the ball once. Our opponents entered our half only twice, the first being after eighteen minutes. When they did, their players celebrated. Our girls were suffocating the other team. The passing, moving, ball retention, patterns of play, as well as the high pressure and determined challenges, meant that when we had the ball, we kept it. When we lost it, we won it back immediately. The only thing missing was the goals. We had corner after corner, shot after shot, but just couldn't score. Finally, with four minutes remaining, we got that important winner, and it finished 1-0.
That game felt like we had reached the pinnacle of what we are capable of. I felt as if I didn't need to be there. I ensured that the team were ready, gave them their positions and instructions, and sent them on their way. When out on the field, they were doing everything I had been teaching them. They were calm, confident, and communicating very well. Everything they did adhered to the principles of play that we use as our parameters. It was a joy to see. Apart from not putting the ball in the net more times, there's absolutely no way I could find fault in them. This team has shown many times what they are capable of, and with playoffs right around the corner, I don't want anything to stand in their way. I have said to the parents "We should lose because the other team is better than us, not because you were late, or even couldn't be bothered to go". For a lot of them, I feel if it were boys of the same age, I'd have far less issues in this sense with parents. Girls aren't supposed to play football, you see. Doing my best to change that attitude, but I can't fight this culture by myself.
Knowing that I am leaving, things aren't bothering me as much as they used to. Stray dogs, people being rude, laziness, the disorganisation, is now becoming water off a duck's back. In two months I will be in Ohio, and will already have been out of Mexico for a week. Now that the end is in sight and that I know I am not stuck in this city, I have become a lot more patient and calm. Patient and calm are two words that everyone would use to describe me, but I become so frustrated at everything here, be it the horrible drivers, the social inequality, the corruption, or the crime, I feel like I have aged five years. I use moisturiser profusely to fight back against the wrinkles and lines. I've got far too many for a twenty-five-year-old.
The next job could be interesting. I have sent off a lot of applications to many opportunities back home, but no one is getting back to me. I believe for a lot of them, the hour drive I would have to make is putting them off. I had a Skype interview with an opportunity in Dubai. They will be in England too this summer, and want to talk to me again then. I didn't get to ask them much about what they do. All I know is they would like to see my coaching video when I am done editing it. It's a lot more money than here, and living in the Middle East before, I think I would much prefer it to Mexico. Like I've said many times before, money is not the motivation, but I need a better paying job if I will get through this master's without much debt.

Entry 6: Monday 6th July 2015

It's been a while since my last entry, and a lot has changed in that time. I am now back on the grid, with a phone, and access to a computer after my laptop broke. I am also home in England again, hoping to take advantage of new opportunities. We have had a long time off from assignments and work, which came at a convenient time , as my laptop had broken, I was moving home, and taking part in coaching courses over the last few weeks. I have so much to talk about.
Leaving Mexico is something I really had to do. I have mentioned the stress before of daily life, where nothing is ever simple, and danger is everywhere. On the professional front, it was more of the same; good ideas not being utilised, coaches competing to see who can work the least, and teams with no commitment or drive. My final day was typical. We were to give a session to poor kids in a village about twenty minutes away, up a mountain, in what looks like a rainforest type setting. It was a great opportunity for these kids, boys and girls of all ages, to receive some formal coaching for the first time in their lives, and to interact with foreigners, mainly English speakers. We also donated kit and equipment, which they loved. So to begin, this was a mandatory assignment, and all members of staff had to be there, which they weren't. We wanted to arrive at twelve, but set off after twelve and arrived at one. It was supposed to start at one, but none of the kids arrived until two. It turns out that they are still in school at one o'clock. I don't wish to sound like Captain Hindsight, but it was definitely something the coordinator should have considered before arranging all this. He's a good guy who means very well, but his application is often erratic and he never pays attention to the finer details. Case in point is when we were nearly hit by a truck on the freeway. We had a convoy of five cars, and since the coordinator was the only one to know where to go, he was at the front. His driving, like I said in regards to his application, is erratic and without attention to detail. When he overtakes someone, he doesn't realise that he is actually speeding away from five cars behind him, who also have to pull off dangerous moves in order to keep up. On the freeway, he overtook a truck. Then car two went around the truck. Just as I, driving car three, went to go round the truck, our coordinator then pulled off the road to take the exit. It was a close shave for car two, having just got around the truck. What was I to do? If we miss the turning, the two cars behind me would not have seen it, and would also follow me in the wrong direction. If I sneak in across this truck, we run the risk of a high speed collision. Stupidly, I chose to cut off the truck, being missed by inches. Cars two and three were honking, waving, and shouting obscenities at the guys in car one. Eventually when we got there, we confronted them about the manoeuvre. They said they had not realised as they were too busy listening to music and chatting. Typical. And after eighteen months of that type of incident, I can honestly say that I have never been so glad to leave, and in the last weeks since, have not looked back. Definitely the right decision.
My first port of call after Mexico City was Los Angeles, and the two hour drive north to Santa Barbara for the NSCAA Advanced National Diploma. These courses are worth the money just for the experience alone. Great weather, great facilities, and great people. The course is based around the 8v8 format, and is mainly focussed on coaching in the game. It was ten months since I completed the level before, which looked at 6v6. I felt confident right away. The NSCAA is looking to guide, help, and educate, unlike other organisations that are looking to trip you up and find fault. We had some very good assessors, who showed us interesting sessions, and took us through some fascinating lectures. It is a great group to be part of, and I reccommend them to all coaches I know. These courses provide a great way to network, and to show your name and face to important and influencial people that may pop up again. One such instance was one of the course leaders happened to be a speaker at the summer symposium. I have noticed that the higher you get in your field, the more you see the same people. In regards to contacts, I now have more contacts all over the USA, and also with other nationalities. There were many Brits and Americans, but also Mexicans, a Guatemalan, a Croatian, Ecuadorian, Colombian, Portuguese, Iran, and one member of the staff from Trinidad and Tobago. Soccer truly is an international game.
As part of the self reflective process that comes with coaching, over the years I have noticed my weaknesses, and tried to improve upon them. These are perhaps aspects that don't come natural to my personality. They say that coaching is like having many hats, and you need the right hat for the right session. Working on these deficient areas have given me many more hats, and have actually become my strong points as a coach. The three things are confidence, interventions, and information. The three overlap a bit. I have not always had the confidence to talk in front of other better and more experienced coaches. Now I am better and more experienced, and have developed confidence. I have been on TV and radio many times, and spoken in front of large groups of people. Getting out of the comfort zone, and making these situations become normal and regular, that is how I have gained this confidence. This also allows me to go in and make the interventions. "FREEZE!" Loud, and assertive. The players look up and they listen. I am okay with telling players where they made mistakes, and having the knowledge and ability to tell, show, ask, guide, and challenge. I can quickly and confidently display an array of coaching styles during these interventions, such as command, Q+A, guided discovery etc. This continues into information, as now that I am a more experienced coach, I have far more knowledge, and can recognise cues and situations much quicker. What a lot of coaches are guilty of, and there were many on this course, is talking for far too long. They suggest in game interventions last between fifteen and thirty seconds. Any longer and you lose their attention, heart rate drops, causing intensity to drop, and then all of a sudden, when you restart, it is a whole different scenario. I was going in, quick, loud, sharp, and assertive. "FREEZE! When you receive the ball, I want your first touch to go this way. Now what are your options? What could the right winger to do help? Then what do I want to see you do after that? Good. Play." Quick demonstration or rehearsal if needed. Get in, get out. It seems many coaches who fall victim to blabbering become a little nervous when taking centre stage. Suddenly the spot light is on them, and the forget their lines, so just repeat everything they know about soccer, rather than making a succinct point. I did receive some positive feedback from the assessors after my sessions that I was one of the best on the course for interventions. That did wonders to my confidence. Four years ago I failed the English equivalent course, citing my interventions as my weakest point. I have since been informed that I have passed the NSCAA National Diploma. Now I need to save up for the Premier Diploma.
These three points I have worked on have manifested themselves into other areas of my life and my coaching. For instance, I don't know many people to have played ukulele publically. When I was living in Kuwait, I practiced on mine, and sung a couple songs to a live public audience. I can hardly even sing, and one of the songs was about beer. Alcohol is banned in Kuwait. I can't go doing things like that, and then act shy out there on the field. How I present myself to people has changed; confident smile, firm handshake, and making a huge effort to remember names. Something Walt Disney and other great leaders are really big on. I believe I could go back to the course and address everyone by their first name. And If I get it wrong, I am confident enough to feel silly in front of people. My interest and commitment to learning has improved immensely. I never took notes before, but I was taking notes during this course. The note taking then continued into Ohio.
I flew from LA, after a trip to Disney, to Chicago, connected, and then into Columbus. There, I met my parents. The first time I had seen them in six months. As I write this, I am back home again, the first time I have been here to stay and not just visit in three years. I am much more mature, and far more of an adult than when I left for Canada in 2012. We had a few days together before the summer symposium. We took a tour of the campus, lead by a lovely guide called Megan. The Ohio campus is beautiful and inspiring. For all I know, it could be typical of campuses in the USA, but I have never seen anything like it. She showed us many important sites, but I was mainly interested in the sports facilities. I was like a kid in a candy store. I kept thinking to myself "This is MY university? I am a student of this place?". Incredible. This gave me great energy going into the lectures. When the lectures began, obviously some were more tailored to my interest than others, but I found them all to be beneficial and interesting. The ones I picked up on most were to do with the psychological aspects. I enjoyed learning about leadership, relationships with players, understanding the needs of the team etc. Lectures from Cory Dobbs, Dee Stokes, and Paul Marco (the coach from the NSCAA the week before) are the ones that stand out. I took notes of everything, and will be referring to them again and again. A lot of what they had talked about I had heard of and learnt before, but they went into more depth, and actually gave examples of how it is applicable, and how to use it. As an example, creating leadership within players. We all know it is important, but how do we do it? Delegating specific roles in that aspect will be something I begin to do when the season starts again, gradually developing the mental side of the players. One slide showed essentially eight roles that players can have; enforcer, grinder etc. I can look at one or two each week as a side project with my players. For instance, I may be teaching shooting as the topic, but will also be creating learning opportunities for players to demonstrate and understand the qualities of these different roles.
I came away from Ohio with new friends, and the sense that this was definitely the right place to be. I am overwhelmed with Bobcat pride. It looks like we all were, judging by the amount of people that bought Bobcat merchandise. It also got me thinking about what's next? Research and learning are two ever more increasingly interesting areas to me. The more I learn, the more I realise there is to learn. All the while, I am becoming a much better coach. I have since looked into and discussed briefly options for a PhD. That is a long way away yet, and I have to walk before I can run. Let's get the master's finished before I look too far ahead. I'm currently on academic probation, so the first step is to get off that. It's annoying, but I understand. I missed a lot of work round about March, April time, after I was in the hospital. When I returned to studying, I went on to achieve good grades, very good grades, but the damage to my average had been done. I always look at the positives; I didn't die, and I would rather have this setback at the beginning of the course rather than at the end. I've recently had another setback, as for some reason the latest module did not load, or had not enrolled me, and so now I am a week behind, having missed some deadlines. Oh well. I can't go back and change the past, but I can work my hardest to improve my future. There will always be setbacks, but I am determined to push through, using them to fuel my motivation for success, rather than complaining and using it as a way to justify and accept mediocraty.
When we had finished in Ohio, we took a trip as a family, driving all the way to Montreal, through Niagara Falls and Toronto. It was beautiful. I landed in England on Friday, and straightaway was hit by disappointment. Saturday afternoon was supposed to be the realisation of my life's dream; to see AC/DC in concert. It turns out the ticket seller was all a big scam. I gained no closure from knowing it had happened to hundreds of others too. I don't care so much about the money lost, but that was a huge kick in the gut, and I spent the rest of Friday and Saturday distant, not talking to anyone, and being a bit on edge. I have calmed down now.
Sunday took me to a place called Crawley for the FA Futsal Level 1 course. Futsal is like small sided soccer, with a heavier ball for reduced bounce. It is a great way to develop the technique and understanding of young players. Paying testimony to its benefits, are all the Brazilian and Spanish greats. Since futsal World Cups began, Brazil have won five, and Spain two. In soccer World Cup histor, Brazil have five, and Spain have one. There is a correlation not only in that, but also in the club teams, and the amount of quality players each country produces. England is still very, very far behind. I have played and coached it before, but only in an informal setting. This course had no assessment, and was attendance only. Meaning I am now a qualified futsal coach. Congratulations to me. There are many similarities to the rules and plays of ice hockey. Too many men, empty net, power play, rolling subs, lineup changes every few minutes etc. The benefits of the game allow for greater technical development of players. With there being smaller sides, players are far more involved in the game. Usually there is always one kid who is not very good, who looks to hide during games and practices. In futsal, you cannot hide. It develops all areas of the game, as the technical demands ask so much of a player. On a big field, defenders defend and attackers attack. When there is only five of you on a field the size of a basketball court, your importance and contribution goes from about 9% to 20%. You have to be involved, you have to be working hard, you have to be paying attention, and you have to be able to master all skills. It is starting to take off in England. I am hoping we can convince the dinosaurs. I had to stop taking part in the practical as I was in too much pain. There is always someone on a course who cannot play, and I never want it to be me. The course in California had such huge physical demands on us, I hadn't recovered from that. While on that course, I had not fully recovered from my hospital visit and my half marathon. Before the half marathon, and still today, I have costrochondritis. I am now skinny and flabby, and unable to walk. A problem with my knee means it is hard to turn, and after kicking a guy very hard in the leg a few weeks back, striking the ball with my foot causes tremendous pain.
I hate standing around and not doing anything. I feel like I am useless and not contributing. Really, I am very much injured and should not be playing. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Today, being Monday, I started the Goalkeeping Level 2 course. If I throw the ball long, my chest hurts, if I kick the ball, my foot hurts, but at least I can still dive. Right? Two minutes in, I made an easy save, and landed on my back. I have a lump at the bottom of my spine and landed right on it. That was horrendous pain. There's two days left on this course. I really don't know what I can do. A lot of these problems have accumulated over time. With the healthcare in Mexico being so awful and so expensive, I kept thinking I would wait until I was home, able to enjoy the free British healthcare. Playing through the pain, with this busy schedule, and all this travelling, has been a very stupid idea. There's two days to go. Once it is finished, what's left of me will crawl to the nearest doctor and beg to be fixed. I'm only twenty six and yet feel like an old man.
Though I am not a goalkeeper, nor a goalkeeper coach, my justification, and the justification of others for taking this course is based around the same ideas. Professionally, when competing for a job, knowing goalkeeping gives me an extra skill, like knowing another language, to become a more attractive prospect to any potential employers. I have coached goalkeepers before, and even designed curriculums for the keepers. I want to expand upon that knowledge. It is rather interesting. In coaching, there is a lot of animosity between coaches and goalkeeper coaches. The more I can understand the needs of my players, and the work of the other coaches around me, the more beneficial I can be for my team. It's another feather in the cap. It is another badge. Top coaches work within teams of coaches, and have a whole array of staff to work with; fitness, physio, psychologist, goalkeeper, assistant etc. The more of each role I can understand, the better leader and manager I will be, being able to make more informed decisions. Similar to why I desire to learn more languages; it presents more opportunities for me to travel and explore the world, but as soccer is an international game, you are always working with players and coaches from different backgrounds. It makes you more adaptable and integrated.
I am hoping that by the next journal entry, I will have began the road to recovery, and can start feeling like a twenty six year old again, that I get back on track with the master's course, I pass the GK level 2, and have a better understanding of my position in the employment world. Good things come to those who go out and earn them.

Entry 7: Monday 27th of July 2015

Life is starting to get a bit more structure about it. I have been finding teams to work with, and beginning preparations for the season ahead. Tomorrow will begin the summer camps, which I am very much looking forward to, not just because of the fun it is to be working in the windy British summer, but also for the financial incentive. Since being back, I have worked a small number of hours per week. It has been a great aide to my transition, allowing me free time to take care of things, but I do need to start making some money soon. Like I have said before, money is not the reason why I do this, but at the same time, I do have bills to pay, and don't wish to wind up as a recluse eating cereal alone in a dark corner. So that takes that off my mind.
The boss, who was my old boss, has given me two teams that I can now call my own. U9s and U7s. The U7s are very new to soccer and have not had much coaching, providing a challenge, but the kids are great, and from the limited time I have had with them so far, I know I can whip them into shape. The U9s are boys, and I have had my fourth session with them this past weekend. At the end of every practice, we play a game against the other U9 group, who are a much stronger outfit. Immediately, my group began to play very well and competitively against the opponents. The parents were amazed, as it looked like the gap had closed. I put this down to organisation and freedom, rather than my magic touch. It seemed to me that there had been a lot of chaos before, and all I have povided is a bit of sanity. In any situation, it has to be the players that take the credit, and especially considering I have been there for only five minutes, I was reluctant to take any praise.
With this U9s group, I start every session with some core individual technical practices, working on skills and ball manipulation. We practice twice a week, and I have begun to now incorporate mental skills into the practices. Essentially it is self regulation and leadership. You have a much better base to build off if you can get the players to take ownership and responsibility, while buying into your ideas. Using the presentation at Ohio from Dr. Corey Dobbs, I have worked on grinders and enforcers. Through a use of leading questions, asking for examples, and providing challenges, I have the boys understanding the importance of these concepts.
Now that I am a familiar face, and with the season over a month away, I felt the need to really step things up a bit. Not with the kids, but with the parents. I would always hear the ever so helpful advice coming from a squad of dads on the far side, whose tone always implies fault and blame, never encouragement and confidence. My favourites are always the Captain Hindsight comments. "You should have passed it", "He was your man". Past tense is never helpful when we are playing in the moment. With fifteen different instructions coming from the sidelines at every opportunity, the boys look lost, scared, and confused. My CB, who the previous week would take risks by dribbling out of defence, was this week, kicking the ball away at every chance he got. Coincidentally, this was also the first time I had seen his dad at a practice. If you say something negative to a kid, their head literally goes down. They look at the floor. A player looking at the floor is not anticipating or scanning, they are self doubting and trying to not make mistakes. I do not want my players doing that. During a time out, I asked them  if they enjoyed hearing so many different instructions from the side, and we had a conversation about it. At that age, they were very quick and honest in their answers. They don't like their parents telling them what to do. What kid does, really? We agreed that the only voices that matter are theirs and mine, and we should only be listening to each other. What goes on outside of that is irrelevant. One boy volunteered that his dad gives him candy if he does what he says. I had to hide the infuriation from my face, and try to ignore the voices in my head that were trying to dissect that statement as to what upsets me more.
Nevertheless, in this game, they lost, but did score more goals against the opponent than I have ever seen them. Progress and positives. So we turn a game from being full of errors - well not really errors as they were always taking the easy option, so more lack of recognising opportunities - into a positive, and all the kids were happy. I had asked the boss, who coaches the other team if I could have a word with the parents. He gave me the nod, and the chains were broken. Big confident smile, "Hello everybody", trying not to sound like Dr. Nick from The Simpsons, and I went into it. The dads, arms folded, were all sizing me up, with that "don't you tell me what's best for my kid" look that parents in the wrong can do so well. I didn't miss a beat. "Now that I have been appointed coach of this team, it is my job to create better players. In order to create better players, I have to create the right environment..." and went from there. I made points such as; the boys can't be afraid to fail, make mistakes, or take risks. Don't tell them what to do as it may be different from what I said and confuses them. It's hard to get kids to listen to one person let alone five. We want to create Ronaldinhos, not Titus Brambles, yet if you keep telling your kid to kick it out, he will become a Titus Bramble. If I am working on passing, then in the games, my only concern is how they pass, not how they shoot, tackle etc. and so by making comments about other aspects, it may not be relevant to what I have done with them and what I care about. And most importantly, if they are doing it wrong, then I will tell them. Big I. Massive I. No one needs to step in. The boys, clinging to their dads legs, seemed appreciative that I had had that word with them. Shut up, and let them enjoy it. I then finished by saying talk to me any time about anything, if you have any questions or want to know something about me, go ahead, and that I am a Blackburn Rovers fan, a team so terrible that it always gets a sympathetic laugh from any audience.
Just as I thought it was all done, the boss then stepped in, and gave me the biggest vote of confidence I have ever had. He made me feel like a young girl looking at one of those talentless One Direction boys. He said he had waited for years for me to come back, and that I am one of the most experienced and qualified coaches on staff, and that this team is very lucky to have me.
Following on from that session, I went to the pub down the road to meet an old friend of mine. This is someone I used to play with, whose team I have been invited to guest coach on two occasions. Him and his assistant are looking for a new coach to come in and coach their team, leaving the game day stuff down to them, as is the service we provide. This is often the way with teams that have volunteers or parents, that they bring in a qualified coach to work with the team in training. A recurring theme is that a lot of teams aren't happy with some of the coaches they have. They are young and inexperienced, and with that, lack confidence and charisma. They are chest talkers, who struggle to make eye contact. Not good for coaching. I was there years ago. That used to be me. Now it isn't, and with more experience under their belts, they will move on from that too.
The meeting was very successful, and I start next week. They are an U15 boys team that play 11v11. I will train them for two hours on a Monday night. The meeting lasted for two hours, so I will try to sum it up shortly. I began by asking them what they wanted, and as usual, the answers flow, but it is never specific. I need to have a clear picture of what they want in order for me to work towards it. To elicit these answers and to paint the picture in the mind's eye, I said they have three points, and must finish my sentence. Your team is playing, and a person walks by the pitch who is completely unconnected to the team, looks over to watch and says positively "That is a team that..." Their answers were; is enthusiastic, is organised, and is creative. Success. Now I know what they want. Delving into it a bit more, they have a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A is a 3-5-2, a system I am not too familiar with in terms of coaching, and Plan B as a 4-2-3-1. My weapon of choice.
I discussed with them creating the right environment, and how to provide organisation and structure by removing unimportant decisions from their thought processes. For instance, a lot of teams at this level do not have well rehearsed set piece organisation. It's just kick it and hope, or head it out if it comes to you. This creates confusion on game day, and that's where goals are conceded. So free-kicks, corners etc. everyone needs to know their role, and the whole team needs to know the organisation. Using the 60% rule, if only 60% of them understand it first time, at least they can instruct the others on where to be and where to go. Once we have our base, being understood basic routines, the players can then take ownership of it and begin to be creative with their ideas, but we must first establish that base.
We will be working on fitness, actually using some of the ideas I have been looking at through these recent assignments and discussion board posts. The first thirty minutes will be on fitness. Once I have assessed them and got a feel for them, the periodization will come into effect. We have five sessions before the season begins, and a short five week meso-cycle has been determined. The first week is essentially me learning about the team, and we will go from there, but we have a lot to begin with already. I've also encouraged the two guys in charge to record some stats through the season. It seems like a really exciting opportunity, and I can't wait to get started.
Last Thursday I had a coaching interview with a decent standard ladies team. They play in a fairly high league that would require travel around the south of the country, to play against strong and big name teams. I was going for the reserve team manager position. I had spoken to the first team manager and the chairwoman, and they wished to see a half an hour session on attacking shape, moving into defensive shape to then begin attacks. I showed up and it was a little unorganised. Not only are they looking for a manager, but also a coach or two for the teams. A coach was supposed to be there but wasn't. Not sure why. Anyway, this meant I was given a full hour with them. The wonderful councils and leisure organisations in this country, decide within their infinite wisdom, that during the summer, when the weather is nice and the kids are off school, to tear down all goals, and not maintain the grass or fields for three months. There is a movement to change this, but dinosaurs live longer these days. This meant I frantically had to set up a field. My 50x70 looked more like a hexagon that had been laid out by intoxicated monkeys, but it still did the job. The attacking team had to score in the big goal, the defending team had to win the ball and put it through one of the three gates on the opposite side to the goal. Easy enough instructions. Play.
I let them play for a few minutes, and it wasn't going right. Opportunities to step in and coach. Gave a few demonstrations and instructions. Play. Still, it wasn't coming out. They have awful linkup play when attacking, but is the root of this in attacking? I pulled them in and explained that it wasn't coming out right, and I was going to flip the session round, working on defending first, then attacking. So essentially the attacking team were now being taught how to regain possession in the opposition's half. It started to look good. It was going how I saw it previously in my mind. Going from zero shots to then three in a minute, it had definitely improved. Then it hit me. The defending team broke through with the ball, creating a 3v1, and scored. The attacking team stopped chasing back when it had become apparent that they were going to score. "You and you, why did you stop running?" "Because I wasn't going to catch her" was the reply. Fists on hips, jaw tilted towards the moon, and the feeling of my hood blowing in the wind behind me like a cape, I retorted with "You should never give up. If you stop running, you will never catch her. If you keep running, you might catch her. She might slow down, she might stumble. You have to keep going. You must fight to give yourself every chance you can get." I then turned to the group, continuing my spiel, explaining that I will never accept anything less than 100% effort, 100% of the time. Now go get some water now I set up the next part.
With time to kill and nothing planned, I decided to let them play a match, and I would just watch to make observations. The chairwoman and first team manager had asked me what I thought and what I could see. I explained that I think they were very good technically. This is a good team with good players. The downside is that they are tactically inept, and any organised team will punish them. They will get found out. They both seemed relieved and impressed that I had noticed that. The majority of the team are quite young and have been together for years, progressing from U18 last season. Before, they were a big fish in a small pond, winning the league and cup double for many consecutive seasons. They are concerned with how well they will manage the step up. The previous coach, though a nice gentleman, was perhaps a soft touch with them, and as they always won, there was never really any need to push them. They are so good that they could be lazy, and yet still win the game on quality alone. That won't be enough for the league they will be playing in next season. They also pointed out that maybe one or two players in the team have an attitude problem, and were confident that I could handle them. It seems to be that the rest of the group are already tired of those players, and so are managing themselves. Having the majority onside like that will only help your enforcement of discipline.
The players gave positive feedback, which I did not ask for, but was happy to receive. Any kind words like that may hopefully persuade those making the decision that I am the right one for the job. They said that other coaches just shout at them when they get it wrong. That certainly won't be me. I assured the manager and chair that I am certain I can do great things with this team, and they seemed very enthused by my confidence. I hope I get this opportunity, and feel I have proven to be a strong candidate. There is one other coach for them to consider, and then I will hear from them soon.
So with all the positives, there is inevitably a negative somewhere. I like to put that last as it brings me back down to Earth after blowing my own trumpet for so long. The big all important UEFA B course that I had planned to do when I got back have just last week rejected my application. It seems I have not done enough to convince them that I am worthy of a place. Upsetting and frustrating, as I was accepted before when I failed first time, four years ago. I definitely haven't spent the last four years getting worse, as I completed my football studies degree, started a master's degree, picked up all three youth modules, began working in coaching full time, went away to work in five different countries, and just recently completed and passed the US equivalent of this qualification. But alas, they said no. I have to not take it personally, pick myself up, and try again at the start of next year. This has to be used to fuel my determination. I will get there. I am more than good enough. I just need to prove it to them.

Entry 8: Wednesday 5th August 2015

There's not much to report since the last entry. As it is the summer, not much is happening. The kids are away on vacation, and everyone is trying to enjoy the time off. I'm enjoying studying and learning Spanish, and getting what little I can into place before the season starts for my various teams.
Since the last post I have paid a deposit for my girlfriend and I to go on a tour to Arnhem in the Netherlands with my new U15 boys team. It's a weekend excursion, with a stay in a holiday park, a city tour, and of course a soccer tournament. These tours have always looked like such fun, and I am really excited for it. It will be a great chance to witness Dutch youth teams up close, and also to practice my Dutch.
I am still waiting to hear a decision from Saints Ladies. It was between me and another guy, so I am not really sure what the delay is. It's either me or him. Unless there is something they're not telling me.
Last weekend I went to the women's FA Cup final at Wembley. We arrived forty-two minutes after kick off and missed the only goal of the game as Chelsea beat Notts County 1-0. There was horrific traffic after a couple of crashes in key areas, causing the delay. This was the first women's final played at Wembley, and the attendance was 30,000. Still 50,000 empty seats, but a big step forward for the female game. As boys, we dreamed of scoring the winning goal in a final at Wembley, and now girls can have that same dream too. We are still a long way off the Americans, but it is good to see that progress has been made since I have been away.
I was able to witness the Emirates Cup the weekend before last. It is a preseason tournament hosted by Arsenal every year, and they invite other good teams, and is always a lot of fun. The other three teams were Lyon, Wolfsburg, and Villareal. So four teams from four of the top European leagues. Now it may only be preseason, but I realised the quality I have been missing in recent years. I have grown accustomed to top division American and Mexican, or second division English. To suddenly be watching this quality again was a real eye opener. Anyone can tell you that Europe is better, but I don't believe they can quantify it. I saw it. It is their control, their passing, their manipulation of the ball, their awareness. Subtle, but hugely important.
Work recently has been in the form of summer camps. Four days a week, 10-3. I know many that do 9-4, but having been on those, I think it is far too demanding in the kids. They lose attention, energy, and just become bored. I feel it is a money issue. If a company can keep you for an extra two hours, they can quite rightly demand more money. Then the quality of the product suffers. Personally, it gives me more time and energy to study and go to the gym.

Entry 9: Wednesday 19th August 2015

So now I am the manager of Saints Ladies Reserves. It took a while, there was a lot of waiting and confusion, but now I am in charge. Last night was the first time I met the coach that I will be working with. It's a shame that the communication at the club has meant it has taken so long, but at least we are there now and can go forward from this point.


Last Sunday was my first game with the team. I went in having an awful understanding of their names and positions, but we put a team out nonetheless. The team we played are a few leagues below us, so we weren't expecting much in the form of opposition. With a new team and new players, there is a lot of information that I need to pass on to the players, but not all at once or else it will be information overload. We will get there eventually, but as they say, Rome wasn't build in a day. The three things I was looking at were how well we can keep possession, how well we can press, and what the set piece organisation looked like. Our side is apparently notoriously bad at defending corners. That needs to change. I also took time to remind them of my three core values; effort, respect, fun. That can be reworded as hard work, fairness, creativity, or anything like that. It works with adults and kids.


The limited time I have had with this team was spent getting to know their strengths and weaknesses, as well as names, and trying to instil small parts of my philosophy. I have told the team that I am looking at performance above winning. We get our performance right and we will probably win, but anything can happen in a game, so my goal is a performance based outcome, with winning as a byproduct. In addition to this, it serves the purpose of seeing the bigger picture, and realising that there can be pride in defeat. We are a new team, and we are a young team, with very few players playing at this level before. We haven't been given much chance of success, and rightly so. If we go out thinking we will win every game, we will be greatly disappointed when that invariably doesn't happen. We must believe we can win in every game we play, but realise that we must get our performances right first. Week by week, we will work on something different to prepare the team for the season, and throughout the season too. If in practice the theme is defending crosses, then I will measure the success of the game based on how well we defend crosses, as well as other components we have worked on recently. I will now look to plan a mesocycle that will help build the team, brick by brick.


The game, at the very least, showed me the size of the mountain. I have been saying all along that there are good players here, but as far as the team goes, they look disjointed, unsure of each other, and unsure of their roles. This will come in time. Even more concerning though is the mental conditioning displayed by the players in regards to decision making. Their former coach is a nice gentleman, but is prehistoric, and thus will have instilled in them some very old and out dated ways of thinking. For instance, every player nowadays in modern football is dynamic and can handle a number of different roles. This has changed support play and movement exponentially in all the top sides all over the world. In this team though, defenders are defenders. They don't pass the ball, they clear it. They don't look to receive the ball if the midfield can't play forward, as their only job is to stop the attacks of the opposition. They certainly aren't going to support up the pitch with overlapping runs, as defenders aren't allowed to cross the halfway line. That's far too dangerous.


It's very sad to see that. A lot of them are sixteen and seventeen, so that is how they have always been taught to do things. Fortunately, they are still young enough to mould, and technically proficient enough to be able to carry out the tasks that I will ask of them. It really is painful to see young footballers play such a rigid system. The Dutch broke all that in the mid seventies and revolutionised the game, but there are still people who think about football in 1960s English parameters. Where's the evidence to back that up? The Ducth have been to three World Cup finals since then, and have won the European Championship. England haven't. Every great club team to succeed in Europe has had a large Dutch influence, such as AC Milan, Barcelona, Real Madrid. The English have never had such an effect. Dutch clubs have a long history of creating great players, which are then sold for huge fees. We don't have that in England.


Anyway, I want them to play an expansive, possession based, high pressure style of attacking football. Everyone has to contribute in all areas. I'll be looking at examples of Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, and Bayern Munich. Essentially Pep Guardiola and Jurgen Klopp kind of ideas. That was not the case Sunday. Some players just didn't want the ball, especially the defence, and likewise, the attacking players didn't want to defend. Most teams will complain about similar problems in their side, but never the successful ones. The game wasn't too bad. We did have about ten clear goalscoring opportunities, often in the form of a 1v1 with the keeper following a defence slicing pass. We never put any of those in. The goal came in the 90th minute, a header after a flick on from a corner. As our opponents had only threatened our goal once all game, hitting the crossbar from thirty yards, we believed we had the late winner. Though I am performance based and the performance was awful, it's always nice to start with a win.


Or so we thought. In the ninety first minute, our opponents won a corner, whipped it in, and no one touched it as it curled in for the Olimpico. Shameful. Having a player guarding the post prevents that easily. Having a keeper who can catch the ball prevents that. Having defenders that can head the ball prevents that. Having a midfield that doesn't give the ball away prevents that. To make matters worse, the opposition then scored in the ninety third minute, on the counter attack as our midfield and many defenders stood on the halfway line and watched, out of breath.


Sometimes a bad example is as necessary as a good one. So what does it teach us?


100% effort for 100% of the time - Both training and matches. Put in the effort in training, and you are fit enough to chase back and defend. Put in the effort in matches, and you catch their counter attack and prevent the goal.


Every inch counts - I may be paraphrasing Al Pacino, but the margins are so small. If a player in the midfield gives away a pass, it doesn't seem like a big deal. If someone doesn't press quick enough and misses the interception, it doesn't seem like a big deal. Suddenly, the opposition are in our half, but the defence don't need to chase back because there is cover. Surely someone else will deal with it. And then they score. Whose fault is that? Everybody's. I believe we call this the butterfly effect.


Aggregation of Marginal Gains - Something I have been banging on about a lot recently. To echo the last point, every inch does count. We have to improve everything we can, even if it is only a small amount, even if it seems unimportant. Let's just have a look at some examples:


Thorough warm up - Better mentally and physically prepared going into the game. More switched on in the first ten minutes. Could prevent two early goals in a season. Not much.


Thorough cool down - Better chance at preventing injury. Means our players will miss less games and will suffer less overuse injuries. May get an extra two games out of two players by avoiding injury. One of them could be an important player who goes on to score one winning goal in a game they may have been injured in.


High pressure - Better organisation and quicker to the ball in the opposition half of the field. It may win us a corner or so per game. If we work on the idea that five corners equals one goal, over five games, we may score one extra goal from forcing errors in their defence.


Tracking back - Sometimes the defence can deal with it, but we need to prevent overloads. By following your runner, you could stop them from scoring. You could do it one hundred times and only intercept the ball once, but if everyone does it, we could prevent one goal per game.


Set pieces - It depends on the level at which you play, but goals coming from free kicks and corners account for a significant proportion of goals scored. Better organisation in attack and defence may score us an extra four goals per season, and it may prevent four goals per season.


Fitness - Certainly killed us on Sunday. If we had ninety three minutes in us rather than just ninety, we win the game 1-0. Being fitter might only prevent five goals per season.


Analysis - Can be time consuming and boring, but worth doing. Videos of games, highlighting team and individual performances, showing errors and how we can adapt certain aspects of the game. For example, looking at the attacking runs of the wingers might enable them to put in an extra cross or two per game. Not much, but it is an inch worth gaining. Both wingers put in two extra crosses per game, that's four more crosses for the CF to run onto, that could give us an extra goal every other game.


Know your role - If every player has a little bit of a better understanding of their roles and responsibilities, they improve their performance. Even as much as five percent per player would be like having an extra half player on the pitch. Improve every player performance by ten percent and we are then figuratively playing twelve versus eleven. How much would it help to have an extra player on the pitch? Especially against tough teams, we would love to play with twelve. Even if it seems unimportant, like the right defender and the left defender bombing forward to join in with attacks, it gives us another player in an attacking area. That's another resource. That puts the odds slightly more in our favour. Overlapping fullbacks may only give us an extra goal per three games.


These are just some examples, but I will add it up, using a twenty game season to make the numbers easier.


Goals prevented: 2, 20, 4, 5 = 31


Goals scored: 4, 4, 10, 6 = 24


Now these are just rough estimations, and it depends on the team you are playing, as well as your own strengths and weaknesses. The point is that it demonstrates how every little inch counts. Twenty four scored and thirty one prevented are very high estimates, but who knows? It's something to strive for.


I will make a comparison using teams from the English Premier League last season. After the final thirty eight games, the following positions looked like this, with goals for, goals against, and goal average.


1st. Chelsea - 73 - 32 - +41
4th. Manchester United - 62 - 37 - +35
10th. Crystal Palace - 47 - 51 - -4
17th. Aston Villa - 31 - 57 - -26
20th. QPR - 42 - 73 - -31


Goals convert into points. Manchester United in fourth finished seventeen points behind the Champions Chelsea. The difference in their goal difference was six. Six 1-0 wins gives you eighteen points, enough for Man Utd to move above Chelsea into first place. Likewise at the bottom. QPR were relegated with thirty points, and Aston Villa were safe with thirty eight. The goal difference was five between the two teams. Five 1-0 wins gives QPR an extra fifteen points, which would have put them at 14th place, meaning they would still be playing Premiership football this season. Every little helps.


The players have to understand this, and it is so important for them to see the value in everything that you do. As with the parents, who still have a huge influence over the younger ones, they need to be on board too.


There's not much to say about my other teams, as many kids have been away for the holidays. At the U15s team, we are having difficulties with one boy. He has awful discipline. Never listens or pays attention, acting like an idiot every chance he gets, then gets frustrated and complains when he doesn't understand an exercise. This often leads to many tellings off, which then brings out the victim complex from within. I spotted this within the first week, and was then given the green light to deal with it my way in the second week onwards. At the start of the session in week two, I made it clear to the players that if anyone does anything stupid (not as ambiguously as that, it came with examples which I elicited from the players) then they will have to sit in the timeout box. A bit childish for teenagers to have to do, but surely they won't want to be sat out like a naughty kid, right? It was established with everyone and agreed upon.


Low and behold, not long into the session, we have our first victim. I can't remember what it was, probably something like talking while I'm talking, or kicking balls in the goal while I was doing a demonstration. First of all he refused to do it, and went and sat somewhere different to where the timeout box was. That's a clear challenge to my authority, so I stood firm. He saw the only way out for him was to go to the box. After a while I called him back in. He wasn't happy. In a basic 3v3 game, he was doing his usual of moaning and not trying. After making an intervention, he was moaning some more. I told him he needs to get on with it. I believe he was saying he is an attacker and therefore doesn't need to know how to defend, which is such a shame he thinks that and brings me back to my earlier point about changes in football. If you watch Barcelona and Real Madrid, you will see even Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo pressing from the front, tackling players, and working hard to win the ball. He then mumbled something at me under his breath, and was acting, sorry to say it, like a teenage girl that just had her phone taken away from her parents. Amongst this mumbling was swearing, aimed at me. And that's it, out of the session you go. You do not swear at the coach, you do not act disrespectfully. I didn't get angry, I never do with my players, and he was gone from the session with still an hour remaining. The other boys continued, in the manner that they always do, and we got a lot of good work done without being needlessly distracted.


Fast forward to this week, and on Monday, I was told by the manager, a mate of mine, that the boy and his parents want a chat. He told them things like I was singling him out, embarrassing him, talking down to him, and only picking on him when the others were doing it to. No they weren't. Absolutely not. Even if they were, that's a terrible excuse to justify your own behaviour. Typical behaviour which all coaches and teachers would have seen. Parents recently separated, diagnosed with ADHD (which I do believe is a real thing, but also believe many cases are misdiagnoses of Little Shit Syndrome, and I do apologise as LSS has not yet been recognised by any psychological journal) and the boy does have some talent about him, but is nothing special. Definitely believes himself to be the star, which is compounded by the fact his grandfather scored the winning goal for Saints in the FA Cup final against Manchester United. If they are going to use ADHD as an excuse for swearing, I feel they may be confusing it with Tourette's Syndrome.


At the start of training, I went to speak with the assistant manager, the mum, and the boy. She explained that he had been grounded for his behaviour, and that he wanted to say some things to me. He didn't, as he stood there shy and embarrassed. So the mum then explained a little of how he feels, which was that everyone messes around and that he is the only one to get caught. Out of the four of us there, I think she is the only one to believe that. "It's just like at school really". So if all his teachers and coaches keep punishing him and not the other boys, what does that tell us? There must be a common denominator somewhere that we're all missing. I kept my sarcasm inside and just nodded. She kept encouraging him to talk. "Tell him what you told me in the car". He shook his head like a two year old not wanting to eat vegetables. He's clearly been telling lies to get himself out of trouble, but realised he wouldn't get away with that in front of me.


It is sad, and although I have done a lot of studying in psychology, I'm not a counsellor. My job is to coach. They team has given him his last warning as this has been going on for years. Eventually he will just be discarded and made to feel worthless. It seems like no one has the time for him. I only see him for two hours on a Monday evening. There's not a lot I can do in that time, especially as there are other paying customers whose experience and enjoyment is being greatly affected by one bad apple. The parents have clearly done an awful job at raising him to be respectful and considerate, and now don't have any time for him. When he acts out, he gets their attention, and then tells lies about how the world is against him to get their sympathy. There are probably very few moments week to week where he feels genuinely cared for. If you keep telling yourself the same old lie, you eventually believe it is true. At fourteen he now feels that the world is against him, and every time he acts stupid and gets caught, that will further compound his belief. Where does he go from here? I can only work with him in sessions, and attempt to curtail his behaviour at football, which may have a positive impact in other areas of his life. But likewise, one more outburst, and he will be gone. We don't need that in the team, and life can't keep giving you second chances. Anyhow, at what point is it no longer the fault of your parents? Sure, it may have messed you up, but when does it stop becoming an excuse? When do you have to start taking responsibility for your behaviour? A lot of US prison inmates have dyslexia, as do many US presidents. About the same percentage of presidents and prisoners had at least one parent die before their eighteenth birthday. For some it become a wound, a badge, or a barrier that can never be overcome. For others, it's the fire in them that makes them work harder. It is what strengthens their resolve (Malcolm Gladwell is fascinating). It can't be an excuse forever. It is only an excuse for as long as you let it be.

Entry 10: Wednesday 2nd September 2016

No more excuses. The season starts for my teams this coming weekend.
Last night, I had a few problems with the ladies team. I have mentioned before how many of them are young and lack discipline, but last night went a step too far. They have had a soft touch before, and take so many liberties. Many of them show no respect. During talks, if it does not concern their role or position, they start chatting to their friend next to them. For example, last night was a defensive session; preventing the forward pass. That mainly concerns those in defence and some of the midfield in front of them. Even worse though, was while a couple of the defenders were asking some very key questions, really trying to understand the demands, another one of the defenders, quite a week performer, was acting like an idiot, being the instigator. I don't think we will see her start on Sunday. Another player made a phone call whilst we were playing a small sided game. She's running around the pitch, phone to her ear, having a conversation. How can they think that this is acceptable behaviour? There's a lot of work to be done here. Her reason, and I hate "Yeah but"s, as it creates an excuse and a blame culture, was that her grandfather had called to check where she was. You're at practice. You are at practice until 20:30. Everybody knows that. Especially the person who should be picking you up when it finishes. "Yeah but he'll get scared and wonder where I am". That would be reasonable if we weren't currently still in practice, before the half eight finishing time. I refer back to one of my first sessions in charge. I told them that within our team we have a no complaining rule, and that we leave any problems of our life. If you have a bad day, you don’t bring it to the team. So if her grandfather is likely to cause her problems, that is for her to deal with, and not have any effect on practice.

This afternoon I learnt that we have about six players who have not been registered to play with the league. I have no idea why. I haven’t been told how it works, it’s not my responsibility, but if I don’t figure it out, three of my starters and two of my subs won’t be playing on Sunday. Initially I thought I would have to drive all over the place to bring and sign documents to players, but then realised it can be done online. So I dropped everything and began sending emails. Not sure if we have enough time, but I must do all that can be done.

With the U15s team, they played on Monday evening against an U16 team from the same club. They lost 4-0, which was to be expected due to the age difference, but there were many positives. First, they weren’t scared of their opponents who were a year bigger, stronger, and faster. They also played the way that I had been showing them in practice, and it was great for me to see those key principles coming out in their games. They stuck to the game plan and were not afraid to take risks. There is a solid base to build from with this team.

The games will now come thick and fast. I am involved with four teams, and they will all play on Sundays. Saints Ladies will take priority, which means I will have to leave some of the other games early, and some weeks, miss those games altogether. Saints will take me all around the south of the country, and I have so many responsibilities to take care of. I’m up for the challenge, and it will all feel natural on that Sunday afternoon when I am stood on the touchline.

Some very good news came my way last week. Previously, my application for a high level coaching course had been rejected. I was most upset. I received an email a week ago Monday saying that a place had opened up, and it was available on a first come first serve basis. I booked my place straight away without a second thought. Get the credit card, enter the details, confirm. It starts a couple weeks from now, and is in London. The final assessment is next March, and we have many support days and mock assessments between then and now. My girlfriend should hear about the success or lack of on her visa application to study in the UK any day now. The sooner the better. I want to be there at the airport, but can’t miss a minute of this course. That’s not me being unkind, I really cannot be absent.

Lastly, I’d like to finish this entry by noting that we, as a family, were minutes away from a horrific disaster. The weekend before last, we were driving to Brighton to see Blackburn Rovers, the club we support. It was to be my first time since last Christmas. I had my new shirt ready, and was so excited. As it was a beautiful sunny day, many people were going to the beach. That caused a lot of traffic along the South Coast roads, slowing us down significantly. We got past the bulk of the traffic, but then came to a standstill. We couldn’t understand what it was. There was a shirtless drunk guy stood in the road, beer in hand, waving and shouting at the traffic. We didn’t know what to expect. We spoke to a lady at the side of the road who was turning cars around. The airshow was in town, and one of the pilots did not complete his loop successfully. His plane came in too low and hit the cars on the road, killing about twenty people. We didn’t make it to the game. And suddenly, life gained perspective.

 

Entry 11: Thursday 24th September 2016

Last week was a very intense week. I travelled to London to take part on the UEFA B coaching course. This is a seventeen day commitment, spread out over seven months, requiring assessments. This qualification gets me into the next level of soccer. I had done it before, four years ago, and failed. Now I am back, and with only a 20-30% pass rate among candidates, I have to make sure that I am in there.
The governing body, the Football Association, is trying to change the way we operate, from grassroots to professional, but it is stuck, as some within the system are resistant to change. That's the way they've always done it, so that's the way they are going to do it. In walk the course tutors. All older white males. Soccer is perhaps the most diverse game on the planet, as more nations are registered with FIFA than they are with the UN. These guys will take a lot of impressing.
It's very much an Old Boys club, and if your face doesn't fit. you won't pass. They are looking for any reason to fail you, and we have to do our best to not give it to them. Mine might be that I wore a hat during my session. "It's too American" remarked the tutor. "It protects my eyes from the rain" I replied. "It's too American" he said again. How open minded of him. Some of the tutors I had seen before on other courses and other events, but they will struggle to remember me as I am not extraordinary looking, and I am one of many thousands of coaches up and down the country that is looking to improve. The lead tutor, a tutor I had before on a course three years ago, is renowned for having coached a former England captain. To his credit, he only mentioned it on four of the five days.
We had many field sessions to go through, and the rain was hard and cold. How I missed England. The coaching style is STOP STAND STILL, with detailed explanations and examples. Sometimes it's hard to know if they are doing a coaching session, or a coach educating session, as they talk for so long and make every point possible that your players would just switch off and lose interest. Some of them were far too mean and were belittling us when we made mistakes. We're not here to learn how to play, we're here to learn how to coach, but they are really twisting that knife in regards to our playing ability. You dare not argue with them. One coach became irate when a tutor insulted him by saying "You don't know the game". He was upset at the way he was spoken to, but I calmed him down and said complaining will only turn them against you, and on day two, you will already be out of that 20-30%. I nearly argued with a coach when he was blatantly wrong. I did my best to bite my tongue. If a player has an explanation for why they did what you perceive to be a mistake, you should probably listen to them so that you can understand their way of thinking, and then help correct it. Instead they just cut you off and belittle you. After, I had to ask my peers if they had agreed with me, which they did. I was right, but it's not worth being right if it means the tutors take a dislike to you and fail you.
Of the many tutors we encountered in the first block, I think perhaps only two or three want to see us improve as coaches, and genuinely have our best interests at heart. From a coaching point of view, that's quite sad. From an England fan point of view, that's insane. We all do our part to get kids from grassroots into the England first team. Help make us better coaches to make that a better pathway. Another thing they're quite keen on is that they tell us that our generation, my generation, have been failed as players by the coaches that we had. Who would that generation of coaches be? THEM! But somehow, they don't see the irony in what they are saying, and how their actions are just as destructive to us as coaches as they were to us as players.
What I gained that was positive was some constructive criticism about me as a coach. They are assessing our abilities to plan and organise sessions for elite level adults playing a full sized game. What let mine down was that the size of the area affected my pictures, and the management of the opposition meant that the gameplaywas not entirely realistic. So there's some things to work on. I am definitely far better now than I was four years ago.
My U9 boys have been performing well in their games, losing three from six, with two wins and one draw. Our keeper is a bit dopey as he often throws the ball to the other team. Many of the goals we have conceded have been down to his individual mistakes. The parents can see the good work that I am doing, though sometimes need reminding to not give instructions from the side. The boys are happy, and I can see what we are doing in practice coming out on the pitch during games.
Saints Ladies have played their first two league games, which were both losses. That was to be expected. It has highlighted the areas which need the most work, with fitness being one of them. We can compete in games, but cannot sustain that intensity for long periods. When Crystal Palace came to play, they remarked "Do they not have gyms in Southampton?". Harsh, but quite an accurate assumption to make, and one which I hope will spur my team on to work on that area of their play. The training is becoming more intense, and I am slowly seeing principles and ideas that I have set in place embedding into the psyche of the team. I have been working hard to have match analysis done for the players so that they can see videos of themselves. My software isn't great, and I want to make better videos, but so far, it's the best thing any of these players have seen. They have been responding well to it and really appreciate the feedback.

Entry 12: Thursday 1st October 2015

Should coaches wear helmets? Monday night I was taken to hospital in an ambulance with a head injury. I wish I had a cooler story, I really wish I do, but I was knocked out by a fourteen year old. Coaching the U15s, one boy kept ducking for headers at a corner. I stepped in to show him how to compete for the ball in the air, and for some reason, the boy I was jostling with must have thought it was a live demonstration, as he elbowed me in the face. This was right on the nose. Down I went. While I was out, the players and the team manager thought I was doing it for a laugh, so proceeded to drag me by my feet across the field. It was one of the old style astroturf fields with sand between the grass, so I had sand everywhere when I eventually came to. Every time I stood up, it would fall out of my shorts by the bucket load. The ambulance looked like a beach.
Three days later, and I was given time off work. My vision still hasn't fully recovered, and I do have a headache. I went along to team practice on Tuesday night. I had to, as I had all the equipment. My dad drove me in and waited for me. I told the players what I wanted done, and they did it. They behaved well for a change. Joking aside, I can see a good team ethic being created.
The game Sunday with the ladies was a dramatic one. Two league games and no win, we were to try our luck in the cup. The opposition was Queens Park Rangers, and meant a long drive north to London. On the bus there, the players became quite jovial. It's good for a team to spend time together like that. QPR were a very strong team, and again, we started terribly. The first goal came after eight minutes, and the second after thirty five. 2-0 down at half time, yet we knew we were much better than that. There was a very long list of what needed to improve in the second half, and I challenged the team to be better. If we do these things right and up our performance, we give ourselves a good chance of getting a result.
Two players came up to me asking if they could switch positions. Though I agreed that it would make them more effective, I told them no, as I had some lineup changes in mind that I were to use in about five or ten minutes. They went ahead and switched anyway. When I realised this, they refused to switch back. What should I do? A complete defiance of my orders in only my third game. I have no one to back me up. How I handle this situation really does set a precedent for the future with this team. While this was happening, and all through the first half, I kept hearing comments and whispers from the players who were not on the field. This is bitchy teenage stuff, but then a lot of them are at that age and of that mindset. I noticed it, and probably should have left it, but reacted when a player not many like made a mistake and was criticised, then all but three seconds later, a player they do like made a mistake, and was reassured. We have to avoid an Us and Them mentality. It is poisonous to success. I will address it at practice tonight.

Injuries are beginning to plague this team. I replaced the forward with another forward in the second half due to a knee problem. The replacement scored the equalising goal with five minutes to play, but was later taken to hospital following a crunching tackle that resulted in ligament damage. We continued the game without her. At that point, all our changes had been made. I did my best to keep the rest of the team calm and not let them know of a suspected break. That would affect their focus because they would be too worried about their teammate. We went into extra time, and I made the decision to remain compact, but also use our speed and freshness in certain areas. We had moved from a 4-2-3-1 to a 4-1-3-1, so a similar shape, just narrower, with our full backs not pushing forward, the three in midfield remaining tight, and the one striker staying high. The one striker? Our ace in the hole. Not long on the field, so still fresh. Very quick, very skilful, I would say our best player. At 2-2, with half an hour to go, if our defence could remain tight, our striker would get a chance and be able to use her energy and speed against four defenders that had already played ninety minutes. The gamble worked. We scored the winner with three minutes to go. Who got the goal? That girl I had moved into striker, who was energetic enough to read a pass, quick enough to get to it before the defence, and cool enough to score the game winning goal.

The final whistle came, and there was elation. The players had thoroughly deserved it. For them, it was great. For me, I was already thinking about the next training session. I’m not a loud, dramatic, or emotional coach. I am very focussed on the long term. A win is great, but it’s one win. We have to win next week, the week after, and keep these performances at a high level.

My U9 boys have been getting better. It is slowly getting onto the pitch, but not yet. One day it will click and all fall into place. They are getting it. Sadly for them, if they don’t win every game, they become upset. I’m not always there, and I think they are starting to feel neglected. I have to leave games early, and this weekend, I won’t be at the game because the ladies are playing in London. A trustworthy dad takes the reins in my absence, but I want to be there. I have my way, and my very specific vision of how I want it done. And I may soon lose the bond with the boys.

I have just begun the FA Psychology Level 1 online course. It is very good, and free. I recommend everyone involved in football to take it. It dumbs it down and spells it out in black and white, giving real life relatable examples and how to deal with it.

 

Entry 13: Wednesday 14th October 2015

A few problems have arisen with my U9 Boys. We are the Pumas, and we train alongside the other U9s, the Tigers. After each session, which goes by independently, we then have a scrimmage. Two times a week for four months, and lately it's been getting a bit heated. Parents have been complaining, and I have been dealing with that. What surprises me is the complete difference in recollection of events. My boss is the coach for the Tigers, and they are a better team competing in a better league. They have accused him of favouritism, bias, and encouraging foul play. This is someone I have known for years, and would describe as one of the good guys in football. I'm right there with him on the touchline, and he never encourages any of that stuff. He focusses on his team, and me on mine. We all see things differently, and what we see as a fair challenge, others see as a foul. When players are playing against each other so often, there is a lot of previous. There is definite one-upmanship, and a repeated source of mistakes can be interpreted as repeated targeting.
From there, while trying to smooth it over, one dad who fancies himself a bit as a football expert, decided to send me an email criticising my techniques. He's seen no improvement. There's only been five matchdays. He went on to compare my coaching style to Pep Guardiola, and our playing style to that of Premier League clubs. Where I'm flattered to be mentioned in the same breath, I had to refrain from bursting out with how I really feel. I suppose I can do that in this journal.
"How can you be so stupid? I don't even know where to begin. It actually hurts how stupid it is. My brain cannot handle such a comparison. It's mind boggling how one can make such a comparison and yet wish to be considered seriously."
I calmed down and sent a novel in response, within two hours of seeing the email, explaining the many ways why what happens at Barcelona, Bayern Munich, and Manchester United cannot and should never be compared to eight year olds playing six-a-side for fun. In this email I went on to explain in detail why shouting instructions at kids is completely unhelpful, and that because they are eight years old, everything we do should consider the long term. I put a hell of a lot more into it than that. I justified everything I said. Not only are my points well thought out, rational, and based on both knowledge and experience, but I went for information overload, thinking it might fry his brain and intimidate him intellectually into not challenging me again. He's already given me his response. I really cannot be bothered to read it. I should just write back with the Brian Clough quote; "We talk about it for twenty minutes and then decide I was right". Every team has a parent like this. Some have more than one, but there is always one. Don't be that guy.
Right now I am on the second block of the UEFA B course. My second mock assessment was today, which was a consolidation from the lead in I completed one month ago. I have not been taking part in the sessions due to my recent concussion. I'm getting a bit bored now as It's all seeming pretty similar. We go through so many sessions a day, that I suppose a sameness and familiarity will be created. I know the points I need to work on, which is just a bit more detail, thus creating realism, thus allowing me to coach more of the topic. Every point we can be marked on links in with another point. There is a clear knock on effect. We have our final assessments in March with one last mock, either in November or January. I know I can do this, and I know I can be ready by March. A lot of our mistakes are from not knowing what the tutor or assessor would like to see. We're second guessing them far too much.
At Saints, our most recent game was called off. The same opponents that did that to us at the start of the season. This coming weekend could be a win. Stopping us are the things we do to ourselves. While I've been away on the course, only four turned up for training on Tuesday night. I refuse to accept responsibility for losses when we are consistently getting less than 75% attendance at training. There are injuries, and I told some players to rest, but four is pathetic. The word optional has been used. I definitely never said that. I can't imagine doing anything to imply that. It's not how it is, so I can't imagine I portrayed that in my body language. I can see a potential problem occurring with my coach. We just never see him. It's weeks between sessions that he shows up. I don't know when we cross the line from misfortune to bad habits, but I feel in the eyes of some players, he has already passed that. I also don't think he's very good. There was a technical session which had players playing 2v1 in 5x5 boxes, about thirty five yards apart. The ball had to be switched from one box to another, and then a player would follow the ball to support. The player receiving it was not allowed to leave the box, so had to wait for the ball to arrive. In that time, the ball was often stolen by the defender. When it wasn't stolen, the receiver had to wait about five seconds for the support to arrive, as there were such large distances between the boxes. Then we moved into goalkeeper distribution. That worked out as a 4v7 in one half of the field. Obviously the 7 would always win, so then there is no realism whatsoever. Considering we were working with the goalkeeper, the start point was always near the halfway line, with the 4 trying to create an attack and shoot, therefore working off a transition. Where it broke down was that 4 players cannot easily get past 7, and so the goalkeeper rarely ever touched the ball. So the topic of the session is completely different. You could see him becoming frustrated that it wasn't working, and trying to manipulate parts of it so that it would. It's goalkeeper distribution. Give the ball to the keeper for a start. There's also a distinct lack of intensity to the way he does things. Players then relax or lose interest, and suddenly we're not in game realistic speed. This is a situation I will monitor, but the club have been made aware that I need someone more dependable.

Entry 14: Wednesday 28th October 2015

There has been some animosity aimed at me recently from a couple dads of the U9 team I have. It has manifested into avoiding eye contact, not talking, and even a super secret Sunday session without me. I really can’t understand what the purpose or motive is, or how any adult can act such a way and yet still expect their kids to turn out okay. Are they looking for a mutiny? That then creates problems for everyone, as either they would have to step up and take over, or find a new coach, which takes time, then comes with a settling in period, and just serves to create more problems. Maybe they want to make the point that they can do it better than me, and have compounded that by giving the kids candy. Ridiculous really. I’m unsure of the way forward. I have a good relationship with the large majority of parents, and I get on very well with the boys themselves, who are the most important ones in this situation. My boss thinks highly of my capabilities, and thinks poorly of the parents, as they have caused problems for him before. Why do parents need to make youth sport so difficult? We have all this research, all these studies, and every coach knows how much of a pain parents are, yet it is a global problem. It makes for a pointless, needless struggle. Time spent improving the team, or for the coach actually improving their knowledge, is too often spent on these idiotic battles, that really comes down to one person with such a fragile ego that they need to feel important by creating problems for everyone in the name of some grand selfless movement.
Since there are no problems on the playing side and the practice sessions are going well, I don’t yet feel the need for an intervention. The kids are still the same with me, as are most of the parents. I haven’t done anything wrong. This all came out of them complaining that another group of boys were being too rough towards our boys. So we resolved that problem. Let’s all move on and be happy, right? That’s far too difficult in just about every walk of life. And talking about the problem and resolving it face to face? Definitely not. So I’m just going to ignore it for now, but monitor it.
With the ladies, there are improvements being made. Our last two performances have been positive, and the players can see it. Our last two games are a draw and a loss, but we have competed in these games. We haven’t looked out of our depth, which we have been doing a lot. They’re really buying into what we are doing. The chairlady was very kind in helping me out in our most recent home game. She seemed impressed with what I do and how I do things. I have solicited some extra help from a kid I used to coach in Canada. He is now studying in Southampton and looking for experience, and I definitely need the help. He met the players last night, and they seem keen and happy to have more hands on deck.
Both us and our first team had low numbers last night, so they asked if they could join in with what we were doing. I was surprised at the lack of work ethic and the terrible application by some of our first team players. My players were like that when I first came in. I quietly made sure that my players noticed the difference, which is a little positive reinforcement for them. I don’t wish to blow my own trumpet here, but that is the difference I have been fighting for. Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. There is a very real possibility of a competitive fixture soon between us and our first team. I’ve been saying this about all teams we play that are stronger than us to create a mind-set and give them something to achieve; we can beat them for work rate, we can fight harder than them, we can be more organised than them, we can be more disciplined than them. Try your absolute best and see what happens.
The recent improvements are encouraging, but there’s no time to pat ourselves on the back and congratulate ourselves on a job well done. We have not yet won a league game. We could win this Sunday, or it could still be weeks until that happens, but either way, we must keep moving forward.

Entry 15: Wednesday 11th November 2015

The last two weeks have been difficult. Saints Ladies have played some very tough opponents, and it was not easy to take. The first game was Brighton, who defeated us 3-0. We could not get the ball off them, and were unable to leave our own half. The players fought hard to keep the score respectable, and we finished with our heads held high. Just recently, we played Tottenham, who embarrassed us. We should write them a letter of apology. It finished 14-0. This is a team in the same league as us. They were different quality. All of their players were far better than all of ours. There was nothing we could do. They were faster than us, stronger than us, more skilful than us, more aware than us, quicker to think, quicker to read the game. There was no department that we had an advantage over them. It’s hard to motivate players when you’re taking beatings, but I have been impressed at the work rate shown. Heads have not been dropping, and neither has effort. Our next two games will be equally tough, as we play our local rivals Portsmouth, then go away to Brighton the following week. We probably won’t score, and will concede heavily. How do we keep going?
The players understand that it will take time, and that if we give up now, we will never go where we want to go. They are becoming more resilient. It won’t be a nice Christmas. I’m already planning what we will be doing from February onwards. We need to build on what we have started, and keep improving in every area possible.
Lately it has become a lot more stressful. I’m doing this for free, and it is affecting other areas of my life. My sleep pattern is gone because I am worrying too much, or getting in late, then eating late, and therefore sleeping late. That has a knock on effect the next day as I don’t go to the gym, so have been gaining weight, and have not been practicing my Spanish. My time management needs to improve. I also need to learn when to say no. I don’t feel that I am a fun person anymore. I have not been singing in the car as much as I used to. Now I just sit in silence, worrying about things. It’s all getting better, as I have lately been helped a lot by what is now my assistant. He’s a friend of mine from Canada that is now over here as a student. He has a football brain, and it’s allowing me a bit more freedom to think as I can delegate certain responsibilities to him.
This stress is affecting my health, mental wellbeing, other work, and even my relationships. I’ve got to make some changes as this is definitely not sustainable.

Entry 16: Wednesday 25th November 2015

I definitely do too much. In what’s Susan Jeffers' book Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, she mentions that people only have room in their lives for about eight or nine things that they can actually devote serious time and effort to. She recommends drawing a large box with nine boxes in it, and you have to fit everything in there, in order of importance. It also cannot be generalised, for example, learning more than one language cannot be labelled “Languages” as each language requires sufficient time and dedication to be a pillar of your life entirely by itself.
Family
Girlfriend
Saints
Ohio
Fitness
Spanish
Coaching Education Courses
Dutch
Work

I do not have a social life any more. In part, I think it is due to the harsh reality that my friends have moved on with their lives since I have been away. They have filled the gap I left with other things. I know how it goes. You get used to someone not being around, so you adapt. It’s hard for me to repair any of that with no time and no money. My girlfriend pretty much is my social life. We don’t have to leave the house, as she has no money either, but I’ve even been neglecting her as I try to fit everything else in there.
Things that haven’t been included on there are reading, following my sports teams, and sign language. Those are three things I would openly tell people that I do if I was asked about my hobbies, but the truth is that I devote so little time to them anymore that I can’t actually claim to do it. What are my hobbies? Researching, planning, and evaluating. It’s the thrill of the weekly cycle building up to the game day. The team, Saints Ladies, is also a huge part of my unorthodox and unconventional social life. I see the majority of players three times a week, I am forming bonds with them, and they know more about my current life than all of my good friends do.
I suppose it doesn’t help to have constant reminders around you of the things you are not doing. My book shelf, which I see daily, is filled with many books I have read, but also many books awaiting to be read. Nowadays I have reverted to audio books, which I can listen to while at the gym, or while driving. At least that kills two birds with one stone. I can practice Spanish and Dutch in the same way too. One can also plainly see resources of other languages I have not yet mastered. Now I have the travelling bug, and that I am filled to the brim with ambition, the opportunities around the world are endless, and I want to learn and to explore new things. Ideally, I would like Spanish, French, German, Portuguese, Dutch, and then why not Russian, Arabic, and Chinese? Each one would take at least a year to get the basics to be solidified, if given the proper practice and dedication required. How about British Sign Language? I learnt that, and now apart from the alphabet, hello, how are you, and some other basics, it’s pretty much gone. I haven’t picked up any of my guitars or my ukulele in months. Perhaps Christmas will provide a good opportunity as everything stops and calms down for a few weeks.
What do I really want to do with my time? Play soccer. Play video games. Play other sports. There’s no money in this, and adults need to make money to pay for bills. Time working means less time playing, and being more tired when you do play. Sacrificing all that is a difficult transition to make. But what about my ambitions? I want to be the best coach that I can be. I am taking steps to achieve that, or at least I believe so. I’m sacrificing my time and money to learn, to improve, and to make the most of the opportunities that are out there. Sure, I’d love to be able to play FIFA 16 on a brand new PlayStation 4, but what would be even better is to work with the teams and players that are on there. That’s the goal. If I could only have one, I know which I’d choose. Actually,I’ve made my choice.
So how about my sports teams? Having lived in other places, I have developed an affinity for certain teams. One has to in order to survive, when your team back home is never on TV, the radio, an illegal stream, and plays while you are still sleeping. You feel what I call “Fan Guilt”. It’s probably a bit like loving a stupid pet like a rabbit. It never gives anything back, but just expects your care and attention. If you were to go a day without feeding it, you’d feel terrible. We have a TV with the sports package so that I can see everything, from all around the world. We even show soccer from the Swiss League on TV now. Who wouldn’t be thrilled about a Basel v Zurich top of the table clash? But I can’t watch this stuff anymore. If there’s a game on TV, I’m always busy doing something else, with it on in the background. The Champions League and the English Premier League pass me by, right in front of my eyes. The Mets recently got to the World Series. That won’t happen again for decades. It was quite a commitment to try and stay up until four or five in the morning watching thatplayoff run. Then there was the effect it would have on me the next day. Tired, lethargic, and ratty, or stay in bed late and become annoyed at myself for messing up my morning routine.
Due to this lack of free time, I am stuck with a half completed teacher training application. The good opportunities will all be gone if I don’t hurry up and submit it. That will require even more time and sacrifice. What will have to be cut out from the table? Work? Unless I get paid to train, I won’t be able to afford to do that. Teaching is a rewarding profession, but that won’t begin to reward me until this time next year. I knew this year back home would be difficult. I went into it seeing it as a sacrifice year. Work really hard, get the qualifications I need, then move on. That hasn’t changed. I’m hardly struggling, it’s just difficult. I am driven enough to finish what I have started. I must keep reminding myself of that end goal. What’s in sight? What’s on the horizon? To be a highly qualified soccer coach with a master’s degree, working as a P.E. teacher, and able to speak multiple languages. Achievable and doable. Early to bed and early to rise. Plenty of sacrifices to be made. I say all these things to my players in regards to improving their individual performances, but I’ve got no one saying it to me. I have to be my own coach. I have to pick myself up when I’m down. I have to push myself when I’msluggish. I have to challenge myself when the easy way out presents itself.
I’m always thinking about the future. With the new Star Wars coming out, I’ve been going through (at a snail’s pace) all six movies with my girlfriend, who has never seen them, but is coming with me to see the new one. In Episode 5, Yoda says the following to Luke "This one a long time I have watched. All his life he has looked away, to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Never his mind on what he was doing." I can definitely relate to that. Rather than focussing on what is next, or day draming about it, I need to make sure that I actually get there. That I get through this.
But really, what is next? How long do I stay in England teaching? Do I go to a new country after one year, three years, five years? When should I start a PhD? In what country? In performance analysis, psychology, management? Should I get out to Australia and see what that side of the world is like? Should I go to the Middle East where all the money us? Should I go to Africa where I really feel I could make a difference? How about East Asia, to the exotic and interesting countries of Singapore, Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong? What’s wrong with Europe? Countries like Germany and Spain are near to home and will provide good opportunities. Do I go back to Canada or the USA? Whichever step I take, whichever direction I go, these will require commitments of multiple years. Will the girlfriend get sick or me? Will she be wanting marriage and kids? Will she come with me? Can she come with me? I see a lot of my school friends getting married and having kids. I’m in no hurry. I still view it as life being over. Having my wings clipped. That’s why Skynyrd’s Freebird rings so true to me. If they are happy, I am happy for them, but it’s not the life for me. I want adventure. I want different. I want to make new normals. Who would have thought that being interrupted during your sessions by the adjacent mosque’s prayer call would ever become normal? It did. How about working in the happiest place on Earth, living in the sunshine, having a pool full of young women in bikinis right outside your window could become normal? It did. And New York, a dream for most people, was a dream come true for me, as it became my back yard.
I see people my age, like my cousin, house, two kids, and my best friend from school, house, wife, baby on the way, and I compare them to other coaches, who have seen all these exotic places, been in all these interesting situations, who are just a level or two above me. How amazing would it be to be the national coach for the Rwandan men’s soccer team? To be a technical director at a club in Arizona? To be head of an academy at an English Premier League club? To do performance analysis for a team in the Bundesliga in Germany? To complete research, give presentations, and spend every day with likeminded people with the thirst for knowledge, on the same quest that I am on. I know what needs to be done in the next year, but I can’t help but fantasise about the future, about what I might see and what I might achieve.

Entry 17: Thursday 10th December 2015

I am relieved for it to finally be the Christmas break. No work, no assignments, just a few training sessions, and a couple game days. I’m taking the time to relax and enjoy the build up to Christmas, something I have missed while abroad. I have felt physically and mentally drained, and I am trying to shake all that off and recuperate by the time it all starts again in January.
With Saints, a player that can be described as a liability, a bad influence, unfit etc. has decided that she will be quitting after Christmas. There’s not been much sadness felt by the club, but she does have a few friends in the team that will miss her. There will be others to follow soon. This is a player continuously shoots herself in the foot in regards to team selection. She’s fat, cannot last fifteen minutes, let alone ninety, and despite interventions and epiphanies, her behaviour does not change. She came on as a substitute in our recent game, and loudly proclaimed “I cannot be bothered”, which needless to say, greatly annoyed many of her teammates. No tears will be shed, and it is part of the necessary process. As my assistant so aptly said, it’s all about “trimming the fat”. In a recent interview that I read through the NSCAA with Alex Ferguson, he said you need to fire the right people. That will be my coach, who keeps letting us down, and has even claimed expenses for occasions that he was not at training. It’s harder to get rid of the players who let us down as they are paying members. All I can do is continue to play the players who deserve the playing time, while maintaining high standards, and promoting the youth.
Our recent game saw us travel away to a team that previously defeated us 5-0. It was 3-0 at half time, and we did much better in the second half. I’m all about improvements, so from the first forty five to the second, there was a definite improvement. So the follow up game, a long trip to London. Spirits were high, despite the losses, and the unreferenced reports of discontent. The field was awful. It was muddy, had litter all over it, was short, narrow, and had a distinct slope from goal to goal. It was a park pitch. Our opponent’s usual pitch had been closed for a couple months for renovations. The game was also played without linesman, so the one referee by himself had to call offside. We went out, expecting to be under pressure right from the off, and for the whole game. Nine minutes in, our forward latched onto a through ball as the defence had split, and she was running through on goal. The defenders caught up with her, but she still got the shot away. It went over the keeper, who got a hand to it, pushing the ball up in the air. Time seemed to slow down as the ball spun towards the goal line. The keeper recovered well and stopped the ball on the line (we reckon it was behind, but there were no linesman), but just as she did that, our forward and their defenders all piled in, attempting to get to the ball. In the melee, the keeper laid on the ground, motionless. The referee called on the coach straight away. The game was delayed for twenty minutes as we waited for an ambulance. We heard later that it was a very bad case of whiplash. The game moved onto an adjacent field when the ambulance arrived, allowing the medics to do their work.
We continued to battle hard against a superior opposition. We rode our luck very well, as through the course of the game, they hit the bar three times and the post once. We were beginning to think this could be our day. Perhaps we could sneak it. We got into their half a few times, but panicked and discarded the ball. Stage fright. It had been so long since we had been near the goal, players just see it and shoot, even if the shot is not on. Something we definitely need to work on. The deadlock was broken after sixty six minutes. We were 1-0 down. It was deserved, but we still believed. It was then two, then three, and with the last kick of the game it became four. Why? Fitness. It’s been happening since October. We can compete for the first hour, but then it drops off. It’s no secret, but is glaringly obvious when the majority of goals conceded are coming after the sixtieth minute, and some players are still obtaining shockingly poor fitness test results. My family, who come to watch occasionally, have begun calling it “Fat Club”. “How was Fat Club tonight, Will?”
While I have some downtime, I have been trying to make some changes in my life to streamline it and avoid stress, as well as complete some tasks that are long overdue. I’ve been sleeping a lot during the day, and suffering from pounding headaches. I have made a lot of headway on my teaching application. It will be nice to actually be earning for a change, and then I can begin saving. I have had a look at the jobs that are out there online abroad. There’s some decent wages. Like I’ve said before, money is not a motivating factor, but I need money. It’s time I started to earn. I have also decided that I need to cut down the Spanish. I am trying to do in one year what it takes most people to do in two. That’s not going to happen, so I need to make arrangements for my exam next summer. Languages are a key goal of mine, but it can’t be done at such a quick rate when I have a master’s, work, teacher training, and Spanish all happening at the same time. Part of the attraction of going abroad is the language. The most likely destination for me next would be one of the Arab Gulf States. Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Dubai, or even a return to Kuwait. There are some very attractive packages on offer. Knowing I would be there for a while would be a great opportunity to learn Arabic. These are also rising soccer nations, with unlimited money and an obsession to match. Qatar is hosting the 2022 World Cup, and the others are investing a lot of money to try to compete. There are lots of opportunities, and I want to take them.

Entry 18: Saturday 26th December 2015

I’m finally getting a bit of rest. I am destressing. No work, no assignments, no football. Nothing to worry about. I should take the opportunity to get some things done that have been lingering over me for some time, and I will, but for now, I want to enjoy Christmas. We had a short family break in Bruges for three days, and next week, my parents have paid for a surprise trip to Disneyland Paris for me and my girlfriend, which she does not yet know about.
With Saints, we had our first league win recently. We beat Queen’s Park Rangers 2-0. That’s the first clean sheet too. Obviously it was good to get that monkey off our backs, and thankfully it did not feel like that euphoric cup final win moment like I was expecting. It had taken us three months to win a league game. We should be ashamed really. When one applies perspective, one can see how we were very unfortunate with the fixture list, and that this team has improved a lot over that time. I suppose it is more relief, and we have taken our first step into a larger world. Like I’ve said before, with easier fixtures coming up, I have set us a target of achieving twelve points from a possible forty. Rather ambitious considering we have gained four from thirty. It would mean winning four of our eight remaining games. Three games come against the two teams below us, and once against the only team we have beaten (twice), so that’s a very strong potential for nine points. Two games against West Ham, and one against Crystal Palace to start off the New Year. The only difficult game is the rival game away to Portsmouth.
The win felt very weird from the start. I went into the game with a very positive feeling. I was excited. Then as the players arrived, everyone appeared subdued, and it just felt flat. That was most concerning. My assistant had already left for the holidays. We had a great opportunity to win a game, and yet we were shooting ourselves in the foot. I could not put my finger on what the problem was. As I have mentioned many times, this does not feel like a strong, cohesive team. The players know that, and I know that. Perhaps much is due to the frustration of the losses, though I believe there to be more to it than that. The lack of maturity displayed by members of the group tells me that many of them are not the kind of people I can rely on in a fight. Who’s got my back? Who’s willing to take on the world with me? I wouldn’t say I’ve lost hope on some of them, but I no longer have the capacity to go the extra mile for them. It feels more like we have to get through this season, then rebuild in the summer. Perhaps some more positive results will sway them, but we have to be strong at our lowest as well as at our highest. And we only get to the highs if we are strong together.
Where that comes from, I don’t know. Softness? Selfishness? Lack of ambition? Lack of previous challenges? Not being able to handle the pressure? They have not been prepared sufficiently for adult competition, and so it is my job to salvage anything I can, and turn them into hungry, committed, resilient players. Despite the flatness, the game started well. It was strange to see us have so much of the ball. We played our more attacking formation of a 4-2-3-1. It worked before when we beat them 3-2, so why not? This team is so far from how I want them to be playing, but we’re getting there, gradually. Signs of that are things like better positioning, and being able to keep the ball better in tight areas. We have been able to push on in some areas, and so now we have two systems, and eight set plays for attacking restarts. QPR did threaten, but so did we. We both had a couple golden chances, but could not convert in the first half.
Fortunes changed for us only two minutes in, as we went a goal ahead. There looked to be more intensity. The team talk was short, and only affected a few areas. I have made a conscious effort over the last few years to get to the point. A criticism of many coaches is that they waffle, thinking that more words means better information. Make it succinct. Players switch off when you talk for too long, and cannot retain too much information. It often feels strange and rather uplifting when the team talk has been finished quickly. Our second goal had some controversy to it, though we know that the rules were applied correctly. The QPR keeper was adjudged to have handled outside the area, so we were awarded a free kick on the edge of the area. The QPR manager was furious, saying that it should be an in-direct free kick. Not true. We scored, and he wouldn’t let it go. It took about two minutes for everyone to calm down so we could take the kick, and then another two minutes to restart the game after the goal went in. From there, we could have scored some more. We played decent football, and looked better than we have done in a while.
Now I’m just looking forward to some down time.

Entry 19: Wednesday 6th January 2016

Recent blog posts have been out of synch. It's annoying that I cannot go back to change the title.
Anyway, with Christmas over, we are slowly getting back to work. Not many players came to the few training sessions we had throughout the Christmas period. I would have thought that as highly motivated individuals that want to be in the best shape possible before starting games again, they would have taken the opportunity. We all eat too much, and everyone needs a break from family. Obviously an hour on the 22nd and an hour on the 27th is just far too much for me and my hardlined approach to ask. Our first game back was called off due to the large amount of rain the country has been receiving lately. Football pitches look like swimming pools, so it might be weeks, even months, before we get back to regular games. Considering that football has been played in this country for one hundred and fifty years, and one hundred and fifty times in a row we have encountered such problems in winter, I am amazed that we have not yet come up with a better idea. Something logical. That would utilise months with better weather. When parents wouldn't be freezing and soaking on the sidelines. When the playing surfaces would be conducive to actually playing the game, rather than hacking the ball through the mud. When there's actually grass, not mud. When it's warm. And the days are longer. And facility costs will be reduced because of the lack of need for artificial surfaces. My mind is blank. I cannot think of such a time. Let's just continue doing it this way, and then becoming frustrated over the same old problems.
I have had a second player quit. Not much of a loss. She has ability, but her attitude is awful. We never see her. She rules herself out of games, so there have been times I couldn't pick her because of her decision not to play. There was also the time she was angry at me for not playing her, at a time when she was injured. She has been generally disruptive and a negative influence. She even dislikes the first team manager for stealing our players. That is what he is supposed to do. Our very purpose, and the purpose of all reserve teams across the planet, is to support the first team. She's passive aggressive, and someone who lets her personal problems get in the way of her performance. I always want to help, and I always wish the best for someone, but I can't do it for them if they don't want it, or if they are against me. At times, I felt like we were her support group. My captain is quite annoyed by it, and believes she needs to grow up, and that it is no loss to her because she never comes anyway. To me, it's all part of the process of trimming the fat. A negative influence like that was only slowing us down, and provides more opportunity now for field time for the younger and hungrier U16s. Her, and the other player to quit, were the two pointed out to me by the club before I started as the two difficult ones. It's not going to be smooth sailing from here on forwards as we have many other problems to attend to. Most stem from team chemistry, and that improves with wins, which we will have coming up. In an ideal world, those two would have changed their behaviour, one of them would have lost heaps of weight, and they'd now be committed regulars in the starting lineup. I do believe that they had realised that my values and approach were not going to change, and neither were they, so the writing was on the wall. Either they leave, or I leave, but we cannot co-exist in the same space.
Another player, a good player, has come forward to inform me of her frustration. This is someone that came to us from a good team, having to drop down a couple leagues. She wants to be in the first team, but isn't yet. She has the quality, and I have known all along that her time with us will be short. She went on vacation at the start of the season, then picked up a nasty injury, so has featured very little for us. I can understand from that point of view why she has not been selected yet. A large part of her frustration seems to be towards the others in the team, that treat it is a social club, do not work really hard, and make us seem amateurish. I completely get that. Those are my frustrations too. I have had a word with the first team manager, and he will be keeping a closer eye on her, most likely selecting her very soon. So she's going to be moving up soon, the girl that quit is also a forward, and another forward has broken her arm and will be out for the remainder of the season. Bloody Hell. Our attacking options are limited. At least it provides opportunities for those U16s, who I know are desperate to take them.
No game for two weeks, so we can rid ourselves of the Christmas calories, and begin a good run of form.

Entry 20: Thursday 21st January 2016

Frustratingly, there have still been no games to report upon. There has been news in my coach development, and some news in my teams.
My captain with Saints Ladies has had an accident and will be out for a few months. It involves a chainsaw and a toe. An influential character, and a big supporter of mine. I'm sure she will still be around the team while she takes time off from playing to recover. We have to remain positive at all times. She's not dead, this is only temporary, and it gives me a chance to develop other players. The list of injuries is piling up, but what's worse is that most of them have occurred outside of their time with us. It's something to consider for next season, but I don't know how we can effect it. It limits the pool of players I have available to choose from, so we need to do our best to keep competition for places high.
The last few training sessions have looked quite good (when they turn up). It's like it's no longer an accident. It's starting to become normal to play with intensity, and to play effective, attractive, creative football. This is what I want the baseline to be. We build from here. The players can see it too, and confidence is building. We have banned the word easy as we do not want any complacency to appear in our forthcoming fixtures. We do have a better chance of winning than we have done previously, but we still have to go out and perform for ninety minutes.
Part of this improvement in training can be attributed to the lower number of negative influencers that have been around. Perhaps before that's why seeing a good training session was rare, and almost felt like an old car trying to start in cold weather. The engine has just revved, and now we hope to be able to move forward. The ineffective coach has gone, two disruptive players have gone, two more disruptive players are hardly ever around, we have young blood coming in that is hungry and eager to perform well. There are less obstacles holding us back. Ability = Potential - Interference. My job is to remove the interference and unleash their potential. I wish it hadn't taken this long, but I cannot change the past.
The U15 group I have on a Monday is becoming painful. Three, maybe four boys, with terrible attitudes, are putting in absolutely no effort, and are causing disruptions to the rest of the group. It has lead to some complaints against me. They are saying that they find training boring, and that is why they are acting out. Firstly, there is never an excuse for acting out. As parents, take some ownership and responsibility of your child, and make them take responsibility for their own actions. They are years, even months away from entering the real world where they will be held accountable for everything they do. Blaming others is not an option. It's the train of thought that says "My child is an angel, so it is obviously the coach". This kind of thing has been brought up in the past with this group, and so practices with them have been even more fun, fluid, inclusive, and active than ever before. It's not for lack of engagement that one boy kept sneaking off when I wasn't looking in order to take pictures of the women in the gym. It's not for lack of engagement that one boy a little while ago stormed off and walked home when he felt his teammates weren't passing to him. This is the same boy that regularly receives red cards, has tantrums, and even took his shirt off, threw it on the floor, and stormed off in a huff during the summer. But this is not my team, so punishment, team selection etc. is not down to me. If I had my way, the tantrum kid would have been kicked out six months ago. All I can do is remove them from the session. Then they complain. It's hard to win as a coach. Kids never lie to their parents, right?
The last two days were spent on the FA Youth Award Module 3. The two tutors are tutors I have had before, and have been very important in my coach development. They obviously have little idea who I am, as they have been doing this job for years, and see hundreds of different faces each week. In our groups we had to design a session on keeping possession to build attacks for U8s. We went first, and I volunteered to lead. Another coach did the arrival activity while I began to set up. When I took over, I kind of winged it a bit. I had several ideas in mind that I had been thinking about since the day before, but right up until the moment that I was given the signal to start, I didn't know which of my ideas to do. You plan for a whole session, but until the tutor indicates what they want to see, you really don't know. It was simple enough. Basically passing and receiving aimed at eight year olds. The feedback I got was the most positive I have ever heard in regards to one of my sessions. I think it was not necessarily about session design, obviously important, but more delivery. I used a variety of the coaching techniques and methodologies that they wish to see displayed from us. There were realistic progressions and challenges throughout, and they loved my manner and communication. Now I'm much older and wiser, I feel very much at ease when coaching in front of coaches. The way I see it, the worst thing they can do is tell me how great I am. The best thing they can do is tell me how crap I am. The two criticisms that were put forward can be attributed to not knowing the players. The first one was using advanced terminology, but then I was looking at adult faces. The second was that I didn't provide any challenges to individual players. They admitted that this is difficult to do when you have seen your players for the first time and have very little idea in regards to their strengths and weaknesses.
This gives me a lot of confidence going forward as I believe I will be ready fairly soon to take the assessment.

Entry 21: Wednesday 3rd February 2016

Since the last blog post, I have been involved in one game with Saints Ladies. We won that comfortably, 4-0, against lower league opposition, progressing to the semi-finals of the cup. We looked a bit shoddy to start off with. It had been over a month since we last played. It was fortunate that this game was against a team way below us, or else we may have been punished. For a while it felt like it may be one of those games, one where we dominate, cannot capitalise on our possession and chances, and then take the sucker punch of losing by one goal on the counter attack. With only minutes to go before half time, we scored two goals. That made things a lot easier. The second half was full of more chances, and two more goals. Some of the play was very good, including that of a debut performance from an U16 at left back. She had the confidence to keep going forward with the ball and get involved in the attacks. We like that.
The quarter final win has set up a date against the first team in the semi, which will be the 18th of February, under flood lights. We go into the game as the underdogs, and I have already begun the psychological warfare against them. I plan to make them think different about us, potentially causing a surprise, as well as prod and probe certain areas to expose potential weaknesses.
Our next game, if it goes ahead, is against Lewes. We threw away a 2-0 lead against that side, and know we should have held on to take all three points. What scares me a little is how under prepared we may be as our players lack match fitness and the sharpness that comes with it. Our game was cancelled on Sunday, so a few of us went to watch Lewes play Portsmouth, making some notes on their players. We believe we now have a good idea of how we can combat their strengths, while also taking advantage of their weaknesses. My biggest fear is not losing. I don’t think it ever has been. My biggest fear is that my players shoot themselves in the foot. That we are the reason for our demise. That we let our own shortcomings be what prevents us from achieving our potential. Unrealised potential scares me. It’s a waste. It can be haunting. “How well could we have done if…?” “What could I have achieved if…?”. In the grand scheme of things, like England ever winning the World Cup, or one of my players going on to play professionally, I am a very small cog. If I were to leave, I would be replaced, and no one would miss me. While I am here, and while I have the opportunity, I need to do the best that I can, and be the best that I can be. No one can magically become better overnight, but on any given day, on any given occasion, we and we alone choose our level of output. Am I going to put in 100% today or just 80%? Should I prepare everything the day before in case things go wrong, or leave it until the last minute? We control those, and many other aspects. I want players to be getting close to my maximum every time. Only losers, the real losers, blame others.
In the last few days, away from that, I’ve been dealing with other people’s problems. When you have one of those irritating kids, regardless of age, it’s hard not to question why they turned out to be the way they are now. Who failed them? Or if we were to think a bit more old fashioned, who hasn’t administered a beating to this child? Then when you meet the parents, it all makes sense. Everything falls into place, and you see why they can’t sit still, listen, behave, play nicely, keep their emotions under control, and have to resort to things like cheating. It’s amazing. I think that if I was given a new team of kids, and spent enough time with both the kids and the parents individually over a small number of weeks, I could determine with a high degree of accuracy which kid belonged to which parent. I am a firm believer that it takes a village to raise a child, as studies have shown that bad neighbourhoods do far more damage than bad parents, and that a child growing up with bad parents but in a good neighbourhood can still turn out just fine. The problem is that sphere of influence, as the child gradually moves away from the parents to be less dependent upon them. Until the age of around eight, parents are by far the most important influencers in a child’s lifetime. By then, other factors like teachers, coaches, extended family, and other adults that they come into contact with, begin to become more influential. By the time a child is eight, a lot of their protocol and hardwiring is in place, which determines their personality and psychological growth from that point onwards. If you wait until a child is seven to introduce them to sports, they will be very far behind their peers. Everyone else will be better than them, and no amount of encouragement can suddenly make up for the vital years that have been missed when developing agility, balance, coordination, as well as skills like running, jumping, kicking, catching, and throwing. The only exceptions are maybe ultimate Frisbee and badminton. The first years of their lives are the fundamental stages, where skill acquisition begins. Unless it is a very particular and specific skill set that require early specialisation, such as gymnastics, it doesn’t matter what sports and activities kids play, as long as they are doing something. So much is transferable, and what must be embedded are the fundamentals of all sports.
That’s why I find it sad when I encounter teenagers who can’t run, jump, kick, catch, or throw, and have no passion for any kind of energetic activity. Who destroyed it? Or better yet, who didn’t cultivate that? We all talk about the health defects thereafter, but some will say that they can just go to the gym or walk, or do aerobics when they are older and want to keep in shape. The point that many miss is that it will not be intrinsic. These people will not be intrinsically motivated by some almost innate desire to compete or improve by doing something that they love. This doesn’t mean to say that someone who is largely inactive until their twenties won’t suddenly love Zumba, and stick to it like a cult. It just means that they are far less likely to make that drastic change, less likely to keep going with it and make it a permanent habit, and less likely to be able to enjoy it, be competent at it, or avoid injuries, because they did not have fundamental physical skills learnt and honed when they were children.
I was a bit of a loner growing up. No siblings, two parents that worked a lot, tons of homework, a private school that largely sheltered me from the common kids on the street, and only a handful of friends due to our limited class numbers, that lived miles away due to our huge catchment area. By having a dad who was mad about football, he passed that onto me from a young age. That was compounded by the extended family also being mad about it, and my school friends too. So after only a small number of years, but a significant part of my then short lifespan, I was hooked. Nothing meant more to me than the ball. Even now in my mid-twenties, all the girlfriends I have had, stacked together, make up only a small fraction of the devotion and dedication that I have given the game. That’s why they all know that they will always be second best. Now I’m not saying that kids have to be passionate about a sport until the point of unhealthy obsession. What I am saying is that the parents must try very hard to build in good habits of fun, competition, wanting to better oneself, and keeping healthy at a very young age.
As well as the body, the mind must also be looked after, and this is where I begin dealing with the problems of other people. The U15 boys team has been giving me a lot of grief lately. One mother has accused me of calling her boy a “fucking little shit”. Seeing as the word ‘little’ is the only one of the three that I use, no one really believes that. I’m just not capable of saying that, especially to a kid. It seems that one or two boys are having some problems in their lives, like divorce, bullying, bad grades (boo hoo, wah wah), and are acting out in many constructive ways, such as sneaking out of sessions, answering back, telling lies, taking their phones out while playing games, and even sneaking off to the gym to take pictures of women exercising, to then come back to the session and show the photos to other players. Of course, the boys wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t such a bad coach. It’s amazing, and I imagine it is the same for teachers, that how in any bad situation, there’s always a way that it is your fault. Sometimes you can wait for days, even weeks, before you find out it was your fault. It still comes as a surprise, and the ways it is your fault become more creative and unbelievable each time, yet they always find their way back to you. Just when I thought something wasn’t my fault, it turns out that it was my fault.
In a quiet moment, you do actually begin to feel sorry for the kids, as you realise, there is no hope for them. They are past the point of no return. They will forever be, an arsehole. They haven’t quite achieved their full potential yet, but they are well away on their path, slowly accelerating, edging closer and closer to a lifetime of failed relationships, emotional instability, and an impressive sense of self-righteousness. Can you have interventions? Absolutely. But this often creates problems that you are just not paid enough to want to care about. If I’m being paid to run a session, and a kid’s behaviour constantly disrupts that session, and I have tried many other methods leading up to that point, you have to remove them from that session, entirely for the benefit of the other kids that aren’t being disruptive, yet have to play witness to your constant battles with the one bad kid. “But it’s not fair, wah wah wah” is often something you hear from someone who has gone beyond their fifteenth last chance, has pushed you way beyond your limits, and you have finally cracked the whip. Tears start to flow, tantrums are had, and they do everything they can to make you look like the bad guy. The worst thing is, too many parents out there will side with the kid, despite not being present at the incident. They will take the word of their neglected and manipulative eight year old over you. Let’s examine the motives for a second. Why would I want to get rid of a kid? I don’t have an instant and distinct disliking of certain types of children. To think like that is paranoid and petty. I serve to gain absolutely nothing by removing a child, so why would I do it if I didn’t have to? Do people really think that their kid is that important to me that I would engage them in some kind of mind game? I don’t care. But then if we applied logic from the beginning, we probably wouldn’t have got to this situation that we’re in now.
My players should never know if I have had a good day or a bad day leading up to the session. Some that know me personally outside of the game may be aware of such bad events, but I do my best to remain in Spock mode. Events such as deaths, and other less tragic incidents such as break ups, failures, job losses, and even career threatening accusations that have you awake all night, contemplating chucking all your things in a bag and fleeing to Thailand. There was one incident four years ago now, and a particularly bad school in Southampton. They were by far the least competent kids I have seen, both in sport and in behaviour. One kid was being typical of himself by acting out and starting fights with the others. He was about seven or so. He stormed off across the field during the middle of the session after I told him off for doing something wrong. So now what? Chase one kid who is on the war path and leave a large group of them running wild unsupervised? Or let the kid go, and at the very least, feel good about improving the gene pool? Of course I went after the kid. I tried all sorts to calm him down, as his temper flared and he was making threats and accusations about the rest of the group. He was breaking down. As the tears and snot flooded from his face, I could just about detect between the howls that he was saying his dad beats him down the stairs. This was less than twenty four hours after a childhood friend had died from a brain tumour. I didn’t have to go into work that day. I thought that I might as well, seeing as sitting around the house feeling sad won’t change anything. While some of the tears and snot were spraying their way onto me, I remember thinking very clearly and calmly. “I don’t care”, and had a strong inclination that the kid deserved it. I had my own troubles and my own trauma to go through. All I was doing was trying to teach some kids how to use a hockey stick properly, while keeping my mind occupied from the tragedy, and I had this now going on in front of me, while earning little more than minimum wage. I almost walked away. Part of me had an urge to punt the kid over the fence first. No one ever trains you for these situations. All the coaching education courses just talk about fantasyland scenarios where everyone turns up on time, is eager to learn, and already possess a decent amount of skill. What about the five year old kids that put their shorts down and wave their penises? What about the parents that like to spread wicked email chains about you behind your back? What about those players that you just never see because their parents are too lazy to take them to training? How do we coaches deal with this stuff? Eventually the kid calmed down, and we went back to the session, but I was stunned and found it very difficult to continue. Later that night, my session with Winchester Women went a lot better. I was friendly with the players and dating one of them, so they all knew what had happened, and all knew that I just wanted to concentrate on coaching without any distractions. They gave me their support and their best.
Defiant kids come from defiant parents. I’m not talking Rosa Parks defiant. I’m talking about the kind of person that would park in a handicapped spot just because they are lazy, or were only going to be quick. There’s a difference between standing up for what you believe in, and constantly chastising the referee because you can’t forgive them for not noticing that a throw-in should have been given to the other team twenty minutes ago. When we want players to be defiant, we want them to not give up, and never accept failure as an option. That is commendable. What we don’t want is for them to refuse to wear a bib in practice, or to only play if they can be on their friend’s team. I have a boy in my U9 team who is a bit like that. He is prone to outbursts, and will react to provocation. His dad proudly proclaims “he gets that from me”. Then you need locking up don’t you, having posed as a competent parent for nine years now, when you’ve actually created a mini version of your idiot self. Who could be proud of an eight year old hitting other players when they are upset? He’s just standing up for himself, right? Perhaps I am naïve if I think that humanity has moved on from the mind set of “Get hit, hit back twice as hard”, but clearly it still lives on, thriving in the harshly competitive dog-eat-dog underworld of youth soccer. Just last night, I had a session with the U9 team. The other U9 team coach wasn’t there, so the boys joined in with my boys. I had sixteen. Bear in mind that there have been problems in the past between these two teams, despite both belonging to the same club. I did well to integrate them successfully, and avoid any problems. They were kept active, the teams changed sufficiently, and there was always a challenge. The defiant kid was being a pain. Kicking the balls of other players away, kicking sand at people, and poking other players in the buttocks. I told him two or three times that he needed to stop that, or would be in time out. I was too lenient, I know, but then had sixteen energetic boys to look after, as well as one energetic parent, who believes himself to be Pep Guardiola, but I will come to that later. Right at the end, after a successful session, where everyone had fun and there were no incidents at all, during the debrief, this boy just suddenly decided to hit another kid in the back. As you do. Completely normal behaviour to hit someone in the back for no reason. Me, being the ever unreasonable demonic coach that I am, told the boy to go sit at the side so I could talk to him in a minute. No anger, no malice, just Vulcan-like tranquillity, at which I specialise. He refused, so I told him again. He said no. Keeping calm and doing my best Chris Hansen impression, the boy refused to take a seat over there, and was now beginning to shout “I didn’t meant to”. No accusations, no threats, no moral judgement. Merely asking the kid to go away for a moment before going to talk to him about the incident. He teared up as he kept repeating it, and was starting to shake. The other kids thought it was hilarious, and started to mimic him. He wasn’t backing down, and the hole was getting deeper. Even after telling him that he ran the risk of not playing in our next game, he would still not back down. Now we had to get off the pitch as the next team was due to start, and the situation went unresolved.
I cannot talk to this boy’s father. He doesn’t like me. He also gets angry for no reason, and is fairly confrontational. I could take him in a fight, I know that, even without knowing the Vulcan death grip, but it should never come to that. I don’t want to be in that situation, and do not feel comfortable having such a conversation with him. A conversation with the mother will only come back to the father, and we are back at the same problem. Conversations with the boy obviously have their limitations. What’s lacking here are the skills to compromise, to listen, and to self-reflect. Many people can feel hard done by, and may not be approachable at that moment, but this boy and his father would still not be approachable about the subject even weeks down the line. Avoiding it would be easy, but then what does the kid learn? Conversely, is it my place to tell the father that he is an aggressive jumped up Neanderthal that runs the risk of condemning his little darling to a lifetime of problems caused by a short fuse, resulting in potential years of therapy? Of course it’s not. Again, I don’t get paid enough to care. It’s actually money. The thing I need to pay for my education to get me away from these idiots. The thing I need in order to buy food. The thing I need to put fuel in my car so that I can get to these sessions, in order for the whole world to scrutinise every little detail of my training. Why should I risk upsetting the harmonious balance of poor pay for animosity filled conditions? Do these people realise the effect that they have on my livelihood? I don’t have kids that depend on my income, but that shouldn’t matter. Human to human, when did it ever become acceptable to treat others like this?
Going back to the Pep imitator at this very same session, he’s not a parent of one of my boys. At times, I thought perhaps he is just over-zealous in his encouragement. Then I noticed a few things that crossed the line. He was giving specific coaching instructions to his boy and a couple others. I’m not sure if they were conflicting with mine, as often instructions from the side are garbled nonsense that possess very little practicality. The point is, you just don’t do that. Later I noticed that he physically crossed the line. The white line that marks the boundary of the playing area. He crossed that, entered the session, and started barking instructions while pointing wildly at things. Thoughts immediately turn to the kid, and the funeral we must have for his chances of becoming a fully functioning adult. He’s a nice kid and a good player. But again, I ask the question, am I paid enough to care? This session was a one-off. He is not one of my parents. I had sixteen kids, some of which were being poked in the bum, to keep an eye on and coach. If I confronted him, how well would he have taken it? How would it have made the kid feel? Would it have created further problems for me to then have to deal with? I tried to resolve the matter positively. Whenever I heard him saying stuff, I coached over the top of it. You don’t want to interrupt the coach, right? When he was giving advice to his boy, I stopped the game, made the kids stand still, and used question and answer and guided discovery to get them to solve problems. Where can you go? What would you do if the ball goes here? Do you need to be so far away? So I was taking control. Sadly, with two 4v4 games going on side by side, I couldn’t always be on top of it. In the next set of 4v4 games, I moved his kid’s team to the other pitch, the one further away. That meant it wasn’t obvious, as all teams had to change their opponents. I will have to mention it to the boss, as I had never seen anything like it. I’ve complained about parents being too involved before. Just read anything about my time in Mexico. But this guy took it to new levels. To actually go into the session, put his arm around a boy, point at certain things, and then tell him what to do, that really does cross the line. Parents only go in if someone is hurt or a shoe needs to be tied.
I wish I could have dealt with all of the aforementioned problems better, I really do. In hindsight, I must have prioritised them by need and importance at that precise moment, and done what I thought was right. It’s the very same reason why I’m not a multi-lingual, multi-instrumental, ambi-dextrous, professional soccer, basketball, golf, and tennis player. There’s just not enough time to do it all. You can’t win every battle, and not every battle is worth fighting. Choose the ones that are worth the fight, and win them.
As an aside from all this, for the months of December and January, I earned just £200. School holidays and rain have meant that I have done very little work. That’s not liveable. Yet more applications have been sent off to see if I can make some hours up somewhere. My debts are getting bigger, and time until I’m earning a good wage as a teacher seems to be getting slower and slower. How can I find something that works around my current commitments, leaves me with enough spare time to study, gives me sufficient days off for course support days, and isn’t permanent, thus allowing me to begin teacher training in September? I could send off hundreds of applications and not hear back. A lot of employers don’t like to respond. Maybe I need to venture outside of the sporting world.

Entry 22: Wednesday 17th February 2016

There have been many interesting developments since the last instalment. I will get the easy stuff out the way first.
I have sent off many applications to schools and coaching companies to see what extra hours I can get. This having no money thing is really becoming tiresome. My car broke down at one in the morning because I was short on petrol, meaning my dad had to get out of bed to come rescue me. That was embarrassing. The bank is charging me so much money for not having money, that I am now not earning enough money to pay off interest, bank charges, and other such related fees. That is an incredibly fun situation to be in. Another embarrassing situation took place yesterday at the bank when I went in to pay off a charge, and the money was taken away instantly to pay off another charge, leaving me with nothing to pay the first charge, resulting in yet another charge coming my way. When this will end, I really don’t know. An interview I had went well, and with a bit of luck, I may start next week. It will be breakfast clubs and after school clubs, bringing in some much needed extra cash.
As far as football goes, I have hardly seen my boys due to the weather and the school break, so nothing to report on there.
All the drama has been taking place at Saints Ladies. In what was a relatively unremarkable training session, though bitterly cold, it has since turned out to be a potentially defining moment in our season. It was time for the six week bleep test, which was even poorer than usual. Two players refused to do it, and have since left the club. It’s not unusual for players to moan about it. Fitness, wah wah wah, especially with the lack of games. These two didn’t want to do it due to injuries. Obviously ten minutes of running back and forth is so much more harmful than playing for an hour and a half.
From the fitness test, we went into a 3v3 exercise, which would be a mixture of a wave practice, an advanced technical practice, and perhaps even a squad practice. Three attackers would be set loose against three defenders and a goalkeeper, with the task of scoring. Then the next wave of attackers begin their attack. I was working with the three defenders throughout this to get them used to dropping and absorbing pressure in counter attack situations, where the midfield line has been penetrated. The three centre backs are to be the three centre backs to be used against our first team tomorrow night in the cup semi final. There was a lot of emergency defending, getting them to protect the red zone at all costs, and make decisions about which is the lesser of all the evils.
That progressed into a functional practice, which was 7v8, with the seven trying to score in the goal, and the eight trying to protect it. Once the eight got it, could they play out and get the ball over the half way line. It was to get the defence used to defending against combination play, and to see how the structure of my assessment topic would work. As far as structure goes, I am happy with it, but the biggest challenge is the combination play. How do I manage the opposition to be effective at combinations before I even begin getting my defence to defend against it? That’s going to be the biggest issue.
Finally, we progressed into a small sided game, of two even teams. My assistant took one, and I took the other. My team was winning quite easily, so we had our half time, and I asked my team if they would like more of a challenge. They agreed, so I explained the concept of gegenpressing, which Dortmund did under Jurgen Klopp. I asked them to choose a player on the opposite side, Player A or Player B. They chose A. I instructed them that whenever A gets the ball, they all press together, giving her no time and space on the ball. If the opposition pass to her, that is their trigger to press. If Player B gets the ball, they are to drop off and let her have it. It worked really well. Player A was forced into making many mistakes, which resulted in scoring opportunities. When Player B had the ball, the team responded well by dropping back into position, and regaining their compactness. It was most impressive to see how well they responded to what is a relatively new concept for them, and also just how effective it was.
At the end of the session, we came in for our collective chat, and openly spoke about the idea. Player A seemed to take offence that she was elected as the player to be pressed. Everyone else saw it as a great idea, and enjoyed discussing how and when it would work. I don’t believe that anyone there saw it as an attack on Player A as an individual. The only one to make fun of her for it was Player B, who is also a friend of hers.
Within about half an hour, I began to receive texts and phone calls from two dads. One was from Player A, and the other was the goalkeeper. The first line of both messages seemed to be inquisitive to say the least, and with it being late, and me having a girlfriend and a family that I want to go home and see, stress free, I decided to not get involved until the next day. Good choice, as I had a good, well deserved sleep. The next day, I decided to read them. This also falls in line with the twenty four hour rule that we should be using when dealing with parents. Let things cool off first.
The dad of the goalkeeper was complaining that his daughter received no goalkeeper training, and was not engaged all evening. I have to agree with that, as despite her playing in goal for an hour and a half, she did not dive once, and made probably just one save with her hands. Why make a dive for the ball when there’s a perfectly good net behind you that can stop the ball for you? The goalkeeper coach that usually sees her at the start of the session was not there. Who can blame him? He’s been coming so many weeks, and she hardly ever shows up. So the Dad said that she will no longer come to training, and will only be available for matches. If we can’t deal with that, then we will need to look for another keeper. I began doing that right away.
The dad of Player A, one who likes to text me quite frequently with his thoughts and opinions, gave me a long sob story about how we had all been so mean to her, and that she will not be coming back. Both dads stated that they will be putting in a complaint against me to the club. In light of that, I went ahead and forwarded everything onto the club.
Then the team selection went out, and that’s when it really hit the fan. Of course neither of these players were listed in the squad. To my mind, they had left. Saying they are leaving, saying that they won’t be coming to training, saying that we should find a replacement. Unless I am mistaken, I felt I was supposed to take that as them leaving the team. They may not have meant it though, as people often say different things to what they actually mean. So when the team went out, and neither of them were included in the squad or even in the communication for that matter (they had left, so no need to contact them, right?) they heard from other players that they were not in the team, and then decided to tell the rest of the players that due to not being picked, they had decided to leave the team. This contradicts what I had been told by them just the night before, but seems like a way for them to pin it back on me. To their surprise, the tears weren’t shed by their former teammates in their group chat. “So he drops you once and you decide to quit?” was the response of one player. And that was that.
The allegations since made at me were that I had been bullying players, and encouraging others to do so. Yeah yeah yeah. I’m a huge bully. As someone who never says mean things, doesn’t swear, don’t raise my voice, I fit the description of a bully. The goalkeeper could hardly have been bullied by me, as she was never left out of the team. Pretty much the only player to be consistently picked despite missing training so frequently. Player A on the other hand, well she was hardly picked. So if not picking a player that constantly misses training (even though it’s totally never her fault) is bullying, I am definitely a bully.
This began on Thursday, it’s now Wednesday, and I still have not replied to any of their messages. They are still so angry. What would be the point? They have left the club, and so my obligation to them is finished. If they are going to be angry and threatening about a situation, then I have no reason to get involved. The goalkeeper’s dad said he would come to our game on Sunday to demand an explanation face to face, but sadly he never showed up. If he did, he would have seen us win, with the first team keeper that we borrowed playing an absolute blinder. The face to face explanation has since been rescheduled for tomorrow, when we play our semi final match. It’s not just me that has fallen victim to vaguely threatening messages. One of the players, a supposed instigator of this bullying, has come under fire, with such chilling intimidations of “wind your neck in” and “you’ll see”. The club Twitter account too has been on the wrong end of this, receiving tweets that said:
“ fully grown women bullying 16/1 year old girls how do we feel about that ????”
And…
“and 2 17 year olds”
A point can often be blunted by incorrect grammar. It took our top team of social media defence experts just six minutes to delete the messages and block the user from contacting the handle again. This kind of defence is up there with the British Trident Nuclear Defence System. To dig deeper and get some more information on the situation, the club requested from me some details in regards to the attendance of both the players. It makes for interesting reading.
Thursday evening training 2016
Keeper 3/6
Player A 2/6
All trainings of 2016, including Tuesday, Thursday, and in place of cancelled games on Sundays
Keeper 7/16 = 44%
Player A 3/16 = 19%
Thursday evenings going back to August 2015
Keeper 12/22 = 55%
Player A 9/22 = 41%
All trainings since my records began on the 23rd of August 2015
Keeper 24/50 = 48%
Player A 13/50 = 28%
Both players have had to miss some sessions due to injuries, as pretty much everyone will do at some point, but those attendance figures are alarmingly low. Which is why the rest of the team hardly seems to notice that they are gone. I then went on to add this:
“Their attendance is generally pretty low, both attending below half the amount of sessions that the team has had, with Player A attending just over a quarter of all sessions in total. Both players have previously stated that they can only really come to Thursday sessions, but at 55% and 41% attendance for Thursdays alone, we can see that this is just not true. Even on a Sunday, if our game is called off and we arrange a training session, they are still frequently absent.”
There have been other messages, none of which I have responded to. The dad of Player A has sent me a couple essays, which I have completely ignored. He told me by text on Thursday that his daughter was leaving the club. Therefore, my relationship with them had ended. Personally, having been accused of bullying his daughter, and with him going straight to the club without first having a conversation with me to clarify any such issues, I had lost any respect that would be due to him. Perhaps I could do the decent thing and respond, but I don’t see how anyone would benefit from that. What would I get my way? More accusations and more aggression? Take your opinion to the club and let them decide if I have done anything wrong. People can’t have it every which way. You can’t be a dick to me and then expect a civilised conversation. What do they want to achieve? Do these players want to come back? Do they want to play? If they do, they certainly haven’t shown that in my eight months at the club. What is there to suggest that would change? With all that’s been said, they certainly couldn’t come back into the group and just continue as if nothing happened. Or maybe they want an apology from me. You don’t apologise when you’ve done nothing wrong, and you don’t apologise when you don’t mean it. These players have left, and I’m okay with that.
So onto the game. It was in doubt due to the weather, but it went ahead. There was a strange level of excitement in the team. Finally, after all this time, we had a match. We were confident, and no one seemed to be hung up on the events of the past couple of days. We had a keeper for the game as the first team had no game, so we borrowed theirs. She had a great game, and really made the difference. Had we had our normal keeper, we would have lost. Our former keeper does not leave her goal line, doesn’t like to dive, and doesn’t like to play with her feet. Just by doing what she is supposed to do, the first team keeper was a huge improvement. We played West Ham and decided to attack them in a 4-2-3-1, moving forward quickly, and pressing them high. We scored two goals after twenty and twenty three minutes, which were both quite similar. The ball passed out to wide right, crossed to the far post, then finished, with the second one being laid back to be finished from the same sequence. We remained on top of West Ham for the rest of the half and nearly added a third before half time, yet again, the same move.
At half time in the changing rooms, my teamtalk was interrupted by shouting, screaming, and banging, coming from across the hall. It was the West Ham manager. Evidently, he was rather upset. We listened to it for a while, being able to pick out clear words and phrases. They were going to come out fired up, no doubt about it. Now that, that was bullying. In that moment, I felt appreciation ooze out of the players towards me. One of them remarked “If you spoke to me like that, I’d walk out”. And rightly so.
We tried to keep it tight, absorbing the West Ham attack as best as we could. It was a gamble to sit deeper, but it paid off. As a team, we have dealt with this a lot this season. The Hammers did get one back, which was poked in following a scramble in front of the goal, but could not get a second or a third. We held on. It was tight. It was very tight. It took me about forty eight hours to come down from the high. What a spirited performance that was. In light of everything that had happened, we pulled together, and got a well deserved and much needed win. It was thoroughly enjoyable, and has definitely helped my position. That’s four players to have left us now, which are now referred to as the Fantastic Four, due to their largely inflated feelings of self-worth, and the fact that there are four of them. Had we not started winning games (three in a row now with only one goal conceded) I might have started to feel the heat, but we are on a run, have moved up from tenth to seventh in the table, and have a new found togetherness and confidence. There will be more hurdles in the future, but we are gaining momentum for now.
Our attention swiftly turned to Thursday night’s game. Three games in eight days is new for us, having gone one game in two months. Tuesday’s training was a very easy session. Some light ball work for recovery, some tactical examples, and then a game. It was very awkward to train side by side with the first team knowing that we were to do battle in just forty eight hours. Whether they paid attention or not is irrelevant, as they would still have to stop us.
When we have played them before, we know that they hate when we go into 5-3-2. It is so frustrating for them. In the key areas of the field, we outnumber them 3v2 in the defensive and middle third, and match up 2v2 in our attacking third. This leaves a lot of space in wide areas, but we will be so compact in the middle, making it hard for them to play through us. This is not a team that works well from crosses, preferring to play through the centre. That will be very hard for them to play their normal game plan. We know that they become frustrated easily, and like to argue with each other. We also know that their midfielders do not like to track back. We intend to hit them on the counter attack, using our speed up front to rip right through them with direct balls behind or through the defence. The right and left defender will be encouraged to join in with the attacks, pushing up as wingers, because we will still have four covering for safety. The players know which zones they should and shouldn’t press into, and where our line of engagement is. We expect to have eleven players behind the ball when out of possession, and the team know not to move forward a line to cover a player out of position i.e. a midfielder not tracking back to be replaced by a defender pushing up. It is important that we remain disciplined in our roles. Do your job right, to the best of your ability, and we may pull off a miracle.
I am very excited.

Entry 23: Wednesday 2nd March 2016

It has been a busy two weeks. Right now I write this while dripping excessively from the nose. The Wilson household has been fighting the flu in recent times. I will start by mentioning that I have agreed to help with the Saints U14 girls. The parents have been horrible to the coach, a young woman with limited experience in coaching, and she has left. This is the second time they have done that to a coach. Essentially, they want the former coach, a different one to the two they have scared away, to come back and run the team. This is one of the dads. He left last season as he didn’t have the time to do it anymore, but now they are lobbying for him to come back.
It’s a sad case. I can’t get to any of the games, apart from maybe one or two, so the club will try and get someone along, rather than letting a parent run it, and I will take the training on a Thursday. Taking them last week, it has to be noted that they cannot defend. This team is winning heavily every week, and is even playing up a year. They are not being challenged. So let’s challenge them. We have to find was as a club of putting them up against tougher opponents, as the leagues here are so weak. If not, when these girls are old enough to play adult football, they will essentially be useless. There clearly is a lot of talent to work with, but none of them enjoy the off the ball side of things. You’ll find that two teams of eleven makes twenty two, who all have to share one ball. This means that at any given time in a game, there will be twenty one players without a ball. If your mate has it, work hard to support them. If the other team has it, work hard to win it back. When we moved into a game, there were two players that did nothing but stand shoulder to shoulder and talk the whole evening. I would have filmed it, if it were not for child protection laws. At the end, during the debrief, I remarked to the group that although we played 6v6, it was really 5v5, and that if they just wanted to come to training to chat, then they can go stand at the side and do so, while I make the area size more appropriate for those that do want to play. I also pointed out that neither of them received a pass all game. This was 6v6 for about twenty five minutes, and they did not receive a pass. Would shouting at them the first time I noticed this behaviour have helped or changed things? Yes, it probably would have made them work a bit harder, but they would be doing it to shut me up, therefore making the motivation extrinsic, and thus turning it into a losing battle. At this time, the rest of the group had an embarrassed giggle about them, as if perhaps they had been wanting someone to make that point about the two of them.
There’s been more drama with the U15 boys team. A bot has left, claiming to have been bullied by the other players in the team. For the last half an hour, we played a small sided game of 6v6. One team had the team’s goalkeeper, who stayed in for the whole time. I instructed the other team to rotate their goalkeeper after every goal. A couple goals had gone in, and I had noticed that they had not changed. The boy in there was trying hard to make saves, and was doing well. More goals went in, and he stayed in goal. After a while, I went up to him and asked if he would like to change. He said “nothing”, which was an answer to a different question. I tried again, and he said he didn’t want to come out. Okay, fair enough. At fifteen, you would assume that he would be sure enough to be able to answer such a question, and in the middle of training, I don’t really want to start a counselling session with a boy I see just once a week.
On the way home, I get a phone call from the manager saying that the mum had been on the phone to him, and that the boy has quit. I was being blamed, as were the other boys in the team. It turns out that he interpreted staying in goal and having the other boys take shots at him as bullying. Apparently he was covered in bruises. As someone who has been hit very hard by footballs in many different areas of the body, I can quite honestly say that bruises for soccer ball impacts are so very rare. It has to be a rock hard ball, smashed at you from close range, on the most freezing cold night. Even then, it’s rarely a bruise, and more often a ball imprint with a Nike tick on it. These boys were certainly not smashing the ball at this kid from close range. The objective is to put the ball in the goal, not hit the goalkeeper. And bullying is targeted, systematic, over a prolonged period of time. If anything, she means neglect, but I don’t think playing in goal in soccer practice would have any social workers.
What joy it all is. I missed the most recent session due to illness, and I will miss the next two U15 practices due to being away on courses. I really can’t be arsed with this team anymore. I have no bond with the players, and since I’m not at the games, I cannot link training to games. The manager gives me stuff to work on, such as; drills for attacking, quick pass and move, beating the defender, placement and power. That’s all for one session, and may be clear to him, but is not clear for me. Each topic is fairly generic for U15s, then multiply that ambiguity by five. Just WTF is my session supposed to actually look like? They only have a few games left before the season finishes, and as I’m not there anyway, it might just make sense for me to leave.
In the last two weeks I finalised my teaching application, and in the same day, was offered an interview at a primary school in Southampton. That took place only a few days later, and I was one of four to be interviewed that day. Later, in the evening, I received a conditional offer, giving me a place to teach primary school starting next September. This is an unsalaried position, and I will be unable to gain any kind of bursary or grant large enough to be able to pay for the fees entirely, of £9,000 for the year. There are sadly very few salaried training positions, despite what the advertisements say. Start teaching next year, and you could earn up to £30,000 through a bursary or government grant. What it doesn’t say is if you teach maths or physics, in secondary school, in Central London. So without knowing that, many people see it as an attractive career prospect. If you’re straight out of university, for most people, you will be somewhere between £20,000 - £30,000 in debt. Can you really afford another £9,000, plus a year of no income? Absolutely not. It’s scandalous that they can ask for that.
There have been many news reports lately about a teacher shortage in the UK. Many of them are leaving the country to go work overseas. The number reported was about 100,000. I’m not sure just how correct that is, but anyway. They want to put measures in place that will stop newly qualified teachers (NQT) from going abroad in the first few years. If they do that, then the amount of talented people applying to become teachers will drop significantly. Rather than forcing teachers to stay, let’s instead try and understand why it is they are leaving. Why I will be doing the same in a few years’ time. Most of these countries are sunny. That helps. We can’t change that in the UK. Why else? Better wages, that are tax free. More holidays. Reduced workload. Greater job benefits, such as free apartment with bills paid, sometimes with a pool, gym membership, perhaps a car. Schools with much greater facilities. Opportunity. Far less accountability.
I will look at each point, starting with accountability. This encompasses many things. In the UK, we have gone way beyond what is necessary for welfare and safeguarding. Obviously it needs to be there, and we need to have measures in place to help and protect children. Now we are almost living in fear of what we can do and say, that we are tripping over ourselves to not do anything wrong. The demands placed on this in charge of and responsible for children is to actually be perfect at all times, and never make a mistake. Even if your time with the children is an hour a week, you better not do anything stupid, or else you could be out of a job. What if parents were held to the same level of accountability? What if we criticised parents’ use of language, dress, timing, interaction, lifestyle choices etc.? We can’t be perfect all the time, and we will never get everything right. Kids cannot be sheltered from idiots, and instead, that should sometimes be embraced. “That was stupid, don’t do that because…” is much better than putting your hands on their ears and screaming “LALALALALALALALA”.
Linking into that comes opportunity. In a second world nation, a school trip can be organised with relative ease when compared to the military style operation of a school trip in the first world. Obviously, far more could go wrong in a place like Mexico than in sunny old England, but it’s much easier in places such as Mexico to get kids off site and seeing and experiencing the world. Then comes professional opportunity. If you knuckle down and work hard, you will be able to progress higher up the ladder. This is in part due to there being less competition abroad as most will only stay for two or three years. But if you really want to be a head teacher, or head of a department, you’ll be willing to make such sacrifices, regardless of location. And with all this comes the feeling that you are actually making a difference. That can’t be seen as easily in the UK. We are all in these educational roles because we want to affect positive change.
I look at a lot of these foreign schools and become envious. I’m comparing private school to private school. I went to a private school with very little to offer in the way of facilities. This was across the board in all subjects, not just the obvious ones like sport. The technology, the classrooms, the buildings etc. Everything. And no, this stuff isn’t the be all and end all of education. What matters far more is the subject knowledge and ability to teach, but anyone with any ambition will be looking for these marginal gains. Old fashioned chalk board, or interactive screen?
Job perks are a factor that cannot be neglected. We shouldn’t be looking at “What’s in it for me?” but certain perks do make life easier by removing mundane and often inconsequential choices. Child care, insurance, healthcare, gym access etc. and suddenly, a load has been taken off your mind. It frees up thinking space to do your job better. It can also create a feeling that they actually care about you and your wellbeing.
There’s a reduced workload, which links into the accountability. In the UK, we are expected, and I mean teachers and coaches here, to be in control of everything, despite not being trained to do so. Yesterday I had a girl have a howling fit that lasted for half an hour. She was not crying, but still making the noises in order to prove a point. It was disrupting the other kids. What do I do? Attend to her or attend to the rest of the group? Should I try to calm her down or not do that since I actually have no idea what I’m doing and will probably make the situation worse? Being abroad doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with this stuff, just that you’re not in a culture where you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
The interview was very good. It was in four parts, which were; face to face interview, presentation of a current educational topic, delivery of a reading activity to a group of kids, and to write an essay explaining why you want to be a teacher. They brought in heads from across the partnership, who were all there to have a look at us. I found them to be helpful and positive, looking at who we could be, rather than digging for our flaws.
I will explain them in the order I did them. First was the essay. I had to pretend that I had a new class, and that I was writing to the parents of my class to explain who I am, and why I would be a good teacher. I wrote one page of A4, and having not written a paper by pen for a while, I forgot how to write joined up writing, or cursive as it is called in the USA. I’m used to scribbling out notes at games, so don’t join the letters to make it easier to read. It changed after a paragraph, but must look silly to an outsider. I wrote about my commitment to the learning of each child, how I will take seriously the duty of care, be a good role model, and do everything I can to the best of my ability, with the best interests of the learner at heart. Good enough. Hope my English was okay.
Next I went into a room with two head teachers who had a series of questions to ask me. They were pretty much why I want to be a teacher, what my skills are, what I can bring to the profession, why I think I am suited for teaching. One question asked what I think the biggest challenges for teachers are. Parents. They laughed. I know, I really do. They are the bane of the existence for anyone working with kids. I felt I connected with both of them, and that they were genuinely interested in me as a person. I answered with confidence, with passion, and even a little humour to demonstrate I was in control of the situation. It came natural, and I looked good in a suit. Some of my questions were quite long and detailed, much like this blog entry, just going over 2,500 words now. Some were so detailed in fact that they actually answered what was to be the next question. I explained a lot as I often do quite candidly about how my own schooling has shaped my view on teaching, and that I will be determined to not be the same as them. It was uplifting to walk around a school and see and hear activity. Children up and about, engaging with one another and the teacher, working in groups, attempting to solve problems. Very little of the sit still, shut up, face the front, copy the board kind of teaching that I experience at private school. I explained about learning styles and about truly reaching out to the child and trying to inspire them in whatever it may be that works for them.
The presentation was a five minute Power Point about a topic of our choosing. With help from my cousin particularly, I did a presentation on attendance. Turns out that the Southampton area is one of the worst in the country. I went through some ideas on what can be done, and why attendances may be low. For the first time in ages, I read from notes. I explained to them with only a few days to prepare, and a big game at the weekend, that my preparation was limited, and that I usually research the subject well enough and rehearse the presentation well enough that I can do it off the cuff, with no prompting. They asked me my opinions on children taking time off to go on holiday during school time. It’s sad that the prices are so high that they need to do that, and that travelling should be encouraged, as it opens the mind of the traveller. And then what about a child who has the holiday of a lifetime, but then returns with two weeks of work missing? I said I really don’t know, and that it would probably depend on many factors, such as year, grade, subject, weeks or days until next subject begins, as well as a few others.
Last I went into a room with five kids, two girls and three boys, and had to do my reading activity. I don’t know what an appropriate book is for an eight year old. Luckily, my cousin helped again. He provided me with a very interesting book that somewhat resembled Little Red Riding Hood. It was a picture book with small amounts of words in it. A few of the children nearly killed me when right at the start they said they had already read it. Oh bloody hell. In each illustration is something a little strange, and a little hard to see. It’s often clues from other childhood stories. That, with the grammar and wording, enabled me to ask lots of questions and pose lots of challenges to the kids about why the author may have done this or that. They were enthralled. Literally on the edge of their seats. A genuine success.
I have two more teaching applications to hear back from. I don’t know when they will get in touch, but I do hope it is soon. I don’t like to wait, and I do like to plan.
With Saints, the last few weeks have been eventful. Following on from the bullying saga, we have replaced the goalkeeper. She played her first game in a 4-1 loss away to Portsmouth. We weren’t at our best that day. It all went very wrong before the game started, and considering that we lost 3-0 to them before, there are some positives to take from that. Before, we couldn’t attack, and had a squad of sixteen. This Sunday gone, with all our injuries, absences, and illnesses, we had a squad of thirteen. One pulled out of the starting lineup, our returning captain, and another was far too sick, so didn’t play. If we had not borrowed a player from the first team, who played the whole game out of position, we would have been stuck by ten. We had identified Pompey as a team we were unlikely to get any points from, so felt we had nothing to lose against them. It all went so very wrong, so we lost nothing, and for those who believe in bad luck, I think we had all of ours in one go, getting it out the way for the remaining games. We looked lethargic in this game. It took us twenty minutes to be able to connect a pass, and could not cope with the movement of Pompey. We went 1-0 very early on, and struggled from there. Through individual brilliance, one of our forwards unleashed a ferocious shot from range to put us back level at 1-1, though we really had no right to be in the game. Two minutes later and Portsmouth re-established their lead, going 2-1 up. After the half, the game continued like that. Frustration was evident on the faces of our players, as nothing was going our way. One player received a yellow card for dissent, which is absolutely ridiculous. You should never get yourself in trouble like that. Our new keeper did make a good save from a free-kick, but as is typical, none of our players reacted to the rebound. Silly.
The new keeper is not near her best yet. Six weeks since she previously did anything in regards to football following an operation, and a step up of many leagues, being thrown into a game against very tough opponents. You have to feel for her a bit. While she adjusts, we won’t see her at her best for some time. What she does provide that is new for us is, is her communication with the defence. She’s also a positive and upbeat person that is good to have around the team. Definitely good to have on bus trips.
Our game versus the first team was a good exhibition for the club. We gave them a good game for eighty three minutes. There was an appearance from the threatening dad of the former goalkeeper, with the keeper and mother too. “Come on you reds!” he encouraged throughout the game. What was his angle? Who cares? We played defensively and were confident in our strategy. They went 2-0 up, but that didn’t affect our game plan or our confidence. One of our U16 players scored a great goal from the edge of the box, following the ball rebounding from a corner. A great moment for her as the U16 coach is the first team goalkeeper. The second half began and we believed we could come back into it. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the first or second goal. 4-1 down, but we kept going, and for our efforts, pulled it back to 4-2 after a defender put one of our crosses into her own net. With not long left, a third goal for us would make things very interesting. Sadly, that never happened. We suddenly fell apart, and conceded three very avoidable goals in the final seven minutes. 4-2 is far more respectful than 7-2. The result did not reflect our performance, but we got a lot of credit from many involved with the club. The players were happy with themselves, but annoyed at the score.
The best moment recently was our away trip to Chichester, which we won 5-1, and it could have been many more. We played absolutely outstanding that day. It was a joy to watch. The pitch was dreadful. Muddy, bumpy, long grass, with wet patches covered in sawdust. With all that had happened recently, we needed some positive performances to lift the team and prove to ourselves that we are capable. It was 2-1 at half time, and I made a very difficult and unpopular decision. Our right back and right winger were both struggling. The defender was not moving anymore due to the onset of the illness that kept her out of the Portsmouth game, and the right midfielder was hobbling, so could not run. The problem was, that we only had two on the bench, both U16s that had played that morning, the day before, and ninety minutes a few days prior in the first v reserve game. Did they have the energy? And what happened if we had another injury? I talked to my assistant, and we made the call. He said it was the obvious thing to do.
No player likes coming off, especially not at half time. They protested, as did the rest of the team, but that was it. We were going to make the change, and I was going to take the heat if things went wrong. The logic was that as both our right sided players were dead, we were effectively playing with just nine players. The two U16s may have played a lot already, but they were hyper. They’d just won a semi-final, and were bouncing off the walls. I wanted an injection of energy that would have put us back on top in the game, got another goal, creating a two goal gap, which we could then have defended effectively. We know we can defend, backs against the all, so even if we lost another player and went down to ten, we fancied our chances of holding onto the win with only half an hour to go. Risky, but I was very confident it would work. The hyperactivity of the U16s may only last for twenty minutes, but it could be enough. The plan worked beautifully, as sixteen minutes in, two the U16s combined, and then hit an incredible shot from distance to put us 3-1 up. The girls kept working, creating many chances, playing some beautiful attacking football, finishing 5-1 winners. We were very happy with that.
Tomorrow, I return for Day 3 and 4 of the FA Youth Award Module 3. Then next week begins the assessment days of the UEFA B course. That’s a lot to get through, meaning there will be much to discuss in the next blog.
Lastly, I must talk about my U9 boys, who played their first game in what felt like a decade. We had our first training on grass of 2016, and they looked like they had forgotten what football is. Strange, as I was still seeing them on a Tuesday, and they were having their Super Secret Sunday Sessions when our games were called off, so they were playing plenty of football. Maybe it was the grass and the mud. Two games, as usual, now a cup competition, with the games combined to form one result. They won 2-0 and 4-0, and apparently played very, very well. That is encouraging. I might be able to see them play this Sunday in the first time in ages. There’s so much more to write about, but it is almost one in the morning, and I started this at nine this morning, adding to it throughout the day. Big day tomorrow, so I’m just going to submit this piece and get some much needed sleep.

Entry 24: Monday 14th March 2016

I am writing this the night before my UEFA B assessment. Honestly, I’m not sure how it will go. I know I am capable of passing, but there is always doubt. I have to make sure, like in any performance, that what’s within my control is executed to the best that I can do. Everything else is a mystery, and I hope it all falls into place. I’m happy to be going as one of the last few, as it has enabled me to look at the other sessions and get back into the swing of things. I’m going to go over it shortly with the board, and then again tomorrow morning, attempting to visualise the scenarios, and prepare what I am going to say.
The latest to report from Saints Ladies is that I have just this second cut our new goalkeeper from the team. She just wasn’t up to scratch. Unfit, and unable to kick, she became a burden to us in the two games we played. Her distribution was just inviting pressure, and the defence in front of her looked shakey. She’s a nice person, and as a former player, there’s a bit of attachment there, but I have to do what is right for the team, and that is making difficult decisions. It doesn’t matter how right you are, it’s always hard to tell someone they’re not good enough.
The West Ham game saw us lose 6-1. I wouldn’t put that all down to our keeper that day. We conceded only three minutes in, and never looked in the game. Stark contrast to the game only a few short weeks ago. We didn’t challenge aerially, had no fight, no bite, and seemed sluggish. Players got on each other’s backs, some went into hiding, and it fell apart. We can’t expect perfect harmony all the time, but this felt very disjointed, and quite psychologically naïve. The game yesterday versus Crystal Palace was a great improvement. We won that 2-1. As Palace were the first team we played, way back in September, it is amazing to compare the improvements made. There have been peaks and troughs, but we are strong contenders to finish in seventh place from ten, when we were given no hope at the beginning. We could even sneak into sixth, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Seventh is currently ours, and we are in the driving seat here. We have to take one game at a time, going along steady, and if the team in sixth, Crystal Palace, make a mistake, we will be ready to take over them.
We had our first futsal game on Friday night, which was a rousing success. It was a 3-0 victory, and all seven players had a jolly good time. Being new to the sport, there were many pointless infringements, such as rolling ball and ball over the line. I prepped the team to play a fluid shape, aiding their tactical development and enticing them to be creative. Key words are necessary to provide reference points in what is a new experience. Diamond in possession, square out of possession. It’s easy to see and easy to do. Play one touch of receiving facing your own goal. And there are five positions in our system; goalkeeper, pivot, left and right wing, target. As it was a first time for me too, actually coaching a game of futsal, rather than playing it or going over it in training, I did all I could to remove pointless decision making beforehand. We had seven players, no goalkeeper, it’s a forty minute game, and subs are rolling. Out of the seven, four could do a decent job in goal. That’s ten minutes each. Rotate them, and rotate the rest to get an even turn in the net. Changes were made every five minutes, with players staying on for only five or ten minutes at a time, to keep the energy levels high. I put this in a chart, with pretty colours, and this was stuck on the wall behind our bench. I didn’t have to think. Not even once. Every five minutes, turn around to see what the chart says, make changes accordingly. That freed my brain to analyse the game. Being a new experience, I coached them through it a lot more than I would do normally.
Everything worked very well. We were defending tight for most of the game, but proved we can do that, as the opposition had very few clear cut chances. We were effective on the counter attack. The quality showed, as these are a group of players that already play together three times a week, and not it was four. The understanding, trust, and knowledge was there, despite their apprehension in a new environment. They were so happy, and now we sit top of the league.
My U9 boys have been going off the rails a little bit. I need to get them back on track. In my absence, with the parents taking charge, it’s become a pressurised, aggressive environment, full of vague coaching and talk of fight and passion. “Where’s your composure?” is not the kind of thing you say to a nine year old. How do you even answer that question? Is it rhetorical? Is it like “Where is your soul?” Do we even have a soul? It just becomes too philosophical. Give the kid some advice or some reassurance. Other fun utterings were “My dad is being mean to me” by the tantrum boy whose dad wants him to become a professional, and also “He’s too obsessed by it” from the son of the dad that has been taking charge. I’ll be around a lot more now, so can reign it in a bit. Another boy was in tears after having very little game time. He is small, but not playing him will not benefit him at all, and only make him not want to come. I will arrange some friendlies and some tournaments and try to put the fun and the learning back into things. There was very little joy or skill displayed in our last match. The passing, moving, turns, dribbling etc. were not present in the games. You don’t do that. You kick it as far forward as you can, and then run after it. Repeat until you score. Winning is so unimportant in comparison to development. You don’t go into a game specifically to lose, but by the same token, if you don’t give the players the freedom to make mistakes and to learn, then they will grow to be very limited players. It’s long term, long term, long term. Nothing but long term. Only long term.

Entry 25: Wednesday 7th April 2016

Usually for writing these blog posts I have a notification on my phone that appears every two weeks on a Wednesday. For some reason it hasn’t done that, and I now have three weeks between this post and my last one.
There’s a lot of disappointment for me to log. I failed the UEFA B assessment. It took a while to come to terms with. My session went well, and I thought I gave a good account of myself. While waiting for our name to be called prior to our feedback interview, most people were coming back with a pass. I got my hopes up. Surely if that many had passed, then I was to also be successful. Without being over confident, there were some that reported passes that I thought to myself “Well if they have passed, then surely I have too”. If I’m not good enough, I can accept that. What came back at me in my feedback is just not true. I don’t agree with the points that my assessor made. It’s not about quality, which is subjective, and he has the more important opinion. It’s about quantity. I didn’t do enough demonstrations. Yes I did. I talked for too long. No I didn’t. Why did I play with inverted wingers on the attacking team? Well, thinking back to a discussion we had two months prior, my assessor actually told me that playing with inverted wingers would be a good idea. I’m becoming annoyed again while writing this. Some of my restarts weren’t good, and the defence was too deep. That makes sense. I get that. I agree with that. But the other stuff? No way. Perhaps he was just saying it to make my fail look more convincing. I’m trying not to be petty, but with the reputation of this assessor, and with the comments made by the assessors previously “some of you on this course have already failed, regardless of how well you do in your assessment”, it just plays in my mind. Reading back that quote, it’s actually an oxymoron. How can we have already failed an assessment that takes place in the future? My mind is screaming “BIAS!!!!” at me, but I’m putting faith in humanity, and trying to not be so petty, while looking upon myself to see where I can improve.
So now I need to do the assessment again. At a cost of £100, plus the cost of the facility that I will need to hire. That’s on top of the £1,500 or so I have already spent on hotel, food, and petrol to get to the course, not to mention the £800 course fees. For that money, I’d appreciate some better feedback. I’d also appreciate not seeing my assessor with his back turned, engaged in conversation with other assessors during my session. If I wasn’t good enough, then I wasn’t good enough, but I felt I did well, and your mind plays tricks on you when you think that you were unjustly and unfairly treated by an assessor that was not paying you due attention.
Some good news has arrived. I am no longer with the U15s team. The kid that causes all the problems has finally quit. I had one session last week with six players. It is unbelievably better when he is not there. The team has been taken off my schedule. No explanation given, but I really don’t care. It was becoming too difficult for so many reasons. These are fifteen years olds that play Saturday and Sunday, as well as indoor on Friday, and train about three times a week, one of which is with me, who doesn’t even go to their games and has no input on team selection. I’ve had and seen a lot of these scenarios. It’s popular in the US as it makes a lot of money for some big coach provider companies, but essentially if there is no link between training and games, it becomes ineffective. You need consistency of rules, standards, and learning objectives. It’s also important that the ones with the information are the ones that are making the decisions. A coach that doesn’t go to the games does not have such relevant information, and therefore fails when it comes to realism. You don’t know the true strengths and weaknesses of the individuals and the team, nor have you seen how effective or ineffective their playing system is. It’s far worse in the US where your only link to the team is a parent that has no soccer background. Upon asking them what needs to be worked on, their uneducated reply is usually along the lines of “Yeah, we need to take more shots. We get near the penalty box and we just don’t shoot it.” So where does the problem actually lie? Is the lack of goals the manifestation of another issue? Technically, it could be passing, dribbling, creating of chances, recognising the opportunity for a shot, it could be many things. Tactically, are the runs off the ball not creating the space? Are the players on the ball taking a touch outside, when really they need to control the ball towards a gap in the defence?
“Take more shots”.
Hardly the way forward. The way forward for me, if I have not previously mentioned, is that I have accepted a position to teach in primary school next year. My other two applications failed. Basically, the two more I was waiting for had already closed their applications, but didn’t bother to tell me for months, so in that time, I couldn’t search for a better option. Oh well. The one I have accepted looks to be really good. They made me feel great when I was there, and they have been in good contact since. I think they will really support me and want the best for me. I need to try and get a decent loan or else I will not be able to afford it. Student loans in the UK take about fifteen years or so to pay off, at a very low rate. I can do that. Looking at my options for the following year, I’m leaning towards going back out to Kuwait to do my NQT year. I can start to earn some decent money straight away, and will be on the ladder of working abroad. I don’t know if they would be as a sport teacher or as a primary teacher in that NQT year. After that, my options would be wide open. Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Kuwait, and a healthy package. I would save. I don’t want to be in this situation any longer. I owe too much, and it keeps getting larger.
The last two games with Saints Ladies have been incredibly disappointing. Away to QPR, we took a very early lead, which we doubled soon after. QPR came back to 2-1, but again, we re-established dominance and put two goals between us and our opponents. Then it turned. We started to make a few mistakes, and began to lose our cool. Players began to argue and bitch with each other. This was definitely not going to help our plight. It was causing some players to give up their chases for the loose balls, panic when in possession, and make rash decisions. Players were arguing as they came off the pitch at the half time whistle. We looked like losers and were in great danger of throwing it away. I did my best to get them to calm down and focus, reminding them that we were in front. It didn’t work. Very quickly, it was 3-2. We held on until the last ten minutes, when QPR made it 3-3. We had so many golden chances to kill the game off. At least four 1v1s with the goalkeeper, and even a 2v1. Three of those were the easiest saves she will ever have to make, as the ball was clipped gently into her hands. Maybe a point wouldn’t have been so bad, but with three minutes to go, they got their fourth goal, and we were crushed. The players argued in the changing rooms, and the ride home felt like a funeral.
It was to be two weeks until our next game and I focussed heavily on team cohesion, teamwork, togetherness, respect, and anything else I could think of to help overcome this problem. Training was poorly attended for various reasons, so I reached out through our private Facebook group, essentially bombarding them with motivational videos, some of which appealed to our British sense of humour, enabling us to make fun of them, building common ground.
The next game was to be very winnable. Our preparation was top class. We had ninety minutes of video footage of this team, and we had also been to see them a few weeks prior. We had details on how they play, and of individual characteristics. We knew what we were up against. Perhaps it was a mixture of lethargy, fear, over confidence, panic, shirking responsibility, and many other mental frailties in different amounts depending on the player, but we threw this game away. We were terrible. There was not one redeeming feature. No “Well, we may have lost, but we did this really well.” Absolutely nothing. We were awful all over the place, against what was a bad team. We didn’t want the ball, we didn’t work hard to win it back, and when he had it, we couldn’t keep it. We were lucky it was only 0-0 well into the second half. Suddenly, everyone switched off, possibly expecting an offside call, leaving the striker to put the ball into the net completely unopposed. Something similar happened again not long after, and it finished 2-0. The mood, again, was like there had been a death. It took me a while to get over that.
Training on Tuesday was much better. The mood had somewhat lifted, and there were smiles and laughter. We have our final game coming up on Sunday, against by far the worst team in the league. We can still achieve our twelve points target. We need a good performance more than anything. We owe it to ourselves. We need to prove to ourselves we are capable. I’m looking forward to a bit of rest when that’s all over and done with.

Entry 26: Thursday 14th April 2016

We won our game at the weekend! We can rejoice, calm down, and relax. It was really pleasing to see a lot of the work that we did during training actually come out on the field. Yes, they were a much weaker side, but that often counts for very little in the game. So much of it is mental. The team the week before were weaker, and we made them look good by playing with fear. What exactly were we scared of?
I have been trying to get the players to understand the importance of maintaining possession. Keep the ball, control the game. We don’t like the ball in England. We keep kicking it forward every time we get it, regardless of whether anyone is able to receive it, until eventually it finds its way to one of our talented players in the final third. We then hope that they can do something with it. We’ve got to start to think about what having the ball means. There is now a trend growing in modern soccer that you attack directly, with pace, much in the way of Dortmund and Bayern in their Champions League campaigns in 2013. I’m trying to get my team to play like Barcelona, who have just been undone by both the Madrid sides. It’s deep defending, but with a lethal counter attack. Far more skill and discipline involved than the English way of kicking everything you see, and launching the ball into the box. I’m trying to encourage my players to play like Barcelona, despite the trend moving away from that style of football, as it is the most effective method for developing technically and tactically sound players.
Just a few simple principles. You may often hear grassroots coaches shout mundane advice to kids playing, but there is wisdom far beyond their own comprehension of what they are saying. Play the easy ball, keep it simple, play the way you’re facing etc. actually carry a lot of weight as effective tactical demands. Reminding the team what colour they are wearing is sometimes a step too far. I want them to look for the 100% pass. Not because we want possession stats and other arbitrary measurements to look impressive, but because there is actually a purpose to it. Number one, is that if we have the ball, the opposition can’t score, so it’s a great form of defence. What players don’t understand, which is the intricate part here, is that by keeping the ball, you are then tempting the pressers from the opposition to break rank after becoming frustrated, and perhaps press too. At that moment, you pass the ball round them, exploiting the gap created, and penetrating a line of their defence. We have to find situations that we can turn into 3v1 overloads. A 3v2 is not good enough as both the nearest passing options for the ball have been cut out. If a 3v1 turns into a 3v2, it means that another opponent has been drawn out, and now is the trigger tom play through the gap they have left. As Pep says, you don’t pass to keep the ball, you pass to move the opposition out of the way. It takes patience, discipline, and a greater understanding than they already have.
I am looking forward to this rebuilding stage that comes with the off season and with pre season. With limited ability to change or influence much before the start last season, I really want to be able to put my stamp on it this time around. We have months to bring in new players, and get them to adjust to the team, as well as letting me assess their strengths and weaknesses to determine the best and most effective ways to help them grow as players. Being thrown in the deep end like we were, I felt a little blindsided. We had no idea of the level of competition or the demands of the game, just that it was going to be tougher than anything we had faced previously. How does it work in the Women’s Premier League, and how good do we need to be? Now we know. And we know our own potential. I think some players may be very keen, yet there are months to go until September. We will be thorough, but we will take it steady. There’s a lot to cover, but the main areas for me are possession and fitness. We have not retained the ball well enough, and we have been fatigued quicker than our opponents. Sure, there are other things, but that’s more of a tweak than anything else, such as ensuring one of the CDMs holds, forming a triangle with the CBs, while the RB + LB push forward to create width, provide support, and allow the RM and LM to play more inside, with a viable recycle option. And some work needs to be done on corners and free kicks, but most importantly, let’s keep the ball. That will be the focus in every session, friendly, and tournament that we play in. Pass, pass, pass. No more shovels.

Entry 27: Wednesday 20th April 2016

The season is over. The stress has been lifted. Suddenly my shoulders feel free and able to move around without resistance. What could this feeling be? There’s still plenty of football going on, and much to organise. I don’t think my workload has really changed much. It must be the judgement, the expectation, the dread. Being in charge of a team is a weird feeling. You spend most of the week either upset about the previous performance, then worrying if the practices were effective enough to prepare the squad for the next game, then you worry about the next game until the game happens, and repeat the process again and again. There are so many lows. The only high is a win, and even that lasts for just a fleeting moment. So why do this? Are we adrenaline junkies? Why endure six and a half days of anguish for perhaps enjoying one out of every three Sunday evenings being enjoyable? The high isn’t that high, and it doesn’t last very long. From the works of Dan Ariely, I understand that humans are loss averse, and that we feel the impacts of negativity about twice the amount we feel the impacts of positivity. In essence, you need two good things to happen to you to cancel out one bad thing. No wonder so many people are miserable and sadistic despite having enviable lives.
I have now completed a few sessions for another after school club provider. That puts me in schools five days per week. Some football, some multi sports. They trick is, especially with large groups, to play simple games and keep everyone moving. No laps, no lines, no lectures. With this new company, I usually work with someone. We have large groups of more than twenty, so an extra set of ears, eyes, and hands is invaluable. There’s always some kid that wants to cry after being brushed in the face by a one ounce sponge ball. One can deal with that, while the other maintains order in the games. The coach to player ratio is an important one, but even more important than that is the ball to player ratio.
Monday’s ASC football session: every player with a ball, try to kick your ball at the ball of any other players. One point every time you kick your ball successfully at another. You can run away, dodge, protect etc. to not get hit. Progress into having eight goals, with one goalkeeper defending a goal, all the other players with a ball. Go score as many goals as you can in one minute. Compare scores. Change goalkeepers. Set challenges. Can you score with your left foot? Then finally, move the kids into games of 3v3, separated by age. Once we know the kids a bit more, perhaps separate by ability rather than age.
Tuesday’s U9 football session: using my new pug goals, create an area that is 24x24. In the middle, place all four pug goals, back to back, so essentially you have one goal with four faces. As kids arrive, (I had six in total) they join the attacking team, to try and score with one ball in any of the four goals. At first it was a 3v1, which, with my involvement, turned into a 5v2. Two goalkeepers shuffling around trying to defend four small goals, while the five, limited to two touches, pass the ball around the goals, looking for an opening to then score. That progressed into a 3v3, with the goals staying where they are. No goalkeepers, and one team defends two goals (North and South), the other team defends two goals (East and West). There’s a lot of transitions in this game. Progress to taking the goals from the centre of the area, to all four sides, and same again, defend two, attack two, in a 3v3. Progress that into a normal 3v3 game.
Wednesday’s ASC multi sports session: kids split into four teams right away. Started off with variants of foxes and rabbits, where they are all chasing each other. The bib goes in the back of the shorts like a tail. Run around and catch people. Start with no elimination, only points. You rip out the tail, drop it to the floor, gain one point, move on. If your tail is ripped out, pick it back up again, move on. With no elimination, everyone is engaged. With a points system, there is an incentive to try hard. That progressed into having one team try to chase everyone else. That did have elimination, but the turnover was quick, as the new game would start about thirty seconds later. We moved that on to an all v all moving dodgeball game. Red team, blue team, yellow team, orange team. Don’t hit anyone on your team. Don’t throw the ball in the face. Don’t run up close to someone and hit them with the ball. YOU MUST THROW IT. Every kid has their own ball, which they are responsible for. You get one point every time you hit someone. No elimination (not only to keep everyone involved, but also because kids cheat and pretend they weren’t hit), using a challenge to see how many players at one point each you can hit in two minutes. You can either dodge their throw, or use your ball to block their shot. With that, we provided challenges of can you hit someone over a long distance (more than ten yards) for five points? Can you not only block a shot with your ball, but also rebound it back at the shooter for five points? This game progressed into something similar, but done with the feet. Like on Monday, can you kick your ball at someone else’s ball for one point? One minute to see how many points you can get. Finally, still with every child having a ball each, in their teams, they had to protect their goal (a bench) and score by hitting the goals of the other teams, either by throwing or kicking the ball. Kids who want to be a goalkeeper can do so. There is no limit on goalies. Every ball is playable, so where there is one ball for every player, if someone steals your ball, or it ricochets off the bench, wall, or opponent, there are plenty more balls bouncing around. Players keep track of their own score.
In all these games, as simple as they were, there are some key elements at play here; every child was engaged, every child got to play at their own pace and weren’t impacted by any differences in ability (both the strivers and the strugglers), there were hundreds and thousands of repetitions as there were plenty of balls (mostly one each), constantly changing and ever adapting situations, risk and reward (if I take a long shot I can score five points, but then I have to retrieve my ball and will be more at risk of being hit), no player was a burden to their teammates and no player was having to carry the team, all the in game decisions being made were those of the players themselves, no player was allowed to hide, so even the strugglers were kept active and involved, but not to the detriment of the session quality, nor of their own personal enjoyment.
So much running, jumping, kicking, catching, throwing, turning, dodging, blocking, and thinking took place. That’s exactly what kids need in the fundamental stage. Sessions with young players should be like this all the time. They were always engaged. They were all tired at the end of it. They all had hundreds of ball touches. No two seconds were alike. We’ve worked on motor skills. We’ve worked on agility, balance, and coordination. We’ve worked on speed, agility, and quickness. All this stuff has come out. So where we have ticked the repetitions box, I would argue that despite playing anything that actually resembles a typical sport, we’ve hit a lot of the relevance box too through the amount of bare essential components that have been utilised. I would also argue that the realism box was ticked. It was high tempo, plenty of opposition, ever changing scenarios, with risk and reward, and plenty of problems to be solved in a split second.
People who I can corner to bore with my rants will probably have heard the phrase ‘hidden curriculum’. It’s the stuff you learn secretly while you’re learning stuff. Let’s take the football game where players had to kick their balls at the balls of other players. Let’s pretend we’re coming at it from the angle of passing a ball. I would encourage proper technique; use of the inside of the foot, placement of the standing foot etc. As balls and players are flying about all over the place, the pictures are constantly changing (JUST LIKE IN A REAL GAME!!!!) so we are working on both the psychological and physical corners too. Psychological as we encounter decision making (which part of the foot to use? Which technique? Where will the ball go after) and also anticipation, by monitoring the movement of your ball and the run of an opponent. Looking physically, players are chasing moving balls, perhaps changing direction, slowing down, making last second adjustments as stimuli suddenly changes (such as an opponent throwing in a dummy or a feint) which again is ABCs. There’s even a tad of the social corner, as we consider how players may react if they are targeted by many opponents, or if they encounter a weaker player and perhaps feel it would be too easy and maybe unfair to smash their ball into the ball of the weaker player.
So in addition to the technical side, the passing, we’ve touched psychological, physical, and social, without really realising it. But even in the technical corner, there is still much more. If a player comes up to me to hit my ball, I have two options; turn, or protect. Both valuable skills in football. As players will have to cover a lot of ground throughout this game, they will also be working on their running with the ball (big touches over large distances) and dribbling (small touches over short distances). If we condition the game so that players must strike the ball with their laces, it becomes a lead in to a session on power shooting. We could just as easily make this exercise about dribbling. “When there are many opponents, keep your ball close, take short, sharp touches, and change direction as you dribble between them. Or turning. “When an opponent comes towards you with their ball, perform a drag back so that you are facing away from them, and then accelerate away”. Marvellous.
It’s so easy, and so much fun for the players. Considering the soccer specific drills from Tuesday, they games were fun simply because they were interesting. Four small goals back to back in the centre with one goalkeeper to protect them? What has coach been smoking? It looks silly, and kids love it. But what were we working on? Shooting? Passing? Dribbling? Tackling? Support play? Preventing shots? Transitions? Counter attack? Patience in possession? We could have actually taught any one of those topics, and more. Thing is, all of those components happened in those exercises on Tuesday night. All of those components happen in real games, so they should all happen in practice. We shouldn’t have kids running with a ball from cone to cone, turning, going back to the other cone, turning, going back to the other cone. It’s boring. Skill isolation and constant practices do have a place, and they are an effective means of breaking down a move simply and slowly so that a young learner can understand the different components of the skill, but if you can do it in a more varied or random practice, then do it! Give them a challenge, a purpose, a goal, an objective. Constant practices develop one technique in one exact and specific scenario. Scenarios change all the time, and come with decision making. Decision making is influenced by previous experience, and is essentially a form of knowledge. Knowledge is remembering in disguise. Why can a player solve a problem quickly? Because they have solved similar problems thousands of times. They haven’t worked it out there and then in their heads. The conscious mind doesn’t work quick enough to be able to factor in all the variables on display and then offer a solution to accept or reject. It’s the unconscious mind. It happens in a fraction of a second. The player is on auto pilot as the brain recognises it has been here before, and chooses the correct option without having to do mass calculations. Get them into game situations. Completing passes in isolation teaches a player how to hit an unopposed pass over a short distance. It doesn’t factor in defenders, change of angle, distance to goal, approach vector of the receiver, potential wall pass opportunities, and third man runs.
That’s one of the biggest reasons why players can’t take decent training performances out onto the pitch. For whatever reason, it wasn’t realistic enough. It’s too different to what it’s like on the pitch in a real game. Usually either effort or practice design, something is letting everybody down. If the practice design is too easy, of course you will experience lots of success in training. If it provides unrealistic or irrelevant scenarios and problems to solve, then it will not help you one bit. You get good at what you practice. Practice makes permanent. If you’re practicing the wrong thing, you will become good at it, and be very good at doing the wrong thing on the pitch. Likewise, with the effort of the individuals. Those special people in our lives who just don’t see the value of trying hard in training. They let everybody down. Of course we can look like Barcelona against a group of players who aren’t trying hard enough. The team we’re playing on Sunday won’t be doing that though. The team on Sunday will be fighting for every ball, and dripping sweat, blood, and tears to beat us. That’s what we need to practice against, or else we’re just wasting our time doing some pretty drills that will be of no real benefit to us.
Moving away from this, I finally got in contact with my assessor from the UEFA B license course. I require reassessment, and my enquiry was essentially to see how to go about it. I was definitely not looking to be reassessed soon. Obviously I have been deemed unworthy, so need to do something to bridge that gap from unworthy to pass. This guy doesn’t let people get a word in. He quickly told me that I should not be considering reassessment any time soon, that I am not ready, that I am very far off the required standard. As much as I appreciated the confidence boost, I was trying to enquire about support days, or assessors more local to me that I could reach out to for advice and guidance. He thinks the earliest I should do it is six months from now. I am inclined to disagree with that. I may not have been good enough to pass, and I know I have areas I need to work on, but I don’t believe I was that far behind, if behind at all, compared to those who did pass. I think it’s a case of really looking to justify his selection of failure. I still maintain that some of the criticisms he made of me were either wrong or invented, and I think that was done to bring my mark down. I’m not good enough, I get that, but in those particular areas, I am of adequate standard. My key areas for improvement are game understanding and session design. Maybe he feels that if that’s all he says to me, I will feel that the fail is unjust, as I would have been so close to the pass mark. Like he has to give me a harsh fail to really justify his point. I don’t know what the purpose of that would be, but unless I am blind to my own ability, I do feel like I was not judged properly.
Now I need to go back to Watford again in May, for two weeks’ worth of sessions. Yay. I love driving to London in the traffic. I love getting up early. At least this time around the weather won’t be so bad. But I bet the pitches are still terrible. I won’t be spending a fortune on hotels again, as I will be driving home each day to go to work and to practice. I’ll just be spending a fortune on petrol instead. At the very least, I will be showing my face, and being seen to do the right things. Hopefully this recap will help me hone in on the aspects I need to work on. With the knowledge I gained throughout the course, I may be able to look back at the earlier content with a fresh perspective.
Now that the serious coaching is taking a break for a while, I’m trying to get to as many games as possible to keep my mind working, and to improve this lack of knowledge of the game that I apparently have. This weekend I want to see Portsmouth at home to Wycombe Wanderers. Next Wednesday evening will be a team trip to see Reading v Arsenal in the WSL. For my birthday will be Rovers at home to Reading. The following weekend it is the Women’s FA Cup final at Wembley, and our U16s playing in the Hampshire Cup final. Throughout the summer I will keep going to watch any WSL and friendly games possible, as well as watching MLS, Euros, and Copa America on TV. I’ll be able to have a clearer mind now that my thoughts won’t be concentrated solely on my own team. I could also go see a game next weekend, but all the local teams, as far as I can tell, are away from home. Saints, Pompey, Eastleigh, Aldershot, Bournemouth. Maybe I could go to Fareham, Gosport, or Havant. That would be nice. I think that’s something I should do next season. Keep my Saturday afternoons free, and try to watch more local football. See if I can fit some refereeing in there somewhere to earn a bit of cash, but mainly keep going to watch games, where I won’t be attached to a team, nor will I be distracted by anyone around me.
Last Sunday I was able to be with my U9 boys for the whole game. They won 4-1 and 3-1. They played quite well. Everyone was given an equal turn, and they all enjoyed it. The dad who had been helping for games I wasn’t there had definitely become too involved. He gives them long winded, complicated instructions full of jargon. Mine were “Give the ball to someone, go get it back” in an attempt to encourage the passing we had been working on. Two simple, easy to understand instructions. When you have the ball, pass it to a teammate. Then, move to a position to support. The kids get it, and I haven’t bored or confused them. There was also a dispute over which ball to use, when he nearly got into a fight with the other team. It should have been our ball for the first game, but we used theirs. Big whoop. Just as the second game was about to start, he noticed it was their ball on the centre spot, marched over to it, and replaced it with ours. Their coach then went and switched the balls again. Then the dad started with the finger pointing and accusations. The other coach was explaining that a ball is a ball, there is no big deal. I would have to agree with that. It became quite aggressive. At this point all the kids and all the parents were watching, and our respect officer, a designated dad in a bright yellow jacket, came running across to intervene and take our dad away. I looked after the boys and tried to provide calm influence. “Don’t worry boys. Just play” smiley face. “He’s trying to get one over on us!” the dad said to me. “It’s cheating!” It’s really not worth getting wound up about. It’s kids’ football. A ball is a ball. All of ours and all of theirs were size 3 Nike balls. What’s the big deal? Making a big deal about it has made this dad look like a knob in front of everyone, including his own boy. I know I’m not every parent’s cup of tea, due to my lack of shouting, and thus apparent lack of passion, but I think a few of them have quietly become more appreciative of my cool and calm approach. They may not like me, but I’m certainly not a bad role model. And the kids like me. A lot.
My job interview for an activities assistant for a summer position at a language school in Bournemouth went very well. They have offered me the job. I will have to wait for the contract, as this might not actually be worth the time. It seems like long hours for small pay, plus I’d have to spend a lot to drive there. It’s six days a week, at about forty or so hours, plus another twelve on top of that for driving there and back. It would bring in £250 or so per week, which divided per hour is below minimum wage. Filter in the driving time, and it is well below minimum wage. Add in the amount it will cost me to get there, and it’s around £4 per hour. It will only be for a month, and will disrupt pre season. I will wait for the contract, but it might not actually be worth it. There’s little to gain from this proposal. Plus, I have other interviews coming up.

Entry 28: Thursday 28th April 2016

Last night my reserves played in a 6v6 tournament. We took nine players. I missed the first game due to work, which they lost 1-0. Turns out, they were only to play three games, at ten minutes each. That's half an hour of football. That's nothing. Shared out, our players played about fifteen to twenty minutes each. We lost the second game to a team in our league, 2-0, from two silly individual mistakes. The final game, against a much weaker team was a 3-0 win. Only one team from each group of four would progress. The tournament finished about thirty minutes early. Now, we didn't play very well, but that is a separate issue. Thirty minutes made it almost pointless. The three ten minute games were interrupted by a half time. Why would you need a half time if the games are only ten minutes? Forget half time. You can increase that to twelve minutes per game, and suddenly it goes up to thirty six minutes of playing time. A slight improvement at least. To make things worse, only four teams from twelve progressed to semi finals. We could easily have had quarter finals too, making it forty eight minutes. Like I said, the tournament finished very early. There was definitely time.
For argument sake, I'm going to construct a better tournament right now, using the parameters that were set last night.
Group A
18:30 Team A v Team B
18:45 Team C v Team D
19:00 Team A v Team C
19:15 Team B v Team D
19:30 Team B v Team C
19:45 Team D v Team A
Games last fourteen minutes with no half time, and only one minute for turnaround. All games start at the same and end at the same time, starting and finishing on the buzzer. So after an hour and a half, there is still an hour and a half of pitch time remaining.
If there are twelve teams spread into three groups of four, eight teams are needed for quarters. The other four could be eliminated, or they could play one extra game, in the second round. To make sense of it, the top two teams from each group gives us six teams. The bottom two from each group gives us another six. Two from the bottom six are needed to make it a quarter final. In that case, pick the two best placed teams outside the top two. Or, as mentioned, give these teams an extra game. Have the six teams compete for two places in the quarters. So like this.
Group A, B, C positions 1st and 2nd progress to quarters. 4th position and the worst 3rd place team compete for progression/elimination in the second round. The two winners would play the other awaiting 3rd place teams in the third round. The two winners of the third round progress to the quarters to make up the eight teams needed. Timings as below. There were three pitches, so each group played only on one pitch with just one referee. Easy to manage logistically.
20:00 Second round
20:15 Third round
20:30 Quarter finals
20:45 Quarter finals
21:00 Semi finals
21:15 Final, 3rd place playoff
Like this, even if you progress straight to quarter finals, every team would play a minimum of forty two minutes, spread over three games at fourteen minutes each. By removing the second and third round, that's another half an hour of time freed up. Allowing for mistakes, you could take that half an hour and add eight minutes to each of the three games, making matches now twenty two minutes long. That's an hour and six minutes minimum per team at twenty two minute games.
I feel let down. It's not fair on the players. It wasn’t like it was badly organised. It’s just we all could have played a lot more football.
Our futsal last Friday was another win. We played against my old team that I was with in 2011 and 2012. As a far superior team, we were always going to win this game comfortably. It finished 6-2, with 90% of the play being in their half. Had we had goalscorers available to us, it would have been more. We only took five to the game, with three being defenders, one defensive midfielder, and a right winger. Destroyers and creators, but no finishers. Our regular central defender scored three, when in reality it could have been ten. It was good to see my old team still together despite the problems I hear they have had to endure in regards to lack of numbers. We will play them again in a couple of months. The other game finished 12-1 between the team we beat 3-0 and the team we are to play in two weeks. We know we should definitely fill our boots against the team to have only scored one. That would mean that after playing three out of the six games, we would be clear at the top of the table by three points. The fourth game would essentially be the league decider. If we can win that one against the team we beat 3-0, we would be six points clear with two games to go. Those two games are against far weaker teams, meaning that just one point would clinch the title. Obviously we would prefer the sweep, not dropping points. We also know not to get ahead of ourselves, and to take it one step at a time. We want to win the third game, and we want to win it well.
The two goals we conceded were very silly indeed. The first one came at 2-0 up, when our goalkeeper didn’t react to a backpass, thinking that if she touched it, it would have been a penalty or a free kick to our opponents. She believed the viable alternative was to let it go into the net, rather than take the foul. It was 2-1 going in at half time, and our opponents had their best player in goal. She is a tall strong woman that takes no prisoners. She’s actually in the police force. She came out of goal for the second half, but we still were able to add to our lead to make it 3-1. They called a time out, and from then onwards, she stayed up top, and they launched balls to her on the counter attack. Another coach had joined us for the game, and when we realised their change in strategy, I said to him that “It may result in them scoring one goal, but it will also mean that we get three.” They thought that by sucking us in, they could release the ball to her unguarded. My thinking was that if we send everyone forward, we have already bypassed their best player, the only one who could stop us, with the ball, and now have four superior players playing against three inferior players. It also sets a challenge to my players; keep the ball, and if you can’t, can you recover quick enough to prevent the scoring opportunity? Our opponents did score, and made it 3-2. The other coach said to me at that point “We better get that three then.” Lo and behold, we did, I was right, and became overwhelmed with smuggery. It’s all a big gamble. We obviously had a much better hand than our opponents, so we were able to take more risks.
Last night, along with a coach and a player, we went to watch a game in the Women’s Super League between Reading and Arsenal. It finished 2-1 to Arsenal. The experience was great £6 and we parked right in the stadium. Sit where you like, no idiots looking to cause trouble, no traffic, and a good quality match. I feel like I was undercharged. More people should go. There were so many young girls at the game watching with their families. That wasn’t really an option when I was a kid. Women may have played, but no one knew where, and no one cared. The league will take time to grow as people try to overcome their prejudices, but there is hope for the future generations. These young fans will grow up in a world where it is acceptable to go to see women playing football, and also where the experience is a most pleasant one. I can’t see the WSL being up there with the Premier League in terms of quality for a few generations yet, but it certainly is an exciting time to witness this growth, and to have even more football to go and see. Reading and Oxford are the nearest teams, at about an hour and a half drive. You never know, if these talks with Southampton go well, we could receive the backing necessary to put a good women’s team on the South Coast. I would love to be a part of that, but see myself being thousands of miles away by then.

 

Entry 29: Saturday 15th May 2016

Yesterday morning I drove up to Watford for a support day following my UEFA B failure. I went Tuesday too, but the traffic getting there was so bad, by the time I would have got there, it would have been time to go home again. This morning I got up early to go, but the rain was so heavy, chances are sessions would have been cancelled and we would have been inside. It has since turned out to be such a lovely day. Oh well. I showed my face yesterday.
Last Saturday was my birthday. Twenty seven seems quite daunting for someone with the mind and attitude of a fifteen year old. I’m turning grey, but that’s a natural process. What I can change is my weight. I’m about 10kg overweight. You probably wouldn’t describe me as fat when looking at me. What contradicts that though is my BMI of 27 and my body fat percentage of 28%. I jiggle a little bit. Substantial changes need to be made to my diet. I exercise a fair bit, hence why I look good for someone with a high BMI and BF%. What doesn’t help is the eating habits of those around me. There is always dessert, extra cheese, or something tempting but not good for you. A lot of it is to do with self-consciousness. We can’t remain young and beautiful forever. I’m running out of young. I also want a long and healthy life, and to be able to reduce the chance of minor injury caused by carrying around this extra weight.
For my birthday, we went to the hallowed ground of Ewood Park to watch the final game of the season between Blackburn Rovers and Reading. Rovers won 3-1. They don’t score, nor win often, so it was great to see that. I went into the club shop beforehand and did well with all the bargains. Rover the Dog, the club mascot, was packing bags, and decided to give me a special gift. A brand new home shirt, signed by all of the first team players. That was incredible. I was so touched I could have cried. I gave Rover a big hug, and posed for photos to go on the club’s official media outlets. They even took me and the Mexican out on the pitch before the game for another photo. Since no one goes to Ewood, we had great views of the pitch. We were able to be very close to the bench and the touchline. These players, and even some of the coaches, are in such great condition that it makes me feel ashamed. They don’t have any part of them that jiggles when they run. I met two players after the game; Chris Brown and Simon Eastwood, as they were walking to their cars. I had photos with both of them. I’m of a comparable frame to most footballers, but have lots more flesh. When I put my arm round them for photos, there was nothing to grab. I dread to think what they would have thought when they put their arm around me.
I’m not sure how much of this is an egotistical pursuit in the quest for validation from others. I’ve never cared much about other people’s opinions. I do feel like I have let myself down considerably. It’s a slow gradual process, that is one compromise after another. I want to be able to do my job better. I want to inspire my players to have a greater level of fitness. I can’t do that when my shirts are tight enough to expose a spare tire. Baldness, greyness, wrinkles etc. all of that will eventually come. Your shape and your physical condition are things you need to look after. My costochondritis has flared up again recently. Even though I had been doing very light weights and not pushing myself, I decided to go on the monkey bars at the gym. That’s a full bodyweight exercise, and has probably pulled my intercostal muscles in ways they don’t like. It could also be down to confidence. I’m not a very commanding person. My strength is my persistence, not my presence. I might have a bit more presence if my belly wasn’t poking out of my shirt.
I’ve got a few months to get it right before the new season, and before I begin teaching. I’m pretty much all good to begin a language teaching position this summer at language schools in Chichester and Portsmouth. It’s similar to the one I went for before but rejected, only that it pays more, is closer, and is for a longer contract. A large chunk of my employment with them will actually be in the classroom teaching. New students will arrive every week or so, so at least that way, if I get it wrong, I can start again as new the following week. Essentially this gives me about six chances to work on my first impression. I’ve read a lot about not smiling until Christmas with your new class, but I can’t do that. I don’t enjoy telling kids off. I catch myself quite regularly feigning disappointment or frustration, when actually I really don’t care, just I have to give them a stern look for whatever it is they have done wrong.
Just recently I went to a meeting at the school to see which of the available schools I should go to. It gave them a chance to meet me, and for us to ask some questions. I think I have my options decided. I believe they seemed impressed with me. I can quite easily go off on one, moaning about how much I don’t like that kids are talked out of their dreams, almost forced into careers they don’t want, made to conform, and are hardly inspired to learn. They nod and smile in agreement as my rant goes into all sorts of directions. I’m looking forward to the challenge.
Next week I will have an interview at Aldershot Town for a position in their academy. This could be a great opportunity for me, but also a huge commitment that will be difficult to manage with teaching and Saints Ladies. If I am successful, I think I will just go for it until I burn out. I have to see if I can manage it. If not, nothing lost, but with good experience gained, and more knowledge of my limits. I’m not quite sure at which level to pitch my session and organisation. I asked a friend for a bit of advice, and I now have a clearer idea of what session to do. I will have a good think about it over the next few days to make sure that I am thoroughly prepared.
I’m currently reading a book about football statistics called The Numbers Game. It’s the kind of book that you don’t want to put down, but at the same time, I find myself having to, because it is brilliant. It blows my mind. I need time away from the book to digest what the book told me. I will sum up some key points:
·         There is little difference in quality and style between the top five leagues in Europe. We see English football as fast and tough, Italian as defensive, Spanish as slow and possession based etc. So each league has a perceived identity. The book shows this is nonsense, and entirely down to stereotype. Nowadays, the best football played, regardless of club or country, is fairly similar. Style is no longer down to country or culture, but about the best way to win with the players you have got. Good football is good football, so the best teams try to play like that, not how they are perhaps supposed to play based off of a perceived idea of culture.
·         In a game of football, your impact as an individual with the ball is minimal. Forwards have about fifty touches, defenders sixty, and midfield seventy. The average player has the ball for only 53.4 seconds out of the ninety minutes. That means for eighty nine minutes, a player is just moving without the ball. That shows how much off the ball work means. Some players only come alive when the ball is within five yards of them. Over five yards they will run fast and fight hard, but that’s enough for them. That just won’t do. A lot of those touches are 50/50 contests, blocks, clearances, and interceptions. That further limits the amount of touches left for shooting, dribbling, and penetrating passes. If during a game a player runs around 11k, they only carry the ball for about 190m. That’s well over 10k without the ball. Incredible to think of the game like that.
·         Not conceding goals is more important than scoring goals. Scoring a goal is roughly equal to 1.1 points. Not conceding, which we call a clean sheet, is worth 1.9 points. If you keep a clean sheet, you can only win or draw. If you score a goal, you can win, draw, or even lose. Keep more clean sheets and suddenly you will notice a higher points tally throughout the season.
·         The above point, considered with the fact that we, as observers, only notice things that DO happen, and not things that DON’T happen, means that defenders should be far more valued than they are. We all think of the forward players that can suddenly create that bit of magic that scores a goal or sets up a chance, and naturally assume that forwards are the most important players, because of something we have seen that DID happen. When a goal isn’t scored, that’s a non-event. We can recognise an obvious goal scoring opportunity that was unsuccessful, but we can’t recognise the following every single time, or may just place less value on them; a defender that marks the forward so well that a pass cannot be made by the opposition, a defender that is occupying the passing lane, a defender that wins a header, a defender that steps up to spring the offside trap etc. This kind of non-event, or destruction rather than construction (it’s easier to destroy rather than construct, right?) can often be unnoticed, not be praised, and not be recognised as something good. Yes, they are just doing their jobs, protecting the goal, but a clean sheet is worth almost two points. If the average game has maybe two or three goals in it, and you don’t concede, chances are you’re going to be quite successful.
·         Possession is the way to go. There are teams like Atletico Madrid that have learnt how to defend effectively against Barcelona, but in most cases, having the ball is a good thing. Football, before it became a thinking game, as always about getting it forward quickly, and trying to score before the opposition had a chance to organise themselves effectively. Defensive blocks are so well organised, and counter attacks are lethal, so the best teams have had to become incredibly adept at moving the ball into certain zones, placing players in key areas to create overloads, and more importantly, setting a trap that brings opposing players out of position. It’s as complex as a game of chess. Teams with greater passing accuracy finish higher up the table. This isn’t just passing it around the back without pressure from the opposition, as it has been proven that any team can do this. There is no difference between the players in the top leagues when it comes to unopposed passing accuracy. What makes the best standout is their ability to do this when surrounded by opponents, in limited space. They are still about to find and to execute the pass. That is not down to technique, but down to speed of thought. There’s no time to think, so it’s not a conscious thought. Their awareness and vision has allowed them to absorb all the information, decipher it, and come to a conclusion, all in the blink of an eye. That’s the difference. Not what they do with their feet, but the speed of their brains.
There’s a lot more too, but this will do for now. I’ve also been reading a lot more on tactics and analysis. I have learnt about what are known as interior corridors, or half spaces. If the field was divided into five columns that run vertically from goal to goal, it would be numbers two and four. This area has the benefit of being central enough that a player can go in all directions, and thus not having their direction of play being limited, and not so far wide or central that means a player is not seeing some of the field. A player facing the goal in a half space can see a large amount of the field. It also gives the opportunity to switch play. If central, a switch of play puts the ball so far wide that no realistic direct shot would cause a goal. If on the extreme wings, a switch of play almost becomes predictable, as the player only has one option. In a half space, the player can go in any direction, so the switch may not be anticipated by the opponent, and if the ball were to be switched horizontally, it can travel thirty or forty yards to the other half space, meaning a player is, again, central enough to shoot, wide enough to cross, central enough to go in all directions, wide enough to see a larger view of the field. The diagonal pass is also greatly undervalued. A horizontal pass means the opposition has to slide. A vertical pass means the opposition has to drop. A diagonal forces them to do both at the same time. It gives the defenders more decisions to make. More decisions means more potential for mistakes. A diagonal pass has the advantage of switching play, so changing the point of attack, while also gaining territory and becoming closer to the goal.
I read a lot about tiki-taka, or juego de posicion, as it should be known. There are so many neat intricacies that provide it with the potency needed to be super effective as it has been by Barcelona and Spain. Simple rules and guidelines. I have them all written down and have shared them with the players, but I will try to discuss a few from memory.
·         Upon stealing through an interception or a tackle, you should release the ball by your second touch at the latest. A player that has just won possession will have had their head down, looking only at the ball, attempting to read its trajectory. In that time, the field picture could have changed massively, and so players will need to lift their head in order to update their picture. Unfortunately there is no time to do this, as that player also has no idea where the opposition is. Win it and give it. Your nearest teammate will have a more up to date picture of the field.
·         Upon releasing the ball, take three steps away from the pass. This creates a new passing angle providing support to the receiver. Too many players pass the ball to a teammate and act as if their job is done. Give it to someone, go get it back.
·         When in possession, players wishing to receive the ball should have their back facing the nearest corner flag. Show the flag your number. This has players viewing the whole field, always aware of where the goal, ball, and opponents, are, and are half turned, meaning that less touches will be needed to shoot, pass, or beat the defender.
Again, there’s a lot more to discuss.
Yesterday was my Spanish speaking exam. It went very well. I won’t find out the grade until August. I didn’t struggle in this exam. I was expecting to have some problems, but no. It was easier than I had prepared for. The hard stuff will be next year. I am still determined to learn more languages. I don’t know when I will get the time to seriously start working on others. Listening to all these other people that can speak two or three foreign languages, it does make me jealous. I will get there eventually.
I do notice some jealousy of others when I look at friends and former colleagues that are working abroad, while I have come home. The greyness, the weather, the familiarity, and the financial struggle of being a student make me dream of going back abroad again. I will. I see their photos and talk to them via Messenger, and they are having a great time. What I need to remember is that in a lot of ways, they are essentially stuck. That doesn’t sound too bad, but as I have mentioned before, they will not be able to progress as far as I will. With my qualifications and education, I will eventually get much higher up the ladder. A lot of them wouldn’t be able to support themselves with a job in football in the UK, but their qualifications and experience are adequate for the role they currently have. They depend on their employer for their visa, and without guarantee of another job, they can’t rally leave. I have to keep thinking of the long term. I still want to go volunteering at some point. Teaching will give me six long weeks in the summer to do that. A coach I know has gone to
Lastly, I should mention our recent futsal game. We won 7-1 to stay top of the table. It took a little while for us to get started. We did eventually, and our quality shone through. It was the first time in this league that we had gone behind. It means that the next game we have, against second place, could essentially win us the league. They are an organised team, but they can’t defend. That’s our strength. It will be our advantage, as it was before. If we can defend better than them, we will be fine.

Entry 30: Wednesday 1st June 2016

In the last two weeks since my most recent entry, I went to Aldershot for the interview, and I have since been offered a job. With this will come a season ticket to all home games. This is a massive step in the right direction for my coaching journey. I’m going to be working with good players, in a professional setup, and I’m guaranteed to be watching live professional soccer every two weeks. I’m not sure when the actual start date is, but I have to go along to assist their trials in the coming weeks to pick players. The expectations will be high. It’s a little bit daunting, but some of my recent assignments have not been as challenging, and at times you can find yourself slacking.
Pre season starts tomorrow night with Saints Ladies. No idea what to expect here. Not all players will attend, such is their nature, and will they be mentally prepared? With young players coming up, they need to realise straight away that this is not easy any more. It will be tough, and I will place high demands upon them. We had a six-a-side tournament on Monday, using three U16s that will likely be joining us. We started slow, as we often do, waking up eventually. From seven games, we lost the first two, then went unbeaten in the next five, playing some good stuff. Had we started like that, we would have gone on to do well. What is it? Why are we such bad starters? The younger players seemed a little shocked at the standard. It’s a lot faster and tougher than they are used to, but the sooner we get them involved, the sooner they can adapt.
I’m looking forward to beginning a 600 rep, 600 touch programme with the players which we will use all throughout June. These are individual high intensity pursuits that use one’s own body weight to provide the resistance. 600 reps will be full body, and will be compound movements, challenging the body aerobically too. 600 touches will be each player with a ball, manipulating it with all parts of the foot, working on agility and aerobic fitness. My players are not as comfortable on the ball as they should be. Not that they’re bad players, but they panic. I need to get them to love the ball. We’re then going to go into possession games, using frequent rest periods in order to keep the performance high. For example, a 3v3 type game with one player resting. The player resting will change every thirty seconds. The benefit of this is that the quality will remain high as fatigue will not set in so quickly, challenging them with their decision making, and will also challenge players to wake up quickly as they will be thrown in at the deep end from a period of rest, forcing them to start well, literally hitting the ground running.
Recently, for a bit of fun, I have been enjoying some charity refereeing. The first game took place at Southampton’s St. Mary’s stadium, and was between a bunch of work colleagues. The quality was awful, but to be linesman at a Premier League stadium, even if it was empty, was pretty cool. A week later, I went along to a Guinness World Record attempt. The longest ever game of football. They lasted 108 hours, and broke the record. I went from two until six in the morning, spending one hour on the line, one hour in the middle, one hour asleep in the car, and one hour drying off in the car. While there, it poured down with ice cold rain, and started to thunder. Just minutes in, I was questioning why I was there. This is stupid. I should just go home. But that was nothing compared to what the players were going through, having already been playing for a day or two, and not being able to brush their teeth. The game was in memory of two players that died last year when a plane crashed into the road. I was on my way to see Brighton v Blackburn, but never made it due to the traffic. Having complained so much about the traffic, I felt it was only right I went to this match and volunteered my services. They started Thursday and finished Monday. I watched some of the videos as they finished on Facebook, and it was truly touching. The sheer elation and relief as the game was called to an end, and the pure joy at their achievement, while witnessing their quite evident injuries suffered during the event was enough to bring you to tears. Although my part was small, I was honoured to share a pitch with those men and women. I will go back to St. Mary’s again this Friday morning to be linesman again. Not sure what charity it is for, but I will enjoy the runout.

Entry 31: Wednesday 8th June 2016

I started at Aldershot on Monday. Next time I go there, it will be in my new car, making the long drive a lot smoother. We held trials, and I was with the U9 group. Two guys stood round with clipboards and made notes about the boys, while I kept them going with passing drills and one v ones. We were instructed to look for the five best technical players in each group, and then grade the others accordingly. Some were looking for an academy place, and some were looking for a spot in one of our training groups that exist essentially for kids to receive good practice sessions from good coaches. Some of them clearly shouldn’t have been there. They were way off the standard required. It’s sad, and you have to wonder who told them to go. Was it the parents? Was someone doing it for a cruel joke? Their passing and control technique left a lot to be desired, and some couldn’t understand simple drills. After a few attempts at explaining it and helping them, you’re no longer observing, and are now coaching. Once it became obvious that they weren’t getting it, or were not capable, we just had to leave them. You could feel the parents on the side fretting. They could understand it, so why couldn’t the kids? It’s a cut throat industry, that’s for sure.
I believe that being at Aldershot will be great for my development. I get a good feeling about the place. The facility is top notch. There’s plenty of equipment, and even access to showers. Some of those cold rainy winter months may warrant a change of clothes. After long hard days at school, then coaching, it may be that I shower before returning home, and literally go straight upstairs and into bed. The coaches are what create the environment, and they seem to be motivated and knowledgeable. I have no idea yet which team I will be with, but I am looking forward to the journey, no matter how tough and time consuming it will be.
My new job has not yet started. It has to be put back a week because we are still waiting for my police check to come back. It’s now taken over a month for the national database to inform the school that I have no criminal record. And of course, we have to pay for the privilege. The company say they will move my start date back by one week. That’s still a pain as it is a fair bit of money that I am missing out on.
Leaving Tecnico has now happened. I have handed back my kit and said my goodbyes to the players and parents. They gave me a sweet leaving gift, which was a signed ball. A very good ball too. I would love to take it to the park and practice my free kicks. I’m going to miss the boys, but at times it was too stressful and did become a bore. There’s too much in the way in grassroots football. Too many idiots, too many parents, too many bad habits. It just becomes a struggle to try and maintain your credibility and sanity. Like anything in life, shut up and listen to the expert, and we’ll get through it quicker and better. I also have just one session left with LTS. It’s a good feeling walking away from a school and knowing you won’t have to keep repeating yourself to a bunch of uninterested kids again. I am very grateful for the work that the two companies have given me.
The school I will begin training at for the first term of next year is Harefield. It’s my second choice, so I am quite pleased with the outcome. It looks like a nice school, it’s easy to get to, and the staff look very supportive. I don’t know yet where I will be for the second term, but won’t have to worry about that until 2017.
Since my last entry, there’s been two training sessions and a tournament with Saints. The tournament went well, with us conceding only one goal in five games. We lost in the semi-final on penalties to a team that we beat in the group stage. The standard wasn’t amazing, though it was a good run out. It does go to show that the book The Numbers Game is right when it talks about how football is so regularly decided by luck. If games are usually decided by one goal, and luck is classified as benefiting from something that is out of your control, then it’s very easy to spot. For example, our defender does very well to read and intercept a pass (skill), as she moves full speed into the passing lane and sticks out a leg to prevent the ball moving towards an opponent that would be through on goal, where the ball ends up could be anywhere. Unfortunately, despite doing well to block that pass, she only managed to redirect it towards another player, who was then able to make that very pass, unobstructed (luck). So the ball went to where we tried to prevent it from going. Two defenders then did very well to recover and dispossess the forward, but the referee judged it to have been a foul (luck), which we completely disagreed with. A penalty was awarded, and our goalkeeper saved it (which could be luck or skill, depending on how you view it).
The semi that was decided on penalties showed a lot about the maze that is penalty taking. We lost 4-2. They took five, and won the game before our fifth taker could step up. The two to miss their penalties did not practice earlier. The two to score, did so confidently and competently. It’s no mystery. The goals were smaller than we play in eleven-a-side, and the distance to the goal was shorter. Should you go for placement or power? There are obvious advantages to either in differing circumstances, but a lot of it is down to the skill set of the player. I always go to the goalkeeper’s left. It’s well practiced. The chances of me facing the same goalkeeper twice from the penalty spot is minimal, especially when you consider my travelling. There are many things a player can do to increase their chances of scoring, especially if they aren’t a regular taker. Key ones are to make your mind up well in advance of the penalty, and to not look at the keeper. My two players that missed made their mistakes in the approach. Their run up was all wrong. Had they even had just one practice go, they would have been far better. It’s amazing, the power of practice.
Our two preseason sessions have been attended by seven and by four players. It’s a shame the rest of them have been felled by excusitis. They will be left behind if they are not careful. The 600 touches and 600 reps were a hit. The players loved them, although were suffering throughout. They’ve even taken kindly to the running. Last night, when we stopped, two of them decided to do more. Those extra inches will all add up, no doubt, but the mindset created will help a player dig in when all else seems futile. I have a core of players that do such good work. I really want to have a team of players that do such good work. I want to get the U16s involved soon. Trials are in two weeks. We have eight friendlies lined up now, including two against professional teams. Some good old fashioned ass-whoopings will prepare the new players well. I want to test their mettle, their desire, their hunger, and their commitment. We can all play well in the sunshine, but England is not a sunny place. Are you prepared to dig in, travel long distances, get beat, and maybe not even play? That’s the reality of competitive football. No more hand holding now.

Entry 32: Wednesday 15th June 2016

My new job finally has the green light. They are prepared to accept an older criminal records check, which means I start this weekend. It will be a little hard over the next month to fit in the coaching around it, but it’s only temporary. With the way the players have been treating preseason lately, I genuinely feel I can trust them to get on with it without me. Their motivation is completely intrinsic, which is wonderful. I am not having to push them, only guide them. Our recent session was delayed a little due to rain. We hid under a tree until it passed, and then continued. There’s real desire to improve. I know it’s not everyone, but this core group will raise the bar. Anyone coming in will have to up their game to achieve that. There are enough of them that can help me shift the mindset of this team. We are becoming stronger and more resilient. I don’t think morons coming in could break us (not that I will be permitting morons).
We have trials over the next two weeks, and I hope to have a squad of eighteen to twenty by the end of it. That’s quite a few, but when you consider that players will leave, players will be injured, players will go on holiday, some players will be picked up by the first team, you can see why I want so many. There should be two players competing for each position. Some of the laziest players last season were the ones with little or no competition for a place. I fear that I may miss one of the trials. I won’t know the hours for my new job until a week before, and I don’t really have much say over what hours I get. I’m hoping it’s a nine to five type arrangement. As far as next week goes, I have Aldershot trials on Monday and Wednesday, with Saints trials on Tuesday and training on Thursday, and then we play futsal on Friday. I’m probably going to miss or be late to a few of those. Some of the players were complaining, saying that last year was boring as they completed a warm up, then played a game for nearly two hours. I want to get in there and coach them. Ultimately, they are going to be listening to me giving them instructions three times a week. I need to know how they can handle that, and what they bring to the atmosphere of the team. Are they hard working? Committed? Do they listen? Are they respectful? I don’t want to waste my time on a player with ability and yet a terrible attitude.
Another worry of mine is that Aldershot may give me Tuesday and Thursday sessions. I’m sure I can negotiate with them for the Monday and Friday sessions that were originally mentioned. I wouldn’t have gone for the job otherwise. When September comes, I’m going to have to be exceptionally good with my timing in order to stay on top of all this work. It’s going to take great organisational skills and a hell of a lot of discipline. Keep thinking long term. It will be worth it. In another year I can start applying for teaching jobs abroad. Go somewhere sunny and earn some money.
My new car appears to be incredibly fuel efficient. This will help massively with money. I will stop shelling out so much on fuel, which is important, considering I will be doing a few hundred miles per week. The car will essentially be my office. I have pretty much always operated that way. I will take better care of it than I did the last one. Keep it clean, regularly service it, truly respect and appreciate it.

Entry 33: Wednesday 22nd June 2016

At Saints we have had our first trial for the upcoming season. Many new faces showed up, and there is some good quality. It may mean I need to cut a couple players, which I will be happy to do so. What I think will be difficult for us is knowing how many would still play with us if their only chance was in the reserve team. We need to reiterate to them that our reserve level is a very high level, and much higher than they will experience playing in the lower leagues. As I have said before, some of the teams we play would thrash our first team, and so you know that it will be tough. We also need to demonstrate to them the clear progression that has been had within the club last season. There are opportunities there for players to move on up. That’s why I want a large squad, as inevitable the following will happen; players will become frustrated and leave, they will have other commitments, there will be injuries, and some will move into the first team. I’ll be able to see them again next week and then have a much better idea of what’s coming my way. It was a very positive evening to say the least.
I have now had three days of teaching, which has been an incredible experience. Obviously there is much overlap with coaching, but there are two distinct differences. The first is my knowledge of the subject matter. My coaching sessions are detailed and precise, and my lesson plans are not yet at that stage. I don’t know what we have to consider in a lesson when teaching foreign learners. I have no experience, and even my own experience of learning a second language is fairly limited. I can relate to them a little bit, but I am a long way off being a good teacher.
The second is the motivation. So many kids, the overwhelming majority, don’t want to be there. Sure, travelling to England for a few weeks, exploring, meeting new people etc. sounds like fun, but while you’re there, you have to wake up early and go to class. Nobody wants to do that. I will learn a lot from the others around me, and tomorrow morning I am being observed in the classroom. A teacher trainer from head office is coming down to spend time with everyone, and when he sees me with my class, I will be with a very difficult class that really struggles to engage. They don’t want to talk, and are very shy. It’s so difficult. My teacher partner has the same problems when she is with them. By comparison, the second group are such fun, very active, and full of energy. They say the teacher trainer is a nice guy and very helpful, and at least I can learn more from a situation in which I struggle than from a situation that I find easy.

Entry 34: Wednesday 6th July 2016

The trials are over, and my squad is pretty much selected. We are still waiting to hear from a few people as they are being touted by other clubs, but I am very happy with what we have. It’s a young squad that seems to be hungry, with great potential to be moulded into great players. I had a chat with them at the end, and said to them that I have two expectations, both of which are very simple, and yet many people still let me down; 1. Always try your hardest 2. Don’t be a dick. Explaining it like that puts them at ease, but also shows the light hearted side of things. Don’t bring your problems to the team. Don’t slack off. Effort and attitude are paramount. We might now have nine friendlies, eight, or maybe even seven of which, I can go to (we have booked a vacation to Spain in August).
Our formerly injured goalkeeper from last season will be coming back, and slowly joining in again. In twenty-two games, we used six different people in goal last season. I definitely don’t want that to happen again. And if all goes well, there will be two players for each position, aiding competition and helping when injuries set in. The core that I already have are rapidly improving their fitness, and are setting a good standard for new players to catch up to. It’s a good impression for them to see upon their first encounters with the club. Although, saying that, some of them were mocked by the first team players when it was announced that they would be hanging around for extra fitness. That’s definitely not the right way to go, and shows them up a bit really. Surely they should be commended and emulated. Small minds.
With Aldershot, I went to the stadium at the weekend for the signing on event with the new youth players. This will be such a great environment for me to begin working in. I can’t wait to get the official kit and start to feel part of the group. The stadium holds 2,500, and they have big ambitions to make it back into Football League 2, the fourth division within the English pyramid. Time consuming, but worth it.
The English teaching is going well. I haven’t done anything stupid and I am keeping out of trouble. A few of the others are causing all sorts of problems and are making me look good. Only three and a half weeks to go. It’s a nice wad of cash to make before having August off to relax and prepare for the upcoming academic year. I keep reading about all these foreign adventures, and dreaming about being away again. I will finish this entry by quoting the wise Master Yoda; “All his life he looked away, to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing.”

 

 

 

 


Entry 35: Wednesday 20th July 2016

Saturday we took a team to a tournament, which was six-a-side. It was boiling hot. One of the very few days that the British summer can melt people. And it went on all day. A lot of these tournaments are finished by the early afternoon. We were still playing by around four o’clock. We had six of our old players, and one new player join us. She seemed to fit in really well. Calm on the ball, intelligent passes. There were eight group games. We won five, drew two, and lost one. We finished in first place and qualified for the semis with a couple games to spare. By this point, the sun burn was unbearable. It was the semis that we ran out of momentum, losing 2-1. What a shame, but they played some great football that day.
Sunday took us to our first friendly, with still about six weeks before the season was to start. We looked a little sluggish at the start, and struggled to gain momentum. This was to be expected with new players coming in and attempting to gel. Some seemed to be quite nervous, playing with their new team at a higher level. We were 1-0 at half time, but it could have been more. In the second half, we were far better. It started to click. We dominated the game, having so much of the ball, strangling the opposition for possession, and limiting their contacts in our half of the field. The only problem was that we couldn’t score. And then with seconds to go, they scored a very easy, silly, preventable goal. On the balance of things, a 2-0 loss was about right, just a shame we couldn’t score.

Entry 36: Wednesday 27th July 2016

So much has happened recently, it’s going to take time to describe and document it all. I think I should start with the incredible futsal win.
Well. What a night. It was the night. The night to end all nights. No night has ever been such a night as this one. It was our night. I will never forget that night. Tense as it was, we arrived early to prepare. We saw that our opponents had large amounts of reinforcements. There were ten of them. A lot of them we didn’t recognise as their regulars. We saw a player from Portsmouth, a good player from our rival team. And we saw a player that was a Northern Ireland international that our first team had tried to sign, and they rejected. We had two players away, and another injured. We had one sub,
The game was cagey. A point would do it for us. A loss was not enough. Both teams had one obvious chance to score in the first half, but apart from that, it was very tight. Some solid defence was being executed, and though a neutral may find the lack of scoring chances boring, it certainly wasn’t. Perhaps that was due to my own involvement in the game that I thought that, but surely one could admire such robust and organised defending. Both teams were determined not to be the first to concede.
With our opponents bringing in multiple reinforcements, I made sure that didn’t intimidate my players. I quickly turned that around into “Look, they’ve had to bring an army with them, because they’re that scared of you!”. Every timeout and opportunity for a team talk, I kept reiterating the same message; do not focus on the time or the score, do not think about winning, take it one step at a time – one pass, one tackle, one block, one shot at a time. Focus on getting that right, and it will add up to good performance. This is your opportunity to be champions. Leave nothing out there. Come away with no regrets. Give it your all, and when the opportunity presents itself, we will be there to take it.
I was calm, I was focussed, I was determined. I wanted that trophy, but the players wanted it more. This meant so much to all of us. It finished 0-0 at half time. If we kept them out of our goal, we were guaranteed the title. And we were halfway there. With the second half, players were bound to tire. Chances were going to be created as mistakes were capitalised on. No matter how the players felt, there was no opportunity to give up. Regardless of the pain, you may not have this opportunity again. If you lose, you lose, but if you give up, you have to live with that regret.
The clock was ticking. Their goalkeeper made a huge mistake, and was stranded. The ball fell to one of our players with an open goal from distance, who had to shoot first time due to being closed down by the opposition. She shot and it was true. It was flying into the net, and the keeper pulled off a remarkable save, tipping the ball onto the bar, which then crashed down onto the goal line, and away to safety. We had been less than an inch from taking the lead. It wasn’t long after that, the deadlock was broken. 1-0 to the opposition. She cut inside from the left and shot hard and centrally with her right foot. It went through the legs of the tracking defender, through the legs of the covering defender, and through the legs of the goalkeeper. How? A triple nutmeg! What a complete fluke. Five minutes on the clock. What were we to do? The game was so tight, carving out opportunities to score had been incredibly difficult.
I called a timeout. It felt like those cheesy American movies where the coach talks about heart and togetherness, and then as the seconds decline in slow motion, the crowd gasps as the most unlikely player scores the necessary point. It was scorching hot inside. We took a step out to clear our minds and to cool down. Our opponents were going to drop deep to defend this lead. They did not want to be opened up and exposed at the back. This meant our goalkeeper would have to play more forward to create attacking overloads. Just like all great American movie coaches, I gave a speech. It doesn’t have the same effect without the music, and when said in my Spock-like tones, but here’s how it went; “One goal is all we need. That hasn’t changed. Do not focus on the score nor the time. Take it one step at a time. One pass at a time. One tackle at a time. We’ve come so far together, and not winning does not take away the fact that you’ve played so well and improved massively. If you keep working, an opportunity will present itself. It may just be one chance, but that’s all we need.” Or something to that effect. Short and sweet. Calm them down, refocus them, inspire them.
Time went by, and we overloaded their half. Four out-field players in their half, as well as all five of our opponents. We had to draw them out in order to create a scoring opportunity. How was that going to happen? It depended upon our keeper playing more forward, and attempting to draw away one of their defenders. It could be enough to create the space needed to get a scoring opportunity. Even then, their keeper was pretty decent, so who’s to say a shot on target would be a goal?
The ball left the field and restarted as our possession on the left touchline in our half. All others moved forward, and the ball was tapped back to our keeper midway in our own half. She took a touch forward. All forward passes were screened, all options covered. A lone defender stepped out to press. Our keeper then took a huge risk. She engaged the defender. The defender moved in to tackle. Our keeper took a dodgy touch, and looked like she had lost the ball. The defender was about to steal. We could see it. All the defender had to do was poke the ball away, and she’d be free to stroke the ball home into our empty net, to make the game 2-0 and destroy our championship.
Our keeper saw the defender was about to steal the ball, and just tapped it round her with the outside of her right foot. Suddenly she was free. A lane opened up. A direct line from foot to top corner. With all her might, she struck that futsal hard and true with her laces. It flew like a rocket, but felt like slow motion. Sat right behind it, I had the perfect view to see that ball fly into the top corner of the net. The opposition were speechless. We broke our voices screaming with elation. 1-1. Two minutes remaining. We’d be champions.
Our opponents decided to just go for it. They pulled their keeper and played with five out-field players. Of course that creates an overload, but leaves them susceptible to shots at an open goal. By this point, they were too frantic to make the overload work, and all we had to do was defend solidly, which we are experts at. The two minutes didn’t drag like I thought it would, and we were not threatened in that time.
And then, we were champions. It had actually happened. The games were short, and there weren’t many, but as it was spread out over so long, as we as a group had endured so much from others, as we had played so well, and dreamt so hard, it felt like it had gone on for years. This championship meant so much. That was a feeling that was not going to go away. It was won in such dramatic circumstances too. A goalkeeper, pulling out a rocket shot, from inside her own half, with two minutes remaining. Surely that stuff only ever happens on TV?
The next morning was bliss. The feeling had not subsided. It wasn’t going to.
Sunday’s game did put a little dent in it though. We travelled away to Enfield in North London. Turns out we weren’t playing their reserves, but their first team. Woops. On the bus journey up there, some of the new girls, led by one in particular, were doing things to cause some friction among the others. Maybe they were being young and showing off, but it resulted in name calling and hair pulling. It continued into the warm up, where they were messing around, jumping on each other’s backs, and rolling around on the floor. Hardly showing the club in a good light. Some older players told them to cut it out, which made the captain respond to them, saying they shouldn’t be so negative. I was a little disappointed in her behaviour. It’s like she was condoning it. Why does women’s football have to be like this?
The game began and we weren’t too bad. I was expecting it to be a lot worse considering the standard of opposition. We went 1-0 down around half time, and had to endure a bit of an onslaught, but recovered and were on top for the last thirty minutes. We made so many chances, but could not score. It eventually did come, with only seconds remaining, and was scored by the girl causing all the problems.
On the bus home, this girl, friends with some of the girls who left last season under horrible circumstances, was messaging them about being told off by the experienced players, which made one player who left say some things on Twitter. Why? Why act like this? What on Earth do you think you serve to gain by behaving like a child? Some people do not think. They really have no idea. It’s pure idiocy.
This unnecessary tension carried over to the Tuesday night training session. The new players were acting cocky and putting no work in. This lead to a few comments. I stopped the session and said it was not good enough, and it needed to stop. This lead to sarcastic comments from the new players, and that’s when myself and a few others walked away. We’re too old to be dealing with this. We have players driving from miles, travelling for hours, and what’s happening is a bunch of bitchy teenagers are showing off. None of us get paid enough to deal with it.
The captain again chastised us and began having a go, almost justifying their behaviour. She got out some cones and balls and decided they should just play a game. It was in this game that the main instigator decided to leave her mark on some other players in the team, kicking out at them wherever possible. Our chair lady was there to see it all. We both decided there and then that we would ask her to leave the club. Whatever ramifications it was then to have, we’d deal with. If other players decided to leave, we’d be okay with it. There was still plenty of time to find new ones.
Away from Southampton, I had finished working as an English teacher. That was liberating. What a frustrating job, made almost unbearable by just one sour faced cow. Negative influences do not view themselves as such. What a condescending bitch she was. Apart from her, and the lack of structure, it’s not a bad job, but I’m in no hurry to start again. With all my other commitments going on, it was hard to manage. I had to drive like an F1 racer to get down the motorway and to training. My diet and fitness regime went out the window. There was always fat food around, and no time to exercise.
This week, now with the whole summer to look forward to, I was offered a week of work at Aldershot’s summer player development camps. I met a few of the boys that will be mine in the season coming up. The skill level is phenomenal. We’re creating some very good players in England, but what’s happening to them? If these players are at a club in the fifth league, it would be frightening to imagine the skill of the players belonging to Premier League clubs.
Each day would start with about an hour of 4v4 futsal in a tight space. The U13s would genuinely be able to compete in the Women’s Premier League, such is their skill level and game understanding. I can’t wait to get my hands on them. I’m going to learn so much as a coach. It will challenge me to find ways to challenge them, thus raising my game exponentially. I also have a lot of time alone while driving up there, giving me plenty of opportunity to get through my audiobooks.

Entry 37: Wednesday 3rd August 2016

After that explosive training session, we had a game at Eastleigh, that are a new team, many leagues below us, and are just around the corner. This was in place of Thursday night training. Things were a little tense after Tuesday, but the instigator was not there. Eastleigh contained former players from years gone by, so we knew they would be decent, it not ill-disciplined and unfit. The pitch was full of pot-holes, divots, and large patches of sand. It was atrocious. The ball was bouncing in all directions, players were stumbling, falling over, and making so many unforced errors due to the terrain.
We looked decent, as we should do against such a team. Passed the ball around well, moved alright, though still a little quiet for my liking. We finished the game 3-1 winners. It should have been a lot more. The goal we conceded came from a lapse in concentration with just seconds to go.
This night, however, will be remembered for the two hours I spent after the game with the chair, talking about the instigator, all the antics, and dealing with parent accusations. One mum had a right go at me for not including her in the email distribution. I had been sending her stuff, I don’t know why she wasn’t getting it. It later turns out that I had entered her email address in wrong. The 2 looked like a Z when she wrote it down. It’s a bloody stupid email address anyway.
I won’t go into all the details of it, as it’s boring and trivial. What it does highlight is just how little coaching the coach actually does in comparison to the collective amount of work they do. My life seems to be spent dealing with and solving other people’s problems. One idiot says something stupid to another idiot, and suddenly it’s raining on my parade. How is that fair? But like I’ve been saying to them all along, it’s only preseason, and I’m glad we’re dealing with these problems now, rather than in September. That futsal win seems a long time ago now.
Two days later on the Saturday was another 3-1 win, against a travelling team from the island of Guernsey. I missed it, however, as I had problems with my car, breaking down on the motorway. I was taking two opposition players with me, as well as all the kit. I called the breakdown service, then called my dad to help take the players and the kit to the game, just twenty minutes away. It shouldn’t be so bad as I had given out all the instructions to the players previously. I’ve always maintained that they should be able to do their jobs without my input.
Apparently they started slow, just kind of bumming around with no real direction or leadership. That’s worrying. What did cause a ruffle in the feathers was that the instigator turned up, when we had told her not to, and that my captain included her in the team, when I had told her not to. She scored two goals, but that’s beside the point. My captain went against direct orders from me and from the club. It was sneaky and underhanded. This player was not to be in the team. I had written the letter and everything, just waiting for the club to confirm it and pull the trigger. Including her in the team caused quite an upset, giving me yet more to deal with.
The next day I took my mind off it all by travelling to Oxford for the afternoon with the Mexican. While there, we went to see a Women’s Super League 2 game between Oxford United and London Bees. This is two leagues above our first team, so interesting for me to compare up close like that. It was an enjoyable 4-2 in the sunshine with some decent football played. They are noticeably better technically, far better drilled tactically, as you would expect, but they also just look a lot meaner. That’s it. They want it more. They’re more prepared to go in where it hurts. More prepared to make sacrifices. They’ve got the scars to prove it. They play without fear of pain, but as if the pain of losing is worse than death. They’d run through brick walls. Our first team look at us like idiots when I make them run. As was shown on Tuesday.
With all the fun that had been going on lately, I decided to call a meeting. The parents could ask my anything, and we get it all out into the open, and settle it like adults. I was setting myself up for a public execution, but believed the bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. I’ve handled situations like this many times before. If I were to face them, open myself up to all their criticism and abuse, explain myself and thank them for their time, I believed I could earn some respect. I’m calm, relaxed, and a good public speaker. So why not?
Now that we had jumped into August, it was time to start the 10k runs. They did not want to do that at all. I worked out the space and the number of laps necessary, and started to time it. Only two players cracked it this time out. The instigator had turned up to training. The club had not pulled the trigger, and said that it was against their policy to kick someone out for those types of offences without first giving a warning. Twenty minutes into the run, she was moaning, displaying her opinions in regards to how she thought running was pointless, and so walked over to her dad, on the far side of the park. Together with her mum, they stood talking to the chair and first team manager explaining their dislike of everything. Meanwhile, her friends continued with the run, despite cutting corners heavily. She then sat out for the rest of the session. When we joined in to play a game with the first team, she was told to pick up a bib and play. Oh goody, was this meeting going to be fun.
Quite a lot showed up, actually. I didn’t do a good enough job of stressing that it wasn’t mandatory. Many of these parents I’d never seen before. They simply drop their kid off and go home. I explained for about five minutes what I want from the team and why it is I want that. I was open, honest, candid, and gave plenty of eye contact (as much as was possible in the twilight of on setting dark). It seemed to go down pretty well.
Then I opened it up for questions. The first one, from the instigator’s dad; “When are you going to start proper training?” Clearly with some venom attached, spouting from a strongly formed negative opinion of my methods, I mentioned we had been training properly for a number of weeks now. He disagreed and said that running was not proper training. There was actually a point to his question. Running 10k’s worth of laps is not that relevant to football. I explained that since we don’t have a team of fitness coaches, sports scientists, nor remarkable equipment, given the situation, it was the best way for me to test their long distance endurance. Players run around 10k in a match, the ball is in play for about sixty minutes, hence 10k > 60min. It also needs to be measurable and repeatable. And I need proof. Yes, players can do it at home, in the gym, in their own time. But they don’t. If they did, I wouldn’t have to spend all this time on fitness.
What also came up was the same old same old very boring criticism that I don’t shout enough. It was the same dad, who accused me of not shouting enough, and then said “admittedly I haven’t seen any games yet.” I couldn’t stop myself. “Well there you go then” was my response, before explaining for the ten millionth time in my career about player centred approach to development, giving them ownership, letting them make their own decisions, creating a fear-free environment yadda yadda yadda. This doesn’t fly with the vast majority of parents. They seemingly don’t want you to trust their children, but instead bark them to victory. Make the decisions for them so they can’t go wrong. It’s all about winning and winning right now! If we don’t win this game right now then our lives are inadequate!
The experienced players backed me up when appropriate. We dissected it all later, but it’s good to know I have their support. One more classic from the instigator’s dad was that he was unhappy when trying to get her to play in a tournament a few weeks ago (one where we made the semi-finals), I said that we’d probably start slow, lose some games we should win, and be home in time for lunch. There’s obviously an element of truth to every joke, as we are notoriously bad starters. He said it sets a bad impression and makes a player not want to play. I had to explain to him what a joke was, and the apologise for his apparent lack of a sense of humour. But not so blunt as that. Why wouldn’t that be a joke? Come along to a tournament, we’re going to lose! Perhaps in the United States where everything is taken literally, where my sarcasm has gotten me into trouble before, but not in the UK. We invented sarcasm. We are masters of it. We are fluent in it. We only speak proper English when foreigners are around so they don’t take everything the wrong way, otherwise, everything is in sarcasm. Silly man.
Facing the music like that earned me some respect. A few of the previously critical parents stayed behind for a chat, and expressed their support, and how they were only concerned, and were sure things were going to work out fine. We’re all best friends now.
The next evening, I went on a drive to see Reading play Manchester City in the Women’s Super League. Man City are one of the best teams in the country, with a whole bunch of England World Cup stars. The game was played with great intensity, a fantastic advert for the league. With last night fresh in my mind, I decided to watch the Reading coach closely, as he was just in front of me. He was very animated. I sometimes think that can be distracting. It shifts the focus of the player from the game to the thoughts of the coach. Rather than concerning themselves with making the right decisions, they are concerning themselves with pleasing an external source. As leaders, we have to embody what we want from our players. Teams characterise their coaches. I want my teams to be calm and thoughtful, not panicky and anxious. A lot of his antics were aimed at the match officials, but as far as I could tell, he gave a similar amount of tactical advice as I usually do. I just don’t do all the shouting and screaming that comes with it. I’m also incredibly confident, but don’t seem that way. People look at me strange when I say I have faith in my team. I’m not sure in what way I’m not showing it. Maybe it’s confidence in myself? I’m thorough in my preparation, and believe the players to be fully capable of carrying out the tasks that I set them. I wouldn’t ask them to do what they’re not capable of. Seems like a strange one to me.
At the conclusion of the game, a Man City win, I stayed a little while. The players all went to sign autographs and pose for photos. Very refreshing to see. It enabled me to get a photo with the England captain Steph Houghton! Very happy with that.

Entry 38: Wednesday 10th August 2016

The instigator was missing from the following training session. She also missed our Saturday game. It was to be a very difficult weekend. Yeovil at home on Saturday, Cardiff away on Sunday. The atmosphere around the team was fine. Quite strange, but positive. Both of these games were to be to try our 5-3-2 formation. We worked on it in training, and the players started to see it and to get it. To apply that in the game is a different matter entirely.
Yeovil started the game very strong, and could have scored two goals in the first twenty minutes. They hit the post twice, but apart from that, they weren’t getting past our defence. We looked shaky to begin with as players adjusted to this new system, but then it started to work. We scored some great goals, played good football, and severely limited the Yeovil chances. It finished 4-2. In the 90th minute their striker pulled off an unbelievable top corner strike. Full credit to her.
The team was a lot happier than I was. I just thought Yeovil’s inability to penetrate was more down to them than to us, and papered over our cracks a little bit. They gave us the illusion of looking good. The next day against Cardiff, with everyone exhausted from the day before, we were exposed. All our CMs were missing, meaning that the three players who were supposed to shield the defence, were players playing out of position. This wasn’t good. The goals flooded in. We lost 10-3. The instigator scored all three of our goals. They were largely self-made.
The ride up there, the ride back, watching the game after ours, and the team meal provided great opportunities for bonding. The instigator and a few of the others had a chat and settled their differences. This actually appeared to be genuine. She said she had only been acting that way because of what her friends had said about the team, realised it was all untrue, and that it was a silly thing to do. Well that was easy.
Amongst all this I had my first meeting at the school with the teacher that is going to be in charge of me and my development. I was with her for two hours as she took me around the school and talked about what our schedule will be like. It’s going to be demanding but I am looking forward to it. I don’t know if it’s going to be time consuming and stressful, or if that’s just the perception. I’m somewhat used to time consuming and stressful. Still waiting on my student loan to come through though. It may not even get to the case where I find out what teaching is like if they don’t approve the loan.

Entry 39: Wednesday 17th August 2016

This Saturday gone was my first ever Aldershot Town game. All the coaches are expected to go when possible. I’m looking forward to a season of this. The only teams I see regularly are those that I am directly involved in. Watching the Aldershot first team play from a distance will allow me to make more objective judgements. The standard of football was better than what I was expecting. It was far more intelligent too. There’s a lot of hope and ambition around this club. A former manager was brought back in, and he has aspirations of getting the team promoted again.
It’s quite a family atmosphere, and I really did enjoy it. It’s easy to get to, very few idiots about, and a decent show. I have been recommending it. Aldershot won 2-0 against Wrexham, and the second goal was pure class. The kind of passing move Barcelona would be appreciative of. After the game I was invited up to the executive lounge, where the wealthy sit around and feel good about themselves for their contributions. These were mainly well off people from the community, wanting to do right by their local club. The country is full of towns like Aldershot, and a football team can give it hope. As much as I smelt self-importance, I couldn’t help but admire them. Let’s face it, without their support and involvement, there would be no youth department, and I’d not have a job. The captain was voted man of the match, and he came up to meet the suite and face some questions. I couldn’t help but wonder if I should have felt more star struck or more underwhelmed. For one thing, this was a professional footballer. A beacon of our club. On the other hand, he plays for a fifth division club, and our wages are paid from the same source.
The Sunday was a difficult one for me. Back to the stadium for a long and thorough coach induction. While that was going on, Saints Ladies Reserves were on their way to London for a three way friendly, playing forty-five minutes against London Bees, and forty-five minutes against a travelling team from Japan. We went into these games looking to play against massively superior opposition, and try out our 5-3-2 formation. This formation relies heavily on the 3 being well drilled and well disciplined. Sadly, all four of our players who can play those positions were missing. That meant a makeshift midfield, including some who’d never played that role before, being chucked in against great players in great teams. Oh well. It’s a learning experience. We lost 3-0 and 5-0. I asked for feedback on the game, but do miss being able to make my own mind up.
Powerless, there I was in Aldershot, with all the other coaches, with our laptops out, watching, listening, learning. I was given a brand new bag of balls, a coaching bag, and a massive tactics board. The level of planning and reporting will be so very in dept. It could be overwhelming, and one could easily fall behind if not completing tasks little and often. It’s going to challenge and extend me as a coach, no doubt. I’d be more okay though if I hadn’t decided to do this PGCE. The trip to Barcelona already has us all buzzing. We’re so excited before a ball has even been kicked.
Today, I made the long and lonely trip to Cardiff to see my beloved Rovers play. Cardiff City v Blackburn Rovers is hardly appealing to anybody, even fans of the two clubs. This game will be forever remembered as the game Shane Duffy scored two own goals and received a red card. What a horrible night for the man. Horrible for us all concerned actually. Our club is rotting slowly, and no one seems to care. There’s the occasional passing comment in the media, but just to tick a box. What’s happened there should be criminal, but we’re an unfashionable club and people still hate us, despite leaving the Premier League four years ago.

Entry 40: Wednesday 24th August 2016

First I’ll begin by writing about my trip to Spain. It was disaster from the start. As we were nearing our villa in the mountains, we had a flat tyre. We spent all afternoon trying to repair it. It was eventually done Monday afternoon. Such a different culture means that nothing is open Sundays, and everyone is asleep in the afternoon. It’s brilliant, but not for us uptight Brits. This meant that I could not go see the game I wished to see between Granada and Villareal. I was distraught, and spent a lot of time doing research attempting to find any alternatives, be it semi pro, reserve, female, academy. I just wanted to see something. Anything. With a bit of guidance from Twitter, I will be going to see Real Betis v Deportivo La Coruna on Friday night. It’s a two and a half our drive, but I don’t care. I was becoming restless. Inconsolable even.
Sunday, while I was away, Saints drew with a team that they should have demolished in a friendly. I mean double figures demolished. The controversy that came from the game, and I can only speculate as to how much it affected their performance, was that I dropped the captain, she was very unhappy about it, sent me a very angry text while I was sat by the pool on vacation, she also began arguing with and blaming other players, and somehow managed to get on the pitch after twenty minutes, despite my instructions. I don’t know why this was such a surprise for her. She only came to one training, to which she was late, and then skipped our fitness work at the end. Other players competing for those positions didn’t do that. I’ve been picking this team for a year now. Maybe she thought that because she was the captain, she’s above that. The first thing that comes out of players when they are dropped for these reasons is how difficult a day or week they’ve had. I don’t dispute that. I’m sure it was tough. But we all know the rules of team selection. Whether you were at home watching TV, or in burning buildings saving lives, you weren’t at training. It’s hard line, but then everyone is treated the same, and no one can cut corners.
A very good new recruit has left the team. Sad, because she was a decent player with a great attitude, but there’s not much I can do about that. She was driving an hour and a half each way just to come to training. It was too much for her.
While out and about on these travels, I noticed the large amount of artificial fields in Spain and Morocco. I get that with the weather and terrain it’s a better alternative to real grass. What struck me was the locations and the access. They looked like people actually used them. We use them in England too, but the costs are so high you have to sell your soul to get use of one for an hour. They are rare and expensive here. In other countries I’m sure they take just as long to build and cost just as much to build, but they have them. Even the tiny rock of Gibraltar has them. Actually on top of land reclaimed from the sea. Fancy that! It’s one of many things that is detrimental to English football. It won’t solve all our problems to build more artificial pitches and to subsidise costs, but it would be another dent in the armour of the beast that is holding our nation back from reaching its true potential.
It was while making long journeys late at night that I realised something. Kind of an amalgamation of my studies and experience. Everything to do with success or lack of success within youth development in football can be explained by the CEO principle. Coaching, environment, opportunity. I’ll give some examples. In Kuwait, the coaching the kids received from us was the best in the country, but moving onto the next phase, the environment was one of flashy wealth, lazy kids, and disrespect towards authority and learning. Then there’s also no opportunity for them to make it as professionals there. Even so, why would you want to earn the measly wages of a footballer when you’re rolling in Dinar like most of those families were? In the US, they receive brilliant coaching from foreign imports and a growing number of educated American coaches, but still, they are let down a little by the win at all costs and the anti-intellectualism culture. Opportunities to play are growing, and soccer is vast become a recognised sport with a viable career path. In Mexico the coaching isn’t anywhere near as good as it should be for a football mad nation. Past that, the environment is selfish, places way too much pressure on the kids, and deflects blame onto others. There are opportunities, but it’s also a very corrupt situation. I plan to write a long and detailed blog post to further explain my thoughts.
While away, I did receive the dates to start at school. It’s daunting. This is becoming real now. I’m not 100% sure I want to do this. It’s a viable career option and opens up the world to me, but I don’t know if my heart and soul will be in it. It’s too large a commitment and too important a job to not care truly 100% about what you’re doing. This is going to be a huge month; starting school, master’s assignments, Aldershot, Saints Reserves. I don’t really spend time with my family and friends anyway. I’ve become addicted to work. It’s this relentless pursuit of something better. I don’t know when it’s going to stop. I’d much prefer to watch TV or play Xbox.

Entry 41: Wednesday 31st August 2016

With my last few days of freedom soon coming to an end, I have been best organising my life in order to deal with the onslaught that is soon to come. The master’s is coming to an end, my assistant coach will soon be back in the country, and my players understand now what I want from them, and how I want it done. I’m confident due to my preparation.
In the last few days I have started listening to Legacy, by James Kerr, which is about the management and culture of the New Zealand rugby team, the All Blacks. Their motto is “No Dickheads.” Quite similar to mine. In fact, I’m going to steal it. The more I read these management books, the more I can feel it shaping what I do, and the more of what I do I can see in these books. It’s reassuring. It’s good feedback to have when there is no one out there to monitor me.
Saints Ladies had a game Sunday, the day after I got back from Spain. We started slow, and were losing 2-0 to a massively inferior team inside six minutes. It was 3-1 at half time. We weren’t playing very well. We all knew we were better than this. Half time was fairly easy. “That wasn’t very good, we all know we’re a lot better than this, let’s go and win the second half 3-0.” That was bad, we can do better, the past is done, here is your challenge, with a pinch of I believe in you. We came back to win the game 4-3. Could even have been more. The opposition became incredibly frustrated that they were throwing away their lead. There was nothing they could do about it. We were just better than them, and didn’t decide to turn it on until the second half.
Last night in training we worked on some patterns, and then finished with the dreaded 10k run. Apart from one or two injuries and absences, they’ve all done it now. That’s a great achievement to have the team that fit going into the start of the season. They were all very pleased with themselves. That level of fitness will pay off.
Earlier this evening, we played our eleventh opponent of preseason, a team lower down the pyramid, and won 2-1. Twenty-two hours after doing 10k. And it should have been five or six goals. We didn’t even appear to be playing at full intensity, but still created countless chances. It was very encouraging to see. I still want them to trust each other a little more on the ball, to not go forward so quickly. They need to understand to move the ball to move the opposition. They look like they understand their roles well and what’s expected of them. It’s been a rollercoaster preseason, and I am confident we will have improved upon last season’s points haul.
Another player has decided to call it a day. This is one I admire so much, and truly value. She missed most of preseason due to vacation. Her influence on the team was so positive. She makes the team better. She does a lot of the dirty work that goes unnoticed. It lessens the competition for places, though we still have it. I suppose it means that there is a little more security for the players. It’s hard to find the balance between always being on edge but being comfortable. We do our best work when we know there is stability and security, but without that competition, we can become complacent.
By the time I write this next piece, I will have had two days of teaching. Quite a thought.
It’s also worth noting that I received the results of my Spanish AS Level. E overall. A pass, which I am happy about. Could have been more though. I didn’t apply myself as I tried to do too many other things. Still a positive to have that qualification.

Entry 42: Wednesday 7th September 2016

How strange it is to introduce myself as a teacher. I don’t feel like one. I still hold resentment towards mine. It’s strange being on the other side of this. It’s massively different to when I was at school. I am twenty years older than these kids, and come from a very different background. I went to a rich private school that was rather exclusive. My school now is in a very deprived area. The parents are on welfare. I enquired about the policy towards school shoes, and was told that it was lenient, due to many of these children only having one pair of shoes. Culture shock.
There’s many differences. For a lot of these kids, I’m the only man they ever see in a suit, unless they are being referred to as “The Defendant.” When I was their age, we had one teacher for every subject. These teachers were specialists. We’d have many throughout the day. Now, the one teacher is the only teacher they have, although we do have a separate Spanish teacher. This means that the teacher becomes their everything, but doesn’t possess any speciality, and is knowledgeable enough in each area. Realistically, you don’t know to know that much.
All the teachers seem very helpful, friendly, and hard working. I have no interest in getting to know anyone socially. I already have enough friends that I don’t spend time with. What also is apparent to me though is the lack of ambition. I’m surrounded by people that have peaked. They will forever be teachers. They may move to slightly better skills, get a wage increase, or take on more responsibility within the school, but they are happy where they are, and they’re not going much higher. There’s not a lot wrong with that. They’re passionate about their jobs and committed to the children. That’s great. It’s strange for me to be in such an environment though. What is the top in teaching? In football, it’s obvious. It’s your top leagues in Europe. It’s Champions League teams. It’s working for teams in large international tournaments. We all want to progress there. This is a never ending quest that can take decades, and yet may not ever be achieved, but we’re all still striving for it.
Another large difference is the type of quest you’re on. Sure, you’re in charge of a group of kids and need to teach them certain skills and ideas, so that’s very similar. But the end goal is completely different. At Aldershot, we want to create players capable of playing professionally. Making a living out of the game. At school, we’re making sure they leave us capable of tying their shoes and spelling their names. You’re also teaching them everything, as opposed to just one area. Football is very complex, but only as complex as just one school subject.
I’m quite lucky with the teacher I have. She’s very knowledgeable, passionate, and a good, effective teacher. I’m going to learn a lot from being in her presence. I’m mentally noting the techniques that she uses.
Monday was awful. A day of safeguarding procedures. What joy. Don’t use any equipment in case you die. Don’t use the internet in case porn shows up on your screen, porn downloads itself to the hard drive, and you die. Don’t make physical contact with the kids in case they accuse you of molestation, and you die. Great fun. Nobody there enjoys it, but as the world we live in, it’s a mandatory eight hours we’ll never get back. Following that, we had to talk about what it is to be a teacher. T is for trustworthy, E is for educate, so on and so forth. Definitely worthwhile.
Straight from there I motored up the road to have the first session with my new Aldershot team. They were great. Well disciplined, keen on learning, and played with great intensity. We worked on counter attack, and played plenty of small sided games, allowing many, many touches on the ball. The boss gave me quite the compliment, saying he liked the detail on my tactics board. The night before I planned that thing, and even talked it over with the Mexican, as she was curious as to what it was all about. We have another session Friday, and our first game Saturday morning against Bournemouth.
And then there was Sunday. The first game of the season for Saints. We went away to Charlton. We lost 4-1. That was a real shame as we played very well. A far sight better than we did against them last season. We started very slow, which is so frustrating. I just don’t get it. Anyway, we were a goal down after forty-four seconds. Sink or swim now for the newbies. Playing in a tough league against one of our toughest opponents. There’s no hiding now. Some of them still tried though. One girl did very little in the game. She stayed as far away from the ball as possible, didn’t defend, and snatched at the ball when it came her way. A real shame. That will have to change soon or else we won’t be seeing much more of her.
We did bring the game back to 1-1 just before half time. We were very much in the game. Then conceded again to be 2-1 down. That just spurred us on. We were on top. We were going to score. Then, pandemonium. Their keeper comes rushing out, our forward goes around, sends the ball towards the open net, and a covering defender just gets there in time to stop it going over the line. We attacked from the corner, and there was a big shove in the back on our ball challenger. The referee put the whistle to his lips, but did not blow for the penalty. Why not? We regained the ball and sent in a cross. Our forward jumped for the header, but also was pushed in the back. No penalty. Then the counter was on. We conceded to be 3-1 down just seconds later. How? We were so on top. We came so close to equalising. That didn’t stop us though. We kept going with resilience and determination. But we couldn’t score. And conceded again in the final seconds of the game. It seemed really unjust to lose by so many. But that’s the game.

Entry 43: Wednesday 14th September 2016

I quit teaching. I had to. Just four days in. Before I go into detail of my thoughts and feelings, I will try to explain what happened.
Each day, I was coming home very late, after being up very early. When teaching had finished, I’d go coaching. When that had finished, I’d try to study, and would fall asleep while writing or reading. I was becoming mentally and physically drained. I was doing too much. Spreading myself too thin. And this was only the beginning. My grades and attention to my work at Ohio have been suffering. That just cannot happen. The finish line is so close, I can’t jeopardise that. I was becoming aggressive and moody through a lack of sleep, mixed with stress. My coaching had suffered too, as it was nowhere near as good as it could and should have been. That was only a small number of sessions, and everyone has a dip in form, so that will recover no problem.
I think I knew in the back of my mind that it would happen eventually, but something forced my hand. It was the Monday night meetings. As soon as the bell went and the kids were with their parents, I would need to leave to get to Aldershot for a session. I asked if I could be excused from the staff meetings. We all know what meetings are like. Most of them could be summed up in a couple paragraphs, to be sent out via email. Attendance was mandatory, and they would not make any exceptions. Even for a trainee teacher, on no salary, who may not be granted a student loan, that needs money in order to be able to afford transport to school. It’s valuable training, apparently. Essentially I was at an impasse. Do I give up coaching completely for a year in order to qualify as a teacher? No. Absolutely not. I came home to progress with my coaching education. That won’t happen if I’m not coaching. My window of opportunity to complete these courses will vanish. The long and short of it is, that means more to me than teaching. I couldn’t do both, and had to decide. Teaching was going to be for a few years. Another string to my bow. Coaching always is and always has been the long term vision.
People will think I’m crazy. I get it. But let’s consider a few things. I would not have been earning while teaching. Sure, I MAY have been given a maintenance loan. I applied for eight thousand, they may only have given me three, IF anything at all. That was uncertain. At least coaching I can earn a part time wage while furthering my chances of progressing up the ladder. These are exciting times at Aldershot, and it is a great club to be involved in. If the club gets promoted into League 2, myself and the other coaches will be first in line to gain more hours and responsibility. With a master’s and also high level coaching certificates, I will give myself a great chance, while already knowing the club and the operations very well. Clubs promote from within.
Coaching brings me great joy. It’s what I want to do. It’s what I dedicate myself to. I’m fine with all the menial tasks of planning, research, admin, communication etc. because I truly believe in what I’m doing. While teaching, so much of it is printing, cutting, laminating, planning, which I just don’t want to do, because honestly, my heart wasn’t in it enough. If it was five or six hours per day, with everything readymade, I’d stick with it. But it’s not. It’s ten hours a day, with little break, in a high pressure, fast paced environment, where you’re always racing against time. I’ve worked in those environments before and been happily exhausted, because it’s what I wanted to do. At Disney, I’d regularly pick up extra shifts and work silly hours with little sleep, because I loved that job and I loved that company. I do things in coaching that very few at my level or pay grade do, because I love it. I want to be successful in this arena, and so I devote everything to it. I’ve made huge sacrifices; friends, family, girlfriends, money, time, leaving my comfort zone, learning new cultures and customs, being forced to adapt to unfamiliar ways of life, and I’d do it again and again, because I love what I do. Teaching is an all-encompassing job, and I didn’t love it, so wasn’t prepared to make the necessary sacrifices to be successful. It’s that simple. I didn’t want it enough.
Yes, I do feel regret and shame. Regret as it is an opportunity wasted, and it has closed a few doors for me. Shame, because of my failure. I looked those kids in the eye and told them I was going to be there for them (not directly, like some inspiring lecture, but my words and my actions made promises to them), I shook hands and informed people I was excited to be there and that I wouldn’t let them down. I think at the time I meant it. Perhaps my own arrogance, or lack of knowledge to what was required greatly threw me. Luckily, the impasse forced my hand early enough, that I have escaped without fees. It was the jolt that made me realise my two careers plus studying were not compatible. A few more weeks down the line, and I may have had to pay thousands for quitting. By that time I could have done severe damage to my coaching and to my relationships with my family. I believe I am pretty good with time management when I need to be, but that is inconsequential when the two hours you’ve created for yourself to do research, your eyes won’t stay open, and your brain feels like two marbles rattling around inside a steel can. My head has never felt heavier. So many decisions. So much responsibility. So many cognitive processes running concurrently.
I can still work in international schools as a sports coach, without a PGCE. I know of many that do it. A lot of the job listings just list master’s or bachelor’s as a requirement, simply because it helps with the visa. There are an increasing number of jobs in a vast number of countries being made available. When I get these next level qualifications, I will be set. In the last couple of months I have seen Kuwait, Qatar, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, China, Vietnam, Thailand, Mexico, USA, Canada, and Russia. There’s many more out there that are even unlisted. These are done through referral, or networking. Liverpool International Academy or Challenger Global offer positions in places as weird and interesting as Egypt.
It will benefit my future self to keep this email I sent as a permanent reminder. I shall not try to hide my decision, nor my feelings. Obscuring the truth rids oneself of the benefit of learning. I have removed the name, and I did not write anything along the lines of “my heart’s not in it”, but apart from that, I was genuine and sincere. It’s hard to open up to others, and hard to admit you were wrong:
It is with much sadness and disappointment that I write this email. I will begin by explaining the situation that I am in.

Since the interview process, I was fortunate enough to be offered a coaching position at a professional club. Finally, it was my big break in the game in this country. I have my foot in the door. The required hours would run opposite to teaching, being weekends and evenings. It was too good an opportunity to turn down, so I decided to go for it.

Running concurrently to this is the completion of my master’s. I’m only a few months away from finishing, but the workload is mounting up. Before accepting the coaching position, I knew it would be tough to balance the SCITT and the master’s, but it would only be until Christmas, which I could have put up with. What’s been going on this past week is that I’ve been juggling the three. A full day at school, then coaching, and then writing essays until I fall asleep on my laptop. I’ve been taking aspirin for the headaches that this causes.

It’s my own fault entirely as I have bitten off more than I can chew. I was fooled by my own ambition, believing I could do too many things at once. I’m so close to finishing the master’s that I can’t drop that now. I’ve paid a fortune for it and travelled thousands of miles. So that leaves the teaching and the coaching. Teaching is something I believe I could do, and do well, but right now, I’m earning no money from it. One of the two would have to budge. If I gave up the coaching for the teaching, I would have no income. Student Finance is progressing at a snail’s pace, and very soon I won’t be able to afford to put the petrol in my car if I don’t maintain coaching employment. It’s a large dilemma.

This last week I’ve had a real insight into the teaching world, and that has become invaluable. Harefield is an excellent school, and Miss Herd is a fantastic teacher. I have learnt so much from her in this short space of time. The kids are lovely and are a real credit to her and to the environment at the school. After each day, then rushing off to coach, then coming home to study and write essays, I have been drained. Apparently I have become grumpy and miserable around my family. Although I am unaware of this, it’s probably true. I’m essentially burning the candle at three ends. My girlfriend’s visa will expire in a few months, and if I continue being like this, i.e. not my true happy and polite self, she’ll probably go back to Mexico even sooner.

I’ve talked to my family and talked to my boss, and had to come to some realistic conclusions. I can’t do it all. The teaching will only become more intense as time progresses, considering I will be taking on more responsibility, and becoming a more integral part of the planning. The workload will increase, and I’d struggle to fit everything in, even if there was an extra day added to the week. I can’t drop my master’s, and I’m not in a position to give up paid work, nor the opportunity within the football industry that has come with the position. And it is for that reason I have to pull out of the SCITT.

I feel like I’ve massively let myself down, and I know yourselves at the school will be very disappointed in me too. I have to be up front and honest. Honesty has always been my policy, and I would expect it back from others. Life has changed since the interview, and the time is ticking away on my education and my girlfriend’s time in the UK. I desperately wanted to come in and explain this face to face, but due to the disappointment, I would struggle to look yourself in the eye. I would also wish to avoid any awkward situations in front of my peers. It’s been a really hard choice to make, and I am fully aware of what I will be missing out on. With every tough decision, naturally regret will come. Following much soul searching, it is my belief that this path will provide me with the least amount of regret.

I will return my folders and the book I have borrowed from the school in the next few days. Perhaps I should have listened to all those who tried to tell me beforehand that it would be too much to manage. I’m accustomed to hard work and to sacrifice. It’s not easy living in dangerous cities, where you don’t know anyone and don’t speak the language. My own ambition and confidence blinded me to the reality of it all.

This is by no means a reflection on yourselves or the school. It’s been a privilege to be a member of the team. Everyone made me feel welcome. You have some talented, hardworking, dedicated staff there. I would have much happier reflections upon my own time at school had I gone to a school like Harefield.
Thank you for everything.”

Their response was shorter, but touching:
“I am very sorry for the delay in replying but I didn't want to rush a reply to you.
Both Gary and I are sad to lose you from the training. We do completely understand that you could not continue to do all the things that you are currently doing, although it is disappointing that you have decided not to continue with the teaching as we both felt, along with Kay, that you had a great deal of potential. 
I hope in the future, when you feel you are able to, you do take up the opportunity to continue with training to teach.
Thank you for the positive things you said about the school and we wish you every success in the future.
If I can do anything in the future to support you please do not hesitate to contact me.
Please feel free to pop into school whenever you are able.
Take care.”
I find it hard to read. I don’t like letting people down, and I feel as if I have let so many down in one decision. With all that said and done, let’s focus on what comes next.
Between now and Christmas, I will focus exclusively on finishing these qualifications. I will have four sessions, and two games per week. That’s more than ten coaching hours there. There’s also a couple hours preparation. And, I will make sure that each day, I am watching, reading, and analysing coaching sessions online, in books, or on DVDs. I will also be watching tons of football. With school gone, it frees up time for games, highlights, and discussion. In addition to coaching, I will go to any other game that I can. For instance, this Sunday I will be watching Southampton v Swansea. There’s always an Aldershot game every two weeks. And whenever I’m feeling too good about life, I can go to see the depressing Blackburn Rovers. I have England v Malta lined up for October, as well as Portsmouth and Wimbledon on spare afternoons. I have a CPD event next Wednesday at Southampton’s training ground, which will be very cool indeed. A new log book for the youth award is being sent my way, and with two Shots sessions per week, I can fill all ten sessions within five weeks, and apply for assessment. For the next four weeks, each Monday and Tuesday I will be back in Watford looking at and taking part in UEFA B sessions. That’s eight days observing up close the standard that I need to be at. Then I will apply for reassessment. Meanwhile, I will be keeping up to date and excelling with my master’s work. I don’t want to crawl over that finish line, I want to sprint.
I have taken the decision to formally continue with my Spanish learning, going for A level next summer. Hopefully, after Christmas, all the necessary coaching education will be out of the way, as will all the work for Ohio. Then I can begin to look for part time coaching in schools during the day. That’s when I will start looking for opportunities abroad again. My Spanish exam and the Aldershot trip to Barcelona will keep me here until June. After that, I’m a free agent. By then, I will have left Southampton Saints. It’s been a hard slog, and a very worthwhile one, but I need to free myself of that and look for new challenges and responsibilities. And while she’s still here, I’ve been able to make my girlfriend a priority again. She’s been way down the pecking order lately. That’s my fault entirely.
It's kind of exciting, but at the same time, it feels a little like the previous year. Like I’m going nowhere, but incredibly slowly. June 2017 is when it can all change. When you don’t have to be up in the morning, it’s hard to get up in the morning. As a student at home, very quickly your motivation, routine, and organisation can leave you. There’s always the potential to do it tomorrow. That’s why I need to wake up and get dressed and go to the gym first thing every morning. Start the day positively. Get things done. I’m on twenty-six books for the year so far, and have attended eighteen games since July 17th. That’s about one every three days. I need to apply that same goal setting to the coaching education that needs to be done. I have the chance to rack up hundreds of hours of learning before Christmas. I can’t waste it by getting up late and watching television. In Alex Ferguson’s book, he mentions taking your slippers off after breakfast. Even when you’ve got nothing to do, it’s too easy to fall into the trap of doing nothing.
People will think I’m an idiot. No one thought that when I was passing courses in California, coaching in New Jersey, exploring Mexico, working in Kuwait, flying out to Singapore, and no one will think that when I’m graduating from Ohio. And when I figure out where and when this next big move is going to be, they won’t be thinking it then. It’s frustrating, and I should just get a normal job, go to the pub with a group of friends, and watch reality television. But that doesn’t get you anywhere. I’m too driven to settle. Even if it’s painful. Even if it’s stupid. Even if it is borderline insanity. I will fight to succeed.
During this big mess, there was the small matter of Saturday morning’s first game with Aldershot U13s. It was quite misty. The boys were nervous. The phrase in England is that they were “bricking it.” My goalkeeper showed up and was twitching. It got the better of us. I had eighteen talented, hardworking players, that were out played by our opponents from Bournemouth. We lost 8-0. The thing is, I wouldn’t say that technically as individuals that we are any worse than them. The difference was in their organisation. We had a bunch of new kids, new coach, new standards. I’m still learning their names, and they certainly don’t know who is who. We had two training sessions for me to figure out their positions. That’s not enough. Within a few weeks, we’ll have gotten over these problems facing us, and it will click. This is a good team, and I can’t wait to unleash their potential.

The afternoon, the entire academy were guests at Aldershot Town’s very boring 0-0 with Chester. The kids loved it. We were paraded around the pitch at half time. The youngest were singing songs and booing the opponents. It was a great day for the youth department. I really feel like I am part of this club. I am becoming emotionally invested. I will give them nothing less than my best.



Entry 44: Thursday 22th September 2016


Much of the last week has been spent online searching out opportunities to work abroad, almost reassuring myself, and justifying my decision to give up teaching. There’s many out there. It will happen.

Saturday morning’s game with the Aldershot boys was frustrating and yet encouraging at the same time. Technically, I’d say we were stronger and more intelligent. It’s just about putting this together in a way that’s going to optimise our efficiency. The boys can see it coming, the parents can see it coming, and other coaches can see it coming. Our game this weekend, against very weak opponents, has been postponed. That’s annoying. It does help me shirk the responsibility of who to drop. Seriously, what a great problem to have. They’re all working so hard, and coming with the right attitude. I’m really struggling to know who to get rid of.
We lost the game 5-1, yet at 1-1, we missed a penalty. Game changer. Try not to measure it in terms of results. Measure it in terms of performance, which I do via four means; fitness, organisation, effort, desire. If we are fitter (which we should be, considering the subs we have), more organised, harder working, and more willing to fight, we should do well in most games. The idea is that we can’t determine the level of opposition, but we can determine our output. We’re starting to do these things.
Sunday afternoon, without a game with Saints Ladies, we all took the day off. I went to see Southampton v Swansea City. I thoroughly enjoy going to games as a neutral. There’s nothing to worry about. I can just observe, watch, think. There’s no responsibility and no pressure. While those around me are blinded by their biases, I can watch, analyse, and enjoy.
Thursday’s training session with them was shambolic. Some of them were just not interested, and had little intention of actually playing football. That’s just not good enough. We had words at the end, and a few of them stormed off when I mentioned that players who did that will not be included in the squad. I didn’t target anyone, and was calm, abstaining from blame. “This isn’t good enough”, “We can do better”, “This won’t be tolerated.” They’re a bit too volatile for my liking.
Tuesday night was much better. And there was no atmosphere. There’s a few factors at play; we had no game Sunday, so no competition for places. The first team manager was absent on Thursday, as the trouble makers don’t want to look bad in front of him. Three senior players were missing, who usually keep the young ones on the straight and narrow. And Tuesday nights, we do in a cage, which means that the ball cannot escape, and so games pause for very little. As soon as it’s out, it’s back in again.
Monday with my Aldershot boys was a strange one. They were fantastic, but I was not happy with my own performance. They trained hard, concentrated, and played some good stuff. From my point of view, I tried to do too much. I tried to fit too many things into one session, and so rather than learning three key points well, we touched on six things. I suppose that since we’ll play and train so many times, that we will have many opportunities to hammer these home. Seeds have been sewn. Next time they play or watch games, a few of them may see it, and understand it better.
Monday and Tuesday during the day I went back to Watford for more UEFA B support days. I’m going to nail this qualification soon enough. Like before, many of the sessions did blend into one, but it’s beneficial to touch upon many things on which I need to improve. We briefly spoke of reassessment also, and for the first time ever, some of these tutors appeared to treat me with respect rather than disdain.
Last night, something hilarious happened. I was just about to head to a CPD event at Southampton’s training ground, when suddenly, I ended up on the floor. As I walked down the steps out the front door and to my car, the gravel under my left foot gave way, and I appear to have done some ligament damage. I won’t be able to drive much. As long as I can get to coaching, I can still instruct on what needs to be done.

This is my final entry, and there’s plenty to report. I’ll start off with the big news. I quit Southampton Ladies. Just there and then, in the middle of training. It was calm, peaceful, and without controversy. Yet again, the players were not bothered, not trying, and walking their way through training. The game coming up was away to Tottenham. Our toughest fixture of the season. We had a positive display against them previously. After the upcoming game would be a much easier run of games. Let’s challenge ourselves against this lot and then push on to the games after. They didn’t see it that way. Leaning against goalposts, incessant chatting, giggling, not chasing balls, ducking out of challenges. It was pathetic.
So what now? We’d gotten rid of the bad influences. We’d improved the quality of the squad. We’d improved the fitness. We had been playing better each week and better than last season. Surely now was the time to push on? There were no more distractions. I’d believed that was always my job, to smash through all the barriers that inhibit performance, allowing players to unleash their potential. I’d done so much for this team, sacrificing so much of my time and wellbeing. I’d pushed and fought, often alone, on every front conceivable to be able to get the best for these players. We’d finally reached that stage. So what was left? I came to the undeniable realisation that perhaps I’d been kidding myself of the whole time. Once this or that is sorted, everything will be okay, surely? But no. They simply don’t want it enough.
Don’t get me wrong, some do, and I love them for it. I’m genuinely going to miss those people. But they only make up half the team. I saw a great quote earlier from Jock Stein about successful management. It was don’t let the six players that hate you affect the five that are undecided. Too many players would stand idly by when the others were messing around or not trying. That makes them just as bad. If you don’t stand up to it, you are part of the problem. Conversely, those that did stand up to it were labelled bullies and were often verbally attacked by disgruntled, and, now that I’ve left I can say it, idiotic, moronic, uneducated parents.
This was the underlying factor the whole time. They weren’t that serious about their football. It wasn’t a priority. They weren’t keen on working hard, competing, and improving. With no more distractions, this was clearer to see than ever before. There were no more excuses to fall back on. Their ambition, determination, and commitment didn’t match mine. I decided I was putting in too much and not getting enough back. There’s always give and take, but it felt very one sided for a long time. I can work hard for free if I believe it is worth it. Being with this team will not improve my coaching any further because the players are resistant to my message. I can’t improve my management skills because all the damage is done during the day at college, over social media, and has been happening for years. I cannot change that. I’m not enjoying it anymore, and it won’t make me a better coach. So what’s the point?
About an hour and a half into the session, which I was attempting to record for my own self-analysis for university, I got them into a game, walked over to the lady in charge of the club, and simply told her I was done. Effective immediately, I am no longer part of the club. Many had seen it coming, and many were surprised I stayed for so long. I was probably going to leave at Christmas anyway. It just happened more suddenly. And on my terms. The captain of the first team who was talking with us went over to the team, called them in, and gave them a grilling. Everything she said to them was right. Every point she made to them, I have been making for near a year and a half.
The players were brought over to me to say something, led by some of the senior players. There was a sheepish, teenage like apology. That wasn’t enough. They had apologised so many times previously. What was going to be different about this one? I relayed that sentiment back to them. I don’t dislike anyone, and I wish them well. I’m just tired.
It feels like unfinished business. This was my team. The team that I built. I was sure that we could go on to achieve so much. The players are very capable. I don’t feel bad about the decision and I have no regrets. I miss seeing certain people. I’ve gone from seeing their faces three times a week to now most likely never seeing them again. That’s quite a significant change. I quickly gave all the stuff back. I’ve done everything I can think of to distance myself. Don’t go back. Nostalgia changes the way we view the past. I’m happier, calmer, more energetic. It was definitely the right decision.
Just a few days later, I had a call from the manager of Portsmouth Ladies Reserves. I didn’t know she was at the time, as I had only known her as a recent Saints first team player. She wanted to know what had happened, but more importantly, why we had recently kicked out our instigator, as she had been training with them and was looking to sign. I told her everything that had happened, and that put her right off. She also talked about wanting to bring me over to Pompey. Within an hour, I was talking to the first team coach about the very real possibility of working for Portsmouth Ladies. Quite funny how I quit Saints and then three days later I am talking to Pompey. The two incidents are completely unrelated. Still funny though. She’s new to coaching, and wants someone experienced to work with. I don’t fancy getting too involved, like I have been before, so turning up, coaching, then going home is exactly what I’m looking for. At Saints, especially this season, I’d largely been doing it on my own. That wouldn’t be the case if I were to go to Portsmouth.
The very next day I went to Iceland with the family for a short vacation. It was quite an eventful time. I spent one night watching America self-implode while the election results came in. I was also kept awake by stomach problems. Iceland is a very interesting place, and I kept wondering to myself, all those hundreds of years ago, why would anyone wanted to have colonised such a place? It’s a harsh environment. In modern times, it’s a lovely country with lovely people. The history is rich and interesting. Pretty much every tree is imported. It’s also one of the world’s leading exporters of bananas, and is pretty much self-sufficient when it comes to food and electricity. Not bad. While there, the very next day after the Pompey talk, the first team manager left, and so did one or two others. I have no idea how or why. It seems like the club is in a bit of turmoil at the moment. I knew that at Saints considering the rumours we had been hearing. From talking to everyone and conducting my research, it seems like the club has great foundations. Officially backed by the men’s team, they have access to good training facilities, a physio, strength and conditioning, analysis, and a whole team of coaches. That was all me at Southampton! I was underutilised and underappreciated. Who knows what Pompey could bring? I’ll be talking to them in person this week to find out what I can do.
Back at Aldershot, it’s had its ups and downs recently. One of the top brass took my team for their session while I was in Iceland. He was unhappy with what he saw and reportedly grilled them for it. Lack of intensity and swarming around the ball. We’ve arranged to have a talk before training on Monday to go over a few things. We may have to begin cutting players from the squad soon. I’ve just picked up another boy sent down from the academy. Some of what I have probably won’t cut it. I believe they all have the potential, some obviously more than others, but some clearly won’t reach that potential. Attendance, attention, focus etc. These are the telling signs. Only the hungry make it. Those kids hang on your every word, and treat every challenge like a battle. They ask questions and are keen to demonstrate their knowledge and ability.
Saturday morning, we played against Southampton’s London academy at the Southampton training ground, Staplewood. What an amazing facility. This is your Premier League millions at work. The pitches on display were from another world. Thankfully, the players looked awe-inspired. Good. This is what they can achieve. This is what they should be striving for. If not, they’re wasting their time putting in so much effort with us. The team we played were the age group below. The boys weren’t supposed to know that, but they magically found that out pretty quickly. It may have been due to the size of their opponents, or that we only played 9v9 football. It may even have been that there was constant chatter of the U12s. Somewhere along the line, I think it was inevitable that my U13s were going to find out the other team were U12s. Still, they were incredible. Tactically and technically, I’d say far above us and what we can achieve. So why did we beat them 5-1? Two goals from corners and two counter attacks. Usually, that’s where a physical advantage comes to light. The goals were also smaller, so our keeper must have felt like he was defending an ice hockey goal compared to what he is used to. He also had by far his best day in an Aldershot shirt.
What the boys did so well, and what the parents noticed and pointed out with some charming positive feedback, was that they did the little things. The things that seem simple or even irrelevant. They made the right shape when the keeper had the ball. They provided good support angles. They didn’t panic and kick the ball away. They didn’t smash the ball out for throws. They passed back to their goalkeeper. Suddenly, it meant we were retaining possession more, and for longer, giving the ball away less, and winning it back quicker. Funny how when you do the things your coach tells you, suddenly performances increase. Against Southampton, they did play some beautiful stuff. It was a joy to be part of.
At half time, I had to send some boys up to Basingstoke to play another game. The rest of us were to join later. We were let down a little by some players. I won’t hold it against them, nor their parents for that matter. It was arranged at fairly short noticed, and involved a lot of time and travel. I made sure they knew I was doing it from a hotel or a restaurant in Reykjavik. We went to Basingstoke to play Ormer, the team that travels over from Guernsey. Basically, we had this weekend free. They were due to play. The team they were due to play quit the league a few weeks ago. They asked the club if we could play them that day as they had already paid for their flights. Naturally, we agreed. That was all settled. Then, just a week before, we are told about the opportunity to play at Southampton, and were told to cancel our regular league fixtures. I asked for clarity, considering we had already agreed to play for a team travelling to play us by plane, and it was just a week before kick-off. It would only be possible to do both if I had enough players, and we could move the start time back a little. They agreed to move it to 13:00, the latest they could do with the flights. And sadly, a couple players did let us down. That meant the first twenty minutes against Ormer were played with only eight players. They scored seven goals. We also had no keeper at that point.
My boys were tired, and were playing the best team in the league that slaughter everyone. The next sixty minutes were dreadful. I can’t make excuses. For some boys, it meant playing eighty minutes of football spread out across four hours. That’s not so difficult, surely. Perhaps it’s diminishing returns, but our last twenty minutes were actually an improvement. Oh well. Eventually the game ended, and it was a 16-1 loss. The secretary of Ormer came over to me a little annoyed and asked why we didn’t respect the fixture. I told him the truth. It’s the easiest thing to remember. He was annoyed that they had paid all that money and travelled so far to play against a tired team that started the game with only eight players. I was put in a difficult situation. To cancel on them would have been a real dick move. I tried to go down the route that would have disturbed the least amount of people. From our point of view, parents, players, and myself, had driven around a hundred miles, and been out of the house from nine until five. We didn’t have to do that. We’d have been well within our rights to have cancelled a week before. That would have screwed them over on the flight money, but it’s not our fault or problem that they choose to fly over from Guernsey every week. I did the right thing. Sadly, it’s going to come back and bite me in the arse in one way or another. I think he’s going to complain to the academy manager, which will then come back to me. If only the parents would send in a few nice emails containing some of the positive sentiments that they had expressed to me regarding the performance of the boys at Southampton. That might soften the blow a little.
So this is the end of the blogs. It’s been an interesting time writing these things. Quite interesting to be doing the reflections. I will probably look back upon these one day and laugh. These probably won’t be the last blog posts I ever do. Keeping a journal is quite fun, though it is hard work, and very time consuming. It provides a platform to be completely honest. I’m an honest person as it is, so it’s not like I’m telling lies. It’s more like being able to scrutinise yourself fully. There’s no one around to judge me, so I can go in depth, with a lot of detail. It’s allowed me to unlock parts of me that are not displayed to the public.
Something that is abundantly clear to me is that I always try to do what I think is right. I like that about myself. I don’t have an agenda, I’m not out to get anybody. I’m honest. Perhaps too nice for my own good. I’ve definitely become a lot sterner, but still need to become more forceful. I’m caught between not caring what others think, but also not wanting to outwardly cause offence. Other people’s opinions do not matter to me. They can call me whatever they want and say all sorts of silly things. At the same time, I don’t wish to be rude or insulting to them. It’s a very thin tightrope to navigate across. Nothing wrong with becoming more forceful I suppose, but I do have a thoughtful and considerate nature. I’m fine with taking responsibility for big decisions, but I am also willing to listen and to delegate. Some see me as an easy target, which is unfortunate. I’m not loud, and probably don’t come across as warm or confident. Yet, the thing is, I have every confidence in myself to improve, to do well, and to succeed. And as for warmth? I always put the credit on the players, regularly put their needs ahead of my own, at my own expense, and don’t even look for praise or approval in return. I just want to see them do well. That’s going to be a battle that plagues me for the rest of my life. I have complete trust and faith in my abilities and my methods. Surely I don’t need to be arrogant to properly outwardly convey that to others.
My biggest strength has got to be my resolve. I can be knocked off course, and I can be slowed down, but I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, for as long as it takes, to get where I want to go. It’s probably stupid. Who am I? I’m nobody, really. So why do I believe in myself so much? Perhaps I’m deluded. Perhaps I’m deluded enough to succeed.

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